Tolka

[Decadent Ambition]

Any of you guys have problems with your tolka. For me they seem to be my worst enemy and show an obvious contempt, hatred and xaasidnimo. Walahi the the closer they are, the worst they seem in my case.

 

This cousin the other day sarcastically commented on my bro and I had to kick him out of my office. One thing I learned from my mom is hadii kun qof walalka wax ka sheegan, kow looguma daro.

 

Sadly this isn’t the first time these damned tol expected too much from me when I never indicated I was part of their tolka shenanigans.

 

Whats up with xeero or gogol or whatever they call it. Why must every lunatic mouth warrior old man be called to represent me or someone I know in a dispute. This barbaric old man cousin of mine assaulted another dude in fadhi kudirir and they wanted me to foot the diyo or magan bill. Frankly I’ve had it before with that guy but yielded after my mom insisted. What was expected to be a simple gathering with one or two reps from both families sitting down together, cafis and call it a night turned out to be a whole tol and qabiil fadhi. I received another phone call from my so-called adeer shisheeye asking for more money for odayaasha!!! These are xaaraan kuu noolayaal live in damned USA. Why the phuck should I fork for their shaah. Again yielded after calming down and seeing there is no way I can elude it without causing a scene and a quick phone call to my mom.

 

Fast forward to last week and my 16yrs old cousin is visiting their city to check out the city and her prospective college this fall. She called me earlier to hook her up with one these damned cidaha to chaperone her around and give her a place to stay. Being a senior high, it’s obvious she’s broke and wanted to cut on costs sharing a place with one of the tolka as she explores the city and her prospective school.

 

The first mistake I made was expecting too much for the guy, calling him up and eedo to sort her out. Second mistake is wiring him some money uuku waji qarsado, basically bribing him to do me a favor and show her around, introduce her to her age mates (not that I expected him to know any), not belittled and embarrass himself by asking her for a cab fare etc. Not only did he not (out of courtesy) call me to tell me he did receive the money, but went on to ask the kid for extra.

 

To top it off he’s been harassing her for past two days as I am told oo duqa shukansi ayuuba keenay. Nin weyn oo 40+yrs ah isagabo isku filneen muxuu is mooday bal. Walee ragii somalida buu ceebeeyay. Mideeda kale waa ciyaal oo adeerbuuba unoqon karaa. After she bolted, resorted to calling her names. I did not believe this until I got a call from him a little earlier. Dude had the audacity to tell me gabadha heedhe etc.

 

Walahi I was furious, threatened him and told him to leave her alone. Further told him I’ll press charges if he ever talked her again and see to it that his pedophile **** ends up in county jail.

 

Marka akhyaarey toloow ma anigaa seef labood noqday oo wax si iga yihiin tolkana u daran. Mise walee saan ani arko dadka iigu dhibaato badan oo jabkeeda jecel, xaasidnimo iskabo dee waa the so called Tolka. Walee hooraa loo dhahay maskiina misko la fuulo leh. Mid danbo lee ha ila soo galo ina adeer ama tolka.

 

Sorry about the rant and your calacaal feedbacks appreciated.

[Valenteenah.]

Li, waa runtaa. Unfortunately, we are taught to look out for strangers but never expect danger from our own families and relatives. So when they turn on you, you have no chance. They can pretty much destroy you if you don't have barriers in place.

[Fabregas]

No, I don't have a problem with my tolka! They always seem to invite me to free baris and hilib gatherings! And if I break my leg, the Toolka will raise from the TSA(Toolka Savings Accounts), in order to send me to private hosbital in Germany. And I can't find a nice wife, then toolka my hook that up to me! As Tupac said: you're nothing witout your homeboyz!

 

what were you saying, again?

[Baashi]

No I don't have problems with my tolka. Some are rich, some are poor, and the rest are in between. I help the poor and the sick when I can. When elders try to settle a dispute, or mend a broken marriage or try to put out fires I chip in few bucks. I got nothing but respect for folks who strive to make a difference in their community. Don't highlight only the negatives. I am sure your tolka come in many shapes and sizes.

[Abyan]

I remember my first encounter with the tolka. I was young, living with my dad, when we would suddenly get a call from some random person from africa, that we had never heard of and as soon as they mentioned who they were and their laf, my dad would pick them up from the airport and they would stay with us until eey isdhiiban ee dowlada qaabisho. It would all depend on what laf they were. If they were from a different subclan, wexeey la degi lahaayeen qof kale eey isku sii dhawyihiin. This close network always intrigued me. But this has to have a disadvantage. What about the tolka that collects money for weapons to be used in somalia? Believe you me, they do that.

[STOIC]

There are a lot of things I don’t like about Our Somali culture, but when it is about the Tolka issue I damn love this culture. My tolka are sympathetic, understanding and harmonious people. Based upon my observation and experiences they are the most generous people I have ever come across. And I’m not flattering them with these words for no reason.Beleive me I have a stock of criticism about my people. There are of course exceptions to these statements, but the majorities are very dhaqsi. I have seen them come around and help people who found themselves down and out with no jobs and no money! They taught me the first lesson of my life that money is nothing, but a paper and that I should treasure what’s in my heart. Even though at times I’m far removed from Somali culture when it comes to giving a helping hand I’m more than ready to help.I learned this through watching my folks. I think the Tolka is a very friendly alliance.It was just yesterday that I had to contribute to a family in need in Saudi Arabia (I don’t even know these people) but since I was raised to carry on the legacy I calmly contributed without even thinking about who these strangers were.I'm always ready to contribute if it a school that needs to be built or a borehole is needed by the nomads in the Haudka.Just be careful with the scam artist though

[N.O.R.F]

Originally posted by Baashi:

No I don't have problems with my

tolka

. Some are rich, some are poor, and the rest are in between. I help the poor and the sick when I can. When elders try to settle a dispute, or mend a broken marriage or try to put out fires I chip in few bucks. I got nothing but respect for folks who strive to make a difference in their community. Don't highlight only the negatives. I am sure your

tolka

come in many shapes and sizes.

Very true.

 

My only concern is that the good men are on their last legs. What happens when all that is left is people who have grown up in war and people who don't know their culture?

[Miriam1]

Wow sorry to hear about your cousin. Lakin she did really depend on a random stranger.

 

family is an effy thing and needs to be regulated to close cousins and people you were brought up with...everyone is association by name

[RedSea]

Stoic you are my tolka loool, just so you know.

[Geel_jire]

The TOL have many uses, but you only really understand maalintaad u bahato. I contribute to whatever ideas they bring my way and they did come up with some really good ones like schools,dugsi quraan back home in the tuulo. so I guess the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

 

I have a question for the ladies ... (assuming Li-ka shing is a sister if not my apologies).

 

In Somali culture, it is unheard of to contact women directly for anything related to TOL financing of gar,heshiis, xaal or even mag.From my understanding they bear absolutely no responsibility for these things aside from providing a venue and/or food for the fadhi.

 

The reason being, at least from an Islamic perspective is that one of the main reasons men inherent twice as much as women is so that they can take care of those kinds of expenses i.e. incurred in the name of the family, and since the men were the primary breadwinners of the home ... it was the wealth of another TOL.

 

I am not implying anything here, it is a sincere question.Living in the diaspora has changed many traditional roles, for example the role of the provider used to be soley, that of the men but now women and men are equal in that regard here in the west .Since I'm not involved in organizing or collecting TOL related finances (I pay whatever they ask me and i dont ask many questions).

 

Ladies is your experience similar to that of Li Ka-shing in terms of finances ?

[Aaliyyah]

Well, you do have to help your family whenever that you can. And, as you well wrote you should never let other ppl try to talk ill of your own siblings. As for your cousin, she is only 16 yrs old and that makes her pretty young to move out of her house...bt besides that how can her parents let her move in with a guy who she can marry(non-muhrim)? not that am saying she is gonna marry a 40 yrs old man.

 

At that age I was not allowed to move out let alone live with a stranger guy regardless of his age. I sense her parents are irresponsible and she is a typical teenager who is too happy to move out to consider what she is getting herself into....and I don't blame the girl fully, i do blame that old man as well. But, she could have avoided this situation if she was living with someone she knew and preferably a family or girls...

 

wa salaamu alaikum

[Som@li]

Naaggi Kula Tol maaha, Somali proverb

 

I have no issues with my TOL, and it has been a while since I been to a TOL gathering.

[Faarax-Brawn]

Originally posted by Li Ka-shing:

Any of you guys have problems with your tolka. For me they seem to be my worst enemy and show an obvious contempt, hatred and xaasidnimo. Walahi the the closer they are, the worst they seem in my case.

 

This cousin the other day sarcastically commented on my bro and I had to kick him out of my office. One thing I learned from my mom is hadii kun qof walalka wax ka sheegan, kow looguma daro.

 

Sadly this isn’t the first time these damned tol expected too much from me when I never indicated I was part of their tolka shenanigans.

 

Whats up with xeero or gogol or whatever they call it. Why must every lunatic mouth warrior old man be called to represent me or someone I know in a dispute. This barbaric old man cousin of mine assaulted another dude in fadhi kudirir and they wanted me to foot the diyo or magan bill. Frankly I’ve had it before with that guy but yielded after my mom insisted. What was expected to be a simple gathering with one or two reps from both families sitting down together, cafis and call it a night turned out to be a whole tol and qabiil fadhi. I received another phone call from my so-called adeer shisheeye asking for more money for odayaasha!!! These are xaaraan kuu noolayaal live in damned USA. Why the phuck should I fork for their shaah. Again yielded after calming down and seeing there is no way I can elude it without causing a scene and a quick phone call to my mom.

 

Fast forward to last week and my 16yrs old cousin is visiting their city to check out the city and her prospective college this fall. She called me earlier to hook her up with one these damned cidaha to chaperone her around and give her a place to stay. Being a senior high, it’s obvious she’s broke and wanted to cut on costs sharing a place with one of the tolka as she explores the city and her prospective school.

 

The first mistake I made was expecting too much for the guy, calling him up and eedo to sort her out. Second mistake is wiring him some money uuku waji qarsado, basically bribing him to do me a favor and show her around, introduce her to her age mates (not that I expected him to know any), not belittled and embarrass himself by asking her for a cab fare etc. Not only did he not (out of courtesy) call me to tell me he did receive the money, but went on to ask the kid for extra.

 

To top it off he’s been harassing her for past two days as I am told oo duqa shukansi ayuuba keenay. Nin weyn oo 40+yrs ah isagabo isku filneen muxuu is mooday bal. Walee ragii somalida buu ceebeeyay. Mideeda kale waa ciyaal oo adeerbuuba unoqon karaa. After she bolted, resorted to calling her names. I did not believe this until I got a call from him a little earlier. Dude had the audacity to tell me gabadha heedhe etc.

 

Walahi I was furious, threatened him and told him to leave her alone. Further told him I’ll press charges if he ever talked her again and see to it that his pedophile **** ends up in county jail.

 

Marka akhyaarey toloow ma anigaa seef labood noqday oo wax si iga yihiin tolkana u daran. Mise walee saan ani arko dadka iigu dhibaato badan oo jabkeeda jecel, xaasidnimo iskabo dee waa the so called Tolka. Walee hooraa loo dhahay maskiina misko la fuulo leh. Mid danbo lee ha ila soo galo ina adeer ama tolka.

 

Sorry about the rant and your calacaal feedbacks appreciated.

You got issues dude

 

But seriously,this is what is expected of a leader of any TOL. Dealing with dysfunctional members of the qabil,being a part of petty tol issues and perhaps fitting the bills once every while.

 

Sometimes,you have to be brutally harsh and say NO,You have to be stubborn to lead. If you cant handle this,you should be a Qaran-diid and isolate yourself. Otherwise,so long as you are part and parcel of the TOL & you are in this for the long haul.

[Buuxo]

Can some1 clarify who make up the TOL/Tolka, is it the main tribe, sub-clan or four odays dad aad kala tirsataan?

[-Lily-]

Hmm I always thought we Somalis used the term 'family' too liberally. My blood relatives are my relatives, you send money to men who live in the US? If the poor and destitute in Somali ask for help by all means sadaqeyso but change your number to these parasites. The TOL can be helpful for many things (helping with burial costs, feeding orphaned kids, etc.) but most of the time they do take the piss.

 

North, that is already happening.

 

Geel, women and men are equal when money is collected from the TOL, even if the woman is married to a guy from another Tol. It is a norm now.