Would You Allow Your Husband to....

[Baashi]

Xoogsade,

Wanaagsan oo wacan...ii dhaaf qallanjooyinka bal annaa cabaar la sii wadaaya inta shaqadu ii dhamaaneyso. Then I will call it a day

 

DA,

Come again! what is your point? make it clear and concise plz? Let me help u here

 

1. Polygamy is valid but some men abuse it.

2. Polygamy is valid provided that it meets the criterion.

3. Polygamy is valid but I don't like it.

4. Polygamy is not necessary.

 

Let's forgot about our previous encounters lest that may effect our good judgement and our ability to reason here...fair enough? excellent!

 

Now if you are going to agree position # 1 and 2, then let me inform you that everyone so far agreed that much. If you are going to take position #3, then by any means it is your perogative as you are certainly entitled to ur opinion. Religion is clear about this anyway.

 

If you are going to take position #4, you will have to go against the infinite wisdom of the Creator who saw fit to make it legal. Again if I were u I wouldn't do that.

 

We can run in circles and talk about what you consider foolxumo and how the men who exercise this legal option have questionable character and so forth but that will be unnecessary as I and others don't endorse the abusers of the system. They exist and it's a shame. The bottom line is the polygamy is valid and the pious men who are responsible and understand the weight and seriousness of this polygamy bizz have the option as well as the right to do so. There is nothing foolxumo about that darling.

 

Finaly let me preempt one thing and that is doing this behind the back of the first wife. Well would you at least agree it is not foolxumo if he consults with her? If the answer is yes then case closed Not that he has to but at least u agree that much which is in itself is a good start

[Reality Check]

Originally posted by Baashi:

DA,

Come again! what is your point? make it clear and concise plz? Let me help u here

 

1. Polygamy is valid but some men abuse it.

2. Polygamy is valid provided that it meets the criterion.

3. Polygamy is valid but I don't like it.

4. Polygamy is not necessary.

Actually, here is my list:

1. Polygomy is not encouraged

2. Polygomy has limitations

3. In order to be polygomous, yuo must meet the criteria

4. Polygomy is not necessary

5. Polygomy is widely abused

6. Polygomy is not valid to me

 

 

Er, Allah actually limited the use of marrying multiple wives. I find it unnecessary and if my man practiced it, I would leave faster than you can pronounce the name of the second wife. Am I going against the wisdom of our Creator, no. Because there is no requirement on my side to accept a polygomous relationship, just that a man can marry more than 1. So, again you are making me out to be this evil, anti-islamic, western feminist person is really not gonna happen in this thread.

 

 

As to the character of the husband, in my case, I would not marry anyone who even considers polygomy. So to each, his/her own. Personally though, its insulting to the woman for the man to even suggest she is not good enough to be his wife and that he needs 1,2 or 3 more. Just my opinion though.

[Baashi]

Originally posted by Devil's Advocate:

Actually, here is my list:

1. Polygomy is not encouraged

2. Polygomy has limitations

3. In order to be polygomous, yuo must meet the criteria

4. Polygomy is not necessary

5. Polygomy is widely abused

6. Polygomy is not valid to me

I agree with u on these #'s: 1, 2, 3, and 5. But position # 4 and 6, are not compatible with Islamic religion. If these positions are compatible then you could help Muslim women who are torn inside: on the one hand they are fighting with human dispositions that would not necessarily like to share. On the other hand, they understand that one have to embrace willingly the Islam in it is entirety. To be Muslim is not mere chanting of the Shahada. It is about following the Allah's directives which in this case validates and makes polygamy necessary societal solution that has to be there for men to exercise if need be.

 

Therefore, I'm sure these reasonable sisters would appreciate if you can enlighten us how your two positions can have legs to stand without negating the very directives that was in place since the light of Islam had been lit.

 

I understand that you have every right to choose what is valid and what is not. However you have no right to invalidate what Islam clearly validates, justifies, and make is it legal.

 

 

So, again you are making me out to be this evil, anti-islamic, western feminist person is really not gonna happen in this thread.

Are you? Tell you what don't put much value about what other people virtually thinks about your screen character. I for one come here to make my boring work go fast.

 

Man! I didn't notice i was doing that :confused: C'mon cut me some slack here DA...I undertook the task of defending the polygamous men all over the world from youn intelligent women like you and 7 of 9 and other virtual assassins

[Tuujiye]

Baashe Calanka MEN adaa hada noo haaya iga qabo nin yahoo...

 

This is realy good thread I like it.

 

wareer badanaa

[Reality Check]

I dont have to accept pologymy because it is not obligatory nor necessary. I am not violating any rules in Islam when I do that, because I have that option. Islam regulates pologymy, it does not install nor tell men not to marry more than one. Therefore, with muslim men who don't find it acceptable to marry more than one wife, and don't end up marrying more than are committing the same sin as I am, IF I am committing such a sin.

 

I for one am trying to make my word day faster as well, but I do not insult other people's "online/virtual" character.

[Faheema.]

Originally posted by dawoco:

There was this highly religious woman who found a nice girl for her husband. She encouraged him to marry her, tho the guy in question had doubts. Helped him bring the second wife abroad. Said that as they were muslim sisters they ought to live in one house. Called the woman uqti. She was so very modern in her adaptation of the olden rules....

 

Then the man went away on holiday and married himself a third wife secretly...As a result of this, the first wife demanded a divorce. How could he betray her like this? After all she did for him? all the sacrifices she made for him?

 

Well, go figure..Is the man to blame for being greedy?

Or was his wife a hypocrite who didn't mind another woman she hand picked, but who hated the idea of her husband falling, and marrying a woman she didn't know?

It’s a tough one. However, I would say the husband is to blame….Simply because he did not consult the existing 2 wives on going about marrying wife no: 3.

 

As for the wife, we’re assuming that she was being a “hypercritic†for not choosing the 3rd wife or for husband falling for a woman she didn’t know, but who knows. It could be because she felt betrayed, I know I would be if I did all that for him and he went behind my back… :mad: ..As my favorite maah maah goes “abeensada marka farta loo taagu fanaxay u boodaâ€.

[NGONGE]

Those living in the West(men and mostly women) disagree with these ideas. Those living in the East(men and many women) agree with these ideas. It sounds like a case of big fish eating small fish. Survival of the fittest, etc..

Or is it a matter of ignorance and the fact that all of us in the West have seen the light and would wish that our brothers and sisters in Islam, would stop this "backward" habit and move with the times?

 

Let's assume that some guy got married behind his wife's back. The choices she'll have will be to grin and bear it, ask for a divorce or make him choose between her and the other woman! None of these choices sound that nice. If she decided to agree to share her man with another woman, how long will she be able to manage it for?

How about if she asked for a divorce, will she be able to live her life as a single mother/divorcee?

How about the third choice whereby she asks her man to divorce his new wife? Would that be fair on the new wife? Aren't both women in the same boat anyway? The only thing that will remain constant in all these cases is that the man will get away with it(unless his first wife kills him of course).

[Baashi]

I'm back fellas! what we got here?

 

And here I thought I will be challenged with compelling reasoning as to why on earth u think polygamy is invalid and unnecessary! Instead u come up with: "I dont have to accept pologymy because it is not obligatory nor necessary" something I thought we put to rest...again what you do and whether you accept it or is not our damn business.

 

What we are interested in is what makes you say it is not "valid" and it is not "necessary".

One more time: Islam clearly says polygamy is "valid" institution and necessary (Divine wisdom who saw fit to legalize it) solution for Muslims. You think otherwise! Can you plz elaborate.

[Valenteenah.]

Ahh! Looky here, oh so civilisedly discussing polygamy. See how Baashi is being so logical about it? and I see the girls are skirting around the issue at hand.

 

Well let me throw a bucket of petrol on the flames...

 

 

Originally posted by Baashi:

I see you are not against polygamy per se right? You are against, however, people abusing that legal option. Same here! Most of men (responsible, pious ones) understand that.

Well, thats just it, isnt it? At the risk of tarnishing you all, am gonna have to say there's nothing responsible or pious about how Somali men (notice the emphasis on Somali, because I have no knowledge of how other Muslim men conduct their affairs) go about acquiring their multiple spouses.

 

Please, no indignant mutterings....we've ALL heard about or witnessed the horrific things that happen. Sit back a spell and think about it.

 

Hell, forget about additional marriages, today's men can hardly be bothered to look after their existing wives and children, therefore, I hardly think they will be doing the new wife on the block any favours either. Which brings me to something that always puzzled me...just how short-sighted and spineless are these women who shack up with married men? Don't they realise he'll be doing to them the very same thing he's done to his existing wife? That they will also become yesterday's garbage before too long? Hmm...go figure.

 

NGONGE,

 

When your wife is 40, you, my dear, will be on the wrong side of 60. Now tell me, who will want to marry a bad-tempered oday like you at that age? Not anyone under 40 I suspect. I just luv crushing ppl's dreams...such satisfaction!

 

Xoogsade,

 

Well said. I think I luv you. Its just too bad I have sworn off the xayawaan known as men.

 

Seven,

 

Not every reference to petite is aimed at you my dear. LoL @ FOOLXUMO. Runtaa, waxa dhaca maalmahan waa foolxumo iyo nus.

 

Now lets not hide behind the legality of polygamy in Islam, because it doesn't justify the behaviour and actions we've seen so far from your camp. :rolleyes:

 

Just to clarify, no I'm NOT bitter. I just havent had my morning cup of tea yet. :mad:

[NGONGE]

^^^^ I do not wish to continue arguing about multiple marriages anymore. There isn’t anything that I’ll add which his Excellency above has not covered already.

 

When your wife is 40, you, my dear, will be on the wrong side of 60. Now tell me, who will want to marry a bad-tempered oday like you at that age? Not anyone under 40 I suspect. I just luv crushing ppl's dreams...such satisfaction!

Being on the wrong side of 60 will not stop me from finding several 16 year olds who are willing to marry me. It’s the Somali way, darling.

 

 

PS

No dreams have been crushed. If and when I do it, I will only do it as some sort of service for my Somali sisters. It’s really not fair that only one woman can brag about being married to me.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by NGONGE:

It’s really not fair that only one woman can brag about being married to me.

. Please stop it b4 ma stomach starts to hurt. Talk about blowing your own trumpet

[sheherazade]

Why didn't Papa tell me about the ready availability of 60 year old Somali men when I was sweet 16? Golly Gosh, I miss out on all the good cultural stuff.

[NGONGE]

I sense a disturbance in the force, Obi Wan! :rolleyes:

 

I’m as sad as you are, girls. I really am. But, lets not wallow in our collective sorrow; there is still light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t have to wait for me that long (less than two decades now). Rejoice my darlings, rejoice. One of you is going to be able to win my very own lottery.

[sheherazade]

Warya isqor, since u're so generous can I have one of your sons in say 20 years?

[NGONGE]

I would love to oblige you, dear. But there are many obstacles on the way. He might not want to have you (although I’ll do my best to persuade him). You might be past your sell by date and unable to give me grandchildren to preserve my good name. But don’t let me depress you with all this negative talk. Lets wait and see, it might all work out nicely in the end. If not, you can always throw your hat into my ring (the only instance in the world where the consolation prize was more valuable than the prize itself).