I want to get married

[-Serenity-]

Why do I get the feeling Balsam is a guy and he's pulling our legs? :confused:

[StarGazer]

Barwaaqo, damn!! Walaahi you gave it to him yaah.

 

Balsam,

 

Abaayo, like sista Ameenah said earlier, thank you for baring your soul here. You're relating your feelings of regret b'coz you feel like you've lost your chance back in your early 20's of getting married.

 

Let me speak of myself. I see my college days as a time of finding myself.....discovering and pursuing my dreams in life. Whether its to get married and raise 10 beautiful muslim children or whether I want to work for NGO's to save the world....it's all part of the experience. During your early 20's, its clear you took the time to define what you really want in life. Don't for a minute regret that, it has led you to this point. You have a bachelors degree under your belt (some sisters would die for that), that's a blessing and in no time you'll have a career of your own. Sisters in Turkey are being persecuted for wearing hijabs in Uni's and therefore imigrated to US/Can. to finish off their degrees ....and some unfortunately don't even have the transcript to prove their status (met a sista) .

 

 

Why do you act like its a suprise that many men knock on your door at 20 and ***whooop** notice the significant decrease at 30?? Come on sister, it doesn't take a genious to figure out that most Somali men (yes its true) tend to go for younger sisters. I hate to generalize but again am only refering to my 2003 survey report regarding this matter. So again , who's problem is it, you or them? Friends of mine...most married of few yrs ago, Alhamdulilah it's their choices and responsiblities, you and I have ours to worry about.

 

 

Re-examine the reasons you want to get married. Its a serious issue and remember to always consult with Allah Subhanahu Wa'ala for guidance. Calaf waa garanaysa ..right?

[A7LA-SHU]

Originally posted by Tamina:

You have a bachelors degree under your belt (some sisters would die for that) , that's a blessing and in no time you'll have a career of your own.

 

u got it home girl.. im dyin to get my bachelors degree.. mizz balsam im jealous of ya ... im proud of ya. mansha'allah atleast u did something with ur time xabibti.

[Baashi]

Balsam, right on sis! Mansha’alah walaal post like urs is what I call real life notes. It is a genuine reflection of the opportunities missed and challenges ahead. I’m quite surprised how some of the SOL ladies reacted to ur post. Perhaps ur post touches a nerve or perhaps u have a way of articulating the very anxieties most ladies have to deal with when they make schooling as an ‘end’ and sacrifice too much in getting there.

 

Sadness and depression won’t get u a qualified husband…so don’t get refuge in them. While divine decree dictates all events, we are still expected to take our own initiative and safe no effort in reaching results we so desire. Take satisfaction in what Allah had decreed for u in the past…but whatever the future has in store for u don’t u quit in asking a decent man. Effort is the key here. Go out and socialize, go places where the decent men hang out…there is nothing wrong in doing that. One advice is don’t put a lot of value in degrees and leave the arrogance behind. There are many qualified men from the school of hard knocks! My guess is that u will take the ‘lessons learned’ with u and move on…

 

Thank u for sharing that

[Buubto]

Asalaamu Aleikum Wr Wb

Barwaaqo & Amina couldn't said it better.

 

Blasma

Whether we r extra cautious about our future or not, we won’t miss what is written for us, no matter how aware we r. our future plans is in the hands of Allah subhana watacalaa, no 1 can control it. Whatever happened, it happened for a reason but to regret it is not the way to deal with it. Shaley wa xaraan. Ku hamdi wuxuu Alle ku siiyay. U told us u r religious, if u r why r u questioning what happened? Why can’t u have faith in Allah, & take it as a test to ur patience & faith? U don’t make sence at all.

 

Waa adiga shalaynayee ma isweydiisay waxaad isku qumeyneysid in uu yahay sida kheyrka kugu jirto iyo inkale? Waxaa lagayabaa in ey shar kuu aheed uu ilahay kaa xijaabay. Subhana laah inta aad gacmahaaga kor u taagto Alle ku hamdi waxa aad heysato.

 

Allah gave u the opportunity to establish a career, knowledge is a gift, and stop thinking about what might have being and start helping the poor people with your knowledge, or wealth. Raxmada Alle lagama quusto, wax walibana amarkiisee ku dhacaan, adiguse duco un baa lagaa dooni. Like other sisters said age is not a factor, if Allah meant for u to get married u will no matter what is ur age even if it is 60.

Everything happenens according to Allah's Will

[biG mOm]

asalaama calaykum warahamtullaahi wabarakaatu

 

Maasha Allaah Wallaahi Sister's I couldn't say better, Tii waano Eheed Waad Isku keenteen Jazzakumu Allaah khair, Waxan dhihi lahaaba la yiri, Sis Balsma Don't look your past, you are still young and healthy thnks to allaah,

 

-Make Du'a, Unceasingly ask help and guidance from Allah, Most High, in

the matter of finding and choosing a mate. As often as you feel it

necessary, pray Salaah al-Istikhara, Islam's special prayer for

guidance, in order to reach a suitable decision.

 

-Consult your heart, Listen to what your inner voice, the 'radar'(Ku dhaqaaq wixi markaas qalbigaaga ku dagaayo)

which Allah has given you to guide you, tells you about the

prospective partner. It is likely to be more correct than your mind,

which often plays tricks and can rationalise almost any- thing. For

many people, first impressions are often the most accurate.

 

-Go'aankaaga ka hor" Ask yourself, Do I want this man to be the father of

my children? If it doesn't feel just right to you, think it over again.

Remember, marriage is not just for today or tomorrow but for

life, and for the primary purpose of building a family, If the person

in question doesn't seem like the sort who would make a good parent,

you are likely to find yourself struggling to raise your children

without any help from him - or even with negative input - in the future.

 

-May allaah guide you, Aamiin-

Allah knows best

[mangalool]

asalaamu caleykum,wr,wb,,dhamaantiinba.

RUUXBA ARAGTIDII FAALEE!!.

waxaad moodaa qofba waxa uu doorbidayo sidayda inuu aragtidiisa kusaleeyey, waa sax.oo qof walba ilaahay aragti gaara ayuu siiyey.

qadarkana EEBAA iska leh, go,aankana balsan.

insha alaah ilaahay sida khayrku kujiro haku solansiiyo, aamiin.

malaga yaabaa inay Balsan baraarujin ahaan ay inoogu sooo qortay topic,gan? ee aanay ahay talo, gelyo iyo inaynu la talino? sikastaba kayaab.

hadaba aragtidayda hadaan qiyaaso, waxaa uugu fiican qofku horta inuu wax barto weeye , haduu heli karayo isaga oo reer lehna way uugu sii fiicantahay, arintan hada waxaa keenay dawlad la,aanta maanta ina wada haysata, hadaynu dawlad lahaan lahayn dhulkeenii hooyana joogi lahayn, qofwalbaaba way u fududan lahayd muraadkiisu.

 

.....ALAA WEYN NINKII AAMINAA AWOODLEH.

ILAAHAY WADADA SAXDA AH IYO SIDA KHAYRKU KUJIRO HA INA TUSO,aamiin aamiin aamiin aamiin,,,,,AQOON, LA,AANI QAA IFTIIN LAAAN!

[mangalool]

asalaamu caleykum dhaamntiinba.

 

1)cagta meelaad dhigidoonto.

2)cuud waxaad dhiqo doonto.

3)& calaf waxaad cuni doonto.

4)sadexdaba RABI baa ku caalima.

 

intaasina wayga tulaale yar.

 

1) midna wayga talo..qofoowna ama ruuxna yaanu maxbuus unoqon wixii hore ee dhaafay,,ama wakhti hore kaaga lumay ha u noqon prisoner.

2) midna wayga baraarujin,,,hadaad nin weyntahay,qofweyn, oo waa kuu beryo kulaad weel xasho wuxuun qabo.

3) markaan waaxidkaa wax kula wadin wadada toosan waad ka weecan og,tahay wadaad martaa uu wedkaa yaal!!.

4)waayaha dunidaba nin wanaag qaba iyo nin wayda hayaa ku walaalo ah!.

6)wixii lahayona hala hubiyo waxaan lahayna halaga hadho!!

 

 

note,fadlan nin meel go,doona jooga waa war badan yahaye , waxaan isleeyahay yaanad ilaawin afsomaliga,e not english ee dulqaata.

 

 

WAXAAN LAHAYNA HALAGA HADHO WIXII LAHAYONA HALA HUBIYO!!!!

[Jaabir]

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21).

 

Sister Balsam, have faith in Alaah and his will, i will post a longer reply later inshalaaah

[BOB]

dear baslam let me be the one but 1question if you don't mind pls my qustion is sure what you saying or you just saying matter of saying if mean what you saying let us learn one another getme i'm all alone with my everything but far from u i guiss so being from one another dosen't matter but being pretender i hate and if it workes don't waydiinda me 2mutch meherka

[Siman]

Balsam,

 

..A person will never have retain true Imaan till he/she believes Qadar (things degreed for him or her by Allah), that means Whatever happen to you would never going to miss you and whatever missed you would never going to reach you.

If you believe Qadar, there should be no room for compunction and remorse over not doing something in the past or in your case not getting married earlier. In my opinion, you are in your prime time of your life and you shouldn’t ruin it by worrying over things U have no control over. Marriage is a noble, basic and realistic goal to set for people regardless of age and gender, but I am not sure if your reasoning and approach would serve you the best in that institution. If you want to get married b/c Ur friends get married or you are 26 and U would run off first man who asks U out, think again! Women getting married in their teens and early 20s is not popular thing any more in our culture, the norms is more like late 20s early 30s. To be single at 26 might have been an old age for your mother’s generation perhaps. I am not advocating for postponement of marriage, but just trying to illustrate that your reasoning behind your despair and penitence of the issue may not be pragmatic.

 

Take care and good luck

[Geelaay]

I agree 100% with Siman, I think U sum the whole thing up rather nicely what I had in mind.

 

Nomad fellow said it all, I hope it helps Balsam

[Nomen nescio]

May allah grant a man worthy of you Ibtisaam..

[Jurnee]

asalamu alaikum,

 

I dont usually post replies here but this one got me thinking, especially after reading some ppl's responses.

 

I feel like (and correct me if im wrong) that some ppl have this black and white way of looking at marriage, ur either a dominating, overly ambitous femenist who doesnt want to have children or a woman who aspires to be a simple housewife. why cant a woman go to school and get her education whilst wanting to have a family and get married.

 

I myself am studying at the moment and dont have any plans of getting married but thats not because i dont think its right to get married young but because i havent met anyone i want to marry.

 

Sister Balsam thank you for well intended advise but i just want to add that not everyone woman has to put her marriage and family plans aside to get an education. If you are really hard working and want to than i believe its possible to have the best of both worlds

 

Salaam

[nafta]

I agree with Shankaroon. Marriage and a career can be both combined. If you have one them going for you, it doesn't mean that you can't do the other one. My mum went to Uni, while she was pregnant of us.

She has her career going for her and she raised us to good children. We never felt like we were coming short of anything. So for me she was the perfect example and prove that you can have both a family or get married early, and still have you career/degree going for you.

It just depends all on what sort of person you are and your determination to succeed in both cases.

 

P.S.

Why do I get the feeling Balsam is a guy and he's pulling our legs?

^^^ ...i'm smelling a hint of paranoia here