Why is marriage the single most important goal of a somali woman?

[Coloow]

Salaama, First of all my appology for intruding here because as the name says, this is, strictly a female post area. But I have this burning question which I would like you to answer. I have during my lifespan met many somali women (educated, illitrate, divorcees, widows, spinsters etc) and in conversing with many of them, I have come to the conclusion that marriage is:

 

1: A means for many of them to better their lives. This is quite understandable. the economic benefits of marrying at least in the "good" old days were enormous.

 

2: Marriage is a goal: This is specially true for women who have studied. I have met several sophisticated sisters with brains whose main goal in life is not making a career but to marry!

 

The former hypothesis is quite understandable, despite being old fashioned while the latter presents an interesting theme: It seems to me at least as a simple man that this is obviously due to peer pressure where marriage is seen as the ultimate goal for a woman.

 

My question is: Do you think marriage should be a goal? Do you think marriage is the pan ultimate thing for a woman to do? do you feel pressured by society into marrying? could you envisage life as an unmarried independent career woman?

 

 

Thanks in advance

[shyhem]

Originally posted by Entrepreneur:

My question is: Do you think marriage should be a goal? Do you think marriage is the pan ultimate thing for a woman to do? do you feel pressured by society into marrying? could you envisage life as an unmarried independent career woman?

 

 

Thanks in advance

I'm not a woman but i couldn't help notice how the few philosophy lessons they taught u in college is having a profound effect in u'r life.

 

Brother under what basis are u asking the ladies the above questions or do u usually like asking rhetorical questions?i don't know about u but marriage should be the ultimate goal for any muslim regardless of whether he/she is rich,poor,literate,illiterate etc.

[missy_1]

salam bro,

very interestin questions. the following reason come to mind

1 - life has more meaning when you have one to share it with. marriage is the ultimate relationship as it is (or at least should be)the ultimate committment.

2 - marriage offers stability and security

3- it also provides the basis of startin your own family, and many women would like to have children one day.

4 - last, but most certainly not least, religious wise, marriage is seen as the ultimate goal.

[Coloow]

Shyhem you wrote:

 

"I'm not a woman but i couldn't help notice how the few philosophy lessons they taught u in college is having a profound effect in u'r life."

 

well, my friend my questions have nothing to do with philosophy! and don't be too assertive here I am not a novice of college philosophy!!!!!!! but a human being seeking answers.

 

By the way, you have used the classical answers given by people who see a wall in what is termedas philosophy and religion- this was not the intention of my article.

 

Unfortunately sxb this is a silencing strategy (thought controlling using religious dogma) that does not take into account the capacity of the indvidual to give a straight forward answer to a question.

 

 

p.s please answer the questions without religious dogma

[Coloow]

Missy interesting answers , thanks

[Senora]

Originally posted by Entrepreneur:

My question is: Do you think marriage should be a goal? Do you think marriage is the pan ultimate thing for a woman to do? do you feel pressured by society into marrying? could you envisage life as an unmarried independent career woman?

 

 

Thanks in advance

It's not my place to say whether marriage should be a goal achieved by everyone( well woman)....cause everyone has different views as to what they want to do with their life...but for me...i do hope to get married one day

 

2) No i dont think marriage should be the ultimate thing for women..in fat i dont think marriage is for everyone...my friend for example....like me,she gets this sense of fullfillment when she can help others.....and so she decided a few years ago that this was what she was going to do with her life....she told me that shes devoting her life now to help others who are in need, and as harsh as it may sound, she said that a family would only draw her attention away from that dream....she wants to be able to give her all( 100%) to achieving that dream...and i agree with her, having family requires a lot of time and attention and if she wants to dedicate all her time to help other then so be it...." to each their own".....

 

3)Actually,i feel pressurred into having a career AND a family...i guess its because of my own family....they came to this country believing that they as well as their children could/and would be able to have a promising future....and i dont plan to disapoint them.....but they also expect me to get married and start a family of my own

 

4) No i cant.....it's always been a dream of mine to get married and eventually have kids

[Mowgli]

Salaams

 

Because by getting married, you are fulfilling half your deen

[Rising Phoenix]

Marriage as a Goal??? :confused: :confused: :confused:

 

Of course, I can't speak for everyone, but in my oppinion, marriage is most definitely NOT a goal.

Marriage should be a marker along the journey of your life, not the ultimate stop. Of course, if I find the right person, then yeah, bring it on. But the fact of the matter is that most Somalis take part in marriage for the sake of "being married" because otherwise you'll get a lot of slack from the folks, and there is a grave sense of "wrongness" associated with every un-married sister as soon as she hits her 20s.

 

Now, if we are talking about contrast and comparison, I believe children and your devotion to Islam should come out higher than marriage. This is because most marriages dont succeed, failing if not officially, then emotionally.

Its always nice to have the priorities straight...

 

So for me, working out a niche in the world for myself is more important at the moment than marriage. And being true to Allah...

 

~harmonyangel~

[Adna]

Salaama alaykum

 

To my openion i think Marriage should be a goal of either Gender f/m because our prophet ( S C W)

Said dhalinyardow Guursad if you can't then fast,, marka the other way life is too short why not having a sol mate who would share with you happeness and sickness,, also, marriage should make your self happeir then when you were single I'm not make in it up but some folks who are married told me that ,,, peace out

[LadyDotNet]

Salaam,

 

 

Entrepreneur, saying marriage is like fulfilling half you deen says it all. Why? because marriage covers you from the evil of this world - this is my religion prospect .. Now my personal view is not that different, after all our views stems from our religion belief.

I don't think marriage should be a goal, because its not something you are trying to achieve but rather something that you know if its mean't to be, IT will be.

If we are geniue with ourselves we will know that life is not that fruitful without your own family(well in my eyes anyway) - to love and be loved is just what the doctor ordered, and all that can be found in the home of a loving family. Not all marriages are like that though and for that reason is why some sister don't just jump into the deep end - I for one would not allow others to push me to or away from marriage. So to answer your question Enterpreneur, I would not marry because of pressure, I do things for me, and me alone.

 

to tackle your questions?

 

1:A means for many of them to better their lives. This is quite understandable. the economic benefits of marrying at least in the "good" old days were enormous.1

 

Economical benefits - I don't know about that, I live with my family - so the gain cannot be that much, so for me that would not be a reason.

 

2: Marriage is a goal: This is specially true for women who have studied. I have met several sophisticated sisters with brains whose main goal in life is not making a career but to marry!

 

I've studied and have a career now, but that will never compete with or shall I say will not be held in the same view as that off a loving family. Its not a goal to get married but the benefits of having a family far outweight that of singlehood, the list is endless.

 

could you envisage life as an unmarried independent career woman?

I could and I would see no problems with someone who chooses that kind of life. But as for me I love children, and children displays all thats good about a family, but before I jump the gun their, I would like to add that under no circumstance would I marry for the sake of it, if my reason's for marry someone is to have children or time is running out ( as the pressure mounts up) I would not do it. I would do what I feel is good for me - CAll me selfish, but if I'm gonna give my all, than I must have a worthy partner :cool:

 

Salaam...

[halima-4real]

It's quite simple....marriage is the only way a somali girl is gonna get sexs without getting a bad name and comitting sin.

 

its easy for a soamli guy to sleep around coss he aint gonna get caught, but if the girl does it and gets pregnant she is in some deep shit..

 

what choices has she got, keep the baby ..and b branded a *** for the rest of ur life,,,or commit another sin and get rid of the ******* ?

 

well save ur self the bother and look for a man to settle down with!

[Reality Check]

Entrepreneur,

 

You should really evaluate the type of women you converse with. For alot of the somali women I met, Marriage is not their primary goal.

[Changed]

we are muslim and our religion promotes marriage ......that is cuz committing adultery is a sin.....and why do people of the oposite sex go out besides wanting to loving eachother....to have a family and how can they have family by doing none but the famous lovemaking*** hopefully that answers ur question religiosly

now culturally somali girls have seen or have been told that girls better of to have a family ...(not necessariry at a young age) and in our culture a girl is not supposed to go out or have a physical contact with a man she is not marreid to ......society will look at her differently ...call her names and mess her reputation up.........THOSE my brother are the reason why women bush for marriage........

[Coloow]

Opinionated from somalinet forums?

 

Thanks for the response. This would certainly make me to rethink one or two things about my perceptions! It may not however lead to an overhaul of my assumptions because they have been confirmed by some here.

[Modesty]

Asalaamu Alaykum:

 

I haven't read what everyone wrote, but I'm sure they wrote what I would've said. Anyways, I can only personally speak for myself as a woman. Human goals shift according to what the person is trying to accomplish. Right now my ultimate goal is my education,and along with that is my future career. Somewhere on my list, yes! I absolutely wanna get married.The reason I want to get married is to have my own family for one, and secondly to have a man!I also want to get married because thats the only 'halal' way to you know