The Night, the dream and the Interview

[sheherazade]

Rather long but a lot can happen in 30 hours. Do read.

 

The roof and the Night

 

Very early morning on the 26th day of Ramadan and I'm trying to eat a rather delicious boiled egg for Suxuur(don't ask). The pain is intense, my wisdom tooth has left my mouth paralysed but painful and the flu has me in a perpetual fever. I hear a loud bang and wonder what in God's name that is.

 

What it was was my neighbour's roof caving in. The leaking roof had woken her up from sleep and she had placed something under the leak. Unable to sleep, she sat where she was sleeping minutes before and watched the dripping ceiling in the darkness. Her son lay close to her. Suddenly the ceiling starts to groan and she just knows that that roof is coming down. She jumps up, rushes to her son- fast asleep, big-boned(bless him) and very asleep. She grabs him and rushes away from the direction of the noise stumbling with panic and her son's weight. Behind her the roof collapses and the debris follows her- just like in the movies.

 

7 am and I'm asleep. I've clocked up about 3 hours sleep. My neighbour arrives at my door. The roof fell, she says. What? I'm heaing her well enough but after days of sickness and lack of sleep, I need to sit down for the details before I do something girly. She smiles but it's the smile of a spooked woman. I go and survey the damage and God Almighty, it's spectacularly catastrophic. Most of the debris has landed on the spot where they were sleeping. If that leaking roof hadn't kept her up..She says she's lucky. I say, no, it wasn't their time to die.

 

I give them keys to my house so they can come and go as they please. Her landlady does what landowners do best and refuses to fix the roof. She says my neighbour would have to pay for half the cost of the roof! I want to stay and support her but my very own landlady drags me away- mine is sweet and links arms with me. I'm worried about the neighbour, her livelihood also depends on the house where she lives.

 

A selfish thought occurs to me and won't go away. It might be Laylatul Qadr and I'll have traumatised guests to accomodate tonight. My neighbour also needs advice and comfort. I absolutely have no problem with providing them with whatever they need but what about my spiritual time? I decide to tell her of the importance of The Night and tell her I need some time to be alone but that I'd return. I shower, close myself up in my room and engage in some intensive supplication and dua. Only half an hour.

 

They spend the night at my place and my neighbour talks and talks and I try and comfort her. There are tears in her eyes- does she take the leap and leave the property and find somewhere else? Would her business be ruined? How would she feed her children- she was widowed at age 27? I do what I can and in the pauses, I pray for forgiveness, paradise, strength, the straight path, my mother, my father... Every moment of quietness I fill with prayer and supplication. I get to bed at midnight and have some quiet time to myself. It doesn't last long- the days of sickness and the lack of sleep work against me and pull me away from wakefulness. My eyes keep closing, I can't even concentrate. I pray one last concentrated prayer and sleep.

 

Morning comes and I'm riddled with sadness. After a particularly good Ramadan I feel like I have fallen at the last hurdle. Grief floods me. I know that it wasn't necessarily the night but still I'm inconsolable. I force myself to leave the house. I have to attend an interview at an organisation- 2 separate interviews in less than a week. I thank God for the opportunities but my heart's heavy. I remember the dream I had the night before. I'm standing in a room without my hijab when a male relative enters the room. He pauses next to me but doesn't look my way- it's like he senses me there but walks away quickly. I pick up my hijab- it's baby pink, soft and the kind of thing I've never worn before. In the morning I wonder what that means. I have a brand new one just like the one from the dream but have not had the courage to wear it yet(too bright).

 

The Interview

 

At Reception, a lady sits next to me. She works there. She touches the back of my hand and says, 'This matters here', i.e the colour of skin. When doesn't it, I think. I thank her for the tip. The organisation was started by a Muslim man. I was hoping things would be diferent there.

 

A man arrives and greets me. He stands so far away from me we could have had a ping-pong table between us and a game while we were at it. His body language is not welcoming and he starts listening in to the conversation of a couple of other people before I can even respond. I stand up, walk around the coffee table and because he has made me feel uncomfortable and I want to break the ice, I offer him my hand. He waves it away. Great, I think, the one time I offer my hand, I offer it to a Muslim who won't shake hands with me.

 

Inside an office, he apologises and says, 'U understand- I'm Turkish'. I think he means he means 'I'm Muslim' but I just nod.

me(smiling): I don't usually offer my hand and the one time I do..

him: u pick the wrong person

me: I pick the right person

 

way over his head

 

He can't find my CV but he remembers bits and pieces from when he first saw it. I'm not comfortable, already I don't want the job. There follows a string of questions which are more personal than they should be. I answer them as I'm aware I'm challenging his perception of reality(always a treat) and watch his face closely. He then asks me a question...- blah, blah, unusual for a Muslim, don't u think? 'You must mean unusual for a Muslim woman'. I smile. He flusters and fumbles with his notebook. Yes, yes, of course, I mean Muslim woman. Well, why don't u ask what u mean to ask? I'm not hear to help u work through your perception of womanhood. Work on that in your own time. I don't answer the question and he drops that line of questioning. And then it gets more interesting:

 

him: what is your experience of...(he spins his finger around his head)

me: the hijab? I've never felt like my life was in danger as a result. Sure, soon after Sept the 11th, I wasn't people's favourite person in the world but..

interruption

him: yes, yes, shortly after...mumble, mumble...stop.

 

Bad intreviewing technique. Bad communication skills period. I wonder why for someone who won't shake hands, my hijab is such a big deal! I'm very curious..

 

him: so would it be a problem for you?

me: the hijab?

him:yes

 

I know where this is going now. He's taking the long scenic route.

 

me: what about it?(the hijab) Do u mean, would I take it off?

him: yes

me: ABSOLUTELY NOT. I shake my head very slowly and very gravely. He gets the point and looks down.

 

Then he starts rambling on. From what I can gather, quiet company policy is to have wearers of hijabs remove them. U understand, he says, we have to be sensitive to sensitive people. I don't know if he's referring to secular Turks who run the organisation or others. I don't care. I want to wrap this baby up.

 

him: my wife, she comes here and takes it off. When she leaves she wears it again.

me: your wife works here?

him: yes, a little.

him: wearing it is a personal thing

me: a VERY personal thing

 

way over his head

 

He rambles on some more....have to discuss with other colleagues etc.. I want to say don't bother but decide to save my feedback for when the process is complete. In writing.

 

I walk to the door and he lets me go through first. I turn back to say good bye and he's already gone the other way and walking into another room. I may as well not have existed. I say good bye to his retreating back anyway. What happened to Turkish hospitality? The girl at reception says, 'See you again!' Maybe, I say smiling, meaning: Hell, No.

 

I leave smiling. Somehow, the disappointment of the morning and the night before has disappeared. There are some choices that can barely be classified as choice for me and this is one of them. I remember the pink hijab in the dream. It will be coming out on Eid day.

 

Eid Mubarak, boys and girls and hold fast to your faith.

 

Don't forget the children!

[MR ORGILAQE]

Sheherezade

 

Sister that was touching.I found myself angry at wthe treatment you got form the so called Muslim.I found myself also Proud at the way you handled it.I must be in love!!!.I'll work on my proposal

[Valenteenah.]

Sheh,

 

Eventful night and morning all in all, eh? Where did this happen? Not in London, I hope? Because you can take action if it happened here (for some reason I'm under the impression that ur from the UK)...its religious discrimination after all and there are laws against that nowadays.

 

Have a word with Juxa...she's the employment-law specialist.

 

<--- Very impressed with ur cool in handling the situation too. :cool:

[NGONGE]

^^^ She is.

 

 

The real sheherazade told stories to save her life; I have no idea why our one here does! Still, I guess if our necks were at stake we would all be great storytellers.

 

As for your story, don’t listen to Bee! Do not listen to Bee. Write them a juicy letter criticising the interviewing style and advising them on the correct way of conducting interviews instead. Advice them on the Hijaab issue too. After all, it’s Ramadan and you might as well show a bit of charity, even if they didn’t (not that you would want their charity).

[Valenteenah.]

A letter wouldn't do much to change that sort of attitude. A big fat lawsuit would, however.

 

But, I guess since its Ramadan....

[Muhammad]

well done Sheh!!

 

Bee: "<--- Very impressed with ur cool in handling the situation too.

 

hmmm... *wonders how Bee would handle the situation?*

[NoVa]

Hey grl, Keep ya Head High...when times get taught...there are alway's others that r worst than u...dats what i try 2 remind myself...and Congratz 4 keep'it it kool' dan many of us would have done.....

 

Insha allah, those dat r always patient alway's have it the best @ Last...Ya ur right alot can Happend on 30 hrs...so make the best out of it...May Allah make everythin' eazy 4 ya and give ya the strenght'da ya need2 ova come any shadow!!!!

 

 

P.S why Do always MUSLIM Owned Company's have these lil'rules??? Do they always try 2 please the Kafirs more???...So Sad'2 hear da...

[sheherazade]

I did not get in any way upset. It is hugely disappointing that that is their policy but I had no desire to get into a debate with him about it. One, I wanted to preserve the peace that I had acquired this Ramadan and didn't want to risk an argument. Two, my presence alone would have made this man consider his words and the organisation's policy. He was uncomfortable and his effort at confidence made him appear arrogant.

 

He has not heard the last of me.

 

While I was waiting at reception, I noticed that none of the Turks acknowledged me. None. Except for one man who walks in, glances at me, stops close to me and pointing at me with his car keys says to the receptionist, 'Why is she here?' Such bad mannered people!

 

Orgilaqe, PM me that proposal but make it clear and concise. I can't handle bad communicators.

 

Bee, I will write a letter once I've heard from them- should they bother. My word against his- how do you go to court with that anyway? Sis, thanks, I chose to be cool. When you keep calm you stay smart and can take control of a situation.

 

Ngonge: I don't know why I have felt the need to share my stories this Ramadan- all I know is I needed to relate how we can be better Muslims with my meaningful experiences. I hope it was useful, I enjoyed sharing them. No doubt I will retreat into the palace after Ramadan. And then where will you be?

 

Muadiid: Thanks. You can't tell how you'll handle a situation until you actually experience it.

 

Nova: Thank you. I was offered a job last week(somewhere else) but I wanted to have the opportunity to contribute to this Muslim run place too which is I went. Their loss. I have become much more patient this Ramadan. The other day, minutes before the time to break fast I was challenged by a complete stranger who approached me in a shop and tried to demand answers and intimidate me(about my ethnicity and faith). I let him go easily as I could feel myself getting worked up and didn't want to jeopardise my fast- not for some rude man who wanted a reaction out of a Muslim. I have a feeling I will see him again. You have to pick your battles and your timing.

 

The pen is mightier than the sword.

[Valenteenah.]

^Indeed. Smooth operator, aint ya?

 

Bee, I will write a letter once I've heard from them- should they bother. My word against his- how do you go to court with that anyway? Sis, thanks, I chose to be cool. When you keep calm you stay smart and can take control of a situation.

I can't say I'm that familiar with employment legislation (I just know the little I have gleaned from reading the Guardian's Work and Money Saturday Supplement) but from what you've written, it appears as though the main problem with your application was your appearance (ie, the hijab), rather than say, ur qualifications or perhaps a lack of appropriate experience? Is that correct?

 

If you feel confident that you were suitably qualified for the post and that you met all the Person Specification criteria, then you probably have a good case.

 

For the moment, do as you planned. Once you hear from them, write and ask them for an explanation as to why you were turned down for the job (if they are that silly). See what they write back and then consider your options. Also, it might be worth your time to seek legal advice.

 

Taking action might not do you any good, but it will probably help the next hijabi who applies for a job with that organisation. In any case, I think you are a winner already.

 

Here's some more info...

 

 

------

 

Discrimination on grounds of religious belief

 

Since the 2 December 2003 it has been unlawful to discriminate against somebody in the workplace on the grounds of their religious or other belief. Religion or beliefs are defined by the law as meaning any religion, religious belief or similar philosophical belief. This very broad definition means that as well as including all major religions it will also cover much smaller fringe groups and beliefs such as humanism, it may also include pacifism or indeed vegetarianism. It is not likely to cover political opinions unless that political belief extends to a broader perception of the world. So, a member of the Conservative Party would probably not be covered but a member of the Green Party might be.

 

Direct Discrimination

 

Direct discrimination occurs when a worker or job applicant is treated less favourably than others because they follow or are perceived to follow, or do not follow, a particular religion or belief. For example, if a person is refused employment, is dismissed, is not provided with adequate training or promotion, or is given adverse terms and conditions of employment because they follow or do not follow a particular religion or belief, this amounts to direct discrimination.

 

In some very limited circumstances it may be a Genuine Occupational Requirement (GOR) that is a job undertaken by a person of a particular religion. However, Genuine Occupational Requirements are always open to challenge by an individual and the burden of proof lies with the employer to establish the validity of a GOR by providing evidence to substantiate the claim. Employers should be very careful when suggesting there is a GOR.

 

Indirect Discrimination

 

Indirect discrimination occurs when an organisation applies a provision criterion or practice which would equally apply to persons not of the same religion or beliefs but put persons of a particular religion or belief at a particular disadvantage when compared with other persons. Furthermore, the employer cannot show that the provision criterion or practice is a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim. For example, some observers of particular faiths hold beliefs about covering or not covering hair. An employer may have a specific policy on this issue, however, it may form part of a legitimate aim (for example, if the business is concerned with the preparation of food) and it may, therefore, be lawful.

Source: Coventry Law Centre

 

 

Further help:

 

Respecting all the workers: A BBC News article.

 

Michael Page International Discrimination: new grounds

 

Home Office: Religious Hate Crime and Discrimination

 

UNISON: Religious Discrimination

[Valenteenah.]

Originally posted by Muadiid:

hmmm... *wonders how Bee would handle the situation?*

LoL...who knows? Definitely not as coolly as Sheh did.

[sheherazade]

Bee, thanks for all the info and the links. I myself am something of an expert novice on employment law- out of necessity. Being black, female and Muslim can sometimes be a frustrating state but I always make sure I make my point and make it well. When the you-know-what hits the fan, I never mince my words. I get right to the point, collect all the information that I can use to my advantage and communicate it clearly. Leave an organisation if you have to but by GOD, leave in style. Thanks again.

[Krupt33]

You are a blessed sister and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart(Jazaakallah). you are an inspration to soo many muslim ppl across the world. Thank you very much.

[sheherazade]

Don't stop at that!! LOL.

 

Shukran. U're too kind.

[Grad Student]

You are a victim of turkish securalrism perhaps . i may be generalising. the man was turkish and u r a woman who wears a headscarf or hijab ..so, u r automaically in conflict with public expression of religion as a turkish woman parliament found out when she was kicked out of the parliament and her citizenship revoked for wearing the hijab...

http://www.aucegypt.edu/igws/Ozruyek.html

[- Femme -]

She is the victim (I think SURVIVOR is a better term) of an ignorant, spineless, pathetic little man.

 

Mashallah Sis for the way you handled the situation. Im glad I wasnt in ur shoes...Im quite an impulsive individual.