A Thug’s tale

[NGONGE]

Today, Xaaji Abukur-Dhaqan-Yaqaan called RudeBoy into his living room again and asked him how he’s finding his rehabilitation program so far. Rudeboy, smiled at him and said:

Listen adeero, yeah, why you keep asking me all dem questions, blud? Program is going well, I’s learning about my roots and culture, ya get me! B. A. Honours on how to be a propa Somali from Da University of Dhaqan, blud. I’s not ****** , ya get me? As a matter of FACT, adeero, I’s clever, well clever, duqa. Let me tell you somtin, yeah! I’s been to the Maqaaxi yesterday, yeah? And I’s sat wid some a dem old fogies, no offence, blud. Dey was playing Torob and I’s asked dem if dey play poker or black jack, yeah. Ona dem odeyal tells me dat dey play but not for money only for shaaah! Dem old people are jokaas, adeer, I tells you, dey’re jokaas, blud! Amyways, I’s sat down and played dem like a Kaban it was like sweet music to my ears, ya get me blud. I’s never had so much tea in my life, man, never. After we finished dey was acting like dey let me win ‘cause I’s a Marti or something like dat, blud. Sour Canab, blud, Sour Canab. Dat’s all it was, you get me.

 

When I was sitting down drinking my winnings, yeah? One very old odey (he must’ve been two hundred year old, blud!) comes and sits next to me wida news paypa, yeah? He says “ adeer af ingreesiga ma akhrisan karta?” I’s look at him wid a angry look, he hurt my feelings, blud. I’s been to school you know. I’s wasn’t always a thug, blud. I’s says to him “haa adeer”, he akses me to read da news paypa for him and tell him about da dollar exchange rate! I’s take it, look at it and den tell him it’s a old news papa, you chief! Dem odeyal are rude, man. he looks at me as if I’m some insect or Barambaro, yeah? Den tells me da date don’t matter, just read da news paypa. I’s read him da ****** news papa but I’s know for a fact dat da exchange rate was wrong, blud. ‘cause I’s remember when I was going to Dubai I’s had to change some dosh yeah and my hoyo told me I have to get da best rate, she said da rate changes everyday, blud. I’s know my hoyo knows about dem tings and I’s trust my hoyo more dan some old odey in a Maqaaxi, ya get me? Honestly blud, dem odeyal are so UnEducated. I bets ya dat half a dem old men wouldn’t know how to use a play station, ya get me?

 

But you know something Xaaji, back in da day if anyone, ANYONE blud! If anyone looked at me da way dat old men looked at me, I woulda punch dier lights out, man. For real! I wolda kept on punching till dier face was propa MASH UP, blud. But I didn’t do dat, Xaaji, I’s didn’t. You know why? OUT OF RESPECT, blud, out of respect. Dat’s what you learned me, ya get me? You is my Godfather, blud. You is da don, star, DA DON.

 

 

Need to engineer some sort of accident to kill the little rascal, blud. :rolleyes:

[PhiL]

I'm still, patiently, waiting for RudeBoy's digits. I know it's not conventional for the girl to ask for first contact, but I think RUDEBOY is my soulmate. He needs someone like me to settle him down and raise a neat little family. So BEGONE, don't deny me my happiness. If you want a happy ending for RudeBoy, if you at all want any suggestions, ANY at all, to 'engineer some sort of accident to kill the little rascal', as you so lovingly put it, come to ME. I have a 'few tricks up my sleeve', as they say in the business.

 

'Don't keep me waiting, anticipating...'

[Jaabir]

Nogonge.. you have a funny way of telling stories saxib.. cracked me up for a while there lol

good going..

[checkmate]

ngonge that was some good read kuz ..... now tell that rudeboy ta stop sayin blud so much b4 i C-walk on his a$$ namean........

 

no dharbaaxo dis time...

 

asxantu

[Salma]

Me Enjoyed reading this story, keep it up

 

N the crystal ball I can c your photo between JK Rowling's & JRR Tolkien's photos

 

NGONE : Funny- Famous & Fabulous with brilliant Future and Listed in the Forbes Magazine

[Maymuunah]

Man you twisted my tongue little bit hard..I become tired of reading da..wiv dier.. but it is funny keep it coming man

[Blessed]

. But I didn’t do dat, Xaaji, I’s didn’t. You know why? OUT OF RESPECT, blud, out of respect. Dat’s what you learned me, ya get me? You is my Godfather, blud. You is da don, star, DA DON.

Ohh, he is soo cute

 

Need to engineer some sort of accident to kill the little rascal, blud.

You is on a death wish blud, :mad: I's got attached to Rudeboy, get me?

[NGONGE]

Xaaji Abukur-Dhaqan-Yaqaan was taking his evening stroll in the Toolo when he noticed Rudeboy with a group of known ceyaal sooq! He went over and called RudeBoy over; “ Cabdi, arr cabdo! bal kaalay, adeer”. RudeBoy comes walking over and says “ hee, xaaji, wayaa want, blud?” The old man tells him that these boys are no good for him and he should try to hang around good boys not ceyaal sooq. RudeBoy starts chuckling and says:

 

Xaaji, listen yeah, dese guys are my boys, you get me? Dey is not troublemakers at all, blud. Dem man only talk the talk, you get me? But when tings start to ‘appen, Way Dhuteeyaan, adeer. I tells ya, man, I tells ya for real! Deys boys are ‘armless, blud. Not like my bridgen Killa Mo back in Wembley, blud. He was a real thug, yeah, he once beat up dis old geezer and stole his caydha book, you get me. Dem man here don’t steal nothing, dey just act bad, you get me. Dey pathetic, xaaji, pa-the-tic, ya get me?

 

 

I’s remember me and Killa Mo having a fight wid da ticket conductor at Southall station, blud. We had no tickets but we’s thugs, innit? We’s don’t need no tickets to get on a train blud, ya get me? Everybody uses da train wid no tickets so why did da ticket conductor pick on us, blud? I tells you why, yeah, he picked on us ‘cause we’s black, ya get me? Don’t matter dat he was some Caribbean geezer, ya get me? He was still racist, yeah? Amyway, it was not even about da tickets, blud, it was about dignity, ya get me? D-I-g-n-I-ty! Man taught just ‘cause me and Killa Mo was Somalian he can bully us, ya get me? He was from Trinidad or dem Tobago/Tobacco islands, ya get me? Hell blud, even Dhul Cad is more civilised dan dem places, na’mean? Amyways adeer, we beat him good, we mashed is face up, blud. Dat day he was in so much pain and he was crying too much, I tink we made him remember what his hoyos caano used to taste like blud, ya get me?

 

See adeer, dem were da bad old days, ya get me? Now I’s only a thug by name, na’mean? Dese ceyaal sooq boys are good boys, Xaaji. Dey don’t beat nobody, don’t steal from nobody and only call you names if you call dem names first, ya get me?

See Yasin Helsinki dere, adeer? He was learning dese boys how to make Somalian Hip Hop, you get me? Do you know what Somalian Hip Hop is, adeer? It’s like Gabbay, ya get me? But sometimes it’s a bit dirty, adeer. Allow it though, blud. It’s good stuff, ya get me? Here adeer, listen to dis tune I’s been writin wid dese boys just now. “ Bixi Waxa Ba..Bixi Bixi Waxa Ba”..”bixi waxba ba..bixi bixi waxa ba” – dats da name of da song, adeer. You sure you wanna hear da first verse? It’s a bit “bila edab”, ya get me? Still, you is an old man, you can take a little dirty word here and dere, ya get me? Ok first verse: “ Naa Qolka Gal..Taagno Bila Dhar...Bixi Waxa Ba..Bixi Bixi Waxa Ba”. Ok, ok I’s gonna stop now, adeer. I’s can see your face getting angry and your Bakoorad coming of da floor, yeah. I’s gonna stop now. Amyways, I’s can’t sing about no Geel Xaaji! Dis is hip hop we’re chatting bout here, it has to have some dirty Jaceel and some gunshot Xaaji, ya get me! Singin about Geel will only work if I’s doing an R&B song, ya get me? “ ya remind me of my Geel..I’s wanna ride it..somethin like my gumbar here, I’s wanna sit on it” or “ I’s guess you say what can make me feel dis way, my Geel, my Geel, my Geel..i’s talking bout my Geel”. Dat’s a ***** songs though, ya get me?

 

 

Adeer, listen yeah, listen! You go finish your Jimicsi and I’s going to sit here wid my boys and behave, ok? We just gonna chill and write a few songs, ya get me? I’s even gonna see if I can write you a song about you, blud.

 

 

[pearl]

looolol...ur funny....man..are u sure ur not an old fart?

[PhiL]

laughing at pearl's question...

[checkmate]

ngonge i request that rudeboy be married he started ta get annoyin blud (buuqisa aa batay nooh) geel iyo odayaal uu ka dhamaan la'yahay, intaas oo sii dheer edab la'aan, maybe naag dijisa ayuu u baahan yahay

 

asxantu

[-Serenity-]

LOL@NGONGE ... man! That was hilarious! I definitely have to hear more of RudeBoy's Somali-hip-hop

 

LMAO@“ Naa Qolka Gal..Taagno Bila Dhar...Bixi Waxa Ba..Bixi Bixi Waxa Ba”

 

On a not-so-bright note...you must be terribly bored at work eh?

[NGONGE]

I’m starting to get really really bored now.

 

 

Today, Rudeboy and Yassin Stockholm were Loitering around outside the maqaaxi trying to pass the time and think of things to do in the evening.

 

Rudeboy: Oi, Yaz blud, when are you gonna take me to see some girls, blud?

 

Yassin: soon come, blud, soon come! I’s got dese couple of girls dat live on dier own and if you go see dem dey make you conto, sit you down in a qaaci and give you jaat, blud. Propa Somalian hospitality, ya get me blud?

 

Rudeboy: yeah yeah, man. but, I’s don’t chew no jaat, blud. I’s heard if you chew jaat yous be like a retarded zombie, blud! Plus ya get mash up teeth, ya get me? Amyways, if we’s gonna be sitting wid da girls dem we ‘ave to stay sharp and focused blud, ya get me? Gots to drop dem fine chat up lines on dem, blud, gots to.

 

Yassin: Wooo, get a grip, blud. Nac nac overdose, ya get me? You’s don’t ‘ave to chew notin. You’s just pretend blud, ya get me? See when dem girls give you jaat and shaah dey know you aint gonna sit and chew like a Orgi, blud. Dey wants you to chat to dem, blud. Dey know if you chew too much jaat you’ll be no good, doqhon yaho.

 

Rudeboy: aight, aight, I gets ya blud. So, wat you saying, yeah, is dat I’s only ‘ave to pretend, yeah? Easy blud, easy peasy leen squeezy, blud. I’s a natural born actor blud, ya get me? As a matter of fact, when I’s was in school I’s done da school play, blud. I’s played Othello! Da black geezer in Shakespeare, blud ya get me? “O, devil, devil! If dat da Earth could teem wid woman’s tears, yeah, Each drop she falls would prove a crocodile. Out of my sight, blud!”.

I’s don’t want no Desdemona though, bro. I’s want a nice Somalian girl, ya get me? So, don’t fret yeah, I’s gonna act like I’s Will Smith or somthin, yeah?

 

Yassin: you on drugs or somethin, blud? What’s dis Otheelo and Shiek Zubair rubbish you chatting, man? you sounds like a white boy, ya get me? Listen yeah, listen. We go’s in dere and I’s gonna start talking to da hablo, aight? All you have to do is follow da leader leader leader, follow da leader, aight?

 

Rudeboy: you tink I’s can’t chat up a couple a somalian girls, blud? I’s a Rudeboy waryaa, don’t ever forget dat, yeah? I’s never met a gabadh who didn’t think I’s buff, ya get me?

 

Yassin: **snigger** you is talking about Laandhan girls, blud. We home now, different rules blud, ya get me? You’s can’t use rudeboy style on dem girls dem, man. let me aks you a question, blud, let me aks you a question! Do you know any somalian songs? Love songs, blud, love songs or even some gabaay? Do you know any Celmi Bodhari stuff?

 

Rudeboy: huh? Now yous on drugs, blud! Why you aksing me about music, man? Celmi Bodhari? Who dat, blud?

 

Yassin: is a game, man. see when we’s go to da hablo gori we’s goin to sit and chat, yeah? Dey is goin to sing and we’s ‘ave to sing back to dem blud, ya get me?

 

Rudeboy: I’s not gonna sing for no woman, blud. I’s a thug, blud, I’s a thug.

 

Yassin: yeah but singin is da chat up line, ya get me? You’s got to sing da girl a song dat tells her what you want, ya get me? Like say if it’s a English song yeah, you’s got to drop a verse dat will make da girl go all jororoc, ya get me?

 

Rudeboy: aight, let me test my somalian music knowledge on you, blud. “Bari hore waxa jiray..laa laa laa” is dis da type of ting you mean, star?

 

Yassin: you know what blud, I tink, you’s better sit and chew the jaat, for real! I’s gonna be singin for dem girls and I’s gonna do all da hard work, aight? Just wink at me and tell me which one you like, blud. I’s gonna soften her up for you good and propa, ya get me?

 

Rudeboy: naah blud, I’s don’t want your girls. I’s don’t need nobody to do my work for me, ya get me? So you keep your jaat chewing hablo and I’s gonna try and hit on dem new girls dat just arrived from Holland, blud. I hears Holland girls are well up for it, ya get me blud ya get me?

 

 

In the next episode, RudeBoy accidentally steps on an ancient road mine and DIES. His last reported words were :

 

“ I’s lived like a thug and I’s got blown up and died like a thug, ya gets me? Tell Hoyo not to cry too much I’s died a HERO and saved many Caroor from stepping on dat damn mine, blud”

[PhiL]

:eek: :confused: Thats exactly the sequence of emotions that I felt when i realized that RudeBoy would be no longer. He died how he lived i suppose. Oh, I think I'm going to miss him more than I care to admit.

And to think, I never even got his number to say how i felt about him... This is truly a sad day in Nomad history.

[Valenteenah.]

*Gasps*

 

Oh!...not rudeboi! He can't die...he just can't!

 

*Weeps*

 

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?...

 

*Weeps some more*

 

 

 

NGONGE

 

I just cant believe it...is there a meaner bloke out there than you? :mad: