Warsame's Wedding

[NGONGE]

After a thousand dates, a million bedtimes calls and a billion gifts and anniversaries, Warsame had had enough and decided to get on with it and marry Yasmin. He lost count of the number of times he proposed to her and how she usually just giggled her assent. ‘This time’, he decided, ‘I am going to get her to say yes’.

 

He was waiting in his car outside her work place and watching her through the window having a last chat to one of her female co-workers. ‘I wonder if she knows why I asked to see her this urgently’ he thought. ‘I wonder if she will accept!’ he mumbled worriedly. He did not notice her opening the passenger door and getting in the car as he sat down thinking about the conversation to come.

 

Yasmin (slapping him lovingly on the shoulder): all right, wawa?

 

Warsame: Hmm? Yes. Fine.

 

Yasmin: Are you sure? You seem to be miles away!

 

Warsame: Hmm? Oh! Yes. Yes. I am sure. Just lost in my thoughts as usual. How are you?

 

Yasmin: I’m ok. Had a horrid day at work though. That annoying manager of mine did it again...

 

Warsame: Err; lets not bother with her please. You’ll only spoil my mood and yours by talking about her.

 

Yasmin: True. But what is wrong with you? You seem a bit tetchy! Has it something to do with why you wanted to see me urgently? You’re not breaking up with me, are you?

 

Warsame: Actually, that is what I wanted to talk to you about...

 

Yasmin: YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?

 

Warsame: No! No. Stop being paranoid.

 

Yasmin: What then? What did you mean by ‘That’s what I want to talk to you about’?

 

Warsame: I wanted to talk about us....

 

Yasmin: So you ARE breaking up with me? If you are going to do it, just get on with it and save me the sob story and all that nonsense of ‘it is not you, it is me’.....

 

Warsame: I am NOT breaking up with you, woman. Calm down and let me finish what I am saying.

 

Yasmin: Ok. FINE. Just don’t snap at me like this.

 

Warsame: Now you’re upset! GREAT.

 

Yasmin: I am not upset. Just say what you have to say and lets end this conversation. I have had a long day at work and don’t need any more headaches...

 

Warsame: I am not sure now this is the right moment for it.

 

Yasmin: Right moment for what?

 

Warsame: Never mind. We’ll talk about it later.

 

Yasmin: Warsame Cali luugo-muruq, you did not spoil my mood, get me all worked up and angry only to change your mind now and postpone whatever it is you wanted to tell me. Spit it out, NOW.

 

Warsame: Ok. Ok. I wanted to talk about us and how long we’ve been seeing each other.

 

Yasmin: What about us?

 

Warsame: Well, we can’t keep it up forever, can we?

 

Yasmin: So, you do want to break up with me?

 

Warsame: No! I want to marry you, you paranoid woman!

 

Yasmin giggles and looks away.

 

Warsame: This will not do. I want a straight answer not a giggle.

 

Yasmin: Well, you didn’t ask a question for me to give you an answer.

 

Warsame: You want me to get on my knees and present you with a ring? What difference would such an action make?

 

Yasmin: That would be nice of course but how about just asking the question itself?

 

Warsame: What difference would that make? You know I want to marry you. Just say YES or NO.

 

Yasmin: You are spoiling the moment for me now.

 

Warsame: Does that mean you will not marry me?

 

Yasmin: No. It does not.

 

Warsame: So you will marry me?

 

Yasmin: I did not say that either. Ask a straight question and I will give you a straight answer.

 

Warsame: I am not sure I want to ask it now. You are toying with me as if I were some besotted teenager.

 

Yasmin: Are you not besotted? If this was your idea of a proposal, you are really not doing a good job of it, are you?

 

Warsame: Ok. Ok. I am besotted, smitten and entirely infatuated. Now, will YOU marry me?

 

Yasmin: That’s more like it.

 

She giggles and looks away.

 

Warsame: See what I mean! You are treating the whole thing as some kind of joke.

 

Yasmin: No darling. You just took me by surprise...

 

Warsame: Surprise? After all this long build up and you insisting on me asking the darn question?

 

Yasmin: Hush now! You took me by surprise because I thought we still had another year before we seriously thought about getting married.

 

Warsame: True. That was our initial agreement. But I think we better bring the date forward. Now what is your answer?

 

Yasmin covering her mouth with her hand and looking down at her shoes mumbles the word ‘yes’ and carries on looking at her shoes.

 

Warsame: What was that?

 

Yasmin turns around to look at him and shouts the word ‘YES before looking away again.

 

Warsame: Good. You tell your family and arrange date for me to come asking for your hand. I’ll go gather up a few respectable old men from my clan.

 

Yasmin: So soon?

 

Warsame: Don’t panic, silly. I am not going to ask for your hand tonight. It will take a few days to arrange things from my side and yours.

 

Yasmin: You’re serious about this, aren’t you?

 

Warsame: Aren’t you?

 

Yasmin: Yes but...

 

Warsame: Oh you coward! Just tell your family and I’ll deal with the rest.

 

A few weeks later, Warsame is at home and is getting ready to go to Yasmin’s house with his father, uncles and a few prominent clan elders. His mother is pestering him about having a full breakfast and telling him that it’ll be embarrassing should his stomach start to rumble in the middle of proceedings. His sisters are harassing him about changing the shirt and tie he’s wearing and getting into something more bright.

 

‘You are not going to a funeral’ shouts his younger sister.

 

‘Yes he is. It is the death of his single life’ jokes his older sister.

 

‘When are the old men arriving?’ asks his mother

 

‘In two hours’ says Warsame.

 

‘And when are you expected at Yasmin’s house?’ asks the older sister.

 

‘In three hours’ replies Warsame.

 

‘Typical! You could have given yourself more time’ says his mother.

 

‘It’ll be fine’ says a tired Warsame.

 

A couple of hours later, the old men arrive and they all go to the living room to agree the strategy for today’s event. With them, they bring a couple of young men, another old man and a clan mullah.

 

Fifteen minutes later, having agreed the details and gathered everyone up, they get in their cars and drive to Yasmin’s house.

 

In Yasmin’s house, the living room is heaving with brothers, cousins, uncles and other elders. There is a constant hum of voices and endless supply of tea and sweets. Yasmin’s father is sitting in the middle of two red bearded elders and is shouting to one of his sons to go to her and find out what time are the groom and his gang arriving. The son runs to the kitchen and asks his mother as he greets yet another female cousin he has not seen for months. A girl runs down from upstairs to inform the women that the groom has arrived then runs back upstairs to spy from the window.

 

Warsame and his companions walk in and are given the best seats in the house. Small chitchat ensues as Warsame sits down with a vacant look on his face and tries to wipe the sweat of his face. A cousin sitting next to him whispers ‘See that lion there? That’s your father-in-law! I bet he crashes your hand when you put it in his’.

 

The chitchat smoothly moves on to the topic of marriage and the benefits of completing half the faith. The two groups ask their respective mullahs to come into the middle of the room and start the ceremony. A gentle argument ensues. They agree to use the groom’s Mullah for this purpose. The cousin whispers again ‘they had to choose our one. Theirs looks and dresses like Osama bin Laden whilst our one is wearing a suit like Sh. Sharif’. Before Warsame could reply, his father pats him on the shoulder and tells him to move to the centre of the room next to the mullah. His legs carry him there whilst his mind remains vacant. The Mullahs starts giving a short speech about marriage and the benefits of matrimony when a phone suddenly starts to ring! People start looking at their neighbours and try to find where the ringing is coming from. After what seems like an eternity, Warsame finally realises it is his phone that is ringing. In his confusion and nervousness, he forgets where he is and answers it!

 

Warsame: Hello!

 

Yasmin: Hello. Is it finished?

 

Warsame: No. It has not started yet.

 

Yasmin: Why did you wear that dark shirt and tie with a dark suit? It is as if you’re going to funeral.

 

Warsame: I do not think this is the right time to be having this conversation.

 

Yasmin: Ok. Sorry. Oh! If they ask you about the dowry and what we agreed, tell them it is five thousand.

 

Warsame: FIVE? But we agreed on two only!

 

Yasmin: It is a long story. Amran was here, you remember Amran? Well she was bragging about how her dowry was four thousand and how this is the norm these days. So, when my mother asked me what my dowry was I could not let Amran get one on me and said five. I knew you wouldn’t mind. Do you?

 

Warsame (resignedly): No. I don’t mind.

 

Mullah: Everything ok?

 

Warsame: Yes. Yes. Sorry.

 

Yasmin: Who was that?

 

Warsame: Never mind. I will tell you later. I have to go now.

 

Yasmin: Wave at me when you leave. I’ll be watching you from the second floor window. The middle one.

 

Warsame: Ok. Bye.

 

Mullah: Are you sure you want to get married? It sounds to me like you are already domesticated.

 

Warsame wipes away some more sweat and sheepishly smiles at nobody in particular.

 

Yasmin’s father gets of his chair and comes to sit opposite him. The mullah gets them to shake hands and starts the ceremony. Warsame looks the old man in the eyes and sees a warm paternal smile. He tires to smile back but the pain of his hand being squashed by the lion’s massive palm only helps him to manage a half scowl. The ceremony finishes and the old man winks at him before letting go of his hand. They both get back to their seats but, in his confusion, Warsame manages to stumble and kick away a few cups of tea that were lying on the floor behind him!

 

More chitchat ensues before the food is brought in. Thanks to his mother’s heavy breakfast, Warsame starts feeling sick by just looking at the food. His cousin nudges him and tells him to eat. ‘You have a long night ahead of you and need all your energy, cousin. Eat! Eat!’ he says.

 

Just as he’s about to stick his hand in the plate of rice, his phone rings again! He answers it!

 

Mother: Is it done?

 

Warsame: Yes.

 

Mother: Mabrook ya caroos.

 

Warsame: Thanks.

 

Mother: What are you doing now?

 

Warsame: Eating.

 

Mother: Ok. Phone me as soon as you leave.

 

Warsame: Ok.

 

He hangs up and starts eating but his phone rings again. His cousin tells him not to answer it. ‘I am going to switch it off’ he replies. But then notices it is Yasmin’s number. He answers it!

 

Yasmin: Is it done now?

 

Warsame: Yes.

 

Yasmin: Are you eating? The rice is a bit oily, isn’t?

 

Warsame: I have no idea. I have not tried it yet.

 

Yasmin: Ah bless! Are you that nervous?

 

Warsame: No. But I can’t eat and talk on the phone at the same time, can I?

 

Yasmin: Ok. Ok. I got the message. Don’t forget to wave at me when you leave. I will phone you later.

 

Warsame: Ok.

 

He hangs up but notices there is another call on his phone. He answers.

 

Distant cousin: I am on my way. Don’t start without me.

 

Warsame: We are done here. Stay where you are. I’ll come and get you on my way.

 

D cousin: Ok. Can you get me some food?

 

Warsame: I can’t go to the kitchen and ask them to give me a plate of rice to take away on my bloody wedding day, inadeer.

 

D Cousin: ask your wife to do it.

 

Warsame: War I can’t. Have some sense.

 

D Cousin: Ingrees xishood badan waaxid.

 

Warsame: We’ll talk later. Now I have to eat.

 

D cousin: Yes. You eat and I starve! I came all the way from Scotland for this wedding of yours and you can’t even spare me a plate of rice? What sort of cousin are you?

 

Warsame: It’s not my fault you were late. Now hang up.

 

D cousin: I know what you are like now. See if I ever come to any weddings of yours.

 

Warsame: I am not planning to get married again.

 

Father: War o kaadi...

 

Warsame: No. No. You misunderstand me..

 

D Cousin: Did you mother cook anything?

 

Warsame: Yes. She cooked plenty of food. Go and eat there and I’ll come and get you later.

 

D Cousin: Ok. See you later.

 

Warsame finishes eating. Suffers the usual old men chitchat and gets introduced to Yasmin’s womenfolk before he leaves the house with his party. As he walks to the car, he looks up and sees a group of girls looking at him from the corner window of the top floor. He waves back. His phone rings!

 

Yasmin: Why are you waving at the neighbours’ girls? I said to you second floor middle window, not top floor corner window!

 

Warsame: Sorry. My fault, Mrs Warsame Cali luugo-muruq....

[MZanzi]

lol@Ngonge..good story as usual, ..kan yaro cousin kiisa ah waaba iimaan laawe

[Ibtisam]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Gosh, what a bloody idoi*t farah! LOOOL She sounds like hitler and very annoying, :eek:

[Malika]

^LOL,I think most faraxs are maskimiin wallahi,the way they get ordered around..wabaa kaa naxee this Warsame.

[The_Siren]

LOL- Now thats what you call a woman, take heed ladies we could all learn a few lessons.

[Jacaylbaro]

Too much to read .......................

[AfricaOwn]

^^ Co-sign. Just too much to read.

[JUSTICE]

This was really funny

[Nagwa]

lool ingriis xishod badan.

[Sherban Shabeel]

Good story

[Aaliyyah]

funnyyyyyy walahi. Thanks Ng.

 

^LOL,I think most faraxs are maskimiin wallahi,the way they get ordered around..wabaa kaa naxee this Warsame.

you need to order him around....otherwise faaido muxu leeyahay

[Che -Guevara]

After reading this, I actually missed A&T r-rated stories.

[N.O.R.F]

^A&T's stuff is made for after the watershed.

 

Ngonge, good stuff. Took me nearly a year to read it all but good stuff nonetheless

[Rayyan]

waxaaso qoraali waa wiiwa aya guursday yaya! Sidirigam.

[Kool_Kat]

Originally posted by Che -Guevara:

After reading this, I actually missed A&T r-rated stories.