Would You Allow Your Husband to....

[-Serenity-]

Seriously people, what businezz has a married man alluring and wooing other women? Ma yar qaab darna? Unless the whole deal was agreed and arranged, are we to accept that our men can keep up the single act and flirt and seduce as many women as allowed despite being married? What would be 'holy' about the whole relationship if it only applies to one partner... Waa foolxumo...

[Baashi]

^It so happens that ur likes often fall for the guys who are into multiple wivey bizz I can see all the ingredients there...is griirixis iyo annigaa ...and then he is my best friend then he is the best i wish he was single then...whould i mind? I don't know umhhh it depends ...finaly after u put ur cards on the table it would be his call to accept the offer and he might decline Sh*t like that happens u know!

 

Darling, human nature is a force to reckon with and unless u r endowed with "that" inner beauty, self-confidence, and the grace to accept "calaf" and the hand u r dealt, u'll live in rage and "the life is not fair" kinda attitude.

 

Mistresses, concubines, and extramarital affairs do exist in this world, no matter of what you think of it these human behavior are here to stay for as long there r humans, civilizations have done their best to regulate. In Islam, polygamy is legal provided that u meet the criteria. Now in this context, it is not foolxumo me thinks.

 

2895,

We r on the same page Btw, i didn't avoid it...I agreed with Xoogsade!

 

addiga iyo dawaco, iyo Xoogsade dad wax ogol oo la fahmi karo baad tihiin

[-Serenity-]

^It so happens that ur likes often fall for the guys who are into multiple wivey bizz

I can see all the ingredients there...

is griirixis iyo annigaa

...and then he is my best friend then he is the best i wish he was single then...whould i mind? I don't know umhhh it depends

...finaly after u put ur cards on the table it would be his call to accept the offer

and he might decline

Sh*t like that happens u know!

Not me walaalo. As long as I've my dignity intact and my sanity in place, I shall conduct myself in a manner in accordance with my principles and that doesn't include entertaining unwanted suiters.

 

Darling, human nature is a force to reckon with and unless u r endowed with "that" inner beauty, self-confidence, and the grace to accept "calaf" and the hand u r dealt, u'll live in rage and "the life is not fair" kinda attitude.

True...

 

Mistresses, concubines, and extramarital affairs do exist in this world, no matter of what you think of it these human behavior are here to stay for as long there humans, civilizations have done their best to regulate. In Islam, polygamy is legal provided that u meet the criteria. Now in this context, it is not

foolxumo

me thinks.

So do murders, robberies, rapes etc. Wanna justify these too? :rolleyes: . The fact of the matter is, these actions are plain wrong. If you find it acceptable that married men carry on masquerading as if they were not, thats ur prerogative. However, to me, its purely foolxumo and quite disgraceful. If you re-read my post, i referred to the manner men go about achieving their 2/3/4th wife rather that the institution of polygamy which I do realize is valid. You dont have to be a rocket scientist to realize its inappropriate behaviour.

[Baashi]

^Hold ur horses there darling. I'm not justifying these crimes and I'm not saying anything about married men "masquerading as if they were not" is acceptable. let's be clear about that.

 

Now if you accept polygamy as a valid act then by logical extention you would agree with me that married man can enter their second marriage the same manner they've attained the first one noh?

 

As to how you are going to act in a manner accordance to with ur principles...that's fine. But don't you agree that calling "foolxumo" for what other "pious, smart, pettite, confident girls" know is legal and made part of their principles, is uncalled for

 

**Done for the day...Let's called a day **

[Xoogsade]

posted by Baashi: Now Xoogsade, things get complicated when u plug few variables in the equation. I'm sure u understand how challenging and frustrated it can be to get the "right" gal/guy. For the gals sometimes the "right" guy happens to be married man :cool: I wouldn't be surprised if the "smart young pettite cuties" with the "right mindset" understand that they have that option if their potential husband-to-be dissappoints them

[/QB]

Baashi , How challenging and frustrasted one becomes will depend on some factors like Age, social skills and the opportunity to meet the opposites. And these days those who are challenged can go back home and bring one of their own without any difficulties. Other than that, There are more important things in Life than getting frustrated over those challenges of finding The Almost-Perfect partner. Being young and gifted gives ONE solid confidence and less worries, and I believe Guurka calaf waaye. How many planned to marry someone they loved yet ended up marrying someone else they didn't know? La isma wareeriyo in my book. No frustrations Please! lol. They will come knocking the door or I will go knock someone's door lol. Either way will make my goals doable.

 

As for the girls whose "right" man happens to be the married one, I would have my reservations and doubts about them. If I was married, I can accept an expression of fondness or an adulating comment from a girl I am acquinted with, like if she likes my character and hoped to find for herself a man like me, but if she wanted to act on her thoughts about me with disregard to my other existing contract, I would think of it to be strange and unnatural. I would question what drives and motivates her to be that way. Hadii nin la'aan sidaas u Jirto, may be I can understand.

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by Baashi:

Now if you accept polygamy as a valid act then by logical extention you would agree with me that married man can enter their second marriage the

same manner

they've attained the first one noh?

Absolutely positively NOT. Married men cannot and shouldn't act in a manner a single man would. They have responsibilites towards their 1st wife 1st n foremost. Unless she was completely made aware of this intention to look for another women, no eyeing of even a single woman, let alone shukaansi n da sort. Besides, any women that is being approached should 1st be made aware of the man's marital status. I'm sure not too many will be thrilled

 

As to how you are going to act in a manner accordance to with ur principles...that's fine. But don't you agree that calling "

foolxumo"

for what other "pious, smart, pettite, confident girls" know is legal and made part of their principles, is uncalled for

Mr. There is nothing more disrespectful and disgraceful than a married man hunting for another women behind his 1st wife's back. It shows total disregard for the person and it will make me question his morals. This is foolxumo...not polygamy.

P.S quit it wil the pious, petite n underhanded comments.

 

Xoogsade, well said.

[NGONGE]

Wait for me, girls. I’ve had a deal with my beloved that I’m going to get married again when she turns 40(she’s got a long while to go yet). I’m not planning to act like a single guy and go chatting up girls in Internet forums and discussion boards (as if!). No, I’m going to announce my intentions and watch the candidates throw their hats into the ring (would need one hell of a big ring, right?). :cool:

 

 

On a serious note though, I find myself agreeing with everything President Baashe says. Not that I understand why any man would need to double his qaxar though! :rolleyes:

[Baashi]

Morning,

 

Xoogsade,

Well well. First let’s draw a line in the sand so we know what we are discussing here. I’m under the impression that we are talking about a married man (impersonal) going for the second wife. We are not talking about a fella looking for an excessive indulgence in sexual activity.

 

Now an “expression of fondness†from that qallanjo and “adulating expression†from her is exactly the desirable impression one should be after. After all, the existing contract permits the right for the husband to enter three more contracts. No?

 

Let’s agree then that if one wants to go for it legally, one must use all the moves one knows in the way of shukaansi and xod-xodasho to attain one’s goal. Is polygamy necessary? Depends! Is it obligatory? Of course not! Is it legal? Absolutely! Having said that, I would be really surprised if I see someone who wants to exercise this right in NA as he would be asking for trouble (the system is antithesis of polygamy relationships). Moreover, it is illegal (here in the States) and it is not feasible economically.

 

As to the point of you being cool, confident and in peace with whatever the “calaf†have in store for you Mansha’Allah…Amin to that. I’m sure you are in the minority. There are “young and gifted†fellas out there in the real world who are tired seeing their time, energy, and even money wasted in their search of potential soul-mate, some are stuck in relationships with no future, others are bouncing back and suffering from breakups, and being lonely. Let's not kid ourselves here finding Ms right can be frustrating, challenging, and time consuming endeavor for many. I’ve seen folks here go to other continents for that elusive potential soul-mate. They always succeed, it seems, in capturing the golden cup finally…

 

U seem to be careless by waiting your door to be knocked by the lady of your dreams. If she doesn’t show up, well you will just have to get up, drag your feet and knock her door. The challenge is which door to knock and how you go about that. What if you are disappointed time and again – some get frustrated.

 

79,

I assume that manners of the single men that you are referring to are bad. In that case, we are on the same page. Shukaasni can be fun, legal, and fruitful and it is not as dirt as you seemed to make it. I wonder how this negative connotation with shukaansi came about...care to share with us. Husbands should have the right to exercise polygamy as an option without the permission of their wives. However, I agree that it is a common courtesy to at least consult with their wives prior the act. I can see how difficult that would be. You can't have your cake and eat it too. On the one hand, you reluctantly concede that institution of polygamy is valid in your book. On the other hand, you are throwing so many obstacles in the way of exercising this legal option. If getting (hunting as u put it) a second wife is disgraceful and disrespectful, I wonder what remains of the polygamy.

 

PS: Ok quit that i can do for ur sake...no more "petite/pious" words in my post wonder what is underhand about them :confused:

 

Ngonge,

Qaxar iyo nus! sxb so much headache

[-Serenity-]

Originally posted by Baashi:

7

of

9,

Shukaasni can be fun, legal, and fruitful and it is not as dirt as you seemed to make it. I wonder how this negative connotation with

shukaansi

came about...care to share with us.

I didnt say shukaansi was dirty. It just depends on who's practicing it.

Husbands should have the right to exercise polygamy as an option without the permission of their wives. However, I agree that it is a common courtesy to at least consult with their wives prior the act.

Husbands may not need the permission to have a second wife but a woman has the RIGHT to know if her husband is dealing with other women. Its not common courtesy to tell her, its blatant cheating if you dont. I'm tired of hearing and reading this inconsiderate and preposterous notion being perpetuated by men. The manner a man approaches his 2nd/3rd/4th woman should absolutely be different from the 1st.

P.S A woman can have it written in her pre-nup that she doesn't wish to be in a polygamous relationship and any breach of this contract grants the women instant divorce. No woman should fall victim to reckless search for new nookies by selfish men.

 

 

On the one hand, you reluctantly concede that institution of polygamy to be valid. On the other hand, you are throwing so many obstacles in the way of exercising this legal option.

I didnt... Islam places so many obstacles as u put it, althought merely stipulations. Lets face it, men dont practice polygamy 'cause of circumstances or they wish to benefit any1 else but themselves. They are always preyin on young defenceless girls. I would understand if a man took a relative who's a widow, a divorced woman, a women in a predicament so as to bring about a better change in their lives.... but getting a new younger model when they have had the best of their wives..

 

N with that, I leave this claptrap you folks nod heads to.

 

[Baashi]

^ :cool:

[NGONGE]

They are always preyin on young defenceless girls. I would understand if a man took a relative who's a widow, a divorced woman, a women in a predicament so as to bring about a better change in their lives.... but getting a new younger model when they have had the best of their wives..

Maybe it’s my experience but I have not yet seen a guy who’s married two women and one of them was a young defenceless girl! Even if she was, I bet the first wife wouldn’t call her that either!

[Xoogsade]

Bro baashi, You could be a lawyer you know that right? A man given to persuasion and cajole! lol. Good for you. I have nothing against the institution of Polygamy per se. There is/are a reason/s for it. At the same time, I don't think it is there for men to just do it at their whims. Don't you think men should be responsible with the option? And If the woman gives her husband whatever he desires, in as much as she can, what else is there to get from another woman? Is it too hard to wait for the week/s she is off? May be pregnancy is an issue for some and they can't wait for months, so they have to go out and marry another one Miyaa? lol. This is putting aside the needs that necessitate a second marriage.

 

 

NGONGE

 

That is cruelty! When she hits forty is when she gave all her young years to you and served you well. It is like telling her, Gacaliso, Now your body is not as strong as it used to, all the things I came to admire about your physique is somewhat not that attractive, so I am going to get a younger more firm One and I need your blessing for that. Huh, Sounds very nice and fair to me.

 

And you have a sense of humour. That comment of yours about the girls throwing their hats into the ring, and the ring being huge, made me laugh. You are Good.

[Baashi]

Xoogsade,

You seem to be veering into other realms (whims and irresponsible men)...you are off topic mister! and I'm not sure what is it that you are agianst. I'm not here to cajole or flatter you into submissin to my views I thought I reasoned my way into the heart of the matter. I see you are not against polygamy per se right? You are against, however, people abusing that legal option. Same here! Most of men (responsible, pious ones) understand that. What is it that we are disagreeing here? Nada

[Xoogsade]

Baashi, I will let the girls let their views known. I am gonna watch and see how things develop in here bro. And yes, you argued well for your case lol.

 

Maalin Wanaagsan.

[Reality Check]

7 of 9,

 

I am in complete agreeance with you.

 

What most MEN don't understand is that polygomy is a pre-islamic phenomenon. Islam happens to put a cap or limitations on polygomy because of prior abuses to the system. Now, polygomous relations are allowed, but not encouraged otherwise, there would be no such limitations (beyond the 4 wives rule). These days, many men are violating some of these sanctions, therefore are committing sins. For instance, I know of a cab driver who has two wives in two different countries. The wives and kids obviously can't be supported with that sort of income, so guess who the wives are depending on for funding? No surprise there.

 

Also, because you can have more than one wife does not mean that the 1st wife has no say. and going behind her back to get a second wife, because "you can" and "islam allows it" does not make you a good pious muslim. It makes you real Foolxuun (as 7 of 9 puts it) in your character.