Cali Yare the Curious Mullahs

[NGONGE]

In an Islamic evening that was organised by the Student Union of the Hargeisa University, Sheikh Cabdi Gadh-Case was pontificating about the ignorance of people and the insatiable demands for fatwas on all manner of things.

 

“It is not only ignorant looking people either. It is people that look intelligent and learned. For example, the other week, I was approached by a man who had the appearance of a scholar; His face was as radiant as the afternoon sun, his dress as white as a passing cloud and his gaze as thoughtful as the wisest philosopher. Well, this man came to me and asked about the procedures and rules for astronauts spending time on the moon during Ramadan and if they need to fast or not! We argued over the fact that no human has spent an entire day on the moon. However, the man insisted that I give him a fatwa and was persuasive enough to extract a sort of fatwa out of me. Once I gave it, he asked if I was certain of this fatwa of mine. When I told him that I was not, he told me that Sheikh Cali Yare was certain of his. I have no idea who this Sheikh Cali Yare is but I suspect that he must be a very learned scholar if he issued a ruling on such a complicated question. Still, this was an example of a person seeking a fatwa for something that has not happened and may never happen. There are many people like him who harass and pester the scholars for pointless or needless fatwas. I advise these brothers and sisters to stop and think about the importance of their question before approaching any scholars”.

 

At the end of the event and as Sheikh Cabdi was making his way to his car he was met by several other prominent Sheikhs. After exchanging the usual greetings, a short and podgy Sheikh with nonexistent eyes, fat arms and a khamees that barely passes the knees said:

“I was listening to your lecture earlier Sheikh Cabdi and chuckled to myself when I heard your story about Sheikh Cali Yare. I had the same man visit me and ask me the same question you see”.

 

“I did too” Said a second Sheikh.

“Me too” said a third.

“And me” said a fourth.

Sheikh Cabdi was puzzled. He asked the other Sheikhs to tell him exactly how their interview with the strange man went and what sorts of fatwas they each issued. He discovered that the fatwas varied a great deal. Yet, every single Sheikh was insistent that he was using the usual sources to reference his conclusions.

“We can’t all be right” said a competitive Sheikh.

“It is only a fatwa, akhi. There is no right or wrong answer when the issue is new and requiring endeavour” said Sheikh Cabdi.

 

“True. But you must still believe that yours is the closest to the truth, akhi” said another Sheikh “I know I do with mine”.

“At any rate, if the strange man was correct, a certain Sheikh Cali Yare is certain of his own fatwa on this issue and knows his is right” added a third Sheikh.

 

“That strange man must be some sort of wali who goes around testing the knowledge of local mullahs” mused one of the Sheikhs to nobody in particular.

“Or some sort of Jinni” said another.

“Or a troublemaker” shouted Sheikh Cabdi in an attempt to end this nonsensical deliberation.

“Well, why don’t we go to this Sheikh Cali Yare and find out what he knows” said the competitive Sheikh.

 

“The strange man did tell me that Cali Yare can be found at the Cold Tea coffee shop” said one of the Sheikhs.

“Cold Tea? How bad is this coffee shop” asked Sheikh Cabdi.

“We don’t have to drink, we just have to see this Cali Yare person and find about his answer”. Said the competitive Sheikh.

 

The following morning, all the Sheikhs arrived at the coffee shop at the same time and sat whispering amongst themselves. The owner who was sitting in a corner table with one of his regular customers was shocked by the number of mullah-looking guys at his coffee shop that morning and called for one of the waiters to enquire.

“Who are those guys in that table over there?” he asked.

“Don’t you recognise them? That’s the cream of Hargeisa’s wadaad circle” said the waiter.

“Wadaads? Why are that many wadaads sitting in my coffee shop this early in the morning? Are they collecting money?” asked the owner.

“I don’t know. But I heard them mention Cali Yare a couple of times” replied the waiter.

“What would anyone want with Cali Yare, and where is he anyway?” asked the owner.

“I don’t know. He was here earlier” Said the waiter.

“Well, if you see him before the wadaads do make sure you send him to me first. I’ve got to find out what new trouble he got himself into” said the owner sternly.

In the meantime, the wadaads had accosted the second waiter and were asking him about Cali Yare and Sheikh credentials. The poor and confused waiter thought they were mocking him and sent them over to the owner with the words “that man in the corner knows Cali Yare and will tell you all you need to know”.

The group of wadaads manoeuvred their way past tables, people and rushing waiters until they all stood round the owners table and silently observed his appearance.

“What’s the matter, why are you all staring at me in such an unsettling way?” cried the owner.

“We understand you know Sheikh Cali Yare” said Sheikh Cabdi “we came to meet and talk to him for a while”.

“I don’t know any Sheikh Cali Yare. In fact, the only Cali Yare I know is my ten year old nephew, Cali” replied the owner.

“Is he a Sheikh?” asked the competitive Sheikh.

“He’s ten” replied the owner dryly.

“We were told we could find someone by that name here” said Sheikh Cabdi disappointedly.

“Well, the only Cali Yare here is my nephew and he is no Sheikh. Here he comes now...” said the owner as the pointed to a young child walking over towards them.

“Are you Cali Yare?” asked the competitive Sheikh aggressively.

“Yes, sir. Why, what’s wrong? Am I in trouble” asked a terrified Cali.

“No son, you are not in trouble I think we made a mistake” said Sheikh Cabdi.

“I don’t think we made a mistake, I told you that man was a jinni” said one of the Sheikhs.

“Or a wali” said another.

“Or a troublemaker” shouted Sheikh Cabdi one more time.

“We still have to test this kid and see if he knows more than we do” said the competitive Sheikh.

“Fine” said Sheikh Cabdi “Come here son and tell me how much of the Quran do you know”.

“From Cabasa down” replied Cali Yare whilst asking himself who these crazy wadaads were (“they must be Al Shabab. I often heard my uncle saying Al Shabab are crazy wadaads”).

 

“The stranger lied and told us Cali Yare knew the answer to the question about fasting on the moon” said the competitive wadaad whilst preening like a satisfied cat.

“Do you mean the man with the glowing face and very white khamees” asked Cali Yare eagerly.

“Yes him” said an interested Sheikh Cabdi as the rest of the wadaads gathered closer.

“Well, that man was sitting here drinking tea the other day. I went over to ask him if he wanted anything else. He then asked me some crazy question about the moon and fasting..”

“What was his question exactly and what was your reply” said the competitive mullah.

“He said if people live on the moon should they be required to fast? I told him that I didn’t know”

“What else?” said Sheikh Cabdi.

“He asked if I was sure of my answer and I told him that I was as sure as I could ever be” said a still puzzled Cali Yare.

“What else? What else?” asked an irritated Sheikh.

“He jumped up, gave me a big hug, asked me my name and said that from now on I should be known as Sheikh Cali Yare” replied the confused child.

 

“Ahahahaha, Sheikh Cali Yare indeed” laughed Sheikh Cabdi as he stroked the child’s head and started walking out.

“Wait. Wait. Does that mean he knows more than we do” asked the competitive Sheikh.

“Much more. Much much more. Ahahahaha” chuckled Sheikh Cabdi and carried on walking.

[Ibtisam]

indeed a child knows better!!!!

 

It is sad that Mullahs often feel the need to give an answer, I don't know ama Allah knows best ba ka fican all these fatwas on if you can combined prayers on the moon or if your miswak needs to be 10cm long or 5cm.

 

Well written as usual Ngonge. I dont like the competitive mullah, he is Somali iinit?

[Juxa]

oo somali men ma competition bay yaqaanan? i always thought they are missing xididkaas.

 

all the same cali-yare waa caaqil well until he reaches age 15 than waa khalaas

[NGONGE]

^^ Wataa! Xita iyaado sooman, ragga somalida amaan way ka heli waayeen.

 

Sheikha Juxa, waan ku salaamay dee.

[Valenteenah.]

LoL...funny. Wonder who the man with the shiny face and white khamees was?

[Juxa]

Ngonge hadaan been sheegay wakaa ee iqabo, otherwise wakaa bada soo rinjiyee

[NGONGE]

^^ Bada waa 'blue', boy colour. Rinji o ma baahna.

 

** Imagines a pink sea **

[N.O.R.F]

Nice one

 

Now, write it in Arabic and send it to Saudi journal

[Neumann]

Very clever!