Marriage on the rocks

[nafta]

A Possible Case Scenario

 

Okay, so you've been married for 10 years to your husband. You have three beautiful children, and you live in a nice house in the nicer part of the town. Everything seems hunkydory on the surface, but things are boiling underneath. In the course of those 10 years of marriage, you and your husband have been slowly drifting apart.

 

At first, the passion between the two of you was very much alive, even after the birth of your first child. It was ofcourse the first couple of years when everything is blissful and you are still in that state of exploration. However, after the arrival of the second and then third child, things get a bit more complicated. You no longer have the energy to pay all four equal attention. So you focus all your attention on the children because you think they are more needy than your husband (or are they?).

 

You and your husband continue to drift apart, till the only communication between you and him is when discussing the grocery list. He focuses only on his work, seeing as he is no longer really needed at home. You do all the housework, you pick up the children from school, you put them to bed, do the cooking, basically you're the perfect housewife.

 

So what happens is, he starts spending more and more time at the office, most of the time he comes home late, ofcourse calling you beforehand to let you know. Your sex life is also affected by this. The last time you two made love is 2 months ago, and you can sense that he is fed up with the way things are. You want to change this too, but because of years of non-communication, you feel that it's hard for you to touch the subject, especially as you don't know where to begin. You'r self-esteem is getting lower, you don't pay attention the way you look anymore because there simply isn't time for that.

You feel unappreciated by your husband and you think that he thinks you are worthless.

 

One day however, you find a poison pen letter in the letterbox. It's addrssed to you and surprise surprise it says that your husband is having an affair! For one month already. Your horrified, you feel like the ground has been moved from beneath you and feel disgusted to the bone.

 

That night you confront him with it, and he doesnt deny it. You have a full-blown row and he blames you for what he did (however he didn't go the whole way as in he didnt have sex with the other woman). He says that you have driven him into the arms of another woman, because you didn't pay him enough attention and your constant rejection of his advances. He felt you no longer loved him. You say that you have been so busy with the kids, that you simply don't have the energy for anything else.

Things are very bad and the two of you are at ends. You have a long arguement slash conversartion about his infidelity. Ofcourse you are furious, but you still love your husband. Part of you feels guilty other part is hurt.

 

So he comes with two options, you can either work at the marriage, or you can ask him for a divorce, bear in mind he doesnt want to divorce you though,he still loves you and that's the main reason that he didn't go all the way, but he feels that he can no longer go on with the way things are at the moment.

 

BUT, the woman who had the affair with him, is not willing to let him go easliy, in fact it was her who send you the letter, you find out later. She wants you to divorce him, so she can have him all to herself.

_________________________________________________

 

Okay, my questions now is, do you think that this scenario is acceptable?

WHat would you do if that was you? Would you find it in your heart to forgive your husband and work out your marriage?

Would you fight for your husband or would you give up 10 years of marriage?

If you do want the marriage to work, do you think that things are entirely your fault or does it take two to tango?

And most importantly how would you go about this whole thing?

 

This question is for the guys:

What would you do if you were in the shoes of this man?

 

This thread applies to the girls as well as the guys, so please say what you think.

[Valenteenah.]

This situation is too hypothetical for me. I can't really put myself in the woman's shoes (3 KIDS? crappy sex life? 10 years of drifting along?)

 

Naah...no thanks. I will wait for NGONGE's input.

[- Femme -]

Ill have to think on this before I reply. Ill take this thread seriously (for once )

[-Serenity-]

Gotta agree with Bee . Not likely to be in that position, but in the unlikely event I was.. I'd drop him instantly n move on. 10yrs is too long to spend with one man anyway.

[- Femme -]

^^^Hehehehe. I thought so too.

[Valenteenah.]

^ You girls! No loyalty, no longevity, no standing by your man. No wonder all the good men are going to Syria. :rolleyes:

 

Fix up!

[- Femme -]

[NGONGE]

Heh. Thanks a lot, Bee

 

I’ve already been married for five years (got the three kids too). I have none of the problems of this western sounding couple. We are Somali. We don’t live on our own. As with most other Somalis, we always have visitors staying (sometimes for months). Life is never as dull as this scenario describes (and is not likely to be). Plus, with all those visitors about, how could a man neglect his wife. It’s the best time to tease her and make her blush with codes, signs, signals and stuck out tongues behind everyone’s back. Like I said, we are Somali and in Somali families, your life is never your own to get bored with. In addition, Somali men are not silly enough to have affairs! Somali men usually just get married again (as I intend to once my probation is over - He’s looking at you, Bee ).

 

Again, in all seriousness, I really doubt this scenario would apply to many Somali couples. There are too many discrepancies in it and it comes across as being too WESTERN! What Somali wife, upon receiving a letter of her husband having an affair, would first of all; confront him alone and secondly; not leave a black bag with all his belonging left by the front door? Fantasy I tell you, fantasy!

[Valenteenah.]

^Also, what Somali wife wouldn't go and scald the author of the letter with hot water? I agree, fantasy!

 

 

FF,

 

Dont apply your insecurities to me. I'm a one-man woman. You hear? :mad:

[Sophist]

Maxaa quraafaad la akhriyey! this something out of a trashy newpaper!

[-Serenity-]

LOL @ you guys. Stop hijacking threads.

 

Nafta, sorry to have messed up your topic, but we are all suffering from an overdose of "hypothetical questions" (specially ones that are of no relevance to us.)

[- Femme -]

[Sophist]

Fataale, one imposes her own reality upon thee huh

[nafta]

alla, i had only moved away from the screen to fetch some bariis and come back to see 12 replies already!...Me thinking wow!...thats even fast for SOL...Oh how i would be dissapointed!...Shattered my topic to pieces, didn't take the time for it...if i was weak and derranged i would take it to heart, but i'm not, so instead i'll curse all of you, and put a hitman on ur tails!

...oh except NGONGE who took at least the time to write a reply that took at least 10 seconds thought!

 

Waana hablahi waxa saas ii galaayo...where's OG MOTI!!!

[Caveman]

I agree, it sounds like an other culture But if you really want marriage that doesn't drift or have up-and-down slopes regardless of income or the live style of the couple. Plz make sure that its solely Baised on Islam, as long as the couple strive to increase their Imaan consistently, there won't be a need to revive their love life in marriage, cause the only thing that gets married Muslim couple close to each other is their sincere believe in Allah(sw) and the Prophet(cs)

 

 

NGONGE

"codes, signs, signals and stuck out tongues"

ahem..Ahem..have sister available....JOKE

 

But, you gained a fan in me from now on you be watched on what you say..give us(Bachelors) tips and tricks we could use...will you?

 

 

Salam!

Later