Hibo Posted February 5, 2002 I ask my self every time, why do we hide our feelings and dont express them, for example a Somali man loses his father or another member of the family , so according to our tradition it is awkward to see a man weeping!!. If a man weeps he is considered as a weak man. It is very common to see a somali woman reffering her husband as the FATHER OF THE KIDS!! avoiding to mention his name. I dont mean to say that somali men have to weep!! but that was just an example which came in to my mind . I think all the problems we (as a nation) have, has something to do with the problems existing in each somali house. Isnt time to address all those problems since the families are the building units of a nation?. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Libaax-Sankataabte Posted February 5, 2002 Silent_Guy, I wept after my mother passed away 2 years ago. I think most guys would...at least those who have great momories of mom. As far as the lady calling her husband the "father of the kids", I don't know why, but I noticed it is the older folks who say that more often. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RandyMoss Posted February 5, 2002 The prophet said to not weep and cry over people. The reason is that Allah owns everything he gives and he takes back. WE have to remember that this world is only temporary. This world is just like a mirage Bro. We shouldn't weep over things that don't belong to us everything is Allahs and what he gives he will take away in this world. We will have to be patient in this world Bro. Allah likes those who are patient. We'll have our families for eternity in Paradise If we are patient and obey Allah. so there's no need to weep because allah own's all and remember this world nothing but a breese that passes you by just once. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ayaanick Posted February 6, 2002 This may sound weird, but I think death should be something celebrated . There is ending to everything, and we all know that. We cry when we lose a loved, one, but at the same time we move on. As far as other stuff, don't worry we are not alone.... ayaan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honesita Posted February 6, 2002 Silent-Guy.......i so agree with u when u said all our problems start from the home........if u look at our culture....there r many, many things that should be changed......and probably wont change untill we all learn to deal with basic thingz at home.....!!! My father died ten years ago....i was told that he died while eating suugo iyo muufo by my little brother who did not understand what death was.......i remember the minute i saw my cousin's face somethin' was wrong.....i dropped my khubuz on the floor....then picked it up and resumed eating......i swear i fought myself so hard not to cry infront of her or my little brother....!!! I went to the bathroom and cried like no body's business......b4 i came out....i made sure i took a shower so they didnt ask me why my eyes were red....!!! I dont know why i did not cry....when i was young crying was the only trick i used to get what i wanted.....but when my father died i was too shy to cry.....i still dont know why...!!! What i dont understand is what that has to do with the way our homes functions....!!! U also said why do women reffer to thier husbands as the father of the kids....well i think women say that to strangers.....pple that abviously dont know the name of thier husbands......so it makes sense to say the father of the kids...!!! Wouldnt u think i was weird if i didnt know u well and i tell u oh 'Farah' did this.....u'll be like...who da hell is Farah?...!!! Ayaanic.......lol@death should be celebrated......we aint Mexicanos sistah....!!! Salaamz ------------------ Another piece of my ultimate honesty...! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ayaanick Posted February 6, 2002 lol... i didn't know they celebrated death.....wow.....I guess great minds think a like!!!! i have to go to class...... ayaan Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted February 8, 2002 I didn't mean to talk about weeping for the lost ones!! but I said that was just an example. I might n't have put the topic in an understandable way. I meant to say WE SOMALIS SEEM TO BE LESS SENTIMENTAL and WHEN WE HAVE TO SHOW OUR FEELINGS WE DON'T. As far as I understood the woman who reffers her husband as the father of her kids SHE DOESN'T AT ALL WANT PEOPLE HAVE THE IMPRESSION THAT SHE LOVES HER HUSBAND OR CARES ABOUT HIM. I'm talking about a typical Somali family back home. You may see a somali man who has been away of somalia for about 20 years and never thinks of going back to see his parents though he still helps them financially, so this is an example of how less sentimental we are!. A somali couple who haven't seen each other for a decade may not even shake hands at their first meeting let alone hugging each other!!! this shows how we hide our feelings when we have to show them. Honesista!! when we don't show our kids how much we love them we shouldn't expect them be good kids. I assure you if all the somali houses were well disciplined and the parents cared about each other and their kids WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD MANY YOUNGESTERS WITH GUNS IN SOMALIA. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted February 8, 2002 Salaam Silent_Guy, Walaalo I agree wit u 100%. Homes should be peaceful, stress-free and respectful places where the family can take respite from the outside world. I haven't seen much of this in Somali homes...I think they must be more stressfull and frustrating than anything u encounter outside (my home included). There's too much arguing, shouting, disrespect and total disregard for other ppl's feelings. This of course has an impact on our society. Its not, however, the only factor. There are other factors (that I don't wish to go into now) which also play a role. As 4 weeping....I don't think it makes a difference whether u cry or not. Each person has a different way of handling their emotions. It is easier 4 some to cry than others.....but I don't think it reflects on their personality either way. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nazra Posted January 9, 2003 I hate guys who cry for careless situation like females do. For death, it's Ok. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted January 9, 2003 Are you guys saying tha we are upnormal?..i mean we do have "OUR" somali ways..esp the men we just don show our feelings fuaah like tha!.. lemme give u a sad example: this man was working in somalia as a police officer, the then govet of siyad barre sent him to the usa, he had left his 9 kids and when QACDI dhacday they came to kenya,and this man as a good parent was sending money every month!..then all over a sudden the man got lost!!..no where to be found!..not even a trace, no phone kabish!..the last time he talked to them was in 93(its now 10 yrs!)..now the sad part is, this man's family(his siters all came to america) and they KNOW where this MAN is, but NONE of them is willing to tell the wife and the kids wat happened to this HIM.. i find it mind boggling wallahi!..how can a man who has 9 kids and awife in africa have the guts to live in QURBO,breath,eat.while he has no clue how his kids are living?!.. i gave him excuses like: maybe he is in JAIL,Psychologically IL, my mom even suggested that "WAA LA GUURSADE NAFTIRKIISA"..but still doesnt this wife have a right to know where her husband of 24 yrs is ???...more so who am mad at is the family who are HIDING his whereabouts from the FAMILY!..its one of those things in somalis..CEEB ASTUR???..WAA YAAB! so bro silent to some extent our culture has restrictions!..weired ones i may add! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ProudSista Posted January 10, 2003 Slaamz I have seen heaps off Somali men crying. I even had this brotha crying cause we had to brake up and he sarted to cry.... I would say that women are good in hiding the feelings not men not anymore i mean iff your talking about the past i would agree,but now women are stronger in somewayz!! Mac^salaaama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 10, 2003 I'll tell you if you come closer *whispers somalis are actaully robots in disguise* I'm only half serious and the other half taking a pathetic attempt at a joke . What I really mean to say is that the older generation of somalis don't show their feelings...because in our archaic nomad lifestyle (pre-60s) they were all stoics. They beleived emotions were weakness thats why most people didn't get married for love but rather a business agreement. And they would be dying in some cases of hunger, there would be a serious drought, their livestock would be either dead or near it but they never complained about it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
