Hanad, Sharmarke and Liban

[Maf Kees]

Hanad : Waryaada, did you guys hear that Kayse is going to marry?

 

Sharmarke : Kayse a.k.a Casey is going to marry? That skinny Farah who was chasing blond girls all the time?

 

Liban : Yeah hooyo told me. The girl is in Somalia. She lives deep in the Badiyo man. They have no electricity, no nothing over there. I wouldn't be surprised if she ever stroke a lion's snout. Those people are mental.

 

Sharmarke : Marka Casey's family is going to drag the poor girl over here. Can you imagine her first day here? Yaab beey la bakhtineysaa. Wait till she sees her first gay couple making out in front of her.

 

Hanad : Hahahaha. Waryaa our mamas managed to survive here right? She'll be fine sahib. It's Kayse you should worry about.

 

Liban : I couldn't do that man. It's too scary to marry a girl from Somalia. Deep in her mind she's thinking that you are the biggest loser in the world, because you speak Somali like a 5-year old toddler. The minute she arrives at the airport, you are stuck with her for the rest of your life. I'm sticking to the girls right here!

 

Sharmarke : As if the girls here are any better. War they been to high school and did a few years of bullshidh college and supposedly they are highly educated sister. War naga tag ninyahow. Kuwaan wabxa kama dhaamaan walahi.

 

Hanad : Walee waa runtaa sahib. Making coffee and copying for those white folks and she's thinking that she's a careerwoman. Hahaha.

 

Sharmarke and Liban : Hahahahaha.

 

Hanad : And than you come home late straight from work. Hungry as hell and suddenly you see a note on the TV. Note says that she's at her company's party and she'll be coming late.

 

Liban : So there you are making sandwiches like a big time loser. She sends your kids to some nasty kindergarten that smells like dhuuso 24/7. I don't want these kinda girls in my life. No way!

 

Sharmarke : Me neither. Laakiin honestly though. Would you rather have a hot but biitchy girl or a 6.5 but sweet girl?

 

Hanad : 6.5 for sho! I like sweet girls ninyahow. If she's a biitch, I might kill her ma garatay. Don't want no drama.

 

Liban : Talk is cheap Hanad. I bet you would go for the hottie in a second. Ninyahow we are all like this. When we see a girl and she looks good. We don't care if she's dumb and mean. The looks make it worth the daily fights.

 

Sharmarke : Liban you are my nigger right there, but Hanad got a point. You know how they become fat as soon as they pop out the first kid. So go for the sweet girl.

 

Hanad : But anyway I got another question. Would you marry a girl outside your tribe?

 

Sharmarke : If she's Fine! Hell yeah! What do I care about tribe man.

 

Liban : Maybe your hooyo? You know how much qabiil means to them.

 

Sharmarke : You're insulting my mother?

 

Hanad : Sherman chill negro. He meant in general. But what do you say about it Lee?

 

Liban : I would take my hooyo's feelings in consideration. I'm no qabiilist, but I want them to approve the girl.

 

Hanad : I'm with Hanad on this. But my mum only has a problem if she's not Somali at all.

 

Sharmarke : Moving on! This topic is lame. Don't we have anything else to talk about?

 

Liban : Girls are funny ain't they? You see eight girls talking to each other having a good time and shit. They all go home and suddenly 5 are not speaking to each other anymore.

 

Hanad : It's because they talk sneaky ninyahow. They think too much behind everything and have tactics and shit.

 

Sharmarke : Yeah man I know what you mean. I don't understand them. They don't trust each other too. You see two Halimos, been girlfriends for 10 years. You talk to them separately and they be like: fck that btch! No, fck that btch!

 

Liban : They like to make each other jealous too don't they? Ever seen two Halimos seeing each other in the mall? That's some hilarious shit. They'll be talking about the clothes they bought. And you're like: Ok they are talking about clothes. That's nice. But in reality: a War is going on between them. Who has more expensive clothes and better taste and all that bullshidh.

 

Hanad : Hahahaha.

 

Sharmarke : Waryaa Hanadow, remember high school? We would be skipping classes and shidh. Telling the teachers that we have to translate for our mum at the doctor's.

 

Hanad : Hahahaha I remember Sherman. That was before you came Lee. We were notorious in school man. After a while we ran out of excuses and Sharmarke would come with the 'Cultural Gap' excuse at the principal's office. That he's another person at home and that causes problems.

 

Sharmarke : Hahaha. White people love to hear that shidh. Waryaa remember when the principal called you at your house. Thank God I was at your house.

 

Hanad : Yeah you pretended to be my father. Talking about: Yaah? Yas yas he iz mey boy. He fery siik tudheey. Yastardheey waas bertiidheey baarti. Meeny biibol. Yuu know!

 

Liban : Hahahaha.

 

Sharmarke : And Principal going: Oh I'm so sorry. Please keep me posted on his health sir.

 

Hanad : Man those were the days. Now it's bullshidh everyday man. Liban and I are in a projectgroup at school. When one of us comes 5 minutes late, these kids start the yipping and yapping damn. When this dude Kevin comes half an hour late, all he needs to say is: Sorry guys, I forgot to set my timer. And they laugh and say nothing about it.

 

Liban : Project assignment is over in two weeks. We will talk about this at the evaluation sahib. Trust me, heads will roll. I'm going to tell the project manager everything.

 

Sharmarke : Me too man! At work somebody stole something. Boss was like: who did this! I want to hear it now. And that fat doofaar was looking at me the whole time.

 

Liban : Man that's not even job you have there man. I would quit if I were you ninyahow. There are better jobs out there.

 

Hanad : You know what's better? Unemployed! You sleep till late. Play playstation. Go to the library and read a magazine or something. Work out in the gym at night. Who said life could not be macaan like sonkor. Welfare is sonkor baby!

 

Sharmarke : Hahahaha. Waryaa lacagta cayrta is holy to us Somalis. Especially my cousin Saleban. Man he's broke as the joke yo. Remember when he was driving too hard and he went full gas into the curve and flew into the river?

 

Liban : Hahahaha of course. How could we forget?

 

Sharmarke : Well that's just half the story sahib. He managed to get out of the car and all these white people are trying to help him. Saleban is like: It's fine, I don't need help. Cuz he doesn't have a driver's license and insurance ma garatay. But those white people kept asking to help him. Saleban started tripping man. War fck off, have you never seen a car fly into a river before?

 

Hanad : Hahahaha. Go on sahib.

 

Sharmarke : White folks thought he was another crazy Somali. So they called police and shidh. Now Saleban is paying a lot of money and he has to wait 5 years till he can do driver test. Miskiinka all he want was to leave the crappy car behind in the river and call it a day.

 

Liban : Bees waaye. It's getting late. We gotta be ready for the game tomorrow at the park.

 

Sharmarke : Shit man. I need my sleep. Ma ii taqaanid ninyahow. I need at least 10 hours or my day is doomed.

 

Hanad : Hayee sheeko kale haa inoo bilaabin. Let's go.

 

Liban : Aaheey come on. And don't forget to bring my sunglasses Sherman. I forgot it in your room.

 

Hanad : Leyla baa jooga nooh.

 

Sharmarke : Hahaha ok I promise.

[sheherazade]

so that's what they get up to. Bug*er-all.

 

Hahaha.

 

[Blessed]

^They sound very familiar don't they? Nomads, if you ever wonder about fish n chips lads, they're right here.

 

 

Danyeer,

 

That was good bro, haven't read anything this funny for ages, oohin baad iga keentay...lol.

 

Thanks

[sweet_gal]

Thats was really funny loooooooooool especially Saleman part.....looool

[Maf Kees]

Waa to be continued ladies. This is just kind of an idea of what my boys and I talk about after playing a football match or something. Normally this is an abnormal conversation, because it's usually 10 guys screaming their lungs off at the same time. But for this sake I narrowed it down to 3 characters who'll be actually quiet when one Maryoley is talking.

[Jamelia]

LMAO...Danyer that was funny

[- Femme -]

Monkey, like a typical Somali you've spoken half truths. Just the way I like my stories. Haye, sii wad sheekada.

[J.Lee]

Hilarious: Funny but Depressing; I love how they bridged the culture gap.

[BN]

Lool..! Very funny...looking forward to the rest.