Adna Posted June 18, 2007 salaam. A Couple were married, and they both live in two different countries. forexampl, eroupe and africa, the wife tried to responsor the huspand and it has been four years since they were married,so the husband has an other wife and children. she has been very pateint and now she feels her bilogical clock is ticking, Ladies if this was you Would Ask for a divorce? thank you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
- Femme - Posted June 18, 2007 If she got married to him while he was married & had kids and now wants to move him away to live with her...I'm sorry but that's evil to break up a family like that (if I got the situation right). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adna Posted June 18, 2007 yes!! You Are Right but he agreed that he will come to live her; however, i think the two wifes should be treated equally. thought he might have been with first wife before, the second should have the same right. The problem is not so much him coming or not, but should she really ask for a divorce or not? would that be Danbi? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kool_Kat Posted June 18, 2007 ***First and foremost, I would not (and that is a big NOT) look at a married man, let alone marry him...That's just sick and pathetic... ***Secondly, I would never be in a long distance relationship, let alone marry the guy while he is still overseas... Marrying a married man is a sign of desperation... I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER PUT MYSELF IN A SITUATION LIKE THAT... But then again this is the opinion of a happily married woman…Keeping in mind I wasn’t born married…I was once single…lol And to answer the question of whether it is dambi or not...I don't think so, she has a valid reason...It is not like she's gonna be young enough to have kids forever... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Adna Posted June 18, 2007 kool kat sis i completely agree with you, but you know what they say " Calaf wuu jiraa" anyhow, i'm older then her and very happily single, but you know some times dicisions we make. my heart beets for her because she is a close freind of mine. anyhow i appriciate your thoughts. thanks. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pacifist Posted June 18, 2007 I am always hesitant to advise some to seek divorce and we are not always sure what the situation is on the other side of the coin. Your friend should speak to the imam about her situation. Everyone will give their opinions to your friend but at the end of the day, she knows what is best for her life. I hope Allah makes it easy for her amin, because surely is a predicament. Personally I would not put myself in that kind of situation but like they say never say never and I hope to Allah it never happens to me. All the best to our sister. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Intuition Posted June 18, 2007 Asalaamu’calaykum. Sister you highlighted two main points. The distance and her wanting to have children some time soon, both of which are valid reasons when considering the future of a marriage. Islamically these are all rights of any married person and can be the basis of a divorce. 4 years is a very long time and one requirement when a man dwells in polygamy is that he divide his time evenly between the spouses unless of course there were other arrangements. However at the end of the day your friend has her needs. I think she should really reconsider her marriage situation and weigh its pros and cons. Also tell your friend to pray Istikhara and make plenty of duas. Good luck Insha'Allah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Intuition Posted June 18, 2007 I know this is getting off the topic but have you guys seen that new show Big Love lol. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted June 18, 2007 Originally posted by Adna: salaam. A Couple were married, and they both live in two different countries. forexampl, eroupe and africa, the wife tried to responsor the huspand and it has been four years since they were married,so the husband has an other wife and children. she has been very pateint and now she feels her bilogical clock is ticking, Ladies if this was you Would Ask for a divorce? thank you Sister Adna, I would like to thank you for your question and the great confidence you place in us. Unfortunately with limited knowledge of the situation it’s hard to even come up with an opinion. It would be useful if we knew what her views are and if the husband had consulted her when he decided to take on the second wife. She needs to seek counsel from those who possess wisdom, experience, and knowledge and seek to solve the outstanding issues between them after gaining insight and advice from them. Has your friend addressed this issue with her husband or elders? I'm confused,did she marry this man knowingly he had a wife and kids and lives in another continent? or Did he marry the other woman after her? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted June 18, 2007 A Couple were married, and they both live in two different countries. forexampl, eroupe and africa, the wife tried to responsor the huspand and it has been four years since they were married,so the husband has an other wife and children. she has been very pateint and now she feels her bilogical clock is ticking, Ladies if this was you Would Ask for a divorce? thank you If we are talking about honesty, hypothetically, I would have not allowed the matter to excalate as you have pointed out. 1. 4years of not being together 2.Living in different worlds in such a way my husband talking another wife.( It shows you failed as a wife.Youve never given your marriage a try. Youve let your status in whatever country come first than your marriage.) What I would have done, was be realistic. He cant get the Visa, fine. Plan B - either move together to another country and start afresh. Or move home whereever he stays. Why? - Because we are MARRIED- we have rights on each other spiritual, conjugal, fiancial etc... and to be able to reach them we need to be together. You have sacrificed for the ideal didnt work out. Now coming to the situation where he has remarried, your biological clock is ticking and asking for divorce. I would ask myself, why did I marry?? Whatever answers I get I will act on them . My best bet is HE is my soul mate. I pack my bags and give life a try together. Option B. Im no longer into the marriage, he already has wife n children and I dont want 2 leave Europe. > I ask for my divorce. In shariah you are Entitled to divorce if you have been estranged from your husband for 3 years which includes material and conjugal rights. He hasnt delivered,(life been unfavourable to both of u) you can speak with an Imam and get your divorce. But the saddest thing my sister is why get married in the first place. Once you saw the mission is impossible why didnt she brace up and go to her husband? They could move from Somalia due to the violence to kenya, Zambia, Tanzania, South africa even arab countries and try a life together as a family. To "have a life" doesnt mean youve got 2 be in Europe. It looks a bit selfish what is going on here. I still say she should give it a shot that is her marriage, why did she marry the guy in the first place?.Pack her bags be a woman give it an honest try. If it fails she still has a cushion to fall on to, her previous home/life in europe. So she should leave some savings/assets back there. And if she married the guy after he was married, I deem the woman selfish. You cant take away some1s father, husband and breadwinner. Life in Europe wont be easy fro the man either, until he assimilates to norms of that place. Unless if they have other bigger plans> HE comes gets his status and tries with whatever means and lies to bring the second wife to europe. The unfortunate thing is one will be legal the other illegal. I feel sorry for the children. I dont know but arent we supposed to protect our children? and be truthful and trustworthy? The govt maybe gaalo but lies in whatever language are lies. We should fear Allah. I see alot of Somalis cheating, Im a single mum to get money out of the system while the man of the house is a taxi driver. Dont they know even that money they receive is Haram aslong its based on a lie. :rolleyes: Im sorry off topic. But these are all consequencies things to think of if, you get married to a married man and want 2 bring him to the western world and with the 2nd wife in tow. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted June 18, 2007 ^^My question is , did she knowingly marry the man knowing he had a wife,kids and lives in another continent or did he get married to the other wife after they got married, and his sponsor wasnt sucessful? There are many grounds for divorce in Islam,she needs to state hers clear,seek the advice from an imaam..and inshaallah all will be kheyr. Sophi, that program is an interesting in sight to polygamy, I watched several episodes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ibtisam Posted June 18, 2007 erm erm...... oh never mind Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted June 18, 2007 Originally posted by Munira002: ^^My question is , did she knowingly marry the man knowing he had a wife,kids and lives in another continent or did he get married to the other wife after they got married, and his sponsor wasnt sucessful? ^^ Im not sure,love. We have to wait for the lady who posted to put things in chronological order. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted June 18, 2007 WOL...Vipi Mambo? Uko wapi leo? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Warrior of Light Posted June 18, 2007 Nipo home, ta bukheri, upepo wenye harufu ya mlangilangi ukinipulizia. Karibu. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
