NO CHILD, NO MARRIAGE! HIT THE ROAD XALIMO

[Passion_4_Fashion]

After Salaams,

 

now that we've all been through our teen years, and some of us have finished their education masha-allah, the next step would be setteling down right.

 

After getting married of course you want to have children. But for some reason you can't conceive. Unfortunately, our society have this bad habit of blaming the woman/wife. It's sad that we claim our selves to be muslims, but we won't accept our destiny that has been set by the Almighty. What I don't understand is why do people automatically assume that the problem is from the womans side and not the husband.

 

Ok, my point here is would you leave your husband/wife if s/he can't have children?

 

another question for the brothers, would you marry another woman just to have children...while you are married to your first wife?

 

Ok nomads, let the DOOD begin!

[Gediid]

From what I understand this problem was back in Somalia where there were no fertility clinics that could diagnose the problem.So naturally since Islam allows polygamy they thought they could diagnose the problem by getting the man to take on a second wife and see if she would get pregnant in the process.Now that problem has altogether been elimanated with simple procedure especially among those of us in the West.

 

I hope that answers the first part of your question ,the second is a lil tricky since it requires a look into the future which I have no control over but if I remember correctly this is how things were done back in the day among Somalis.

If the woman could not bear kids a man would in the past love her and continue to keep her as his first wife but also try a second wife.If however the problem was from the man's side then a woman could seek divorce to remarry again.And I personally think that was a very fair deal...

[Jacaylbaro]

Jalaqsan,

 

nice to bring this topic . . . It is wrong to put everything goes wrong on the wife . . husband can also do big mistakes and could be da crazy one.

 

Second: hadii xaaskeyga aanu caruur isu dhali wayno, waxa ay ku xiran tahay sababta,, waa in baaritaan la tago ka dibna la ogaado cillada, hadii ay cadaato inay gabadha ma dhalays tahay, YES waan guursan lahaa mid kele si aan caruur u helo laakiin tayda maan fureen.

 

Hadii mushkiladda ay aniga noqoto, she has the right to look for another man coz she is looking for a children just like i do.

 

Waxa kele oo jirta mar mar ay dhacdo in labadan qof ee is qaba qofna aanu bukin laakiin labadooda aany waxba iska dhalaynin, hadii mid waliba uu gaarkiisa u guursadana uu dhalayo,, in that case they've to discuss and decide.

 

That's my point of view,,,

 

Peace

[GlassEyeGirl]

There is more to life than just having kids. The couples who can't have kids seem to be more gentle and loving towards each other. If the problem were from my future husband's side, I would probably stick with him and look into other alternatives if child is what we both really want. If I were the one with the problem, I would let him have second wife. Why deny him the opportunity to have children of his own with another woman while still being married to me. Waa macalaash.

 

My uncle and his wife had been married for over 25yrs and can't conceive children. I'm not quite sure which one on them is with the problem, but they're as happy as ever. Now they're raising his father’s (who passed away...allahu yarxama) younger kids. The old man was bobbing kids in his 70's, and left his son to take care of them.

[- Femme -]

There are so many alternatives for couples although they fall under the category of being haram or too expensive:

 

Sperm/embryo banks...surrogate mothers..Invetro fertilization...adoption... :eek: And much more

 

I dont know what I'll do if it was his problem...but If it was mine...then Id let him marry another woman.

 

NO biggie. My great aunt and her husband couldnt have any children...so my grandmother gave her my mother to raise as her own. My mother only met her mother when she was in her 20's and married.

 

That was fairly common back home. Share kids

 

Interesting Sidenote: I was learning in anthropology class that in a tribe in Sudan (the Nuer I belive) If a woman is unable to concieve..then she (lets call her husband-woman)has the choice of paying a bride price to marry another woman(wife-woman). The husband woman will decide who the wife-woman will mate with..and any children that result will have the lineage of the husband woman. :eek: SOme crazy shidh

[Qac Qaac]

or both candidates could leave each other and marry 2 other ppl, and let's see what happens... sometimes it happens that when they get married to other ppl, they both have children, is allah whatever he wants happens..

 

but the question u asked jalaqsan, it depends, on situations.. don't u think.. see we are allowed to have 2nd wife, 3rd wife, or 4th.. it is up to the woman if she is gonna let her husband and says go marry other women so u could have kids, and both women could be a mother for that child.. that's not bad.. that is if u r willing to share though..

[Pucca]

a cousin of mine had a similar problem, she and her husband were married for ten years, loved each other very much, but god didn't bless them with any children. After some test it turned out that he was the problem, they did plenty of different things, spent tons of money but in the end it just didn't work.

seeing how his wife really wanted children he let her go, and told her to find happiness and children elsewhere....very sweet yet sad **sniff sniff**...she's remarried and so has he and they both have children!...shocked us all!...but yea god will reward him in heaven.

 

ps..wat about adoption?? thats an option too

[Juxa]

sa wr wb,

 

jalaqsan abaayo this is very interesting, i personally witnessed a similar situation.

 

a friend of mine, also a cousin, married to this guy, he is 10 years her senior and they have great marriage. sadly no kids after 6 years, she was advised to seek medical threatment, sofar, wax cilad ah lagama sheegin iyada.

 

then one day i went with her to see her GP, she was told, of threatment, such as IVF or sperm donation. we explained that we are muslims, so sperm donation is a NO/No, so the doctor suggested IVF or other methods, including medication. after a while the doctor pulled out her file and said, how come yr husband never been tested. we can not see anything wrong with you. it could simply be that he got minor infection, or something, or his sperm count is low. all this can be solved with medication. so we left

 

i asked her, why he was not tested, she start crying, apparently our society assumed it is always the woman. war naagta waa madhasho inaalilaah. such ignorance, and it is never discussed.

 

anyway, they have since figured the problem which lies with the husband, and maasha allah she decided to stay with him (raaliya).

 

sorry my long story, but i think i wont ask my husband for divorce, and if i had the problem i wont stop him from marrying another. but i wont be there. to be honest it will be too hard and the feeling of inadequete will creep in.

 

if both persons, deem having children as a must, then it would be kinder to go their separate way. cause xaq baa la isku leeyahay.

 

and remember life is a test.....ilaahay iimaan ha ina siiyo

 

perhaps adoption? so many kids need loving parents and it is ever so rewarding

 

ws wr wb

[Valenteenah.]

Previous discussions of this topic:

 

I dont wanna have children, would you marry me??

 

Women who can't have children.....

 

Not being able to have my own kids doesnt bother me too much, as I plan to adopt regardless. Insha'Allah.

[NGONGE]

^^ Adopt? Surely you mean foster? :rolleyes:

(I'm getting there first before any of the others do)

[OG Moti]

It is not always the female.. however... the female should encourage the man to check as well since our men are not educated in these areas.. women read magazines men dont so they know much more than men do, so please ladies advice ur men or share with them the magazines u hide under the bed when u see him coming it is like u reading something forbidden... Allah kairim

 

Peace

[Legend of Zu]

I know some ppl who had similar problem but masha allah they both together and very much happy... Walaahi they inspire me, everytime I see how much they love each and have accepted each other, the way they support each other, I just pray for them..amazing...

 

But seriously, if you wanna have an opinion on this read " Suratul Maryama" and think about the story of Prophet Zakaria (AS)and his wife. Another good example is Prophet Ibrahim (AS) and His wife Sarah.... I beleive these two stories will give you a clear Picture if You have faith in Allah...

 

When Allah said " dikru raxmati rabiika cabdahu zakariya: id naadaa Rabahu nida'an khafiyah" cajiib walaahi...

 

Prime Example :-

 

May Allah Bless us all and grant us his Jannah inahu kariimun ladhiif

 

Salaamaat

[Juxa]

^^^^^^^^^ aamiin

[Wiilo]

Walaalo arintan aad soo bandhigtay runtii waa arin aasaasi ah una baahan in laga hado dhibaatada ay dhalin karto. Runtii aad baan oga helay una jecleystay inaan anigana aan ra'yigeyga ka dhiibto. Runtii arintan waa arin aan isleeyahay waad ka hadlikartaa ilaa iyo xad maxaa yeelay waxey ku dhacday walaalshey.

 

Kun iyo sagaal boqol iyo sideetan iyo afartii ayey waxey ka qalinjabisay Kuliyadda Lafoole ayada iyo inan ay wadasocdeen ilaa iyo afar sano kuna heshiiyay inay isguursadaan kolgii ay Jaamacadda ka qalin jabiyaa. Nasiib wanaag sanad kadib bey isguursameed.

 

Sadax sano kadib baa inankii reerkiisa culeys fara badan soo saareeyn ayagoo waliba ku andacooyaana inaynan inantan tahay "Madhaleys" amaba aysan dhalikarin isla markaana inankii ku guubaabiyay inuu guursado inan kale si ay markaas ugu dhasho caruur. Muddo markii ay sidaa aheyd baa inankii walaashey qabay uu go'aansaday inuu u sheego walaashey arintan ayada ah iyo waliba sida ay reerkiisa ula doonayaan inuu guursado inan kale.

 

Inkasto oo ay walaashay ka xumaantay arintan balse waxey soo jeedisay inay dhakhtar u tagaan ayada iyo asigaba (dumaashigey) si ay u ogaadaan sida ay wax u jiraan iyo waliba qofka labadooda aan dhali karin ama qaba arintan ah in uusan dhalin karin. Si kastaba ha'ahaateen arintu waxey go'aansadeen inay dalka ka dhoofaan oo ay raasadaan baaritaan caafimaad. Waxey u dhoofeen Germany ayagoo soo joogay in muddo ah laguna sameeyay baaritaan caafimaad. Dhakhaatiirtiin ay lakulmey baa u sheegay inaysan qabin haba yaraateen wax cudur ah oo u diidaayo inaysan caruur dhali karin ayna tahay arintaan mid rabaani ah oo Allaah daraadiis ay oga maqan yihiin.

 

Runtii walaashey iyo inankii qabay wey qaadan waayeen arintan waxeyna go'aansadeen inay aadaan Abu Dabay iskuna sameeyaan baaritaan labaad. Sidii bay sameeyeel balse natiijadii caafimaadka waxey noqotay sidii oo kale. Kolka waxey go'aansadeen inay dib ugu soo laabtaan Dalka. Markii ay sidaas ugu soo laabteen Dalka ayaa reerkiisa wareysi ugula dhaqaaqeyn markii uu u sheegay natiijadii caafimaad bay go'aan dag dag ah gaareen isla markaana u doonay ina adeertiis si loogu daro.

 

Asigoo ogeyn arintan baa la yiri inan baan kuu doonay waantanaa inantii marka waa inaad guursataan. Runtii inanka wuxuu ahaa inan aad iyo aad u xushmeeya walaashey iyo waliba reerkeeda wuxuu u yimid walaashay una sheegay inay reerkiisa inan u dooneyn isla markaana doonayaan in uu guursado. Si kastaba ha'ahaateen arintu walaashey fasax bey siisay kuna tiri haddii sidan arin tahay reerkaagana doonayaan inaad guursado si Allaah caruur kuusiiyo fasax baa tahay waad guursan kartaa. Sidii buu ku guursaday inankii.

 

Barigii dagaalka ka dhacay wadalka reerkeyga oo dhan wey soo qaxeen waxaana imaanay Kenya. Sanadka markuu ahaa kun iyo sagaal boqol iyo sagaalshan iyo seddexdii baa inankii qabay walaashay u sheegay inuu doonayo inuu furu walaashey. Familkeygu aad bey oga qaracmeyn arintan maxaa yeelay wax dhibaato ah oo gooni ah oo ay qabeyn ma aysan jirin. Sidii beyna u kala tageyn walaashey iyo inankii qabay. Walaashey Mareykanka bey imaaday waxeyna Jaamacad ka bilowday University of Madicine in Wisconsin. Halkaas oo ay ku baratay inan kale oo ay guursatay haddana waxey dhashay gabar, inankii furayna wuxuu u dhoofay New Zealand halkaas uu caruur fara badan ay ugu dhashay inantii uu barigii guursaday. Sidaas bey ku dhamaatay arintooda. Marka walaalo aad iyo aad baa ugu mahadsan tahay sida wacan ee aad u soo bandhigtay arintaan, raga Soomaaliyeydna waa inay baytaan inaysan eedeyn dumarka kulkii ay dhacdo arintan waa dhicikarta Allaah ugu talo galin inay caruur dhalaan. Waa arin muhiim ah una baahan mushtamaca Soomaaliyeyd inay xooga saaraan sida xal loogu helilahaa.

 

Wabillaahi Towfiiq:

[GuinaVere]

na heedhe walaahi afsoomalika waan ka keyliyey Bisinka