why be fake and artifisal to each other?

[inan yaban]

In many times I ask my self why our somali girls or women’s like to be fake to each other. For example you go to a Somali party you suppose be there to have fun and enjoy your time instead you see them divided in to groups based on non sense, gossiping on each other or checking what that one is wearing, or who is this one’s friend, or why this one husband is dancing with that women and look who is standing with who, or the funny part who cooked the wedding food and why they did not cook that or that, for Allah sake just eat what is there or leave it…after all you getting free food. I may sound different but all this is non sense for me in every where you go just be your self, no one has the right to judge any one accept Allah who created us, no one has the right to watch your shoulders accept some who loves you and care for you, when I was in the university, I spend a long time with different girls from different nationalities and different religions and we shared a lot of valuable, hard and beautiful times that reside in my mind and heart until this minute, since then I seem to have hard time seeing or finding a true friends, I really rather to be away from my own somali community girls because all I’m going to get from them is headache and pain, I see how their relationship with each other fade in short times because its simply was not based on true values, we really need to realize that we can not be a true friend to every one, to me a friend is an attitude within you, a talk you always can continue, a person you hold dear, who ventures far, yet stays quite near, who presence sets the spirit free, and accepts your strengths and weakness. A true friendship never leaves the heart.

 

love

Inana yabaan

[Iffah]

Good question. I have wondered the same thing on more than one occassion. But, I don't believe this is limited to Somalis only and I don't see why most people seems to think so. I don't think I need to reiterate that every race has it's good and bad people, as it has been said repeatedly in this forum.

 

Anyways, I don't like attending weddings either, because of all the things you've mentioned. Seriously, we need to get over this useless gossip.

Personally, I try to steer clear of those that are keen on spreading rumors, or always talking about someone else...what can I possibly gain from them? As I see it (& remind myself often) I have enough dambi as it is, and I don't need to accumulate more. Besides, I'm sure I'll be the topic of their discussion next week, so why bother befriending someone like that.

 

As for being fake...if you've given me a reason to dislike you, I'll stay away from you..simple as that. I just hope most people would do the same. :rolleyes:

[Qac Qaac]

waraa Nin yaaban nin yoho if u like girls from other races, and had a thing with them good for u, laakiin nin yoho gabdhaheena dhan saan ha u ceen qa.sh.iin yoho.

 

but about the gossip thing u r right, and is for all women, that is something they could change. marka nin yoho get of their back.

 

anaaba maanta iga nixisay bisinka.

[Jaabir]

Originally posted by Qac Qaac:

waraa Nin yaaban nin yoho if u like girls from other races, and had a thing with them good for u, laakiin nin yoho gabdhaheena dhan saan ha u ceen qa.sh.iin yoho.

 

but about the gossip thing u r right, and is for all women, that is something they could change. marka nin yoho get of their back.

 

anaaba maanta iga nixisay bisinka.

Saxib its Inan yaban aka gabar yaban..

[Qac Qaac]

Darman thanks lakiin bro.

 

Inan could be male or inan female both.

 

the way the person sounds, it sounds like a male.

[Warrior of Light]

Sister

 

I know its a hard but I beleive it part of the downfall of humanity because it doesnt affect somalis and doesnt happen at weddings only. Family members hurt you more.Apart from Iman, Lack of character, and self dignity which causes people to talk about others affairs. The unfortunate part is women lead in these activities.And sometimes by thoughtless men.

 

I dont attend weddings(no wedins where I am),love them just to watch our ppl socialising( always fascinated like a fat boy loves cake) . Have limited female friends grew up with more male contacts(used to be more of a tomboy) and took me ages to find true female friends.And most of my female friends coincidentally have similar backgrounds.

 

I came to realise that these acts are due to lack of self appreciation and esteem.You dont know who you really are,what you want from others, how to appreciate others, accept your limitations thus end up comparing yourself with others and well just all the bad characters start because envy,greed, jealousy, backbiting... sets in. As You dont want to control youself and leave the wishes and whims take over.And if your with the wrong group well its like your joining the waves craching the shores.

 

I dont mind a person comparing themselves for motivation/good cause - like so-n-so is good in studies thats my role model want 2 be like her or better kinda thing.Personally I would like to be a friend of such a person.

 

The friends I have now I know they love me more than my own family. Willing to sacrifice time and whatever they have to help. When I reflect how it came about its because we didnt click coz of our racial bond but more due to our religion. A true beleiver/ friend will want all good for his/ her friend. I only pray that will last forever and make more friends of such nature.

 

Its not that I do not have friends from other walks of life but they are not like my true friends. But that they still deserve my trust , time and an open ear with a mind which is nonjudgemental. As we do not know our ending we have to walk in this world as if we will die today and pray that Allah will change our ways.

 

The solution to our problems ?? Teach people to be more humane to know that what they do hurts others.It spoils the fun and the beauty of life.And remind them that actions like backbiting is compared to eating the flesh of a family member. And the most important is to implement the teachings of our magnificient religion.

 

Personally I pray for a life that I wont need to reconsider what I say/wear/ behave people will talk about but just fear what His Almighty will judge. Its a tough predicament but need to start somewhere. And that is by putting character into check.

 

Something else to think about is all this backbiting thing is so rampant its just seems normal. Youve got it on Tv 24/7 majority of the sitcoms.. So naturally it affects mankind.The thing I would have wished why dont ppl copy the good things and let go of the bad parts. But we all have a choice. So we going to live a life of trail n error and pain.

 

May Allah give you patience sis.

[Qac Qaac]

waaw BRAVO!!!

 

beautiful read.

[checkmate]

Darman thanks lakiin bro.

 

Inan could be male or inan female both.

 

the way the person sounds, it sounds like a male.

 

hadaba qoraalka af soomaaliga saxda ah aan idiin sheego

 

INAN= wiil/single male

INANN(shaqal ayaa korsaaran)=gabar aan wali la guursan/single female

 

asxantu

[NGONGE]

^^They should just cancel one of the two words and save us all the hassle, man.

 

This topic is full of young optimism it makes me sick. Friends? Friends for life? Arrggggggghhhhhhhh. :eek:

 

Why is this always a case with the female of the species? They all swear undying love for their friends then they get married and the others drift away. Or, worse still, get jealous and cancel the long held pledge of not *****ing about their “best” ever friend behind her back. That’s when the saying that “ a dog is man’s best friend” comes true. Heh.

 

Makes me matag matag. :mad:

[Warrior of Light]

This topic is full of young optimism it makes me sick. Friends? Friends for life?

Brother Ngonge is it so? We have great examples of people starting out as friends then for some became relatives due to their friendship.

 

My example will be of the Prophet SAW and Sayiddinaah Abu bakar(Peace on his soul). They were friends. And Abu bakar was the first to accept the Prophets Call (After the mother of Islam , Lady Khadija RA)and was always his right man. And he ended up being the father-in-law of the Prophet and the first caliph in Islam.

 

So I dont see anything optimist about frienDship. Its just you have to keep the ingredients right, dont over-do stuff and give your friend space and sincere advice.

[NGONGE]

You can hardly compare the people in those weddings to the Prophet (csw) or his companions, Sis. Yes, we can strive to be like them but somehow I don’t think many people are as clear thinking as you are. Enjoy it while it lasts, dear.

[Warrior of Light]

Enjoy it while it lasts, dear.

Intend to make it last.

[Warrior of Light]

Excerpts on etiquettes of friendship,

 

 

• Love your friends and be the object of love of your friends.

  A friend makes life beautiful, acts as a supporter in the journey of life and is a gift of God.

  The Prophet SAW said" The beleiver is an embodiment of love and affection. And the man who neither loves others nor is loved by others has no good or virtue in him." Miskat, Bab al shafqat

   

  The Holy Quran affirmed"

  The beleiving men and beleiving women are protecting friends of one another".9:71

• Maintain amicable social relations with your friends and try to develop sincere links and continue to cement friendship..... When a man lives in the society of other men and has to participate in social matters, itis inevitable that he should suffer different kinds of shock.....

   

  In other words , he has to face all kinds of trials and tribulation.But when man suffers these hardships, his heart is strenghtened and he gains wisdom and experience. Good morals develop in his personality and passing through a natural process of training and purification he makes rapid spiritual and moral progress. He acquires the sublime virtues of patience, forbearance, selflessness, affection, sympathy, humanity, respect, loyalty, devotion and cooperation, sincerity and love, generosity and gallantry, kindness and favour to the highest degree and he becomes an instrument of goodness and blessing for human society. Every man man holds him in esteem and values his friendship; each man considers him a source of blessing in his favour.

   

  The Prophet SAW said

  " The Muslim who participates insocial matters with other men and shows forbearance if he suffes any pain from them is a far better person than the one who isolates himself from people and is dismayed at the hardships caused by others" Tirmidhi

• Form friendship with pure and righteous people.

   

  Famous saying" If you want to know the moral state of a person, look at the moral condition of his friends"

   

  Th Prophet Saw said" A man follows the beliefs of his friend. Hence, each man shoul deeply consider the question as to what kind of a man is the person with whom he is striking friendship." Musnad Ahmed, Mishkat.

   

  Another parable of a friend

  Example of a good and bad friend is like that of a dealer of musk-perfume and an ironsmith who strokes the furnace. In the company of the perfumer you wil certainly derive benefit( You may buy the perfume or enjoy the pleasure of smelling it). On the other hand the furnace of the ironsmith will burn your house or set your clothes on fire or the foul fumes emitted by the furnace will give you a headache.

• Love your friends for the sake of Allah. The favourites of Allah will join together on the basis of religion and struggle shoulder to shoulder with perfect unity and soul to discharge their obligation of establishing the religion of Allah.

   

  61:4

  Lo! Allah loveth those who battle for His cause in ranks as if they were a solid structure.

   

  Hadith

  God has ordained on the Day of judement: Where are those people who used to love their fellows for my sake only. I shall place them under My own Shadow. Muslim

• Consider the love of the pious people as a source of salvation in the eternal life and a means of winning the favour of Allah.

   

  Hadith:

  A person came to the presence of the Prophet SAW and submitted:" O Prophet of ALLAH , A person loves a pious man for his piety, yet himself doesn not emulate the good deeds of this pious man, how shall he be treated in teh next world? "The Prophet answered "It doesnt matter at all, Man shall find himself in the company of that person whom he loves." Bukhari

• Make friendship with those who deserve to be your freinds from the viewpoint of Islam and then try your otmost to maintain a loyal and devoted friendly relationship.

   

   

  Hadith,

  On the Day of judgement , 7 people will find place of shade. Of the first type will be two persons who loved each other for no othe purpose except for Allahs sake.........

• Trust your friends. Behave cheerfully while your in their company

   

  Narration , Hadrat Abdullah Ibn Harith relates , I have never seen a person smiling more often than the Prophet of Allah SAW.

• Dont be be dull and spiritless. Be of good cheer and keep your spirits high. Beware , however that your cheerful temper and humour doesnt exceed proper limits.
• If you love someone, you must express your love to that person. Its psychological effect on that person will be that he will develop nearness to you.

   

  Hadith

  Any person who cherishes in his heart sentiments of love and sincerity for his brother. he should express these sentimnets to his brother and tell him in clear that he holds in love and affection" Abu Dawud

• Adopt a moderate course in expressing your love and in the conduct of mutual relationship.

   

  Hadrat Asam RA states that Hadharat Umar RA observed:" Your love should not assume the form of madness, nor should enemity excite you to perpetrate tortue on others." I submitted" sir , how should we do so?" He answered "In this manner that if you love someone you start hugging him in a childlike fashion and display other forms of childish behaviour. And if you feel angry with someone , you rsolve upon the destruction of his life and property and utter ruination."" Al Adab ul Mufrad

• Be loyal and devoted to your friends.

   

  Hadith

  The beleiver should act as a wellwisher of his brother in his presence and absence.

• Share the grief and sorrow of your friends.

  Hadith,

   

  In their sense of mutual love and affection and perception of common distress, you will find Muslims as one body; if one organ of this body is afflicted; the whole body is affected by fever and sleeplessness. Bukhari Muslim

• Whenever you differ among yourselves on any matter resolve it once. Always take the initiative to seek forgiveness and to admit your fault.

   

  The Holy Prophet had observed.

  " The deeds of believers are presented to Allah on Monday and thursday and every beleiver is granted pardon except the one who nurses a grudge against any of his beleiving brothers. Allah ordains,"Leave them so that they may resolve their quarrel"

• Retain your tongue even if your freinds talk and behave in a manner which is offensive to your temper or taste. Do not utter harsh or oppressive speech in retaliation. Instead let the matter be resolved with tact and gentle conduct.

   

  Prophet Musa(PBUH)asked Allah" My Lord which one is the dearest to you among your creatures?" Allah affiremd" That one who has the power to take revenge yet forgives." Mishkat

• Do not let vanity and pride take overin your friends character. Do not take to shirk, train your friends in righteousness.

   

  The Holy Prophet affirms;

  Three things are fatal;

  1. Passion which is allowed to prevail upon ones good sense.

  2.The gred and lust which is allowed to become the guiding principle of one's life.

  3.Vanity the most dangerous of the three ills. Baihaqi, Mishkat

• Look after your friends. Stand by them in their hour of need, even at the cost of your own life and property.

   

  Hadith

  "Any man who provides for the need of a brother , Allah shall always keep fullfiling the needs of that man. An any person who alleviates some hardship of a Muslim, Allah on the day of Judgement will remove one of his hardships out of the many hardships of that day." Bukhari, Muslim

• Be a trustworthy confident.
• Your moral conduct towards the people should be characterised by cosmopolitan, vast , comprehensive and tolerant outlook, so that people of all taste and temper ,though and ideal may feel an uncommon sense of attractiveness towards you.
• Be very much particular in prayers. Pray for your friends and request them to remember you in their prayers.

  The Holy Prophet said" When a Muslim says a prayer for his brother Muslim in absentia. Allah accepts his prayer and appoints one of his angels on the Muslim who is offering the prayer so that when this Muslim prayers for his brother Muslim the angel says: Amen, you shall receive from Allah yourself too what you are asking for your brother" Muslim

   

   

  A dua,

   

  Rabbanaghfirlana wali ikhwaninalladhina sabaqunaa bilimani wala taj'al fi qulubina ghillallilladhina amanu rabbana innaka raufurahim. .

  Our Lord! Forgive us and our brethren who were before us in the faith, and place not in our hearts any rancour towards those who beleive. Our Lord Thou art full of pity and merciful. 59:10

Extracted from the Book titled Etiquettes of life in Islam, Chapter concerning etiquettes of friendship you can read more Author, Mohammad Yusuf Islahi.

[Khayr]

Salaamz, jazakallah khayr walaal for that passage from Ettiquettes in Islam by Allama Yusuf Islahi

 

I bought this book not too long ago and really fell in love with it. Its written very simply, easy to follow and the tone of the author is not harsh. Kinda like a grandfather speaking to his grandson.

I recommend nomads to get this book inshallah and keep it with you in your bag/purse,knapsack etc.

so that you can read it in your travels and/or easily refer to it.

 

Hadith:

A person came to the presence of the Prophet SAW and submitted:" O Prophet of ALLAH , A person loves a pious man for his piety, yet himself doesn not emulate the good deeds of this pious man, how shall he be treated in teh next world? "The Prophet answered "It doesnt matter at all, Man shall find himself in the company of that person whom he loves." Bukhari

Fi Amanillah

[Warrior of Light]

Khayr

 

 

Happy to hear youve purchased it. My copy was a handdown from a brother who completed school And yes I also fell in love with it. Apart from the simple english, the usage also of the language is in harmony. I feel like opening a book which I dont want 2 put down.

 

Just out of curiosity( with no PMs allowed) is there a new edition to it or just republications? Ive got the 2nd Edn. Thinking of buying a new copy.

Nice to see you around.

Fi amanillah