How To Write An Interesting Online Somali (Political) Article

[NGONGE]

Having visited countless Somali news sites and read hundreds of articles by people claiming to be engineers, professors and doctors of one sort or another, I have finally (I think) cracked the trick to writing an interesting Somali (political) article.

 

So, how is it done, I hear you ask. Well, before we get into the business of writing an actual article, let us see what ingredients one needs to write a successful Somali (political) article.

 

The topic does not really matter. It could be Somali Pirates, Somali Resistance, Somaliland Recognition, The Crumbling Puntland Administration, The New Dawn Of Puntland's Resurgence And Elections Or The Somali Peace Process.

 

All these are legitimate topics and can be dealt with beautifully if approached in the right (Somali) way.

 

First, you need to have an end goal. What is the aim of your article? Who are you attacking today and what is the one point that overrides all others in your mind (when writing the article)?

 

 

Let us assume that your article is going to be about the Shabaab movement. The only thought in your head here is that Al Shabaab are bad people (or maybe Al Shabab are good people, but let us go with the first for now). You want to convince your readers that this group is dangerous, hopeless, clueless or just stark raving mad. How are you going to do it whilst appearing neutral, fair and even-handed? Well, the best Somali writers I came across always start with a clever quote or popular saying (it is not important if this does not strictly apply to the topic being tackled here).

 

 

There is no act of treachery or meanness of which a political party is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.

 

Benjamin Disraeli

 

You follow this with a long tirade about the object of your scorn and, masterfully try to link it to the quote in one way or another.

 

For example:

 

"Al Shabaab are an awful group that should not be supported by any sane people. In choosing to go their own way and abandoning the Courts, they epitomised the act of treachery that Mr Disraeli was talking about in the quote above. For Al Shabaab, you see, are nothing but another political movement. A treacherous political party!"

 

Another important ingredient is the historical analogy. Vichy France. Caesar's crossing of the Rubicon or Omar Al Mukhtar's fight against the Italians can all be twisted, cropped and reshaped to fit in with the topic you're presenting.

 

 

Our votes must go together with our guns. After all, any vote we shall have, shall have been the product of the gun. The gun which produces the vote should remain its security officer - its guarantor. The people's votes and the people's guns are always inseparable twins.

 

Said in 1976 while a leading commander of the Zimbabwe African National Liberation Army

 

— Robert Mugabe, 1976

 

 

For Example:

 

" Will the Shabaab drop their guns once they've taken power or will this treacherous group cite security as a reason for keeping hold of their guns? It is plainly obvious that this terrorist group is not fond of the vote and only wants to set up a totalitarian and fascist government in Somalia".

 

 

One other ingredient that is seldom used is the employment of statistics to strengthen one's argument.

 

 

Do not put your faith in what statistics say until you have carefully considered what they do not say. ~William W. Watt

 

For Example:

 

"It is argued that 98% of Somalis are supporters of this treacherous Shabaab group. However, it is clearly obvious that 45% of that is made up of groups that support them as a result of their abhorrence of the Ethiopian occupation. 28% support them out of clannish loyalty and 24% support them as a result of a lack of any viable alternatives. What this means in actual terms is that the real, genuine and true supporters of this movement number only 1% of the total number of Somalis said to be supporting them".

 

 

The final and most used ingredients are verses from the holy book and one or two sayings of the prophet. If the topic is one calling for peace, the writer would usually pick conciliatory and peaceful verses. However, if the topic is an angry one then the author would need to randomly choose verses that promise damnation and retribution.

 

 

(I shrink from providing an example here. Choose your own).

 

 

Now, let us put it all together and write an article about the rising price of the American Dollar and the impact it is having on the Somali users of the Xawaalado.

 

The sources used for this article will be from:

 

Here

 

Here

 

Here

 

And

 

Here

 

Will you start or shall I?

[xiinfaniin]

^^Waryaad u danleedahay maanta ?

[NGONGE]

^^ No one and EVERYONE.

[me]

Ngonge,

 

Why didn't you use the secessionists as an example? Why are you using al shabaab as an example?

 

It it obvious that Ngonge whats to smear the name of alshabaab.

 

Ngonge your name as been noted down. Falalka foosha xun ee aad wadid jooji.

[NGONGE]

^^ I can't do that, saaxib. Taa.....

 

 

 

[xiinfaniin]

NG,

 

To the most Somalis, supporting a peaceful conclusion to the Somali civil war comes effortlessly. To articulate it in a manner that does not exclude the political interests of some factions, say al shabaabs, is not however as easy. Likewise to demolish the notion of dismembering the Somali republic on the bases of colonial legacy or past grievances is not particularly difficult. To coherently put forth a scenario where incorporating that region back into the fold does not undo the significant progress it made on many fronts is not however, as they say, igu soo orod .

 

You get my drift…

 

lol@waxa foosha xun aad wadid jooji...

 

Me, ku mee adeer?

[Fabregas]

And you forgot the usual Somali poem, or a translation

[xiinfaniin]

^^lool

 

NGONGE has no interest in somali poems.

[NGONGE]

BG,

That did cross my mind but I didn't want to expose my ignorance by failing to provide an example. Should have guessed someone will catch me out.

 

Guru,

 

It's a tongue-in-cheek criticism of the average Somali (political) article, saaxib. As for the topic I suggested (the xawaalado), it was merely a light hearted invitation to apply the lessons given above to a totally unrelated subject.

 

For example:

 

In talking about the impact the rising dollar is having on the Somali monetary transfers, you may say the following:

 

He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money. Benjamin Franklin

 

And such is the case of Puntland in a seemingly convoluted and round-about way. But, be that as it may, the effects the rising dollar is having on the economy of Somaliland is being felt far and wide as with the case of the biyoolaha of the beautiful city of Burco - if I do say so myself and my not so impartial opinion may in effect destroy the notion I am trying to impart in here as to the beautiful city of Burco being, indeed, beautiful - he, the aforementioned biyooleh, wanted to upgrade his gaari but since his own brother who resides in old London town and studies at the Imperial College, only sends him fifty English Pounds per month, and the cost of upgrading his crazy contraption-come-wagon is one hundred English Pounds, the biyoleh could not upgrade his tool of trade. This is particularly displeasing seeing that fifty of her majesty's English pounds could easily be converted to a hundred American dollars not so long ago.

 

As such, the case of the honest and hardworking biyoleh becomes even more salient when compared to that of the pirates of Puntland and how they are not touched by the world's economic woes.

 

 

Xiin on the other hand would say:

 

When it's a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.

Voltaire

 

 

Now substitute the word money with the word peace and you will know the problem facing the Somali people today. It is true that the rising dollar is causing havoc in the Somali financial circles. It is also true that average Somali families are feeling the pinch. But when you compare this to the stalled peace process the whole thing becomes irrelevant, adeer.

 

Once we have peace we shall have no need for all these Xawaalado and their exorbitant charges. Somalia shall have its own central bank and the people shall rejoice. Therefore we should stop looking at things simplistically and instead try to see beyond our own noses. Likewise, the man in the story by big O above should try to be more ambitious and, instead of dreaming of a new donkey wagon, he should set his sights on my Peace Caravan.

 

A&T would say:

 

When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.

Henry Miller.

 

And that is exactly what the Ethiopian prostitute said to my friend Dhariq Dhoob when they were haggling over the price of a quick one in an Addis alleyway.

 

Excrement is never valuable unless when it is used as fertiliser for the soil. The rising dollar is causing lots of hardship and heartache but it is said that adversity hardens the soul and the Somali citizen today needs such tests to help him repel the pig-like Ethiopian occupiers. Let us be honest here, why worry about the rising dollar when your country is occupied? People need to refocus this wasted energy on kicking the occupiers out of our land. This is why I admire the ONLF and Al Shabaab, they are the fertilisers of our soul. Unlike my friend Dhariq who used protection lest he fertilise that Ethiopian prostitute's soul.

 

[xiinfaniin]

^^

 

Waiting Aw Tusbaxle's reaction!

[NGONGE]

^^ Looking forward to it, saaxib.

 

Xiin, A&T can go three ways:

 

- Woo i caayaaya (ileen wa bila saaxiib)

 

- He'll confirm the story actually took place

 

- He'll write a story of his own

[xiinfaniin]

^^I think he will write a story of his own.

 

Haddaan aqaanno, najjaasuu soo wadaa.

[Jacaylbaro]

[Abtigiis]

What Ngonge would write:

 

"People talk about my image, like I come in two dimensions, like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind, like what I happen to be wearing the day someone takes my picture is my new statement for all womenkind."

Ani Defranco

 

Think of this. Up until now, life has been quite comfortable, in fact unfolding in the rarefied sphere of angels you so delightfully inhabit. You eat well; you dress well; you drive well; you sleep well in one of the leafy portions of London. Your life is green, well manicured. Your child goes to expensive schools, with single parenting no longer a drawback, no longer a stigma.

 

But below and beyond your zone of cushioned comfort, lies a world, a cosmos of biting and boring fashion world, of vogue and vanity. It is furious competition which has been eating into the entrails of the not so pretty, including the ugly women who survive only becuase they know they have succeeded in life on many other fronts.

 

But to catch up with the runaway world, where you lack the essential ingredient, make-up is the thing to recline on. And hence, you dye your lumpy thick lips with a blend of blue and mauve, to match the violet and red eyelashes...

[Abtigiis]

D/P