A Thug’s tale

[NGONGE]

As part of his rehabilitation program, RudeBoy Abdi was sent back to Somali to reacquaint himself with his roots and culture. He had to attend the 135 annual Geeljire conference. The star speaker was the famously renowned Dr Farax Geel-Yaqaan. RudeBoy Abdi had to sit still and take notes on Dr Farax’s revolutionary new methods of milking camels.

 

That evening, when RudeBoy was back in his mentor and appointed social worker’s house (one Xaaji Abukur-Dhaqan-Yaqaan), he had to reread his notes to the Xaaji. He cleared his throat, wiped his brow and proceeded to read the following:

 

“ markad geelka maalayso, yeah. Waxad ku bilaabaysa baaaldi, yeah. You put da baaaldi under da geel, you get me? Den you sit on da gumber under da geel and make sure you sing a nice tune to soothe da geel, na’mean? (Notin too strong, somethin’ like tupac’s Dear Moma)

 

When you touch da geel’s udders, blud, you have to treat dem like delicate turntables, you get me? Don’t squeeze too hard blud or you’ll upset da geel and it’ll refuse to let you have its caano, yeah? Listen adeer, yeah, you’re too old and I have maximum respc’ for you, you get me. Aderwise, I would have told you an easy and better way to view doos udders and milk dem, na’mean? * wink wink *. Still, dat’s a rudeboy style and I don’t function like dat when I’s round old man dem. Amyway, why you lookin’ at me like I stole your pension book, blud? Listen, adeer, listen, yeah..I now know how to milk dem geels, so don’t watch me aight, blud!”

 

 

In tomorrow’s episode, RudeBoy learns how to slaughter a goat...

 

 

Do I sound bored at all? Somebody Dirbaaaxo me, blud.

[OG_Girl]

"Do I sound bored at all? Somebody Dirbaaaxo me, blud. "

 

Well,Mr NGONGE not at all, but u confused me ...what is the point al7een ?

 

Salam

[checkmate]

ngonge i is likes dis story....i like it i like it alot

....now here comes the pain (dharbaaxo)

 

asxantu

[Intuition]

Asalaamu'Calaykum,

 

LoL. You really do have too much spare time on your hands don't you. Where do you get this weird stuff from anyway? Very interesting imagination you got there.

How to milk a geel kulahaa.

Can't wait for PartII.

Wasalaam.

[Honesita]

Talk about weirdos...i actually liked what was written up there...why do ya'll have to dharbaaxo the kid, he came up with somethin' semi-original...!!

 

I was reading that out loud and my 'slow' girl sittin' here goes like, 'naa ninka ma waalanyahay, geel lama liso, RATI baa la lisaa'...!!

 

Salaamz

[checkmate]

I was reading that out loud and my 'slow' girl sittin' here goes like, 'naa ninka ma waalanyahay, geel lama liso, RATI baa la lisaa'...!!

loooooooooooooooooooooooool rati la lisaayona ma ii dhimaneed ......looooooooooooooooooooool ...... here comes da pain on ur friend ( dharbaaxo on the dabada i can't hit a lady on the face)

 

asxantu

[Tuujiye]

looooooool checkmate....aryaa kuunto mar marsiyo ku raadsaday..loooool..

 

rati la lisaayo..loooool..taas reer xamar waaye..lol..

 

jaaw

[Intel]

Originally posted by checkmate:

dharbaaxo on the dabada i can't hit a lady on the face

loooooooool classic

 

NGONGE good story sxb.. also looking forward to part II

[NGONGE]

Today, Xaaji Abukur-Dhaqan-Yaqaan called Rudeboy into his living room and asked him what he knew about goat slaughtering. Rudeboy replied:

 

“Goat is a ceesan, yeah? Wa gwan, adeer, me na QAL ceesan, me only deal with orgi. FIX up LOOk sharp, adeer! Anyways, I tells ya how ama run tingz, blud. I’ll get da knife yeah, da mendi, innit! I make sure it’s very sharp, ya get me? Den I’s catch da goat and do a propa sabaxad on it, ya understand? Wan ku dhul fadheesanaya goatka, yeah?...den I will shake dat ting like sean paul says, you get me? When I’m in total control of the goat yeah, I will do da QAL, you get me? Me tinks dat de best way to do it adeer is move in a quick - of da hook - motion, na’mean? Why you staring at me like dat, xaaji? Don’t watch me, blud. I know you tinking to yaself “wat he is chattin bout”, but don’t stress, star. I will say bismillah before I cut the goat head, dats a minor, blud. wat you take me for, I is not a gaaalo man.

 

One ting though adeer..see I have nuff luv for every livin ting and I don’t think I can watch da goat die, you get me? Remember da first time I’s did it, bridgen? You know I’s a soldier and can deal wid any ting, ANY TING! blud. But tell ya da truth I’s can’t deal wid no headless goat caraar here and caraar dere, chief. Dat don’t mean I’s not a soldier no more, you get me? In a thug’s world, I’s a thug, naah, adeer..don’t call me no yardi, na’mean yeah. I’s no tuuug. i’s just a ordinary former qaxooti thug, you get me. Anyway, xaaji, I’m tired from talking, shah meyanaad na seen, waxay bakheelnimado, blud?

 

 

I think I’m getting addicted to Dhirbaaxos. Hit me baby one more time(because I’m still bored).

[Miriam1]

lool..that was jokes...

 

Wan ku dhul fadheesanaya goatka, yeah?...den I will shake dat ting like sean paul says, you get me?

Classic...!

[Blessed]

Maaan, NGONE you is proper. That shidh was just heavey, blud, heaaavey. So, wot, happen when Rudboy went back to Somaaalia? Man dem must ave busted mad jokes ya na! You is gonna share them wiv us, next time you get bored yeah. Safe!

 

 

P.S Come here a sec..

*dhac, dhac* GET BACK TO WORK

[Valenteenah.]

LoL...RudeBoy Abdi is adorable!

 

NGONGE,

 

No need for dhirbaaxo, u got talent blud. Enjoyed reading that. What will Abdi's next mis-adventure be?

[PhiL]

Does Rude-Boy Abdi have a Rude-Girlfriend, if not, could you please give my number and tell him to ask for me. I think he's rather cute! I love his unpolished English!

[NGONGE]

Today was RudeBoy’s day off from his rehabilitation program. He woke up very early, had his breakfast and went out to the maqaaxi. In there, he met his new friends - Faisal Dhul-Dhaqaaqi (RudeBoy calls him SHORTY) and Cali Ceyal (short for Ceyal Sooq). The boys were explaining to RudeBoy the finer points of being a Ceyal Sooq. Even though Rudeboy is a thug and would usually sneer at any attempts of portraying the Somali Cyeal Sooq Movement as being anything special, he is normally cool enough to give the boys a chance to express themselves and feel important. Dhul-Dhaqaaqi was talking about the advantages a Xabagle has over a Weed Smoker while sniffing away from an old handkerchief and smiling after every sniff to drive his point home. RudeBoy was laughing and saying “ You is a joka, blud, a JOKA........innit, Ceyal?” Cali Ceyal was nodding and laughing even though he didn’t know what any of it meant. He’s been hearing RudeBoy talking about this “Ina Ceyal” guy for a long time and assumed it must be someone RudeBoy knows back in engarland!

 

Finally, Dhul_Dhaqaaqi decided that he’s had enough of the old handkerchief and was ready for some action, so he threw the smelly thing away, stood up and told the boys to follow him. They all got up and started walking down the street to meet a guy Dhul_Dhaqaqi knows. This guy turned out to be non other than the world famous (according to him) Yassin Stockholm! A former multilingual “BadBoy” who’s been a qaxooti in most countries of the world. The minute he saw RudeBoy, he started singing a Bolivian Hip Hop song about welcoming strangers. He noticed that RudeBoy didn’t understand him so he switched to French with the words “ Parle Francoi, ninyaho?” RudeBoy replied, “naah, blud, I’s don’t speak Spanish but I’s been to Aya Nappa nuf times, ya get me?” Stockholm takes a few minutes to place the accent and the language then gets all animated, firing invisible guns in the air and making strange grunts! “ You from Laaan Dhan? You is my boy, RudeBoy, ya get me? I’s lived in Laaan Dhan five year before I discover if you live in Holland you can get caydha from Belgium too, you get me? I only came back home to start a business, you get me?

 

The boys sit around and have a chat about life and ting for a while. Dhuul-Dhaqaagi and Ceyal sit with them hearing about the great adventures of “Ina Ceyal” and hoping to meet this great man after hearing all these amazing things about him. Then, in the early afternoon, RudeBoy makes his move! He looks at the three guys and says:

 

Listen, blud yeah, listen yeah. I’s been back home now for three days, yeah and I’s seen no girls, blud! Alright, alright, I’s seen one girl yeah, a lickkle piece of Somali xalwo, ya get me? I’s stop her and say “so what you saying, inadeero?” yeah, she smiles at me and says “arr ma carab baad aheed?” I’s say “naah, man, naah don’t diss a man like dat yeah, do you see me wearing a comaaamad or got a towel on my madax? I aint no carab boy yeah, I’s a thug, huuno abaayo, I’s a thug, aight? I’s say to her give me da digits , blud but girl is playing hard to get, bro..She tells me she’s giving me da digits of da next yard, blud! I’s tell her me na want your neighbour’s phone number, I want Lumberkaaga, inadeero yeah....Crazy girl is laughin and telling me take da neighbour’s number, take da neighbour’s number,sagagar yaho. I’s walked off, blud. FOR REAL, I’s just walked right off yeah. Girl was fit and ting but I’s don’t like nobody fa take me for a fool, you get me yeah?

 

Stockholm falls about laughing and the other two join in. RudeBoy says “ allow it, blud, allow it...So tell me, where da girls at, blud, where dem xalimos at yeah?

 

 

As Keith Sweat says, keep it coming, keep those Dhirbaaxos coming, blud :rolleyes:

[pearl]

lolol....u got mad skilz...lol...

 

waitin impatiently for the next episode...dont keep me waitin..