How do you feel about the 'Imported Wifey' business

[Khayr]

Salaamz,

I am curious to know how somali sisters feel about somali men not wanting to marry somali women from the West (i.e. England, Canada, Holland, U.S. etc.). A sizeable population of Somali men choose to marry somali women that are not located in the West but are in Somalia or the Gulf. Whats the somali female attitude about this? Why do you think that somali men take this option? (This can be answered by both genders (M/F)

 

For me personally, I was thinking about marrying a somali sister who lives in Canada. From my experience, I have encountered that the sisters from here have a very intrictly drawn up, Michael Angelo type masterpiece sketch of what their husband is and if he doesn't meet the 34 page list of requirments then he is not marriage material. Trust me, I mean ALL REQUIREMENTS!!! Women raised here grow up with very unreal 'holly-bollywood ' expectations.

So b/c of this, some men (by process of frustration!) go out to Somalia and get married there. (Don't tell me that I am asking you to lower your standards, cause trust me there are alot of brothers out there who have good jobs, stable and good muslims!)

 

Another thing, from my experience, I think that the prospect of marrying a sister who has an OSAP loan (Univ./College Loan) to be scary. That means more debt on top of debt. I know that there are some nice sisters that are in post secondary, but they pick up these massive loans. That doesn't help one bit. Halimo in Burcao or Hargaesa doesn't have none of dat, so why not go to here.

 

I am asking this b/c my views are changing and

I am seriously contemplating marrying a sister from Somalia or the Gulf.

[Miriam1]

I compeletly understand ur stand Khayr its not only from the western society, that we are seeing this trend but in the Gulf itself.Its very common for young men to jet back home marry a "nice" somali girl for cheap..you know..no big fancy wedding.Bring them back to the arabs and live happily ever after..but the real question is are u going to live happily ever after...personally i believe that there will be a large drift in the area of education and culture.

On the requirements..I am sorry if a woman has more than 5 requirements she is living in lala

land.

OSAP..umm why would ur wife's bills be ur problem..iam lost..if she had an education therefore she would have an job..therefore she is able to pay from her own paycheck.I know alot of sisters who payed off most of thier OSAP while in school... or even worked to pay off thier tution while living with thier parents.

 

Not every somali girl living in the west is..hollywoodnized.

 

Peace

[Captivating_SouL]

Khayr i've heard and seen few brothers who in fact got to same point as you. But as my sister above stated, you gotta live realistically and if you think marrying a girl back home is good then eh all the reasons why you should na'mean. But dont let the few that you seen make a huge impression of "somali females" cuz not all of us are the same. Anywho, i've a lot to say on this subject but i'll come back and fill my centz inshallah later on .

peace...

[missy_1]

hi khayr,

this is an interesting topic. firstly u have to clarify wt makes a man go bck home for a woman. i always had the impression dat they g bck because women here were not 'relegios' enuf. i reckon dat if u import a wifey, dan u ain't go no gurantee dat she will stay the same, exposed to the same environment, she might pose u the same 'threats' u supoosedly get from us. at least if u marry one from the west, u more sure of wt u r in 4. nywhows, wt r the chances dat u will have the same things in common with a gal dat experienced 10 yrs of war and tribalism? i believ dat if u go bck home, n by chance, fall 4 some1 fair enuf, but if u cum bck 2 west n u have daughters, how u gonna feel wen all the men r runnin bck home 4 wifeys? in a way it is an insult to us gals in the west dat u men go home 2 get ur wifeys.

nwyays, hope i havent rambled on too much.

ps - our standards aint dat high, am sure we can settle 4 a man dat dont drive a mercedes

[shyhem]

I'm already in trouble for talking about good somali housewife in that thread and i think it will serve me well if i keep my decisions to myself.Awhole lot of character assasination is going around here especailly if u ain't careful.

[Jaabir]

Originally posted by Khayr:

For me personally, I was thinking about marrying a somali sister who lives in Canada. From my experience, I have encountered that the sisters from here have a very intrictly drawn up, Michael Angelo type masterpiece sketch of what their husband is and if he doesn't meet the 34 page list of requirments then he is not marriage material. Trust me, I mean ALL REQUIREMENTS!!! Women raised here grow up with very unreal 'holly-bollywood ' expectations.

I couldn’t disagree with you more on this old obsolete mind-set you have about Somali women in the west setting too high to reach requirments of their fellow Somali men!!

You have to realize that the ladies in Canada are well stressed out about the very same issue you have. As if dating isn’t hard enough, on top of the problems u are facing they are strained by our weary cultural guidelines that dictates them to only be sought after by men not vise versa; thus limiting their chances of marrying the man they want to a trickle.

 

I personally believe the men who go to Africa to get married are those who lack personality and the dating skills, their only motive for crossing oceans for marriage is the old marketing theory of Supply Vs. Demand!! Soon as they land in Nairobi the cutest and the sexiest girls (who by large could be cuter then those in canada) will be ready to kiss his ass just to marry him. So over night he will magically transform from a lonely heart to a big time playa with tons of girls chasing em..

 

I wouldn’t “import” a wife from Africa for several reasons, perhaps the most compelling reason is the incompatibility factor, it’s a known fact the girls back home are falling short of education and general knowledge, and this is not something I’d blame them for, its obsoletely the fault the warlords who fuked up the future of the Somali youth, having said that i firmly believe an uneducated wife in the west is codependent on her husband basically on everything, with the hustle and bustle of the busy life of north America it seems there is very little time to nurture an alien wifey to a whole new life style.

 

Another aspect could be the money I have to spend to bring her to my neck of the woods, ya all know that seems impossible enough in a post 9-11 world!! And the best sceinario could be at least 2 years of long distance hubby and wifey relation that could only cause me endless troublesome and anxiety.

 

I may sound like a selfish dude, but come and think of it, why would I put myself thru all that shit for someone i barely knew until we got married. I mean why wouldn’t I project my focus towards the local deeqo’s who could meet me half way!! Why do I have to commit to someone over seas when I can see the road to our union is rocky enough to break off the strongest relations!!

[Thinkerman]

personally believe the men who go to Africa to get married are those who lack personality and the dating skills, their only motive for crossing oceans for marriage is the old marketing theory of Supply Vs. Demand!! Soon as they land in Nairobi the cutest and the sexiest girls (who by large could be cuter then those in canada) will be ready to kiss his ass just to marry him. So over night he will magically transform from a lonely heart to a big time playa with tons of girls chasing em.

Not necessarily Bro. I mean i know of some women who have gone back home to marry there cousins, or look for a spouce from back home. Would you say the same about them?

Clearly some ppl do purpetrate exactly what you say above but this is not the majority.

[Khayr]

I personally believe the men who go to Africa to get married are those who lack personality and the dating skills, their only motive for crossing oceans for marriage is the old marketing theory of Supply Vs. Demand!! Soon as they land in Nairobi the cutest and the sexiest girls (who by large could be cuter then those in canada) will be ready to kiss his ass just to marry him. So over night he will magically transform from a lonely heart to a big time playa with tons of girls chasing em..

You know instead of trying to make things sound more negative, you are shinning a brighter light on the 'Imported Wifey' idea. Why would any man refuse the opportunity to be chased by "tons of girls".

Personally, I don't have a problem with talking with the opposite sex but I choose not to go that route b/c of I fear the wrath of Allah in this world and the next. I think many men are the same and they don't want to go the 'dating' route which is Haram!

Reality is what reality is and ALLAH doesn't present to you the dish that you want but rather he cooks up whats good for you; and you know whats good for you often tastes BITTER at the beginning. I agree with you on some points but I think that you truly haven't experienced what others have, Darman!

Until you are put in a situation wherein you are of age and its time for you to accept responsibility and take on a family, you can't fully comprehend the 'imported wifey' reality!

[Paragon]

Have you guys viewed this "business" as you've called it from another angle? Like is it keeping the old Somali tradition going or even maintaining economical interconnectedness between Somali males in the West with families back home? Or even have you thought of those who will benefit from marrying a wife from Africa? Perhaps the children? Meaning the provision of sufficient funds to enable them to pay thei school fees? Apart from the dependency which the money sent from West creates, have you also thought of the social importance marrying a wife from home has? Like the wife's knowledge of traditional and wifely duties? Or even the future influences of your offsprings and your struggle to sustain their sense of identity?

 

This issue needs alot of analysis. It is not as easy as we think it is. I believe, guys who marry from Africa also help create a system of equal dispursal and maximization of the usage of wealth. The spread of economic equality. Any guy who opts to marry from Africa has his own reasons for doing so. He is doing just as many players and thugs do when they feel ready for settling down.

[Jaabir]

Originally posted by Khayr:

[QB] You know instead of trying to make things sound more negative, you are shinning a brighter light on the 'Imported Wifey' idea. Why would any man refuse the opportunity to be chased by "tons of girls".

Personally, I don't have a problem with talking with the opposite sex but I

choose

not to go that route b/c of I fear the wrath of Allah in this world and the next. I think many men are the same and they don't want to go the 'dating' route which is Haram!

Until you are put in a situation wherein you are of age and its time for you to accept responsibility and take on a family, you can't fully comprehend the 'imported wifey' reality!

Well guess what.. I am old enough to take responsibility and create a family of my own, I just don’t think I should get emotionally involved with someone at this stage of my life, and trust me I do know how confusing it could get when you are mentally and financially ready to tie the knot and don’t seem to find a person you could commit to (and I am not being sarcastic here.. god forbid). but rest assured the frustration is as equal if not more for the other sex.

 

I must praise your sense of Diin of not choosing to date in fear of slipping into Haraam’s way, but by saying so, you have profiled the somali girls in North America to be sex crazed demons who just want to get it on!!! We all know that is not true by all means.. just because you are dating a girl doesn’t necessarily mean you will end up in her panties or she will even let you!! There are many many many girls out there who are as religious, cute and educated who are in vigorous search for a religious man… I just think you need to look for a wife in the right place, and logically speaking, when you go to Africa you’d still be forced to do the same level of dating you feared to carry out in Canada!! The only difference is.. you will have far more money to waste, chances to take, and lonely nights to spend..

 

 

Bro, I wasn’t trying to make things negative for you, I responded to your topic just to alleviate your severe misconception about Somali girls in Northi America!.... so please believe that..

[Valenteenah.]

Khayr,

 

The word that comes to mind here is calaf.

 

As for the 'imported wife/husband' business, I guess it all depends on personal choice and the qualities an individual considers to be important in a potential spouse.

[lol]

I have actually been wondering about this issue for a while. Some brothers believe that the sisters in the Arab world are muadabiin or well mannered than those in the west. Sorry to wake you up from your dream but that is absolutely not true. Walaahi sisters here (in UAE) are faster than fighter jets when it comes to men. Within the hr that her parents allowed her to get some air, she has date with more than 5 guys. I am not exaggerating I have seen it. So armey idin roontahay the one aad wax kasta ka ogtahay, oo meesha aad joogtid joogta. I did what is called SWOT analysis to evaluate marriages between Somalis in the west and those back home or even in arab world, and this is what I came up with. If you find more points to add then plzz do so..

 

Strengths :

1. Cheaper wedding

2. Hassle-free search for a wife

3. Zero demands compared to the ones in the west

4. Pre-approved by parents (of course they did the picking)

5. No honeymoon expenses

 

Weaknesses :

1. Lack of proper education

2. Conflict in personality

3. Contradiction in life-goals

4. Remote possibility in experiencingtrue happiness

5. High chance in disappointment

6. Lack of intellectual conversation

7. Disagreement in priorities

 

Opportunities :

1. Limited demands in material

2. Easy satisfaction with little money

3. Parents blessings

4. Culture oriented

 

Threats :

1. Change in attitude after arrival in the west

2. Unknown past behaviors

3. Susceptible to mental disorder due to the war traumas (Somalia)

4. Great possibility of marriage failure due to misinterpretation of freedom

 

Now maryooleey its up to you to decide.

[Thinkerman]

Lol maye i say well done for carrying out A SWOT Analysis. I must say this was the last place i expected to see such a thing.

 

Your conculsions are somewhat debateable on all fronts, however i appalude your attempt at establishing an emiprical guide to help us guys in our decision making process.

[Khayr]

Salamz,

When I saw 'SWOT' Analysis, I suddenly remembered many sleepless nights when I went away for University.

 

Jamaal 11 has shed some positive points and Shujui like always.

I haven't to actually encounter a proper response to my question from the female perpesective. I don't think that its male priority to just 'marry cheaply' and find women that are 'submissive' as stated by some.

I think that the mentality and set of values of those sisters in Somalia and the Gulf is totally different from those in the West (in most cases!).

The gender roles are so blurred here in the West , that often men question there manhood and turn the other way, subhanallah!

 

Any how, keep the comments coming!

They are much appreciated.

Jazaka Allah Khayurn.

[Nazra]

I'm down with the guys.

Though my business is bit different to there's.

 

Africa??? yaa! I ain't no garoob and I am certainly not looking for a cheap marriage to an uneducated and uncivilized man.

Men, who marry women from Africa, have empty pockets there.

And how do I feel???

*I can only sympathize for them.*

 

You see I always had a plan to get hitched with a man in Dubai.

Not a man in Africa whose face is dry and burnt and who does not meet my standards.

 

As for man looking for women in arabta. They in it, for the money.($$$) Though I have not heard of any men marrying a woman who resides in the arabta. Even if they all decide to, i can only wonder why? i can understand the money part. But if they saying "girls living in the western society are not that religious". They must be over generlising. But then again, it's ur call.

 

We all have our choices. Whether it’s where we reside or back home or simply in the Arabland.

Just as long as we find the right one that suits us, no matter where!