Who wears the trousers in your household?

[-Lily-]

^^Come on, there were good parents in Somalia before the war too.

[STOIC]

The model that surrounds children is a powerful source of influence. Children behavior and believes are shaped by the people they look up to whether it is the neighbor next door or the cousin few buildings down. Children begin to identify themselves with their dads or moms. The fact that male and female have different life experiences may explain why dad is an important aspect of his son’s life or why mom is an important role model to her daughter. Role models are deeply ingrained in the culture that we live in. Role models shape our self-conception and identities.

 

 

I was talking to my aunt in England over the weekend. She is a single mom with four kids. The kid’s dad is in Africa. He hasn’t been around their lives for the most part. Now the boys are teenagers. They give their mom a hard time by getting involved in ****** activities like skipping school and boarding the train without paying. This really frustrates my aunt. It is a little too late for her to catch up with them.

 

 

This incident in my family shows how two parents in the household is an important thing. This can influence the way children behave. When families do migrate from one country to another, they do either break the family or live in different country. Torn between the need to fit in the new country and retaining their self-identity, children are caught up with the hype of freedom. Parents should come up with a healthy optimum way of protecting and nurturing their kids in a normal life. No matter who, where, and what you want to make your excuses, your kids are your family. They are your mirrors in life.

[Faarax-Brawn]

Originally posted by Bishitta:

quote:Originally posted by Faaraxov:

i believe young parents in the diaspora are probably realising that less than perfect childhood and are certainly really loving their kids more.

 

I personally have 4freinds with kids & mashallah i was amazed @how close they are to the kids,even more than the mother. I remember the somali father of the yesteryears(Tougn & Rugged)completely replaced and refurbished to a "Daddy".

^ Having a loving, involved father makes a huge difference for a child. We hear so often about cowardly men who don't care about their kids. It always makes me happy, to hear about the dads who decide to be real men, and take care of their children.

 

Watching my mom and dad for a number of years taught me one thing; though he may wear the pants(or think he's), she still tells him what pair.

 

Mom was always the one disciplining us, dad; the cool guy who brought candies. Except occasionally to shout, but he never supported my mother in any disciplinary measures. He was/is there for support and played an active role in our education and development. He's always loving to us and mom very much. Dad had a stroke in '05 and Alhamdullilah is still up and around. If there is ever anyone who's sure he wouldn't get old and vulnerable, that he would take care of everything himself, it is my father. Masha Allah, Allah ii daayo. If only I had him with me! *

I hope and pray to Allah that my unborn son turns out just like you dad. I love you and miss you* Mac Mac.

(Sorry guys, that was a quick shout out to my paps.) L0L.

 

So my dear brothers, not

every

father born before 1960 is "Tougn & Rugged. There are some gentle, and sweet ones out there.

 

Kudos to all the good parents.

 

PS:

(My daddy's gonna kick your daddy's ..(

) from here all the way to China, Kenya, wherever you're from!)

[/QB]

Awwww#@ what a daddy's gabar. I think most dads were like that,the tough yet sweet authoratative kind. The mother is the azz whooping general and the father the gentler ones. But like castro said,i dont think it was a common thing,precisly he was seen as the 'father figure'.

 

But these neo-faarax fathers i have seen are real mac daddies walle,they adapted the western father's attributes and i think its turning out well.

 

My daddy's gonna kick your daddy's ..( ) from here all the way to China, Kenya, wherever you're from!)[/

 

Loooool.classic chris tucker wallahi,if i am to pull a chris tucker on you,i would prolly say, My daddy once walked up to a lion and pulled his goat from the lions mouth

[ElPunto]

^Well in some defense of today's crappy Somali parents - I will say this - the enormous dislocation from their previous life/culture and the trauma they have been through as the result of the civil war has serious negative consequences for their role as parents.

[sheherazade]

^Not that multi-purpose excuse again.

[sheherazade]

Philip Larkin

 

They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were f*cked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.

[Strawberry_Xu]

^^^ lol, I so agree with that. If it weren't for some Islamic directive or another telling us to have kids, I'd take the humane option of not having any any.

 

Seriously though, for a Somali kid growing up in the West, it can frustrating when you see the parents of white kids doting on them, hugging them and playing them. I think there are plenty of good older parents, who teach their children patiently all they need to know but I haven't heard of many who actually play with their kids.

 

Me, I was lucky. Even now, at the age of 23, my Daddy never leaves the house, without kissing my mum, my sister and I goodbye and telling us he loves us. He constantly tries to think of ways to make us laugh, you know, by thinking of silly surprises for our birthdays.

 

My Mum sometimes tries to act stern, but she's just as mushy as my dad really. They both have this romantic idea of parenthood.

 

The only problem is education. My parents always provided us with money for materials, incentives to study anything we wanted etc. But after I reached 10 years, apart from the Holy Quran, there wasn't anything they could teach me, that I couldn't learn faster.

 

That's when I sense how different my family is, from my non-somali friends' families. It's a matter of time before kids overtake their Somali parents in terms of language and Western knowledge. As such you don't really get the guidance other Western kids would get, because not only are they from a different generation, but they're also so culturally removed from their kids as well.

 

Anyway, having a father does help, and having one which is similar to the Western experience of parenthood does help for a kid growing up in the West. You can say all you want about the West, but they do take childhood seriosuly, rather than viewing as merely an unfortunate means to adulthood.

[Faarax-Brawn]

families. It's a matter of time before kids overtake their Somali parents in terms of language and Western knowledge. QUOTE]

 

Yeah,it does suck to translate/explain to pops,dont it? The flipside of this is that the kids speak fluent somali,so i guess its a win win situation.

[ElPunto]

Originally posted by sheherazade:

^Not that multi-purpose excuse again.

I said 'in some defense of' and it is no excuse- it's called understanding. Understanding for someone whose world has turned upside down and who is dependant on their child to get by in the new society. Surely some allowance can reasonably be expected here.

 

Perhaps - as with your namesake - you simply like to talk but not listen.

[sheherazade]

Hoho, don't presume to know either Sheherazade.

 

U said:

 

as the result of the civil war has serious negative consequences for their role as parents.

 

Is dependency what u would call a negative consequence for their role as parents? Why is a parent allowing themselves to be in that kind of situation when they should be there for their children and not the other way around? Child dependency is not a reason; it is shirking your duty. Sounds to me like an excuse, find a reason, bro. One that doesn't involve child dependency.

 

I'm listening.

[ElPunto]

^the reason is the trauma suffered. Traumatic experiences stress the stongest of people and weaken their ability to undertake tasks they would be capable of doing reasnably well. Loud and clear?

[Resistance]

ohh parenting huuh, i have the perfect plan when i 'inshallah' become a parent mysef. just make sure i marry a girl that will make the best mum, and my job is done. a good wife and an even better mummy = not so bad kids.

the rest is simpe.

[ElPunto]

^And what are you gonna do - sit on your azz? My friend you are not helping the cause of the delinquent Farah with that statement

[Resistance]

^^ Think sunny G, is shes good mummy and wifey, hence the Hussie will turn out good in all cases, unless that is one has balwad.

[Pucca]

yea like in that movie "the man is the head but the woman is the neck and she can move it in any way she wants"