Paragon vs

[Paragon]

Aim: post stup!d encounter

 

Morning. Standing. Waiting in queue. Like every Brit. Bus hisses lower to ground. Reptiles crawl in. All are women. Old and slithery. My turn now. Step in? No! She pushed me clear. Out of queue. Brewing. Molten with rage.

 

'Hey hey! YOU pushed?' say I

'YOU hey! Now stay! Good doggy!' says old hug.

'The fck! Me hey! Me stay? Good doggy?'

 

Bite lips. Unsheath eye balls. Instensify expression. Now concentrate. The evil look! But nothing. Shydh! Damn it! It must be the hunger. OK.

 

Goes on board. Bus full. Available space? Next to old hug. Righto. Stands upright. Emergency break. Old hug slips. Closer. Private space invassion.

 

But 'Shoo shoo shoo doggy!' says her

'Now don't do that old witch!' protests I

'Me old witch? Huh?'

'Sorry. No. Apologies'

'That's good. Good doggy!'

'Ma'am, me? A man. No doggy! Appointment specsavers missed? Visit, OK?'

 

Evil witch laugh. Belittling look. Up and down. Eye contact. Hand moves. Grabs beard.

 

'Mhmihmhmihmhm! You good doggy, aren't you! Mhmimhimhi' says witch

 

Alarm. Panic!

 

'F**K off! Touch again. Me level you' say I, loud.

 

'Huh!' passenger gasp. Dogs, kids howl.

 

'He used 4 letter word!' comes back witch

'Yes, yes, yes, yes, and YES!'

'Rude you doggy! Where you from?'

'Rat's a!se'

'OMG! You say what?'

'Ratanui witch'

'Why chicken out?'

'No. Where you from? Hell?'

'Heaven?'

'NO!' me, sly smile

'Ape!'

'Thank you...!'

 

 

Passenger relief. Old witch parrats. No breaks. Paragon silent. Old witch gives up. (Thank you GOD! Where have you bee?) Pretty lady on board. More people. Squeezing.

 

'Don't push me' says witch

'Will, gladly, push you'

'Bearded B***trd'

'Piss off!'

 

Pretty lady interjection. Fumes. Tries for evil look. Hair push back. Scary! Sexy though.

 

'Hey man! Shame, you!'

'Yeah! You tell him!' reigns in witch

 

Paragon silent. Tantrums strikes. Shock and awe. Must needs respond.

 

'Witch is alien. Pretty one be patient'

'Call me not pretty one. Me got name'

'OK. Noted.

'Now. Apologize to old frail woman!'

'Hold up! Hold up! Me frail?!' gasps witch

'Madam! No! Sorry! Me Sorry!' pretty one frets

'You better! Bimbo!'

'Heh! What? Me Bimbo?'

'Hell yeah!'

 

Paragon smiling. Snigger escapes. Hand on mouth. Laugh burst out.

 

'A laugh? On me?' says pretty one.

'Afraid so!' I say

'You should've told me'

'Now you know' smiles I

'She's horrible'

'I know. A resident Hellian'

 

Pretty chuckle.

 

'Urm. Me sorry. Apology?' says pretty

'Not enough!'

'A snog?' jokes Paragon

'No. Kiss. Cheek. OK?' pretty smiles back

 

'WAIT! WAIT! WAIT sister! Kiss that!?' witch interruption

'What?' pretty asks

'Pirate beard!?' points witch

Pretty: 'I like Pirate. And beard!'

Witch 'slut!'

 

[bangoli passenger accent]'don't worry. kiss. witch come with bus entertainment. TFL sponsored'

 

Witch: 'suffocate on a Paan'

 

[somali with khat. Mirqaan accent ] 'Shaddup woman! You kill my high'

 

Witch 'carry on grazing, goat!'

Somali 'goat? What goat?'

Witch 'you goat. Now ruminate!'

Somali 'tani waa cirka yeech! Kaw!' shuts up.

 

'So what's the name?' pretty asks

'It's....' cut short by witch

'Name is...' I hold old mouth

'Erm I'm Paragon, meeting you nice!'

'Angel, me too nice'

Old witch free mouth 'nice my purse'

 

Passenger laugh! Paragon gives coin to oldy. 'Buy a new tongue'

[Jacaylbaro]

Man, you're too bored today ,,,

[Paragon]

Far from it. It happened saaka.

[Ms DD]

Ma fahmin waxa dhacay halkan.

[Paragon]

^That's the whole point. Koonfayuusid.com weeye

[N.O.R.F]

LooL

 

Paragon, you seem to attract trouble baryahan saxib. Alls well ends well ey?

[Ibtisam]

LOOOOL this cracked me up. Paragon was it the 25 bus, things like that could only happen on the 25 bus!! HAHAHA

 

I can't believe you asked for a kiss, adiga waalan these days. LOOOL Can't stop laughin!!

[Paragon]

^Look I asked for a snog. She bargained a kiss. Couldn't say no.

 

It was on 376 actually. Somalis call non-double buses Bus-ka habraha iyo caanooleeyda.

 

North, it's all dandy mate. Just oldy troubles thinking am as wrinkly. I think it's the beard.

[Ms DD]

At least it was the highlight of the day. Dont you hate when nothing eventful happens!

 

Stuff like this (when it happens to other passengers) cheers me to no end.

[Juxa]

lol. paragon bus buu soo raacay/isku ciriirshay then he got massive space all to himself as he was carrying a rugsack.

 

inta kale all in his head

[Ibtisam]

^^^LOOOOL Juxa!!!! I too doubt that a pretty lady agreed to a snog. I know his area is crazy but really, a witch, pretty lady and a goat, with a paan eater!! LOOL

 

I love the witch!! She knows her stuff! HAHAHA

[N.O.R.F]

Islaantaa caashaqday (she just has a funny way of showing it)

[Paragon]

^Loool. All in my head? Oh Juxa Juxa Juxa! My dear you know me too well! But it happened. Honest.

 

It's so nice to see you here, Juxa. You've been missed. Bus loads.

 

MsD&D, woman you are a closet sadist.

 

EDIT

 

Tores loool. Sxb usheeg. They don't know I am a hit with the oldies. At least the oldies have an eye for a catch. Axem.

 

Shakina adigu your world is as pretty nice as sunflower field. But you think everyone's is like that? Mine is just too interesting.

[Juxa]

thanks paragon. it is good to see qaraabadi hore too! we are the oldies now i think i should ask for eedo-tag.

[Paragon]

juxa, arin jirtooy ayaad noqotay baa la yiri maxaa ka jira?

 

Yeah, old days, eh? Berigaan ilkaha sare lahayn. Fiiri laakiin eedonimo yaan lagaa maqlin. Yaanan ayeeyo lagu oranine.