Thoughts and Ramblings of a Man on Vacation

[Chimera]

Originally posted by NGONGE:

As the master, Mr Pepe Le Peu once said:

 

"You stop resisting me, bebe, and I'll stop resisting you."

 

 

Pepe le Peu

[LayZie G.]

Cadaanka, if you really desire a somali woman, then you have no choice but take a different kind of approach.

 

For one, you can't sit around, mopping and feeling sorry for yourself. YOu need to take the gentleman approach, hunt until your feet hurt.

 

There are no magic sticks, no tricks, just be yourself, but please do not be the cadaanka on the first page of this thread.(no journal entry)

 

No one wants hear sob stories. Matter of fact, in the first meet, chicks dont want to know how many children you have, or how many times you were married before or whether or not you hold a PHD, or that your ex wife was a somali.

 

When you spot that honey, the only thing you should be concerntrating on is how to get passed that first meeting and how to get that next date.

 

Allow the female to get to know you. Let her ask the questions and make sure you are selective with your answers. Don't talk about your ubringing or your current situation until atleast you are on your way to your 5th date.

 

I'm saying this because if she were to find out your occupation and somehow her last fella was in the same line of work, what is to guarantee for a second date?

 

YOu need to get into the dating game, but with ease eedo.(aunt)

 

If a farax in his late 30's or early 40's, who has been married atleast two or three times in the last decade, who drives a taxi/bus/truck, can get a honey in her 20's, then there is plenty of hope for you eedo.

 

There are plenty of those farax's above that get women, and it isn't their looks or age, or occupation, it is their confidence.

 

You have to have faith in yourself, I can't stress just how much that is important.

 

 

salaama

 

PS:Goodluck

[winnie]

salaam 3leykum akhi, as you know you received alot of good advice here, and i have something to add, although it may sound like repetition; either way, i think this is something you need to hear more of.

 

you are actually quite a catch, and im not saying this out of pity, but because it is true, and you need to hear it, and believe it. however, you do need to work on your self esteem, and if that means changing some things in yourself, than so be it.

you're a catch because you are a smart, funny, sensitive and sincere muslim man, who cares about his family and who makes the well being of his children a central focus in his life.

the only thing deterring you from marriage is Allah's will, and your outlook; and akhi, your outlook, or more like your insight on your self worth, is so negative that it is likely to doom any relationship. think about if you were to marry right now; of course you have a lot to offer, but if you feel as though you are not worth the attention or time of a good woman, she is going to think so too. be confident, know your self worth, and if someone (male or female) cant see it, than its their loss.

as it is, there are no women biting, but that doesnt mean you are the problem. a huge factor is the community and elders not helping young muslims to get to know each other in the halal appropriate manner; like others have mentionned, many other muslims are in the same boat as you. another factor is how you see yourself; be confident. humility is good, but not when it teeters on self deprecation.

if you feel as though your job is limiting you, than you know what, take some night classes. if you feel that your weight is an issue, than take some steps to enhance and preserve your health, and ask your kids to help you.

you're 29, you potentially have a lot of time ahead of you, so make some preparations for the future (this is advice for me too), like take care of your health, exercise, eat healthy, learn more, travel and enhance your relationship with Allah subhana wa ta Ala. call on Him for help, whether its about your job, health, living arrangements, whatever.

you have two kids, masha Allah, and if you thought outside of the box more, you would see there are many ways you can still be a good father, and grow as an individual.

like you said in your original message, you know what steps to take to get married (good, cause i dont ) and you can do it on your own like everything else, however, just know brother you dont HAVE to do everything by your self. dont be shy to ask for help whether its from your ex wife (i dont know about the other sistes, but a letter of recommendation from an ex sounds awesome), or local islamic leaders.

so akhi, focus on your positives, and look at the negatives as a chance for growth. being a good muslim isnt just praying 5 times and fasting, its also improving yourself so you can contribute to your community and general society. its good that you want to marry, and your reasons are good, but Allah decides when and where you will marry. keep yourself open, but don't make marriage overrule all of your thoughts. do a little more self inspection, you're on a roll.

 

how about you sign up to projects that would allow you to meet new people (whether muslim or non muslim)? like a group sport, volunteering, cooking classes?

[Baluug]

I'm listening to all of your advice sincerely and I thank you very much for telling me your opinions on the subject, may Allah SWT reward you all for it, and forgive all of our sins and give us jannah, amiin.

 

Some people may ask why do people equate being single with being lonely, which is a good question because it is not always the case. But while some of us may be happy now being single, I'm guessing that likely won't be the case for the rest of their lives.

 

As for me, I am lonely, and there is a kind of love that your children, your parents, your brothers, sisters, extended family, and so on just can't give you, and that is the love you get from a spouse, someone who will live with you insha allah for the rest of your life, share your ups and downs, your feelings, basically someone who will live their life with yours as if it was one, and that's what I am missing.

 

I have to ask though, why does everyone say I'm limiting myself because I want a Somali wife, while if some Somali guy wants a girl from a specific clan, or from a specific town, no one tells him he's limiting himself? That's because it's quite likely that he'll get what he wants eventually. Geez, I don't care what qabiil she is, what town she's from. But I do have standards, and I don't see why people think I'm setting my standards too high just because I want a woman from a specific country.

 

P.S. You guys have known me over the years and you know I'm not always as depressed(or depressing ) as this, but this is just what I was feeling one day early in the morning, I do have confidence in myself, I do have self-esteem, but I was just thinking about what I don't have, rather than I do have. I'm only human. Thanks you guys for your advice and your genuine consideration about all this, I guess I should listen to the guy outside the Stratford station who was singing, "Always look, on the briiiiiiiiiiiight siiiiiiiide of life!"

[cynical lady]

Bingo, he will get what he wants irregardless of how obscene his demands are because he is Somali and your not. Realistically speaking your standing at a position of a disadvantage, that’s why people are telling you don’t limit yourself to only Somalis. Am not saying that you wont ever get a Somali girl am just saying the chances are small hence caste your net a bit wider you never know you might hit the jackpot.

 

p.s things happen in life when your not looking, stop scouting for a wife its counter productive since it sends out an aura of desperation, just focus on you…the rest will come on its own time.

[N.O.R.F]

I guess I should listen to the guy outside the Stratford station who was singing, "Always look, on the briiiiiiiiiiiight siiiiiiiide of life!"

Indeed. Just before my arrest and de-arrest

 

ps you will get what you're looking for IA

[Jamster]

Lazie G has told you the tric old; get hooked on your personality and wit then we she is in the middle of the ocean and she cant turn around swimming to the shore then reveal all the the "negative" stuff you have mentioned.

[Kool_Kat]

People usually start thinking about life in the UK(for some reason or another).

What a depressing place!

 

Cadaan, at 29, you have already been married once, have two beautiful, healthy daughters (manshallah), and now have been back in the market for about two years...What's the rush? Marriage is not something to rush in to for the sake of being married...It should be looked at as a life time commitment...I am not saying this is the case with you...

 

Now, let me tell you something about my Somali people, as you probably know, we are one of the most racist people on this great green earth...We discriminate against our own just cuz he/she is from a different qabiil; forget about an outsider...For someone to choose to marry a nonSomali, they have to compromise a lot and may include being disowned by their family...

 

Some have said to work on your self-esteem, if you ask me being as honest as you are with yourself and the fact that you know what you need to change and what it is you want out of life, says otherwise...Good for you bro, keep it up...You can only get better by first knowing what it is that you need to change, you're on your way...

 

About wanting a Somali woman, my dear you shouldn't limit yourself...While it is good to keep your children in mind when choosing a partner, this is not about them...This is something you have to do for YOU, if she is good to you and loves you, she'll be good to them cuz they are your kids regardless...At the end of the day, you're the one who is sharing life with this woman...And the last thing on a kid's mind is 'omg, how would I adjust to my step-moms culture'...OR the fact that they wouldn't love their half (say) Asian brother/sister any less than they would love him/her had they been from a Somali mother...

 

Keep it up...And inshallah, best of luck my dear...

[Jacaylbaro]

Ninka naag ha lagu fadhiisiyo ,, wax kele idinkama rabee ,,

 

He has a point, he was patient for one and half years and can't hold it longer ,, come on ,, his health is in danger ee u gargaara kol aad masaajidka uga kacdaana ,,

[Baluug]

Originally posted by Northerner:

quote: I guess I should listen to the guy outside the Stratford station who was singing, "Always look, on the briiiiiiiiiiiight siiiiiiiide of life!"

Indeed. Just before my arrest and de-arrest

 

ps you will get what you're looking for IA

LOL forgot all about that

[Fabregas]

Originally posted by J.a.c.a.y.l.b.a.r.o:

Ninka naag ha lagu fadhiisiyo ,, wax kele idinkama rabee ,,

 

He has a point, he was patient for one and half years and can't hold it longer ,, come on ,, his health is in danger ee u gargaara kol aad masaajidka uga kacdaana ,,

Ciyalasuqyahow! Interesingtly, ayan dhaweyd, I was speaking to a Sheikh and He was saying there's alot of sisters looking 2 get married in the UK! Wuxu laha gabduhu wa diyar(like looking 2 get married tday)(including Somali Sisters), and they're actually getting old( 20s go fast), lakin brothers wanna wait long these days..............for whateva reason

[Baluug]

^Here I thought it was the sisters that were taking a long time. Maybe it's both.....

 

I was thinking about something and I realize that the guys who don't want to get married are probably more likely to get more offers just because of the whole playing-hard-to-get thing, except they're not playing. I thought about trying that approach, but I honestly can't hide the fact that I'm "single and looking", besides I have the feeling no one would care if I looked like I wasn't interested.

[Faheema.]

- A white guy with 2 kids and an ex-wife who happens to be Somali.

 

- Who's uneducated and feels intimidated by an educated woman, plus she will always question him.

 

- Who doesn't want an older woman as he travelled that road before and it was rather samey.

 

Yep! The odds are stacked up against you. The chances that a Somali 29yr old (and under) will go for a guy like you is very slim, hell a Somali guy would find it hard, but he has the option of going back home and marrying [as some men would say] Cambaruud bislaatay. So my advice to you, is wait 5-8 years, you’re still young....study, be it a self study or university, be a good example to your kids (I am sure you aleady are ) focus on your diin, also work on your Self Steam a bit more and feel confident about yourself, woman love men who are confident.

 

That's my 2 shilling's worth.

[Buuxo]

Cadaan,Since you have about 4 pages worth advice , i think you don't need another.But i will make du'a for you, that Allah bring you a wife that is righteous and pleasing to you in every aspect soon ; mid waalidkeed uu soo duceeyn Amiin .

 

And don't be hard on yourself the never-married somali men are also finding it difficult to find a suitable wife, as they are in competition with the older chaps who are trying to fill slots #2,#3,#4. So dont waste time with them single SOLers in London, get the professionals to help like the minyaro seekers they have a bag of tricks. .

Thought i might add that piece of advice , just in case you're unawares

[Geel_jire]

^ I'm sure it was not your intension but

 

mid waalidkeed uu soo

duceeyn

Amiin

is the exact opposite of what you meant ..

 

mid waalidkeed uu soo

duceeyeen

Amiin

i'm not usually picky about somali typo's ayeeyo but that would have been a habar for Cadaan

 

 

Cadaan hope it works out for you inshalaah !