MR ORGILAQE Posted November 11, 2004 The following questions and answers were collated from last year's GCSE exams. GEOGRAPHY Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the Moon because there is no water on the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. SOCIOLOGY Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections? A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. BIOLOGY Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes? A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A] Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (eg abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels - A,E,I,O and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby. Q: What is the most common form of birth control? A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean section." A: The Caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor. Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport. Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. ENGLISH Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Don't worry, though folks. The next time you meet these people they'll ask you "Do you want fries with that?" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted November 11, 2004 ^^^^hehehehehe..tha was wicked man..the answers to the BIOLOGY part impressed me most: Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean section." A: The Caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor Iam not suprised If I turn out to be like this in several years Let me employ my cotted proverb again "Too much education/knowledged, ruins the mind" now I have an excuse atleast Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OG Moti Posted November 11, 2004 this is what makes me hate teaching sometimes, i remember when we were students (us teachers) we were not this bad... sometimes they even forget we were students, some will say to you when u say why dont u read your lessons, what do you know you are not a student, our life is full of problems, i wish if you know how it feels to be a students, weird .. war anagaa wax aragnay .. it is like we never been students... waana kadhab... looooooool peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted November 11, 2004 LoL...my fave is: Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (eg abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal Smart Alecs! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
-Nomadique- Posted November 12, 2004 And to think i was about to post the same topic up yesterday.. well here is my all time favourite. Birds and Beasts The bird im going to write about is the Owl. The owl cannot see at all in the day and is blind as a bat at night. I do not know much about the owl so I will go on to the Beast which I am going to choose. It is the Cow. The Cow is a mammal and it is tame. It has six sides: right, left, fore, back, upper, and below. At the back it has a tail in which is hanging a bush. With this it sends flies away so they do not fall in the milk. The head is for the purpose of growing horns and so the mouth can be somewhere. They are to butt with. The mouth is to moo with. Under the cow hangs the milk. It is arranged for milking. When the people milk the cow the milk comes and there is never any end to the supply. How the cow does it I have not learned but it makes more and more. The man cow is called the ox. It is not a mammal. The cow does not eat much but what it eats it eats twice, so it gets enough. When it is hungry it moos abd when it doesn't say anything it is because its insides is full of grass. The cow has a fine sence of smell and you can smell it far away. That is the reason for the fresh air in the country. lol it makes you wonder what they teach over there in New Zealand don't you think. :eek: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted November 12, 2004 Looools Some interesting word associations though. So they have some sense. They must have skiped school alot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
