-Serenity- Posted August 1, 2003 And isn't sacrifice the most crucial element in every successful relationship ? Should sacrifice be one-sided or at the expense of only one partner? I think not Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maajo Posted August 1, 2003 waw ..waa geber aad u caqli badan ...i am sure adiga midka noogu fiican in aad heleesid... 26 da weyn maha...and u forget one..salaatu istigaar madukatay ...in aad heshid mid wanaagsan? byee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
king_450 Posted August 1, 2003 Basalm, sister all i have to say to you is , how encourating you are , to all of us, every one who read your thread you touched one way or another, i for one totally agree with you, if it is time you think for you to hit home run , and get married then god speedy it and we must ,i must encourage you to make your dream come true, otherwise those of us who sound so negative , sound like you know if it not me why you? so plz like the brother said the sister is in right mood to get marry , and as you know marrying is one of the greatest wishes for every muslim. Sister Good luck and god help you, keep searching i bet you will find Mr Right , and he may be knocking your door ,who kows. take care. By the way remember the topic is "I want get married" she wants unltimatum, so she is not asking you to advise her if she want get married or not, the question is and somehow the sister made her own decision that reagardless of what we told her she will get marry with the help of God. so wishing luck is the best thing to do at this stage of her life.so good luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zaylici Posted August 1, 2003 Basalm, there is a man who is always ready to dicuss on the issues of women, he considers him self a lover of women, he is particularly interested in educated women, I encourage you and others to visit the following website. you can find significant information about him and his picture too. http://www.somalilife.com/modules.php?name=FriendFinder&op=userinfo&ffusername=Zaylici He goes by the name Zaylici. Hope you find something that makes you happy Till then life goes as it is unless intervened and shaped as the actor wishes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted August 1, 2003 Originally posted by Khayr: [QB] Salaamz, quote: Marriage isn't a joke and neither is it something to rush into when you are young. By Barwaaqo Interesting? You know if you go over to the otherside of the world, in muslim dominated lands you would get a difference response. I don't think that they would say 'No, you're too young to get married now' Why would have a different view then what most predominates in the pyschi and mentality of Western people and in this case, Somali Women who are located in the West? Thank you for that. Please, disagree with me, but don't question my faith. My location dictates my experience, but it doesn't dictate who I'm, and I don't particularly enjoy being labelled as 'westernised'. I fully understand the discourse behind the idea of 'Westoxification', and I think it is a pusillanimous way of undermining those whose views you don't hold with. But let us leave it there. My understanding of the topic is that Balsam feels that she missed a great chance to get married when she was younger (altho I don't think she's old by any means) and she doesn't want other girls to go thru her experience. That's fair enough. However, what I took an exception to was her advice to girls to marry the first person to knock on their door. Maybe it is only me but I don't see that as genuine advice. Whats funny in all your responses with the exception on sister and she doesn't live in the West (thus reflecting her response), is that most of you have adviced Balsam to hold off and wait and even try to wait until 30. My dear, none of us have control over when, where or who we marry. It is predetermined for us, so whether you advice her to get married now, or whether the sistas advice her to wait, it doesn't matter. That's what I meant by my previous post. There's no point crying over it, regrets are a waste of time. I don't know how old are some of you, but if you just sit down and reflect , Balsam is in a situation that many of you are headed towards I'm not sure how to respond to this....maybe thank you for your concern? :confused: In anycase, If you put your Dunya before your Akhera then you will lose out on the Akhera and vice versa. Seems like Education and more Education then a CAREER, is what is a priority to some of you. Well, it is true that you shouldn't put this world before Akhera, but that doesn't mean education is bad. There's nothing wrong with seeking knowledge and it doesn't have to be at the expense of creating a family. Only Allah knows best. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 2, 2003 ^^^^ well said BArwaaqo Couldn't have said it any better. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Modesty Posted August 2, 2003 Asalaamu Alaykum, Balsam like most of the above^ people said, whatever Allah has prescribed for you will come true. Secondly, don't feel bad about not being married, your young,and I would advice you to continue with your education. When your done with that I'm sure you'll find a nice guy, since your main focus wouldn't be on school. By the way there are 36-40 year women who are just getting married, so don't think the search stops at 26, because 26 is very young still. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
- diamond princess - Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Zaylici: Basalm, there is a man who is always ready to dicuss on the issues of women, he considers him self a lover of women, he is particularly interested in educated women, I encourage you and others to visit the following website. you can find significant information about him and his picture too. http://www.somalilife.com/modules.php?name=FriendFinder&op=userinfo&ffusername=Zaylici He goes by the name Zaylici. Hope you find something that makes you happy Till then life goes as it is unless intervened and shaped as the actor wishes. Lol...Looks like someone is interested in you, girl. Zaylici, are you advertising yourself? Seems like you are. Lol. Girl, if marriage is what you want, make it happen. My advice is Follow Your Heart. .:peace n luv:. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wardi Posted August 2, 2003 assallamu aleykum sister balsam.........run leey baa tahay, allah said in the quran.. wa man ya taqi allaah yaj cal lahu maqrajan,,,,micnuhu waa qofii illaah ka baqo illaah waa u sahlaa arrimihiisa,,,marka sister even if you meet your future guy look the four quality pph told us and choose the one pph recommended which his diin meaning qof illaah ka baqo,soomo,tukado,sadaqada bixiyo,waalidka u wanaagsan,deriska xaq dhowro,and so on,,,,,,,,, meaning of your artical is understood advising young girls not to mke same mistake you made,,,,,,,,,,by the way i wonder how time goes fast , i came us in 1996 i was 30 years old now guess how old i am ? 38 al xamdu lilaah.i feel for the sister, may allah give you happy lasting marraig with baari childrens really if the marriag is not happy is bad but much better then never married... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Faheema. Posted August 3, 2003 Originally posted by Ameenah: You have plenty of things to keep you preoccupied as you wait for the right brother to come along. You know, getting married is not simply having a wedding but making the biggest life ultering decision in your entire life. this person will be the one you will (Allah willing) spend the rest of your life with and most importnatly the father of your children, the person who'll you'll be sharing happiness, sadness with - and as the Messenger (saw) your husband is your aakhira and your jannah... you must make sure he is the right person. by the right person I don't mean, he has to be educated to a certain level or look a certain way, laakin he must be some1 you can live with, that shares the same outlook in life... please don't just marry the first dude thats asks, check him out first! In the mean time, make the most of your days as a single and free inan, you'll miss it. I think, you should focus in reaching happiness on your own and become comfortable in your own skin. In sha Allah, I hope Allah blesses you with a good husband. I couldn't said it better myself sister Ameenah. It's true marriage is not something you should rush into, there are plenty of things to consider as a lot sisters have mentioned above. Basalm there is nothing worse than making a decision and having to regret it straight after. Walaalo maxaa ka foolxun adigoo shalay guursady oo mantana Divorce ah, 26 is not old and you have plenty of time ahead of you but if you keep on focusing on marriage 24/7 you probably be disappointed, things happen when you least expect it, intaa ka hor enjoy your Bachelatte lifestyle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wardi Posted August 3, 2003 you guys keep missing the point our sister said.all she is advising you is better to get marry while you young then old...yes for girl 26 is old..she made it clear that she believe in allah and calaf ,her time will come when she suppose to marry if allah planned that already. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted August 3, 2003 Originally posted by Athena: Did any1 notice all the guys advocating marriage at the earliest and on a 1st come 1st serve basis.. and of course the ladies asking her to hold out for the true knight in shining khamiis? Now, whats this say? LOOL Athena, you know, me was asking myself that same question :confused: I am starting to think that brothers are pre-programmed to disagree with the ladies, even when doing so defies logic. Men of SOL! I think your reading us all wrong :rolleyes: We are not telling the sister to not get married, nor are we suggesting that a sister should always wait till she is old. Our arguement is that marriage is not something to you go into merely because one feels pressurised to do so (as that leads to failure) but that it is better to wait until you find the right person to share the rest of your life with ..... waxaas ma wax laga murmaa? Would you honestly, advice your blood sisters to marry the first Ali or Jamac that purposes to her, just so that she doesn't become old? Didn't think so Also, ya'll are forgetting that in the western hemisphere; most Somali lads between the ages of 21-35 are commitment phobic and would rather run around with every caasha, xaliimo and Jackie that is willing, instead of settling down and starting a family ...!! That is a fact that canot be refuted, now ask yourselves, where does that leave the sisters? Balsam Thank you for starting this interesting topic Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Balsam Posted August 3, 2003 Most of you sisters are yet to realize the seriousness of delaying marriage.i didn’t post topic to find a solution to my problem, I only posted it to alert those who are postponing the issue of marriage for ridicules reasons. and I mean reasons like, I want to finish my education, I will get married when i turn 26 (like the perfect guy is waiting) or I my girl friends husbands beats her so I am better off alone, or this guys is alittle broke, a little ugly, don’t know this don’t know that.. Originally posted by Opinionated: Balsam, You are a grown intellectual person, so ask yourself this question: do you want to get married because ALL your friends are married? or Do you want to get married to someone you love and will cherish forever? Hon, do not rush into marriage with the next guy because he proposed! You know that there are losers dying to get married...and trust me you dont want to be part of the somali single mother statistic na'mean. Oh, and try to make the best of your freedom while you still have it i was asking myself these questions when i was 21 year old senior college student, but now, i ask myself a tottaly diffrent kind of questions. i hope you dont find yourself asking them questions one day... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cali_weyne Posted August 3, 2003 Balsam,the answers to ur questions are within you.So my sister,seek and you shall find:) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jurnee Posted August 4, 2003 balsam, sister i agree with u, delaying a marriage is not a good thing. If a guy approaches and he is decent muslim man, dont just kick him out because u think u r too young. see wat he has to offer. There will be a lot of dificulties when u marry at a late age. first of all it will make it harder for u take care of children when u get old and also u may not be able to have as many children as u were hoping to have( ie. get married at 30yrs. by 40yrs u cant have a baby no more). also when u in a western country it is better off getting married young as it stops u from commiting any sins. (thats ur perants push u when u r young, cause they care about use and want u guys to go to jennah). i am a young man (20yrs old) and i wouldnt mind to get married its just i dont have the money to throw a wedding, u know how it is when u live in western society. so sister get married if find the right man. and if u dont marry a man make sure its for a good reason, and getting an education is not one of them. THIS IS NOT MY LOG ON IM A GUY macsalaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
