Attention Parents and future parents

[SeeKer]

I was going to start of with a tirade but I think I rather just present information. Recently there has been a trend emerging within our children in the Diaspora and even back home. I am going to pull from experiences in MN and Kenya.

 

Yesterday as I was walking to a graduating ceremony I saw four young Somali men crossing the street at an intersection. A motorcyclist waited patiently for them to cross to continue on his way when one of them yelled at the top of his voice and lunged at the motorcyclist. The poor guy held his tongue and watched the boys as they got to the side of the street laughing their heads off. An hour and half later as people walked out of the graduation ceremony that was 90% Somali (a charter school) a fight broke out between a group of young boys. The cops had to make arrests and patrol the area for an hour as the crowds dispersed.

 

This is only one day in MN. There are more and more cases of Somali young men and women who have somehow gotten into their heads that they are not expected to follow laws (their cultural, societal, secular or religious laws). The media is quick to build a public image of the typical Somali and this is not the image you want people to have as you seek to apply for a job.

 

 

It is disheartening when in a reality there are milestones being made in the other direction as my grandmother succinctly said, "I never thought I would see the day that a Western graduation stage would be filled with Somali girls and boys and the highest GPA is held by a niqabi girl."

 

I think parents have failed these children and the close Somali community we knew has also failed them. No longer do we care when we see another child commit a wrong because it is not our child. No longer do we have a family unit that sees each other daily and recounts their day's events daily. Our mothers are trying to make a living because our men have flown the coop. The TV and radio babysits our children as we eagerly pursue the mighty $. Where does it all end? Do we not see the writing on the wall?

 

If we fail our young kids and do not ready them to be positive contributing members of society we truly have lost everything.

[Polanyi]

And, then, walaal?

[Ibtisam]

^^They turn out like you markaa :rolleyes:

 

Seeker, the days when society raised your child with you is long gone, parents and those who are planning to have kids should run a tight ship and find a balance between control education and torture.

[SeeKer]

^Ibtisam, I understand that people adjust to environs accordingly but can we really discount the effect of community? It is only because we choose to isolate ourselves that we are not housed under a community framework.

 

Karl, I take it you can't see the problem or perhaps can't figure out a solution? :confused:

 

Its an FYI bulletin and I don't expect everyone to use one solution to the problem. Each person has his own unique way of parenting and with each child you learn new ways of doing things.

 

I am not a parent biologically but I have raised children who are not mine and when I see them I smile at their ever present quirks. The influences one can have on a child are great. They only need someone who cares enough about their life be it the next door neighbor, green grocer at the corner or their grandmother. My solution is to pay attention to the children. Listen to them and how they articulate their needs whether they throw a tantrum, start a fight, cry or write a hate filled letter.

 

What is your solution to the problem I posed?

[Polanyi]

(@ Ibtisam, typical burco sword wielder ).

 

In case you didn't get what I meant to say in here; I was not in any way, shape or form being offensive towards the sister(?) nor was i attempting to sound condescending. Instead, what I meant to say, is that we all know the problem exists; however, what is rarely done is offer solutions to the societal problems Somalis at large face. It is one thing to be emotional and point out problems; yet, my noble friends, it is a completely different thing to offer viable solutions.

 

Mind you, I am not saying the poster is not capable of offering solutions, but, at the same time, she did not offer any real and workable solutions to the problems facing young Somalis, unless the purpose of this thread was to serve as a wake up call, so to speak. The sister concluded by saying: "If we fail our young kids and do not ready them to be positive contributing members of society we truly have lost everything". This is merely repeating what we all know; namely that: young Somalis are facing a number of problems, which, of course, need long term discussions. So, all in all, what I am simply asking the poster to do is move away from the emotional sentiments, the stating of common problems and perhaps move this discussion on a bit by offering intellectual solutuons to those aformentioned problems.

 

 

Regards, Karl polanyi

[Chocolate and Honey]

Seeker,

LOL! Take a deep breath!

 

I hate to say this; but aren’t you exaggerating a bit? I mean I know sometimes things can be so overwhelming. I too attended 5 graduations(two middle schools, 2 high schools and one college)where children and teens were present. No fights broke out and no police was inconvenienced. Sometimes, this mentality of woo is us has more negative impact. Somali children have always been unruly and stubborn.

 

But reality is more Somali people follow the laws of this country than say Mexicans and Blacks. But sadly because of our visible difference in both culture and religion we tend to stick out like a sore thumb. And every incident is exaggerated to the tenfold. Do you know how many stores have been robbed, how many homicides took place, how many policemen got hurt and how many deaths in the state of MN since that shooting at Sewards? Many, MANY! Yet they’re still talking about that everywhere you go. Sometimes I think we are under a magnifying glass, every flaw exaggerated.

 

But I do agree with you on one point. Somali parents are way over their head when it comes to child rearing in this country. They’re simply not equipped with dealing with this environment. Most of them tend to parent the way they were parented. Maybe it is about time we had parenting classes?

[SeeKer]

C&H lol @ take a deep breath. I wasn't mad at the experience but more irritated.

 

I don't think I am exaggerating by and by and here is why. Forget abt what is in the media. I said that the media is going to crucify our image and that is expected. I am speaking of normal everyday run in with Somali kids. Apart from once in a blue moon occasion every time I run into Somali kids they are either talking disrespectfully back to an elder, harassing someone or just being ignorant. Once I remember stopping into a shop to buy xalwo and a woman sitting at one of the tables went outside to ask some boys to leave because they have been lollygagging in front of the premise bothering people. One of the boys starts cussing at her and I was mortified! This woman could have been his grandmother and here he was talking in such a manner.

 

Its a problem and it needs a solution from within. A journalist once told me that there are some parenting classes given to the Riverside-West bank residents and the only people that turn out from the somalis are the women. She was puzzled as to why the men never thought it important to learn how to parent. I am not saying the problem is men alone. It is many things, things that individually we can't fix all at once but as a community we can.

 

What I am saying is individually there is something you and I can do. We can give time to any child we see who is crying out for attention. They are many of them and perhaps they might not find it easy to talk to their parents or guardians but a stranger who is from their own background might just fit the bill. Perhaps I am advocating for some big brother/big sister program in a way

[Tuujiye]

^^ Good topic Seeker loool.. I remember waagaan waxaan kuligeen ku buufsaneen in SOL..lol back in 2003...

 

in time, things will change bro iska sii adkeeso..

 

 

Wareer Badanaa!!!!

[N.O.R.F]

I was playing footy with a Pakistani brother from the UK who happened to be a police officer in Bristol. We got into the problems kids are getting themselves into etc etc. He grew up in Cardiff, UK Somali capital and couldn’t understand the difference between the Somalis he grew up with and the ones now getting into so much trouble. Our conclusion was that it is probably a phase we are going through and the younger will be law abiding self respecting people.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Seeker,

I didnt think you were angry, just a bit irritated. And I get that. For some reason, I have this overwhelming feeling that the failure of our people reflect on me. So when I say see a somali child or adult behaving senseless in front of people, I cringe and can't help but feel embarrased. Now Ibti will come in any second and scold me by telling me that I should stop feeling that way and that we're all individuals.

 

I believe you on the behavior of Somali kids and I agree that it is getting worse. But I caution against putting the blame squarely on this enviorenment. When My mother tells me horrid tales about Somali kids chasing the blind, stonning poor animals to death and bullying the mentally ill in front of their parents and the tight-knit community we all lement, I question the so called akhlaaq and humanity we supposedly lost during the war.

I only ask one question and one question only: will our kids succeed in this society if we continue on the path we are on? Maybe or maybe not.

What can we do?

We can do two things; first address the problem by raising awareness. Secondly, offer parenting classes that are culturally concious. EVEN if only mothers show up, we've won half the battle.

The lack of Somali men's involvement in child rearing is cultural. Maybe some of our young men can address that issue?

[Allamagan]

I think we are doomed society. It is regrettably the same everywhere you look be it in Europe or America. Somali youths make considerable numbers in the UK jails. I think parents have failed these children and the community as well. We have also countless 'individual' owned Somali communities around and doing nothing for the communities that they claiming to represent but instead they often ask the state for more grants. I know this single mother, a neighbor and she is going to weddings every single weekend while leaving her two sons on their own. I later found out that she is a well-known wedding gatecrasher in London and she appears in any wedding videos in London the childrens fathers owns a marfish and he is busy with nothing but his jaad business only. Her two sons what do you expect? became a product of their environment. They are well known young offenders to local police. They are now criminals, thieves, member of local gang, they have been sanctioned, kept in custody, been electronically tagged all these attempts to improve and to steer them away from that destructive path they were in were to no avail. May Allah guide them.... it is not their fault.

 

Xalku waa qof waliba inuu ilmihiisa isagu u istaago, state ama community waxba ka sugin garatana waxa u roon. Labo mid ayey noqoneysaa ama waad dayici ama daryeelkoda ku dadaali labada wax u dhaxeeya malahan. Ayaan darrose maanta dayacitaanki aya loo batay.

[Chocolate and Honey]

I see what you're saying Allamagan. The tell-tale signs are there early on. Sometimes, it is not the wedding-hopping single mother stereotype. Sometimes it is the opposite. I have a neighbor who is a single mother. She is very religious(full niqaab and Jalbaab), always at the local Mosque helping and leading the women. She has two twin boys who are known as the "TWIN TERROR" in the neighborhood. They're were very difficult even as toddlers. I used to watch them when I was in middle school and I used to always have scratches and blood drawn. Now they're in middle school.

The woman's ex left her just when the twins were born, in fact days after. He is now married. He doesnt take care of the kids. She has them full time. So there is no father influence at all. The mother doesnt work, go to school or even drive. She acts like she is back home. Only going out for grocery shoping and dugsi period! Her twins are now grown and abusing her and everyone. They've been on the police radar(mind you they're only in middle school). It is the classic family- break down sydrome to the T.

The last time I saw her, I told her that she needed to do something about her boys. She said "ilaahay baa toosin doono" I said, IA but you need to get to them now! You need to find them strong mentors and decipline them. You need to become a stronger role model; get a JOB ASAP, Learn English, become mobile so that you rely on no one.

It is sad because even at that age, you can see that they question her authority.

[BUKURR]

Its all due to parenting. I've met parents who completely and miserably failed to bring up their children.

 

Seeing a nine to fifteen old boys, who know NOTHING, I swear nothhhhing, they are like xoolo albaabka laga furay, with no respect to anything whatsoever, they have been kicked out of school, when they show up in your family house, an emergency plan that was exclusively drafted for them must be implemented.

 

Hooyadii waxba ma kaqasan, gaamuuskii dhaleyna waligiis mala arkaayo, markaasey ku leeyihiin caruurteeni.

 

Maxaa ciyaal u dhalee hadaadan tarbiyeen karin.

 

I have noticed all those families come from certain areas of Somalia, what is the reason behind that, I need to see more maryooley's to answer that question.

 

The bottom line is, family needs to know how to raise children not just how to have sex.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Uh-Oh!

[Chimera]

Such an Apocalyptic people, always focusing on the negative through the mentioning of dumb stories, while trampling on the vast majority of Somali youth that are law-abiding, respectful and ambitious citizens, well done!