Warsame's Wedding

[NGONGE]

^^ Two xaasids with a capital X.

 

I miss A&T's stories too. Lakin ninka Xiin ba ka adkaaday baryahan oo car wax qor ba lago yedhi.

 

But here are some from his past:

 

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=search_tng;d=results;record=2455264-1209 08-W8G8;result_start=280

 

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?/topic/6/10955

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?/topic/6/10972#000000

 

http://www.somaliaonline.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?/topic/6/10595#000000

[Abtigiis]

Ngonge, thanks for bringing this up. many people wrongly believe I talked about when the 'maslax'-meets the wound that bleeds once every month. But I did nothing like that. look below and tell me what is X-rated about this:

 

Until she uttered the excruciating words, as they lied back on one of their many furtive beds, in the middle of the night, Mohamed genuinely felt there is no reason why he has to disdain this prize of destiny. She was hot, humorous and munificent in her love. She sang for him in her local language with irresistible charm:

 

As they stare at you from head to heel,

Tell them to spare your eyes and teeth

If they still insist in gazing at it, with their covetous eyes

Please! Please! Tell them ‘fine, but my heart is hers’

 

He could no longer take any more iniquitous jokes. He quickly dressed up and left the room. He vowed there will be no more contact between them.

 

Yet, a week before his supposed wedding, he was in La gazelle night club with her. She wore white pyjamas and jumped up and down on the stage under the giant Plasma screen.

 

But, his self-hate for being a paltry incapable of containing his corporeal desires subsided when he saw the big Sheik, with elongated beard twisting it like no one does, next to her. The Shiek was a superb dancer, matching every beat thrown at the large screen on the wall with awe-inspiring efficacy: The Rap, Meringue, Tango, Ragge and even to Gosaye’s ‘Evangadi’ - the melancholic rhythm played in the dim floor of the sweltering Night club, mimicking the love-making rituals of the Hamer people in southern tip of Ethiopia. He felt consecrated. “If the Sheik can do this, God will forgive me for misbehaving”, he thought. The joy was short-lived as he soon greeted the Sheikh.

 

It is not Xinn who made me stop my stories and in so doing killed whatever ambition I had of persuing my passion -literature. It is my committment to stand up to the Pirates political scavenging and the fact that I cannot fire on both fronts.

[xiinfaniin]

[Kulmiye]

bit too long, but good story all and all. Abtigiis, yours should be on Oprah's reads. heavy literature.

[Abtigiis]

ONLY FOR MAADDEEY,

 

The missive below which I wrote some years back to my friend Xinnfanin at the height of Ethiopian occupation of Somalia might help you see why what you see now with regard to Alshabab is obsolete and that the zeal you have for endless armed struggle is something that I have gone through as well. It will show you that our position on the terrorist networks attempt to make Somalia their breeding ground for ever does not promote the return of Somalia's statehood. I hope it will show you where General Duke's negativity about Sheikh Sharif's government is coming from. It also shows why I believe Xinnfanin has been very clear about his vision from the start and hence why he deserves my appreciation.

 

The missive highlights the struggle I have had with social conservatives and and a sad story of a budding talent killed before it grew any branches. I still feel like an out and out striker of David Silva's stature used as a goalkeeper.

 

Reply With Quote Repent XINN! Repent!

 

This multi-faceted missive is to dear friend Xinn, whose acumen has dimmed over the year. It is a last-ditch effort to save one of the last Somali gentlemen who is under-going an emotional and intellectual obscelescene born out of idiopathic factors.

-------------------------------------------------

 

For heavens sake, you are not Xaaji Xundjuf- the zany secessionist who wields slogans of ‘way dhaqaaqday Somaliland’ and ‘down with the F.aqa.sh’ with such macabre allure.

 

You are not the delinquent juvenile Dhulqarneyn who relishes in splashing dung to satisfy his blazing odium for certain Somali clans. And who refuses to speak to anyone without making sure he is equipped with debilitating verses from one of the white-guys he is told were great.

 

You are not General Duke, the serial rapist of truth, intent on forcing us to genuflect to an octogenarian playing dirty skirt to perennial enemy.

 

You are not even Oodweyne, that raconteur- who cons cheery youngsters in SOL with vacuous pronouncements devoid of any sagacity, but whose unassailable mastery of the Queen’s language more than offsets for his luck of substance. You are not in their pedigree, or at least that is what I think of you.

 

You belong to a distinguished club of people endowed with intellect and objective thinking. You are in the pedigree of CHE et al. Or at least, you have belonged there until your inordinate fascination with falsehoods and likelihoods got the better of you and you shunned exploring fundamental dialectic on how to regain lost freedom. Until your wilful under-understanding made you follow sonorous rings of peace that never were! Until your strategic ‘naivety’ and convenient ‘pragmatism’ took you to the level of brewing delectable illusions for dreamy easiness!

 

Wake up! And repent Xinn!

 

There is no peace in Djibouti. There won’t be peace in Nairobi. Peace will come out of the barrel of the gun. It is a cruel proposition, but a factual one, nonetheless.

 

You chose to subordinate your judgement to a pre-determined image of you as a peace-lover. That image will still be preserved if you set out to articulate why you don’t see peace coming out of the daily shenanigans and shady deals in lavish conference rooms. It is not too late! You well understand that Sheikh Sharif’s initial modesty has yielded to the glamour and comfort of the profile of public life fate hurtled him into.

 

You must view the fight for re-liberation and the way forward for peace in Somalia with a Manichean simplicity. It is the good guys against the bad guys! The phase we are in now is where we talk about sovereignty and regaining our independence. The next phase is where we need to debate whether we need this or that group, ideology, interpretation, or system.

 

Just look at the fundamental things here: There is no possibility of reconciliation when one party to the deal is tied at the joints to the enemy whose interest vitally conflicts with that of Somalia. Unless your good Sheik -who you will agree, has lost his muse ever since he dropped his turbine in favour of a suit- is going to give in and append his signature to something like the Versailles treaty in WWI; what is on offer is not even half of what he refused in Kartoum well before thousands of young men were sacrificed. He is already a part to a watcher-averse political voluptuary, and anything is possible, I should know.

 

Unless you don’t intend to continue the ruse on the need to accommodate the obligatory political players as you often portray the TFG thugs; you know there is nowhere in the history of the world, where the traitors who came with the occupying enemy had morphed into rulers of a freed nation! What Marshal Petain and the Vichy’s didn’t get, Abdullahi Yusuf won’t get!

 

Repent Xinn! Repent!

 

On a personal note, that you are rummaging for the brace in your conjugal expedition must not result in an imposition of a magisterial censure on my bed-time stories. In many ways, it is not your mistake. If the SOL women would have shunned you like they did to me, you wouldn’t have had the trouble of proving your worth to anybody! You would have said what you think is right, not what you think is politically correct!

 

I personally resent latter-day Salafist who seeks to set boundaries to my pen. And does so with a righteous aplomb!

 

I, son of Tolka, friend of CARA, must oblige this angry maar-collector from the East???????????! [big Grin]

 

My foot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NGONGE]

^^ Many would read the above and wonder.

[Abtigiis]

Waraa wonder what?

 

Horta I read your story but I didn't manage to put my thoughts together and write what I think about it because I was in the middle of a dispute between a man and a woman. The women works for the government and is my counterpart. She asked me to give her a lift while going to the same meeting. Their office is adjacent to that of us. I sent a message saying 'come here and wait me downstairs at 9:15". I then went to prepare material for the meeting. She sent me another reminder after a while saying "I am coming now. I should be there in few minutes." I tried to respond to that message but hit "replay to message" and thought I typed "fine" and then hit send. Apparently, I didn't type anything and a blank message was received by the lady.

 

When we met after 10 minutes she asked me what the blank message was about. I told her it was "fine". But that it was a mix up on my side.

 

After the meeting was over, in the afternoon, she called me and begged me to talk to a dial a number she gave me and talk to her fiance who was apparently breathing hot and hot because of the " blank sexual message". I apologised to her but asked her if she thinks that will help. She said yes. I asked again saying he may even get more angry because she is now involving outsider. She said she is begging me to do so. I called the man who to my surprise was calm and seemed credulous.

 

"O! is that so. She didn't explain properly. She in fact, got nervous. It is alright." he said.

 

I told him that if he wants (i thought he may think I am a pretender used by the girl) he can come to our office, so that he understands that we work with the lady on many occasions and transport arrangement is one area where we assist her office. He said he will do so but didn't show up.

 

A week from the incident, I met the girl again in another meeting and asked her if all is well. She said " No. your calling made it worse. I am dropped." In my manly days, this was considered a set-piece within the six-meter box given because a goalkeeper handled a back pass. But that was in the past. I apologized for causing her this problem and offered any assistance she needs from me to resolve the issue. I thought either the guy is madly in love or he is dangerous paranoid or he just wants to get rid of her. I told her the one I thought she would like: that he loves her and that she should try to help me come out of his suspicions by making everything clear. I don't blame the guy, honestly. She is an open-goal type, the way I see by just looking at her. When I was leaving her, I patted her by the shoulder but joked that if he doesn't behave, she needs to inform me again, for I am going to fix her with one from my country. That doesn't rule me out, of course. She should know.

 

Adigu markaa arintii baa taagan and I am now sitting somewhere to see the guy who finally said I want to see the man. If you don't hear from ilaa caawa, wuu i dilay ama waa la i xidhay.

 

Still, once arrintan aan iska dhameeyo, I still have a lot to do to my wife. I told her the story last week and she too is asking show me both of them si aan kuu rumaysto.

 

NGONGE, this is not a story saaxib. Walaahi waa arin hadda i haysata. Sometimes I am like a Kenyan collegue of mine, who wrote about her real life and she won awards for the best fiction. If we meet by any chance, naagta buuga qortay waan ku tusi sawirkeeda or I will try to send to you by e-mail and the story itself. She is not taking it lightly, because this is following another suspicion text message I sent a month ago to a collegue. The guy, aad ayaan saaxiib u nahay, refused to bring something for an urgent matter despite my request and then I wrote to her. "Fcuk you." Then I deleted the message. Her relpy was "you too.". This nasty exchanges is coming from a story that was popular in the office that week [ the Indian guy who talks about the multiple uses of the F word]. Now, xaaskii waxaa loogu macneeyey islaan ay jaar yihiin oo carabiyad ah, " the reply can only come if your husband sent a previous message oo uu mu leeyahay "I LOVE YOU". Balaayaa taagneyd but I resolved that one, by challenging the English-literacy level of the Lebanese women who sells basmaati rice to us. So, any debacle involving text message is going to take some weeks to be be solved!

 

About the story, I liked the part where the sheikh's are fighting over the attire. Sheikh Sharif Vs Osama!

[NGONGE]

^^ Why did you tell your wife though? Nin waalan bad tahay.

[Jacaylbaro]

She is an open-goal type, the way I see by just looking at her

[Jacaylbaro]

A&T, you can send me that "fiction" story dee ,,,

[-Serenity-]

@blank sexual message. I suppose it can be interpreted in a lot of ways. Makes one for the imagination.

[NGONGE]

Originally posted by Jacaylbaro:

quote: She is an open-goal type, the way I see by just looking at her

Did you imagine the way he looked at her too? I've never seen goals randomly opening without the striker dropping a shoulder or looking up first.

[Jacaylbaro]

Aniga laftaydu waan shakiyay ,,

[Juxa]

Abtigiis afkiisu isku dilayaa mardhaw.

 

allaya rahmah ninyow, if the jealous fiancee does not kill you, the wife will surely do.

 

cagtii joogsan weydaa, marbey ceeb la kulantaa, in your case malagadi baad isku noqotay.

[Abtigiis]

Ngonge, you didn't read about the Basmaati-selling Lebanese wowan. Ku noqo oo akhri I added later (above).

 

I told her, you know, as ma ogtahay waxa maanata dhacay kind of talk.

 

Anyway, I am accident-prone saaxib. More serious thinks happened to me in the past. I checked into a hotel in Cape Town with my family one night. Markaan waxoogaa nastay from a long trip, I got a call from the reception lady asking me to come and settled the account. I went there and paid in DebitCard. But, while there, I saw something (I don't remember whether it was football match or some breaking news on a TV in the bar). Halkii ayaan wax yar fadhiyey (I still think it was not more than 10 minutes). And then I went back to my room.

 

In the morning, male family members of the wife arrived to see us off to the Airport. When I returned the keys to the reception with everybody around and waiting for a taxi, the reception guy said "Are you checking out?" Haa ayaan ku idhi. Then he asked me "Ok. wait, let me give you your account so you settle." Waxaan ku idhi I settled. And this exchange was followed by everybody, reerka, qaraabada all were there because it was raining outside and some were carrying my children. Then, the guy said "You paid for room 424, but not 425." I told him I only stayed in Room 424. Then the bombshell. "Are you not settling for Mrs. Angelina in 425 where you slept last night?". qosol iyo yaab! I calmly said to the guy in a characteristic sarcasm (calling my wife to come closer) "This is my wife and I slept with her. And Her name is Cudbi, not Angelina."

 

The guy quickly found out there was a mix up. And the thing was resolved fast.

 

Only to resurface a year or so later when things heated up at home. According to the new version by Cudbi, " She was naive that night. I was called by a female. Went out. Stayed for 45 minutes (I still think it could have not been more than 20 minutes but I am not sure). And then in the morning, I was asked to pay for the room I slept in." When I get serious and say "If you even entertain this nonesense even as a possiblity, ina kala kexee", she says "I am just saying I can have this thing presented as an alibi haday wax xumaadaan." kkkkkkkkk.

 

War ninyahow, I think I should do what the Kenyan women did and write about this things. Walaahi, my big brother, who is a taliban-style Mullah inuu muraara-dilaaco haddaana ka yaabayn my adventures and accident-filled life waxaan isku hayaa inaan Oscar ku heli la haa iyo inaan Booker pirze mid uun ku qaadan lahaa. Of course, that is if godd and professional writers write it.