I want to get married

[Wiilo]

I like to share this Article with people:

 

 

Conditions of Marriage

 

Careful consideration of the Qur'anic injunctions and the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (wajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (zina).

 

It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may push her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (mandub).

However, according to the Maliki school, under certain conditions it is obligatory (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his living: If he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (zina).

If he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help him to refrain from zina. Even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry.

 

However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, he must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may become the victim of another (theft).

 

The Hanafi school considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man: If he is sure that he will commit zina if he does not marry.

If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast does not help him to control his passion.

 

If he cannot get a slave-girl to marry.

If he is able to pay the dowry (mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood. Marriage is forbidden (haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny.

 

 

It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obligations as a result of marriage.In a beautiful tradition the Prophet (peace be upon him) has given the most important point that should weigh with every Muslim in selecting his bride:

 

 

"Whoever marries a woman solely for her power and position, Allah will only increase him in humiliation. Whoever marries a woman solely for her wealth, Allah will only increase him in poverty. Whoever marries a woman because of her beauty, Allah will only increase him in ugliness. But whoever marries a woman in order that he may restrain his eyes, observe cautiousness, and treat his relations kindly, Allah puts a blessing in her for him and in him for her."

 

In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man should see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment should defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionately at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to acquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, he may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fully describe the type of girl she is.

 

Since believing men and women are referred to in the Qur'an, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband.The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrimony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Holy Qur'an.

 

 

Wabillaahi Towfiiq:.

[Charisma]

While times have changed from our mothers n their mother so have our taste !

i admit us somali gals r having problems when it comes to finding MR n our somali bros r not helping at all.

Ok we r both(gals n guys) to blame, us gals we had gotten oppotunities to be educated n enlightened n we r going places n of course we would want aguy of the same level of intelligence n education(i know i do)to say the least.

n also i know that gals get choosy n as u get maturer u get more complicated n rarely anyone will be up to ur standard n that is scarey :confused: .

 

As for the guys i know there r many good ones out there(like my dad ) but there r few who r spoiling ur image n we seem to notice those coz unlike the good ones they TALK :mad:

 

the good ones r either too shy ,too proud,too crazy n believe me too emotional(they exist).

 

so i guess we have alot of problems that we need to solve lol

but dont worry will get there

[- Femme -]

Hmmmmmm maybe Im being rude but...Is it only me who snickers when they see these types of threads?

 

Whats the point in making a thread about not finding a marriage partner? Why should we care? How are a bunch of people in the net gonna help you?

 

I tend to think that those kind of people wont find anyone because they come off as too desperate.

 

The world isnt going to stop...fill ur time with other things then moaning about not finding a descent person to marry.

 

And if they do get married..they complain about how hard marriage life is and......etc. etc. etc.

 

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Wiilo]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL@FF

 

 

Go figure:.........

[Bess.]

that is harsh....i think that this might be the only place that she could really say what she feels without someone thinking that she is pathetic or desperate....talking to strangers might sound less painfull....but thanks to FF.....she might have come to the wrong place....

[Business_Man]

Sister....Why rush when you can still do your investigations!. Get your life sorted first and may allah give you all that you desire..

[underdog]

I understand you guys are trying to help the sister but what's up with the "you don't have to rush" "You have a lot of time" mentality?

 

I think most of you are missing the point here. Balsam is trying to advise you young ladies that you shouldn't delay in getting married. Why is 'securing' your future more important that having a family? Remember Marriage is half your diin. Who pushed the marrying age back to late twenties?

 

Considering the fact the Allah Kareem gave you the abity to give birth in your teens, What's wrong with getting married at 19 or 21?

 

Do you girls and guys honestly think that there is ANYTHING you can do in your life that is more important than raising a Islamic Family?

 

Illahay kabaqa, and check your priorites. We're only here to serve and fear Allah.

 

Balsam, wax kasto waa qoranyihiin. Make your choices based on what you think is right. most of the advise you're getting here is from people who are now somewhere you've already been and are still holding on to the same mentality you had. Abaayo, you've given them the message whether they take it or not is up to them.

[dawoco]

Everyone is very nice in giving the sister their take on the whole thing, but isn't it a little bit late to participate in this discussion? :confused:

[Blessed]

LOls. Mar arkinoo, she could be married with children now - who knows?

 

 

Underdog,

Spare us the pop-psychology abti! We didn't tell the sister not to get married and haven't said that everything else is primary to marriage and certainly didn't express our own regrets!

 

I guess it's true what the say about mens selective hearing (reading in this case) :rolleyes:

 

 

What we adviced her to do is be happy with Allah's decree and work on herself development instead of worrying about what passed. What is wrong with that? Isn't that the attitide of a mumin; to say Alxamdulilah, even when things don't go as planned? Or rtaher in this sisters case - they do go as planned but she regrets her former attitude to marriage?

 

 

 

And what can we possibly get out of her regrets; we (those of who remain single) won't get married till the will of Allah passes. Its pointless looking behind your back saying coulda, shoulda, woulda, because as the wise Jamaican says: you gon dun do it!

[underdog]

I guess it's true what the say about mens selective hearing (reading in this case)

Speaking of selective hearing/reading and seeing as how you're immune to it maybe you just intentionally ignored the primary reason of Balsam's post which was NOT a cry for help but rather words of caution for those following in her footsteps.

 

I wouldn't try any kind of psychology on you... The questions I posed are very legitimate and it's obvious (even in my selective reading state) that you have no answers for them. So you choose to address a separate matter. I'm not trying to be difficult, walaal, I'm just saying there's more than point of view and it won't kill you to consider the other side of the coin.

[Blessed]

My bad huuno, lets look at your important questions shall we?

 

 

1) Why is 'securing' your future more important that having a family?

 

Because, it will have an impact on the state of your family and your style of parenting. Ever wonder why our youth are some messed up - it's because their parents (no pun intended) are more or less just as clueless.

 

One young sister I used to work with refused to attend school because she argued that she had no intention of pursuing a career. A mother is a teacher, a counselor, a doctor, a cashier a manager and a sheikh to her children - there are many transferable skills one gets out of jobs and education (both secular and Islamic) - don't knock it!

 

My question to you is; isn't family life worth as much if not more preparation as a career?

 

 

 

 

2) Remember Marriage is half your diin. Who pushed the marrying age back to late twenties?

 

No one denies that marriage is half your deen, or did we? And for that very reason one needs to give it much thought and preparation before going into it - not marry the first Farax or get married because all your friends are doing it as stated by Balsam herself.

 

Yes, the Prophet (saw) advised that you get married at a young age. But what if your 20 and most of the brothers your age are only interested in raving and tasting all the girls in the hood - which lets face it is the fate of Somalis in the west. What’s a sister to do? Drawn all her energies in finding the right one or taming one of the fools? (because the like of you got it into her head is marriage or nothing) . As a Youth worker I see many young sisters with a lot of potential getting themselves into sticky situations because they are told life is all about men – and netting one. You have to look at our youth today and see what’s more important for them – getting their wit together or finding a wife or husband?

 

 

 

3) Considering the fact the Allah Kareem gave you the abity to give birth in your teens, What's wrong with getting married at 19 or 21?

 

Nothing, unless your not ready for it. I wasn't mature or responsible enough to get married at that age. So I decided to finish university, get some life experience till I was ready in body mind and soul to be married.

 

Is being physically ready to have children enough to make you a parent…?

 

 

4) Do you girls and guys honestly think that there is ANYTHING you can do in your life that is more important than raising a Islamic Family?

 

Live an Islamic life. Getting married is not a ticket to an Islamic lifestyle. One needs to learn their deen, practice it and be at one with their creator from their early teens onwards- this is a goal on its own, it's a must and not doing so can bring the wrath of Allah on you!

 

Marriage however is a choice - a very beneficial one but a choice none-the less.

 

 

5) Illahay kabaqa, and check your priorites. We're only here to serve and fear Allah.

 

And I and the sisters have written something indicating disobedience and lack of fear for Allah?

 

Squash that; more importantly what happened to being content with his decree? That, my brother seems to go over-your head. It’s the last article of Iman – faith, which is more important than marriage on the deen scale.

 

Perhaps, Balsam wasn’t asking for advice (she only made this clear in her but her 4th or 5th response) but her approach to ‘warning’ suggested that she needed advice - it was full of regret and don't make my mistake.

 

I think now after seeing my view on the matter you’d understand why age-of marriage doesn’t worry us too much. It's all about being prepared to fulfil the position, probably and Islamicly. But most importantly we understand that Allah didn't mean for us to have been married at 19 or 21.

 

 

There your important questions addressed!

[underdog]

Understood

[Qac Qaac]

some things never change....

[Faheema.]

Ameenah Bless your cotton socks

[Valenteenah.]

Originally posted by underdog:

Understood

I think this is the first time I have seen underdog concede a point so gracefully. Is the tide finally turning?

 

Ameenah,

 

Beautifully answered. U deserve an award for that, or better yet a chocolate gatau. :cool: