So what happens when physical attraction is removed from the equation?

[QUANTUM LEAP]

Society continues to embrace the cliché that men must be attracted to someone before they can develop an interest, while women must be interested in someone before they can develop an attraction. Luckily, it's not a universal rule. In fact, there's no rule that dictates how you become interested in someone — or who you will and won't find attractive.

 

What attracts you to an individual and hope too that we are talking online attraction. I would love to get your true responses without really mentioning names or telling us your life history. Just a basic research on what makes one individual get attracted to another without seing them. Can we do without the physical attraction?

[Kool_Kat]

Sure why not...

 

Somethings that attract me to others are:

-the way they talk (it is all about how they say it, and not what they say)most of the time

-the way they respect others and themselves

-their background (ie. education)

-Their life style in general

-and definately where the person is in life (ie. school, work, etc.)

 

Those are some of the things that I consider, if the physical attraction is removed...Though, most of the time physical attraction ain't something I consider the base to develope an interest in the person...

[raula]

Like Kool Kat mentioned it..this is my criteria:-

1. Sense of humor-has to be natural, not exerggerated-

2. Background- Religious and educated are key elements for me

3. Perspective on life-their general outlook of life-should have priorities

4. Passion to helping others

5. **Height** -this is kind of weird but atleast in some conversation along the way as i get to know the person-he is gotta be tall and built healthy..Iam really hopeless and disinterested when it comes to a skinny bro..(Lol--sorry but its applies in my case) :cool: .

[Reality Check]

Shaqsii,

 

You got the women psyche twisted, bruh. We too seek attraction in order to get interested. Do you think that when we see a cute, attractive guy, we wouldn't want to get to know him. As if!!

[Haneefah]

Physical attributes are the starting point, they cause initial attraction regarless of the gender but that's only how far they will go because at the end of the day we fall in love with the individual and what makes them unique and separates them from the rest...and that would be their personality. And it is very much possible to get to know an individual on a personal level and get attracted to them wihout knowing their physical appearance.

 

Personally, a person's diin and imaan would be top on the list...and also their ability of implementing it in their lives as Islam is a way of life. Their way of life in general, their intellect...we REALLY have to match emotionally and intellectually...and also, their knowledge and their patience with people and with life in general...these are just some important factors that attract me to a person but I have to admit...looks help a lot too

 

Honestly though, considering the amount of emphasis society puts on physical appearance, it's hard to eliminate it totally from the equation!

[Faheema.]

Physical attraction is a must…. However, it's possible to be attracted to someone without seeing him or her, but I would say only to an extent, meaning there is still room for disappointments. Indeed you might be drawn to their way of thinking, their ideas, characteristics and the qualities they posses as an individual, but as soon as the two parties collide and physical attraction comes in to play the result is either happily delightful or all hope diminished. Physical Attraction is the core element, it is what determines the outcome of the situation, well for me anyways.

[Thinkerman]

I got to agree with the general comments . But that said i am learning to not make that the overriding factor, physical attraction is a key pre-requiste to a successfull union......however i think people unfortauntely get caught up with just Phhsyical attarction, i dont blame you guys as i would be blaming myself aswell :rolleyes: .

 

Its better to have someone to talk to than just someone to errgghhm look @

[Juxa]

wow,,,,,,,this is deep

 

to be truthful physical attraction is important element at the start of every relationship,,,,,there got to be something yummy about the person. however in reality that kind of attraction fizzles out or does cool down, specially when farax stops wearing that nice aftershave or xaliimo puts on another 25kg just kidding

 

shaqsii,,,,,,u asked online attraction,,,,,i think basic thing is,,,,,,same assencial factor as in real life,,,,,,someone to talk to, easy to understand yr needs and you of his,,,,,,,someone with diin and hopefully iimaan is a must,,,,,,,i think those are things that can be seen on/offline

 

personally,,,,,,,i find common decency, morals & values attractive. the rest waa la iska qeyraa,,,,,,,any guy aa la jajafan karaa

[LuCkY]

Some of you said what i was gonna say but uuummm...here goes:

 

The way i see it one individuaL is attracted to another because of the way they carry themseLves, they way they speak/write, the way they respond to others, the respect one has for themseLves-for others as weLL, and their inteLLectuaL minds. One with an open mind and one that is outspoken(may not appLy to aLL)-one that stands up for what they beLieve.ALso humour-a good sense of humour.

 

No i dont think we can necessariLy do without the physicaL attraction. Im not gonna Lie here but i think that physicaL attraction does pLay a roLe in reLationships-i mean it may not be essentiaL or Last forever but it does cross ones mind.

[Nephissa]

There must be atleast mental stimulation. Someone to bring me water for the flowers growing from my mind, so ultimately we can water and help each other grow into whatever and whoever we're suppose to be..

[QUANTUM LEAP]

Ooh woow to all of you who have given me an insight into what makes the heart sing

 

Physical attraction is a vital ingredient in a healthy relationship. But it is never intended to be the whole meal. A real balanced meal consists of the main course, which in this case is means the first attraction and ofcouse appetizers/salads/cakes which after. However, when you taste it gets weird in your mouth and suddenly what the eyes saw from outside (Beauty) becomes slimy (Ugly) in your mouth. You start wondering why the food looked so good to the eyes and yet so yuck in the mouth and pray you swallow it quick.

 

Most of you here have almost said what is obvious and that being attractive is important in the first instance but I wonder how long it takes before one realizes that attraction was mainly a mirage so to speak. Fades away once you get there.

On the flip side, insecurity may prompt some people to become preoccupied with dieting and "looking good." They feel most valued for their appearance. They may even fear that if others really knew them, they'd find little to love.

However people who are preoccupied with their looks are self-focused, don’t often don’t give as much and their partners give.

 

It would be dishonest if we say, "looks do not matter." OF COURSE they matter. It is hard when you make a somewhat close emotional connection (as is easy to do when using a keyboard), but then when the long a waited picture is transmitted...powww, there are no flames. Not even a spark. Hell, there's not even a match laying around. You just know you could never fall for this person. As easy started, as easy lost…When online patience tends not to be a virtue for one rarely gets to the nutty gritty bits of relationships.

[JASMIINE]

I think in real life most of the time what draws someone to another is the physical attraction. However what makes someone fall in love w/ ya is their personality. Some people are lucky enough that the physical attraction develops into real thing as they get to know each other better. For others it never passes the physical attraction all things end there when they found out their real personalities. That’s life!

 

But online the situation is the reversal of that in real life. Online u might like someone without seeing them by the way they talk, maturity level, humor,etc. But when u see their pic or meet them in person they may not be what u expected and not attracted to them at all. In this case u were interested in them before u were attracted to them. Strange but it happens again it proves that what brings two people together to start something is their physical attraction for one another.

[Nefertiti]

Very interesting topic, and even more excellent replies..Well done everyone...

 

I think online attraction is a totally different matter. Internet attractions are a fantasy. You might fall in love with the personality of the person on the other side of the screen, but then what they are describing might not be them at all. Internet gives you the opportunity to be whomever you want and almost "deceive" the other individual. There is no way of monitering whether they are lying or not, so in a way you are inclined to believe what they tell you. However when you meet them in real life and you get to know them properly they might be the complete opposite of what they have claimed thus far. I mean fair enough, there are some people out there who decide to take the other persons word for everything eventough the truth is slapping them in the face. But I guess that is a CHOICE that they are making in their life and if they CHOOSE to take that risk, then GOOD LUCK...

 

Personally physical attractiveness is THE most essential element in a relationship followed closely by personality and the persons status in life.(e.g. their professional attribution).

[Qac Qaac]

physical attraction just brings the person to you, but if it gonna last, the two people have to see life in the same way.

 

personally i am attracted to traditional stuff, old fashion person i guess, i am. Islam, culture matters, none of that western (crap) ideologies. hope didn't offend anyone

[A7LA-SHU]

besides what the other sistas said. i only got one more to add to the list...

 

how he respects, treats n talks about his family.. it might be weird but to me a guy that talks about his family tells me more about who he is...