what should I do when I'm considered a friend or a relative.

[hussein 02]

I onces had a feeling for this somalian girl who never knew I existed.see the this is that I was a new immigrant from somalia and she was born here.The problem I'm having is that she thinks were cousin being somalian and all but I simply love her and would hate to lose the friendship between us.I feel that this is the only girl for me and don't really know how to approach this situation, I've tried to reveal my secret and confuss but every time something would pop up,for example, I would fined out that she's dating some guy. As far as love goes and soulmate this is my first experiences and I wasn't expecting this or even planned it, it just happend.she doesn't agree with the cousins can marry each other statement and has a strong opinion about that.I strongly follow my insticts and if I don't,I know the conseguence before hand.This is affecting me to the point that it hurts and now I try to distances myself from the ones I'm dealing with. So what should I do in this case when you loved someone for nine years and never had the chances to express your true feelings or start a new chapter with your idle wife.Right now I'm at a point in my life were it's my destiney to take that approach.Don't get me wrong I'm not sensitive but the subject matter is. I hope that you be real with your advise and be realistic to help. one love and peace out

 

Exile :eek:

[SafiaLuuL612]

FIRST OF ALL BROTHA, I MUST SAY THAT I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN LOVE SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS.

 

I HAVE TO SAY LOVE IS A TWO-WAY STREET. IF LOVE FLOWS FROM ONE PERSON AND NOT THE OTHER THAN THAT IS UNHEALTHY. YOU GOTTA FIGURE OUT(OR TRY TO GUESS AT LEAST) HOW THIS GIRL FEELS ABOUT YOU. IF THIS GIRL SEES YOU AS A COUSIN, AND IT NEVER CROSSED HER MIND TO LOOK AT YOU IN THAT WAY, THEN YOU GOTTA REALIZE THAT THIS LOVE YOU FANTISIZE WAS MAYBE NEVER MENT TO BE. I THINK 9 YEARS IS ENOUGH TIME TO HAVE DWELLED ON THIS GIRL AND IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON.

 

BUT THE PROBLEM IS SO MANY PEOPLE ARE SO QUICK TO SAY "JUST MOVE ON", AND I UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS EASIER SAID THEN DONE. THE ONLY CURE TO THE PAIN IN YOUR HEART IS TO LET YOUR HEART FREE FROM THE PRISON OF YOUR FEELINGS. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND JUST LET THIS GIRL KNOW HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. SO WHAT? WHO THE HELL CARES IF SHE SAYS "IM SORRY" OR "I CAN'T BE WITH YOU LIKE THAT". AT LEAST YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO WONDER "WHAT IF I WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING?", AND YOU CAN FINALLY ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU WERE A MAN AND YOU LOOKED THIS WOMAN IN THE FACE AND YOU TOLD HER HOW YOU FELT ABOUT HER. AND AT LEAST YOU WILL KNOW YOU ARE CAPABLE OF EXPRESSING YOUR HEART TO A WOMAN SO WHEN THE RIGHT ONE COMES ALONG YOU WONT HESITATE TO EXPRESS YOUR LOVE FREELY AND FEARLESSLY. AND WHO KNOWS THE POSSIBILITIES BROTHA, MAYBE ALL YOU NEEDED TO DO WAS SPEAK UP IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THAT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS HAPPEN.

 

MY POINT IS BE REAL WITH YOURSELF AND BE TRUE TO YOUR HEART. NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY WHAT IS TRULY IN YOUR HEART BECAUSE HONEST TO GOD LIFE IS TOO SHORT. GOOD LUCK AND I HOPE YOU TAKE MY ADVICE.

 

SAFIA--------*

[SCORPION_SISTA]

Hello there Hussein:

 

I thought i would never find myself writing another response but it seemed something of what you said somehow seemed most genuine so i thought to maybe help you out. I am not good at advicing, and in no way the matter of the heart, but there is one thing i always trully believed in. One must always follow their heart. If you have loved this woman for 9 yrs you have known then that clearly shows that you trully loved her in a sincere way that is not seen in this days. And you are right it is time for you to make a decision because you cann't be hanging from the same spot for the rest of your life. Tell her what you feel about her and how you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her. And if she is your other half then there is nothing such as even being cousin would stand between you! A person as they grow up there is always idealism and sets of view points but as we go throw the process of growing up our idealism and believes change and grow with us. So if she says i don't believe in cousin being married maybe that wouldn't be the case in a year or two or even right now for her. As far as i know cousin have no higher rates of deficetive kids than other non-related couples for scientific points of view. And i think you guys being friend for that long time would had a tremondous weight into your side, because most successful of mariages don't only work because couples love each other, but because they are also best friends too there for can communicate very well, and communication will let your marriage successed or fail.

SO AGAIN, set a time with her for you guys to meet and tell her that you wanted to talk to her about something serious and just tell her how you feel about her and how you felt about her this past 9 yrs or so, not that you just love her only.

AND EITHER WAY IT GOES, AT LEAST YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO PUT AN END TO THAT CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE AND GO ON WITH THE REST OF IT.

 

Wish Allah to be on your side.

[Baashi]

Hussein,

1. Take a risk! and approach her with a confidence.

2. Do ur homework about her and start preparing a follow up comment that may ilicit how she really feels about this.

3. Lower ur expectation and be ready to accept the final outcome.

4. Convince urself the fact that she has her own preferances and she might already been sought after by someone else.

 

If she objects the idea of cousins getting married as she may, u should be able to emphisize that it is very valid in our culture, religion, etc. If she is the type of Nomads who look West as their lighting guide just mention that most European monarchies had been doing this for ages; Darwin married his cousin, Einsteins parents were cousins and he himself married his cousin, so was famous Brown the inventer of space rockets in NASA.

 

In any case, don't blame her if she opts not to engage this sort of relashionship.

 

Take a risk!

[boycott]

Brotha dont let yourself prosecute for a girl who doesn't even know about your existence.

Just be reasonable cos the problem lodges in our somali education and those days are past where girls dream on her cousins just because he is. You have to be flaming damn good, successful and desired by all ladiez... those are some of the criteria now days. On top of assuming all consequences you need that kinda feeling when you'll approuch the question with her, if you dont get it, better giv up unless you wanna take a squeegee.You'll find plenty of somali girls worthy of love.

[Taqwa]

VERILY THE MOST HONORED OF YOU IN THE SIGHT OF ALLAH IS HE WHO IS THE MOST RIGHTEOUS OF YOU" (49:13)!!

 

I can't believe you actually adviced a brother to approach a sister knowing that its Haram if the intention isn't marriage. May Allah forgive those who contributed to this thread.

[Hanna]

Taqwa

walaalo why do you take everything "face value"?

and how do you know the brother isn't considering her for marriage....he is abviously in love with the girl :cool:

 

salaamz

[Ladiif]

Posted by: Hussein

 

"She doesn't agree with the cousins can marry each other statement and has a strong opinion about that"

 

Taqwa,

 

Did you read what brother Hussein have said? Careful w/ur words brother.....no need of accussing others of wrong doing while they haven't done nothing wrong.

[Jewelz]

BROTHA HUSSEIN 02

 

9 YEARS? DAMN THAT'S LONG. BUT IF YOU DONT THINK YOUR WASTING YOUR TIME, AND YOUR LOVE FOR THIS GURL IS REALLY TRUE AS YOUR SAYING IT IS, THEN FIND OUT IF THE FEELING IS MUTUAL. CUZ WUT U DONT KNOW WONT KILL YOU, BUT IT SOUNDS TO ME YOU ARE DESPERETE FOR AN ANSWER. I AINT MEAN IM JUST REALISTIC!!! WHAT'S THE WHORST TO HAPPEN? SHE SAYS THE FEELING AT MUTUAL...ATLEAST U KNOW AND YOU COULD GET OVERSELF AND STARTING LOOKING FO ANOTHER GURL.

CUZ MEMBA...LOVE IS BLIND...AND IT COULD TAKE OVA YOUR MIND!!!!

1LUV

[Ladiif]

Abti, I heard all u have said and I think 9 yrs are a bit too long to wait for a girl who has no clue about your feelings for her. Horayna waxaa loo yiri, “Jeceyl aan lagula qabin wakhtigaaga yuu dhumin.” You have to realize that u r in a competition with many Faraahs apart from myself and ur time is limited here and even though she is your cousin, she won’t give in easily unless you convince her.

 

It’s a good thing that you know she will say you are cousins and have a strong opinion about this kind of marriage as u said earlier and u should expect some other excuses too. You have to be able to get around this and convince her she has no point on this. The way to day that is ur home work, I guess, do some thinking ahead. You have to know that she has all the rights to make personal choices. Anticipate what you feared the most and accept it if it turns out to be that way. Respect her decision.

 

Knowing all these, you have to be the man you are and be willing to take the risk. Tell her you would like to ask her a simple but thought-provoking question. You having nothing to loose at all; what is the worst that can happen? The worst she can say is no, but that will not going to break your bones and you will not be the first man to receive no for an answer either. Be strong, calm and most of all, confident but don’t be aggressive. I know many people freak out and swallow their words when they face the person they have feelings for but just try to do ur best to stay cool, relaxed and be clear about your objective. Stay true yourself and tell her exact how you feel about her and if that does not change her mind and ask for a second to think about it, I don’t think you should stress yourself over this even though I’m not saying to take no for answer because some ladies don’t like to give it up easily but u have to make a sound judgments about her reactions and words after u presented ur case. If you still think she means it even after you gave her a considerable time to decide it, don’t waste a minute more on this and move on with your life sxb, and remember she is not the only women in this world. Go your way and just open eyes I’m sure you will find someone who will appreciate and reciprocate your love God willing!

 

Good Luck sxb.

[SafiaLuuL612]

I WAS VERY ANNOYED AND DISTURBED BY TAQWA'S COMMENT ABOUT ACCUSING SOMEONE OF DOING WRONG BY ADVISING THIS MAN TO TELL THE WOMAN HE LOVES HIS TRUE FEELINGS.

 

FIRST OF ALL BROTHA, AL-XAMDU-LILLAH THAT YOU ARE IN TOUCH WITH YOUR RELIGIOUS SIDE. BUT MARRIAGE DOES NOT FALL FROM THE SKY, YOU HAVE TO APPROACH IT AND THE WOMAN YOU INTEND TO MARRY WITH WORDS. DIDN'T NOBODY ADVISE THIS MAN TO GO UP TO THIS WOMAN AND SEX HER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. CHECK YOURSELF BROTHA.

 

SAFIA-----------* :mad:

[Senora]

I haven't had an actual chance to read all the postings, so I'm really sorry If I have repeated anything.

 

I think the best and only advise i have for you is to be open. I know its going to be real hard, cause you have to find right time and place to do it. I have been in 2 situations like that before.Once there was a guy who had feelings for me( for a couple of years), and he finally got the guts to let me know. I have to say it caught me by surprise cause i always saw him as a friend or advisor. In fact its so related to your story that i even saw him as a cousin. I will tell you right now, it will only work if the feelings are mutual. Too make a long story short, things didnt go as he planned,but its been three years now, and we still remain friends.( some feelings are still there, but he's gradually learned to let them go). The other situation was that i liked a guy a whole lot, and i just didnt know how to tell him. See, i know he liked me, but he didnt know if I liked him. We were like best friends, and he tried hard not to mess that up. So this make this story short, i told him how i felt,( and it was soo hard!!) It took me about 9 months to do it, but i did it. We dont go together yet, because of the fact that we both go to school in different states, but it's working out for the better.So ,sorry for the briefs biographies, but i hope the fact that me being in circumstances like that, helped you out. It's always flattering, to have someone care for you like that.So dont be afraid that she's going to blow you off right away. And remember, everything happens for a reason, so if things don't go your way, don't worry!It just wasn't meant to be, but at least you know!

[Khayr]

My three shilingssss

aka Two Cents on this for the brother

 

First of all, what are your attachments to her based on? If its based on your personal emotions and the illusions of the grandeur of Love, then let me tell you this walaal-

WAKKKKE UPPPPP!!!!

You have to evaluate things inshallah not on the bases of your feelingsss but with the

BIGGER PICTURE in mind i.e How will this effect you in the long run? Your relations with family? Your Deen? and etc.

Love is something temporal and it changes very often. It is also very Self-serving to your Nafs and Ego. If you base your relation with someone based on the fact that you have a good time with them, then you are setting yourself up for some serious RUDE AWAKING!!!

You have to see things for what they are.

On what basis are you measuring the sister?

I have experienced some of the same emotions inshallah that you might be going through and the whole time, I was fooling myself. This is what I have come to realize now and not then.

You might like something that is not Good for you, But Allah knows whats best for you

This is from a verse from the quran and it deals with the believers going to war and Allah tells them to go to war even though that they might not like to. The theme of this ayat is that Allah knows whats best for you. You might want something that you might like but you don't know if thats best for you. Often as humans, we tend to convince ourselves that something is good for us because we simply happen to like it.

When wanting anything in life, inshallah make du'a that if its the best thing for you, that Allah grants that thing to you and if it will do you harm, that Allah takes it away from you.

[B_A_L_L_E_R_Z]

MY N'IGGA HUSSEIN WHAQ U NEED 2 DO IS U NEED 2 PIMP THIS XALIIIMO,, ON THE STREEET MAN,,U HET ME,, BRING HER 2 SOUTHALL BROADWAY CORNER AN PUT HER ON A CORNER FOR 8 HOURS A DAY,,THEN SHE WILL COME 2 HER SENSES,,,,

 

AND DAAM 9 YEARZ,, DAAAAAAAAAM N'IGGA THAZ ****** UP 4 REAL,,AHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

 

WE OUT

[hussein 02]

hey it's hussein02 the formal writter of this forum,first and for most i would like to thank all of my felo nomads who took the time to help and advise me in this particular situation. I would like conclude to my story that i've had a feelings of attraction for her about 8 years as a cousin and actually got the chances to get know her last year on a personal leve and fell in love with her. so I appoligize for my misleading information.I want you to know that I will take put this matter all behind me after it's dealt with and the final concludion of this approach will be posted on my forum. hopefully as soon as a travel to toronto and make the confrontation on a face to face basis rather then long distance call where facial expressions of the outcome can't be detected,so it's not an option to call.

 

peace out/one love