Help needed from Sol married members

[Arawella]

Dear friends

 

Are there ways or signs to tell between a Casanova and a decent honest individual with no ulterior motives?

 

I suppose you can say that I am faced with a dilemma hence for the question. I have met a boy whom I like and envisage forming a concrete relationship. However, I am confused on the method of establishing that exact relationship without compromising my religion and loosing my dignity. Am I to go for a date with him where there is the risk of holding hands, kissing and all other sorts of temptations? Adhering to the conventional methods of courtship such as meeting at my parents’ house or in the presence of others is simply out of the question since I am not ready for marriage nor inclined to be gossiped about by the local mongers.

 

So what then, my heart says go with the flow and my head is screaming caution?!

[Som@li]

Dear Arewella,

 

First if you are not ready for marriege, don't date? and if you are scared of " the courtship method", and still interested to go out with thit guy, set ground rules,and quit if he breaks.

 

good luck

[Resistance]

Why ask only the married SOLers, am sure there is some unmarried people who can help u out,

sadly am not one of them or maybe i am.

[checkmate]

The difference would be that Casanovas have chest hair and decent/honest individuals have no chest hair. Wait, or was it the other way around.

 

Now, I find it completely and utterly despicable that a woman of your status to be liking boys, last time I checked children were off limits, be them boys of girls. I am even shocked; you’re entertaining the notion of kissing and holding hands with this boy. Please don’t corrupt this child’s purity and innocents.

 

Lastly, why on earth are wanting an advice from married folk, if you’re not looking to marry. What do you take us for?

 

There is a damn good reason why your heart is telling you to go with flow, (vulnerable, naïve, take advantage, nothing to loose) and there is another damn good reason why your head is screaming with caution, (consequences of confinement, there is price to pay for every action)

[Arawella]

Walaal, the idea was to get sound advice not to cause offence hence please get off your high horses. I’ve seeked married members advice for the simple fact that they managed to sift through the genuine and the sinister ‘Charlie’. However if you are single and deem your advice worthy please share otherwise head for the door.

 

I have thought of marriage but walaal I am not so desperate to hitch with any Dick or Tom hence taking inaan to meet my parents or family would suggest that matrimony is on the menu.

 

Checkmate, suffice to say that this particular boy est plus agé que moi!

[checkmate]

So he is one of those older boys, mind you I was messing around in my previous post. You are far too valuable to hitched to any ordinary Tom and Dick, but please when provided times consider Joe and Steve.

[LayZie G.]

I never understood why pple have the tendency to share personal information that is not wanted by the general audience, I mean, I sure as hell don't want to read or know about your issues.

 

I wonder what you would have done if forums and the internet weren't available to you.

 

I'm not picking on you at all, rather fed up with "I have a problem" what should I do routine, its getting old. There are bigger problems then going out with a dude, pple are starving, homeless, not sure if we will all live tomorrow and all you concerned about is what you should do?

 

The reality is, whether u get a good advise or not, you will go out regardless, so why wait for a response, go on ahead do whatever it is you originally planned on doing? People will talk no matter what you do, you could decise to stay home and not go through, and they will find something else to talk about.

 

Don't live a life based with the notion of "what would pple think", they ain't living your life, you are, so why worry what others think of you?

 

I have said my piece.

[Che -Guevara]

Fighting temptations..lool

 

I guess sista it really depends on you. The person will only go by how you react to his advances.So first figure what you want!!!!!

 

Once you do that, setting ground rules should be easy. Create your own borders , and set da limits there.If the guy is geniunely interested in you. He will be patient, and will understand where you are coming from.

 

P.S If he is Somali/Muslim, he should know your reasons. Just one thing though...Don't be over cautious.

[Alle-ubaahne]

Lazy Girl wrote:

I never understood why pple have the tendency to share personal information that is not wanted by the general audience, I mean, I sure as hell don't want to read or know about your issues.

 

I wonder what you would have done if forums and the internet weren't available to you.

 

I'm not picking on you at all, rather fed up with "I have a problem" what should I do routine, its getting old. There are bigger problems then going out with a dude, pple are starving, homeless, not sure if we will all live tomorrow and all you concerned about is what you should do?

 

The reality is, whether u get a good advise or not, you will go out regardless, so why wait for a response, go on ahead do whatever it is you originally planned on doing? People will talk no matter what you do, you could decise to stay home and not go through, and they will find something else to talk about.

 

Don't live a life based with the notion of "what would pple think", they ain't living your life, you are, so why worry what others think of you?

 

I have said my piece.

It seems you are full of nonsense. Please don't offend others, and take your personal issues to somewhere else!

 

This type of people always irritate me, Aloow yaa edbiya oo bakoorad la dhaco! :mad: :mad:

[Rea]

Sister, what can I tell u other than point out the obvious; well the answer 2 ur question lays in ur question!!!

A honest descent person does not put u in a self doubt nor does he give u signs 2 make u question his decency. so move on or have fun.. Time is the essence

 

Ps: if u go on date with him alone make sure u wear the cheery lip gloze! Childddd, kiss him on that and he’ll be glozed 4ever

[Baluug]

Originally posted by Arawella:

Adhering to the conventional methods of courtship such as meeting at my parents’ house or in the presence of others is simply out of the question since I am not ready for marriage nor inclined to be gossiped about by the local mongers.

You're not ready for marriage? Then you've answered your own question. Get rid of the guy and when you're "ready for marriage"(trust me, no one is ever "ready" for marriage), then ask the guy to marry you. If he doesn't want it at that time, forget him and find someone else who will marry you. Simple.

[Som@li]

LayZieGirl, some people like conformtiy, if something is agreed and done by the majority, they will feel happy to do it,and that is the reason many ask for help for these kinda issues, but virtual people can not be taken serious for whatever they say, and hence can be misleading.

[Wiilo]

It is very very simple, like dabshid said, if you are not planing to marry this guy Do NOT date, let alone kissing and holding hands, there is nothing beautiful then kissing and holding hands when you MARRIED....

 

 

I hope my advice works for you, 'cause i'm one of those married people that you are seeking advice from

 

 

Good luck, and please stay away from all (Xaraam) forbiden things....

 

 

Go figure:............

[LayZie G.]

Ubaahne, to each his own, my nonsense is my own, and u love it. Instead of crying about how irritated u find the likes of me, you ought to be worried about how you would

 

[ July 02, 2006, 01:31: Message edited by: Rahima ]

[Nephissa]

It's all too easy for anyone to hide behind their monitor and spew forth insults, such as above.