Don't Marry Career Women!! An Interesting Article

[Xoogsade]

Somalia was one of the best countries in Africa to educate women and employ them. My grandmother raised my father and his siblings alone and worked as a nurse for more than sixty years, we never went to another doctor unless it was necessary or wanted to see a specialist, my mother was also a teacher and a government employee, my aunts and all other female relatives I have worked back in the days.

 

The difference with these relatives of mine and the career/working somali women of today in the west is that my relatives had the support system which ensured their kids to grow up accordingly. The neighbours helped raise the kids, strangers walking by scolded kids if they found them doing some mischief. There was always someone at home, at school and on the street who could relate to the kids just like their parents could in all manners. There was no sense of abandonement and the guilty feeling many parents have today that their kids are being raised by someone who doesn't speak the same language (that is a concern of course if one really cares about who they are and appreciate their uniqueness in this vast foreign culture) and someone who comes from a different background while the parents spend long hours away from home and from their kids. They leave home early and come back at four plus pm, the kids come with them after they pick them up or come from school on their own and neighbours will help them get off the bus(if they are lucky enough to have somali neighbours). Then the meal has to be cooked or warmed up afterwards. Sometimes waxaa laga yaabaa inaaba homework lagu caawin karin the kids because the parents are really tired. They put them to bed by 8:30pm. What KIND OF LIFE IS THAT? What kind of kids are these parents raising? Surely, caruurtaas ma noqonaayaan somali in the true sense of the word. Foreigners indeed. Waa ku daayeen ilmaha noocaas ah and they will never be like you, not a somali in every sense most definitely.

 

Many somalis who opted for work and left their kids with foreign baby-sitters ended up unable to communicate with them later on. The bond between a child and a parent was broken early so the kid feels trully independent from his/her parents. Teaching the culture and religion then becmes monumental task and the kids prefer what other kids are doing, what the society they live in is doing.

 

The choices people make are rooted in how they see the world, their outlook of life, how much appreciation they have for who they are will have an impact on their decisions certainly, how much they want to transmit their unique culture and their sense of belonging to their poor kids who didn't choose to be born in a foreign land also has an influence. Surely, all the money in the world means nothing if your progeny gets wasted and won't communicate with you on the same level and becomes total alien to you. You can't benefit from that. You might as well have no kids and save the world from useless contribution.

[Valenteenah.]

Hello X

 

You make some good points. I agree with you in terms of the difference between raising children in Somalia and here.

 

But what you haven't taken into account is that there are plenty of stay at home mums who's children grow up alienated from the Somali culture and everything it entails. If I had to make a rough guess, I would say 90% of Somali mums in the UK are stay at home mums and yet everyone sees the huge problems our youth are experiencing. You can be assured that those mums are not having an easy time of it.

 

The younger generations have little respect for our 'beloved culture', whether their mum is a housewife or a working woman. This furore over working women is a waste of time and a distraction from the real problem with Somali families. Whether you like it or not, Somali mothers, working or otherwise, are at least there for their children. The same, I'm afraid, cannot be said for Somali fathers, working or otherwise, and this is what everyone tends to ignore or tip-toe around.

 

The cancer within the Somali community and the real problem with our younger generations has very little to do with working mothers and a lot to do with the lack of good male role models.

 

A mother can teach her children about our beloved culture and values until she is blue in the face, but it doesn't mean those kids will become productive adults with integrity. Mothers are often forced into playing both the mother and father role, but let's face it, however much she tries, she'll never be a father to her kids. Especially if they are boys.

 

Without the constant support and stability of a responsible, emotionally available father figure, the foundations of family life and the fabric of our society will keep unravelling and we'll be churning out more useless faaraxs and xaliimos, who in turn will become useless parents (working or not).

 

Women, more than anything else, need to be trained for employment because the time of relying financially on your husband is long past. They need to be able to comfortably take care of their children once hubby gets a permanent itch for other women or the local marfish/Cafe or takes leave of his senses.

 

In my view, an educated and employable/employed woman is a huge asset to her family, and more importantly, to her offsprings. :cool:

[Blessed]

Xoogsade and co.

 

I don't know how things are in other Western countries, but in the UK there's still a very strong family system. Pre-school children with working / student parents are taken care of by aunts and ayeeyos. My cousin got married, had her son and went through med-school, my sister did the same in her career and so do many, many other Somali women.

 

I think most Somali women are smart enough to know what's good for their children and usually take a career break and work flexible hours untill the child is in full time schooling.

 

Anyways, looks like Michael Noer got served.

Counterpoint: Don't Marry A Lazy Man

By Elizabeth Corcoran

 

Studies aside, modern marriage is a two-way street. Men should own up to their responsibilities, too.

 

Girlfriends: a word of advice. Ask your man the following question: When was the last time you learned something useful, either at home or work?

 

If the last new skill your guy learned was how to tie his shoes in the second grade, dump him. If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you've got a winner.

 

I'm not usually a fan of dipstick tests, particularly when it comes to marriage and relationships. But a downright frightening story written by my colleague, Michael Noer, on our Web site today drove me to it. According to the experts cited by Michael, marrying a "career girl" seems to lead to a fate worse than tangling with a hungry cougar.

 

OK, call me a cougar. I've been working since the day I graduated from college 20-odd years ago. I have two grade-school-aged children. Work definitely takes up more than 35 hours a week for me. Thankfully, I do seem to make more than $30,000. All of which, according to Michael, should make me a wretched wife.

 

In spite of those dangerous statistics, my husband and I are about to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. You'll see us snuggling at a mountain-winery concert this month, enjoying the occasion. I don't think I'm all that unusual--so it seemed like a good time to test Michael's grim assertions.

 

The experts cited in his story think that professional women are more likely to get divorced, to cheat and to be grumpy about either having kids or not having them. But rather than rush to blame the woman, let's not overlook the other key variable: What is the guy doing?

 

Take, for instance, the claim that professional women are more likely to get divorced because they're more likely to meet someone in the workforce who will be "more attractive" than that old squashed-couch hubby at home.

 

Women have faced this kind of competition squarely for years. Say you marry your college heartthrob. Ten years later, he's working with some good-looking gals--nymphets just out of college, or the more sophisticated types who spent two years building houses in Africa before they went to Stanford Business School. What do you do? A: Stay home, whine and eat chocolate. B: Take up rock climbing, read interesting books and continue to develop that interesting personality he fell in love with in the first place.

 

Note to guys: Start by going to the gym. Then try some new music. Or a book. Or a movie. Keep connected to the rest of the world. You'll win--and so will your marriage.

 

There is, of course, the continual dilemma of who does the work around the house. But if both spouses are working, guess what? They've got enough income to hire someone else to fold laundry, mop floors, etc.

 

Money is a problem? Honestly, the times money has been the biggest problem for us have been when we were short of it--not when one of us is earning more than the other. When we have enough to pay the bills, have some fun and save a bit, seems like the rules of preschool should take over: Play nice, be fair and take turns.

 

In two-career couples, Michael frets, there's less specialization in the marriage, so supposedly the union becomes less useful to either party. Look more closely, Mike! Any long-running marriage is packed full of carefully developed--and charmingly offsetting--areas of expertise.

 

For us, the list starts with taxes, vacation planning and investment management. My husband likes that stuff, and it leaves me yawning. Bless him for doing it. Give me the wireless Internet system, the garden or just about any routine home repairs, and I'm suddenly the savant. Tear us apart, and we'd both be pitiful ****** trying to learn unfamiliar routines.

 

Michael is right that longer work hours force two-career couples to try harder to clear out blocks of family time. When we do, though, we get to enjoy a lot more. We understand each other's career jokes and frustrations. We're better sounding boards on what to do next. And at dinner parties, we actually like to be seated at the same table.

 

The essence of a good marriage, it seems to me, is that both people have to learn to change and keep on adapting. Children bring tons of change. Mothers encounter it first during the nine months of pregnancy, starting with changing body dimensions. But fathers have to learn to adapt, too, by learning to help care for children, to take charge of new aspects of a household, to adapt as the mothers change.

 

So, guys, if you're game for an exciting life, go ahead and marry a professional gal.

Source

[Nehanda]

Dares, how I love them. Do tell Mr Pfaarax exactly what you’ve find wanting in my thread.

[Galool]

Being a career woman is acceptable if both parties (that is if they are married) agree and understand each other’s responsibility.

 

The trouble is; it seems most of the ladies here who might not be “career woman†I define it as ladies who gross annual income exceed $100 thousand. Why are you guys wasting your time something that is chimera?

 

Trust me ladies, those of us who want to have a piece of the American dream (all Halal of course) would be very gladly offer the hand of marriage (provided she satisfied all the other requirements—and the list is long trust me) to a career woman.

 

If the both parents working, then that means a better income. By generating this revenue (also the lady for reasons known to her; feels appreciated by the larger society as a contributor of the country's GDP); we can enjoy life in a kosher way. We will be able to send our kids to Islamic private school; to hell with public education and its failings.

 

You see, it is a win and win situation unless you are crazy jelous man in which case you will rot in your self imposing hell.

[Faarax-Brawn]

My grandmother raised my father and his siblings alone and worked as a nurse for more than sixty years, we never went to another doctor unless it was necessary or wanted to see a specialist, my mother was also a teacher and a government employee, my aunts and all other female relatives I have worked back in the days

Lol,you sound like the occasional bigoted racist who says "I am not a racist,i have 2black freinds & one asian",KKKKKK

 

I see Xoog has pulled an e-nuri

 

Anyway,whats her face Nubia; i was in a ranty argumentative mood when i wrote that,so kindly wait for this melow hunger induced mood of mine to subside,then i would probably remember why i said your piece was rubbish. There must be something that got me to say that