The advisor I miss

[Abtigiis]

Two years now, since I have seen him or heard from him. And what terrible two years they were! His lasting piece of advice might have been when he interrupted me as I went too detail about my problems with my wife. I was describing how difficult it has become to understand each other on the most trifling issues such as how to dress up the wound when our young boy cut his finger.

 

Axmed Bulxan lifted his hand slowly signaling a polite request for me to stop talking and listen to him. He said, “If you have a problem with your wife, and she hurls curses and insults at you, it is not manly to engage in tit-for-tat exchanges. Mount her. If that means you have to duck her angry fists in so doing, so be it. But make sure you act first and you talk later.” He didn’t have the intellectual capacity to liken his time-tested anti-dote for the heated moments in the life of couples to the carrot-and stick accepted wisdom of seasoned diplomats when dealing with fierce rebels in intricate political rivalry. But he learned his lessons by doing.

 

True, the ‘first mount and talk later’ doctrine was not a 100% success. It worked for my first wife Mahado sometimes and it didn’t work at other times. Like when she was grilling me for not caring to call and console her grieving father who lost his young wife. Axmed Bulxan never told me that timing,circumstances and the issues at hand are crucial when implementing the advice, but I should have known.

 

But it didn’t work for my younger wife, a graduate of nursing school, who seemed to get angrier with each try from my side. “What you are doing is despicable and utterly primitive. Talk with your mouth if you think you can reason. You cannot reason with your prick,” she would shout.

 

Yes, kind of mix results there. But there was nothing ambiguous about the outcome of the other advice about what to do when my eight-year old daughter, the one I got from a whore who disguised herself as a pious woman, tries to take after her mother and puts on lipsticks. He said, “There may be strong atavistic disposition that will pull her towards her mother’s foibles. But that can be fought with brute force. Without hurting her, get a lighter and put the fire close to her lips until such time she stops wincing from pain with exhaustion.” I did so and Alxamdu lilaah since that day, she runs away from anything Gel-like, even Vaseline.

 

I lost my guide and life-long advisor to Alshabab. He was a man of impeccable moral character and sharp mind. He had a solution for the seemly most difficult problems in life. He was not pushed into misogyny because Sucaad spread rumors about his impotency after their short unsuccessful marriage, as many gossipers were wont to say. He confided in me that the divorce came after Sucaad’s tongue slips got to a level he can no longer tolerate. He said that one day he and his wife were in a car driven by another friend when the issue of gays came up after they saw two men kissing each other, as if one of them just got a vital goal and Gary Neville was his team-mate.

 

“Horta, I can not understand what a man will get from another man” the friend said.

 

“Yes. It is something difficult to comprehend. Let us not go into it.” Axmed Said.

 

Sucaad interjected. “ Axmed, I really get confused. I can't imagine how something like that can happen. The amount of pain I feel when your nails hit me there accidently as you are looking for…” She stopped.

 

But it was too late. The other man heard it and Axmed too.

 

Nor did he join Alshabab because he was upset with me for borrowing money from a gay man who happens to be my colleague at work. Yes, I told him about this when I returned the money and he said that it is Xaaraam (Haraam) to send unclean money to my family, but he didn’t swear at me or label me a non-believer. He joined the youth group mainly because he could not take the ignominy of doing nothing when his country is invaded by crusaders whose real intention is to ensure Somali women go in bikini’s and Madarasas turn into teenage debauchery centers.

 

I miss Axmed Bulxan. Now, I hear they call him Abu-Cuteyba.

[Valenteenah.]

I'm just cringing right now.

[NGONGE]

^^

[Jacaylbaro]

I knew A&T has always weird advisers who gives him weird advices before they join the weird group of Alshabab ,,,

[Maaddeey]

He joined the youth group mainly because he could not take the ignominy of doing nothing when his country is invaded by crusaders whose real intention is to ensure Somali women go in bikini’s and Madarasas turn into teenage debauchery centers.

Takbeer!

[AYOUB]

Allahu Akbar!