Understanding siphoningdilemma

[Che -Guevara]

This article reminded me of you. Maybe we could be come to peaceful understanding and find that one without you driving us out of existence

 

 

Difficult to find Mr. Right?

 

 

“Has your daughter graduated?” asked one of two Somali middle-aged female passengers as we queued for the bus.

 

“Yes,” the other woman mumbled.

 

“Has she been married?”

 

“No! Even her older sister is still at home.”

 

“I have also one girl who is in the conventional age for marrying and waiting for her luck.”

 

 

“Nowadays, in Britain, it is difficult for Somali girls to find Mr. Right. They have admirably risen to the difficulties we are in. They study hard and work hard but find difficult to settle down as there are no worthwhile men.”

 

The exchange between the two women came to an abrupt end as the double-decker bus pulled in.

Was the conversation between the two women a male bashing exercise or was it reflecting a genuine difficulty surrounding Somali marriage in Britain?

 

Let us start with some basic facts. According to the 2001 Census, the Somali population in Britain was 46% male and 54% female. Research carried out by the Institute for Public Policy Research in 2007 showed a higher sex-ratio imbalance: 38% male and 62% female. If we add to this imbalance the high number of Somali men who chew khat, (a natural stimulant from the Catha edulis plant) making them undesirable marriage partners, and the high number of unemployed men then it is not surprising to see why Somali women are finding it difficult to find husbands. Guttentag and Secord, who write about sex ratios, describe the reaction of women in gender imbalance societies: “Women in such societies would have a subjective sense of powerlessness and would personally be devalued by the society.”

 

Two other factors add to the difficulties in finding marriage partners: it is not the norm within Somali culture or community to accept interracial marriage and even interclan marriage is sometimes discouraged. As a result, finding a suitable man from the same background extends the long list of requirements that need to be satisfied to clinch a marriage. Educated Somali women often find that men feel threatened by their education when it comes to partner selection. Is a wife’s education an asset to the household or threat to the family order?

Somali men travelling outside Britain to get married are also exacerbating the marriage squeeze. As more men travel to other countries especially developing countries to get married more eligible women remain single beyond the conventional marrying age. Britain has challenged Somalis’ patriarchal social system and upset traditional gender roles and power. Some of the men who prefer traditional roles in the family based on male dominance get married to Somali women in third world countries who still accept the traditional model.

 

Now let us turn our attention to girls who say ‘I can’t find Mr. Right.’ Peter Hector, the author of Love is no Guarantee!, asked some women to describe their ideal man and their reply was: “Soul mate, emotionally secure, financially stable, and intellectually stimulating, a good sense of humour, a gentleman, not afraid to express love and affection, ready to commit and accept responsibility. In addition, he must be reasonably good looking and in good physical shape.” Somali girls would add: a practising Muslim. Girls, you need more than an ounce of luck to find such perfect men. It does not mean they do not exist but how long does it take to get them?

 

Some girls argue that they are not perfectionists but they are unable to meet decent men. Love marriage has replaced arranged marriage but finding Mr. Right is proving to be problematic for some. Under the system of arranged marriages, mate selection is the business of the parents. In love marriages, courtship is the business of the couples concerned but where can this happen? Education centres, work places and social events are the usual places for boys and girls to meet but some girls are finding these places inaccessible or unproductive.

 

Most girls who are ready to settle have either completed their education and have no access to education centres or are pursuing higher education as an alternative to family life. In this case they are interacting with boys who have an equally long list of requirements which are not compatible to their requirements. Or they work in places where eligible Somali men are rare to find. Social events such as weddings used to offer ideal opportunities for single people to meet but Somalis are becoming more religious and women and men are progressively being kept apart. Rima McGown notes in his book Muslim in the Diaspora “The Islamists’ influence is obvious in the very way that the practice of Islam has evolved for diaspora Somalis.”

 

What can Somali girls do when faced with an unfavourable sex-ratio, heavy cultural directives, and men threatened by the prospects of independent women?

 

This is not an issue for girls only. It is a problem for the community and needs collective solutions. Recognising and appreciating the challenges that girls face in moving from single life to married life deserve the full attention of the community. Re-examining cultural directives and gender relations and creating an environment conducive for singles to meet may end the loneliness some may feel. And for boys, do you have to make a “Cook’s tour of the world” to find partners? And for girls, are you setting the standard too high or, as Hector asked: “Are you realistic, approachable, and flexible?”

Mohamed Mukhtar

London

Mohamed323@hotmail.com

 

source

[Pacifist]

Than you for the article che. Very interesting I know alot of sisters who would agree with this article. I think also with alot of prayers and dua, We will get what is meant for us.

[ilax]

I can read the answer between the lines in the conclusion, both should compromise to setle the issue.

[ilax]

The higher the requirement or the condition the lesser the chance of getting the right mate.Then, let us lower the scale set by the gabdhaha gurdonka ah.

[Che -Guevara]

^That's far from meeting in the middle ground. One doesn't have to give up everything they work so hard for.

 

 

You are welcomed Pacifist.

[True2truth]

che, U have cause me more dilemma than I hoped for. you tell me how can i argue with a female masked as male. Please spare me , thx

[Malika]

I think,an opportunity is rising here for a decent matrimonial service like the Indian and Jewish communities there is an obvious dilemma here.

 

Che are you confusing standards of value/principles and expectations?

 

 

Do Somali's have general high expectations, I mean you will see a family trying to get their saqiid son to marry but will make such a fuss of whom he marries..Lol

 

ps.I really like Mohamed's articles,they sure do touch upon many of our dilemmas.

[True2truth]

Malika an opportunity should only raise when there is less of the SAQIID MEN, I mean Somali men r out there, So until than, such opportunity is not needed.

 

And Che, The dilemma is not finding a host for the cancer but how to eliminating the cancer. And inshallah by the grace of ALLAH I will succeed in my mission and eliminate these walking and talking cancerS

[Cara.]

^Naa yur :confused:

[True2truth]

^ u too teach ?

[Che -Guevara]

Malika...I was talking about expectations.

 

Siphon...You have become the quintessential Somali. I will bite. The way to kill this cancer is to contribute handsomely to your warlord, become his mouthpiece and open marfishes in Somali neighborhoods.

 

On different note, I'm beginning to think the 50% farax in your genes is taking over. Mutation at stage won't be healthy, I don't want see to grow something .

[True2truth]

Coming back with the same assessment I made on u is hardly a different note.

 

u should really listen to ur own advise, because I’m afraid that this SOL identity would take u to one of these fadhi-ku-dirir places with ur hijab and god only knows what these somali men can do especially when they are Consumed with their political quarrel

[Che -Guevara]

^Waxaad soo wadid iyo wabiga yaa weyn. That wasn't an assessment-just an opportunity for you to rethink this madness and free yourself from mental trap by not continuing to insist on this insanity. Surely a woman of your caliber has more depth. Not reaching into wealth of wisdom is affront to those you seek to free. I know you could do better unless your creative juices have been siphoned from that beautiful mind of yours to.........?.

[Pucca]

Siphon,you need God and his quran...start with surat fatiha and inshallah your stress/depression (you show signs) will be cured.

 

god's speed.

[Khayr]

Originally posted by siphoningdilemma:

che, U have cause me more dilemma than I hoped for. you tell me how can i argue with a female masked as male. Please spare me , thx

You talking about SOL ladies or the real world?

 

You know a similiar issue follows other communities too and guess what the solution has been -

 

a free for all sex escapade btwn diff. races otherwise known as 'Acceptable Dating'aka cross cultural.

Is a wife’s education an asset to the household or threat to the family order?

The education is not the issue but the questioning and rejection of concept of HEAD of Household is. It is a case of MISEDUCATION.

 

When navigating and anchoring any vehicle, you can not have two competing Pilots. There is always a LEADER and that recognition must be there.