Somali Men

[Kool_Kat]

^I feel like I'm everything when with him though!

 

I wasn't necessarily referring to my significant other! It could very well be that I'm among the burnt ones, who's just appreciationg any good Somali man out there...*Istaqfurulah in a very low voice*

 

Calaa kuli xaal, I still say kudos to the Somali fathers/brothers/husbands who fulfill their everyday *normal* duties/responsibility...It takes a very smart woman to recognise and keep a good one... ***ducks from CL's calyo

[Ismalura]

Originally posted by chocolate & honey:

[QB] Ahh the confusion of egalitarian approach!

 

There are two established approaches to gender roles in marriages:

 

Scenario A. Both man and woman work. Everything is split in the middle. He pays half of the rent, half of the electric bill, grocery bill....."blissful!"

 

Scenario B. Traditional roles. The woman takes care of the house: the man brings the bread home. Done!

 

Scenario C: Two people with decently functioning brain get together and plan their life.

 

I don't know if this is your scenario C but I prefer this

 

Both the man and the woman work and help each other around the house, how ever, Providing for the family is essentially the man's responsibility and if he buys the food it is only fair that the woman cooks it. So I cook and clean most of the time(like 80%) he pays the bills and buys everything most of the time like (90%). I can always buy things for the family and help him if money is tight and i expect him to help me with the house work and cook on the occasional day when I am not feeling like it.

 

I say this because in the traditional role you end up being a burden on your husband. What is life if you have to ask for money all the time for all the things you need? plus who wants to cook and clean every day with no help? islamaha rafadaya oo somalida ah soo meydaan arag oo Farax markuu shaqada ka yimaado lugba meel dhigayo.The fifty fifty arrangements takes away a beautiful aspect of marriage i.e the man being the provider and protector and the woman making nurturer of the family and every one feeling like a hero because they did something for the other that they are better at.

[Ismalura]

SO this is how it goes down a lot of times.

 

Xaliimo: marriage is give and take and it is about equality...

 

'Farax': Xisaabta badan walaaley iska daa.....

 

Xaliimo: Accountability is important..every relationship takes an effort and that effort has to be shared it is not fair whe men just get their way all the time and women make all the sacrifices...

 

'Farax' : You are reading too much feminist literature and relationship articles .galdan waxa family system kooda uu la rogmaday baad wadaa...for a marriage to work someone has to take responsibility and make decisions and that someone is obviously the man...balah blah balah

 

Xaliimo:....

 

Halkaas markeey mareyso change the topic... after few minutes excuse your self and never ever bother with that brother. Repeat the above many more times and if you are lucky one of them will vary from the script.

[Chimera]

Somali men in the diaspora do alot more than just their ''normal duties'', whether a student, bluecollar-worker, or white-collar professional, he is sustaining not just his family here but also the one back in the Somali Realm, and if he is married, you can also add her side of the family, sometimes at the detriment of their own happiness.

 

Its going to be funny when Cynical lady - I am betta than y'all - marries an Ajanabi and he sees her getting ready to walk to her local Dahabshiil office:

 

Ajanabi: Where are you going hunnybun

 

Cynical lady: Booboo, I'm going to send money to my relatives

 

Ajanabi: but this will disrupt our budget

 

Cynical lady: but they need my help

 

Ajanabi: Okay only this time!

 

Cynical lady: No, I intend to make it periodically.

 

*Marital Meltdown*

 

Cynical lady then remembers how her father used to handover the money like the world's fastest ATM, when her mother only looked at him, and starts crying.

 

Godspeed my sister, godspeed!

 

----

 

Also there is a reason why Somali elders are unknown in Care-centers, because they live with their seed & in-law. <--- in hundreds of cultures this noble act is non-existant, so how could anyone call this a 'normal duty'?

 

btw all of this is also applicable to Somali women. It feels good to know that if i suggest that my mother or father starts living with us one day in the future, she will understand 100%

[Taleexi]

Originally posted by nuune:

^^

 

We appreciate when they do this:

 

Waxaas baa canjeelo dubis last dhahaa

[Haaruun]

Canjeerodaan dhareer ayba iga keentey sidaan u fiirinaayey

[cynical lady]

Underdog- what were you doing in Paltalk?

 

Mpenzi- whats angru black women syndrome. I have a feeling a whole new conversation is about to begin on just this one. Hayee.

 

And me worked up. Never.

 

KK- were you nothing before him then; or without him? Sheeko; Too much chickflic for you my dear. I feel like am everything with him kulaha. Don’t make me laugh woman.

 

Psycho- again am flattered but you shouldn’t have.

[Kool_Kat]

If twisting my words and taking it out of context would make you laugh, by all means qosol ilaa daamanka eyku daalaan...I'm starting to wonder what is it you have against Somali men, the good ones that is? I've seen so many of your likes who think they're level headed (as you said), those movies never have a happy ending...

 

**Goes to re-read Adam's post**

[Ducaysane]

Cl ma waxay lee dahay nimanka yaan la guursan? I can't read six pages.

[FatB]

kk there are no such thing as good somali men they are all twisted ppl jumping of the nomad bashing banwagen with CL on this one

[Ms MoOns]

It's a nice kind of thing to hope for though

[Elegantly]

Nowadays i do see ( and my whole life) that somali men arent treathing their wifes right.

 

I've never met my dad or seen him cus he left my mum when she was pregnant.

 

also my mum has a life without her dad and this i to due arrang marriage.

[Aaliyyah]

^awwww that is heart breaking to hear. But, I am sure you turned out just fine. It was his loss...inshallah khyr.

 

salam

[Cawaale]

^ i had neighbor who was married to a lady of his age, they were married for more then 30 years and had no children. Despite the the temptations, suggestions and the pressure he was getting from the family, he never left his wife, he also never married another wife with here.

[Ismalura]

@ Elegantly sorry abaayo, this things happen. Most men (Somali or not) have gotten away with mistreatment of women for so long. You may not have see one but trust me there are many great Somali men even though the 'bad' ones out number them.

 

@ Cawaale good story but who says its the women's fault hadii ilmo la dahli waayo...I wonder why people have this assumption all the time. May be isgaa dhib qabay odayga lakiin if she was the one oon dhali karin than that is a wonderful man.