Balsam Posted July 30, 2003 Ladies, why are we not serious about marriage when we are young and the time is right? why do realize the importance of marriage only when its too freaken late!!! I am 26 years old and go to graduate school, during my undergraduate years, many many brothers approached me and wanted to marry me, I was either too damn picky or so into the so called “I want to secure my future first”, I must have thought the ideal guy I have always dreamed about will come to take me when I am finally ready.. we see that in the soap operas but that has no existence in reality. Now that I am growing older, the quality of men approaching me are not the same anymore.. before my college peeps or recently graduated brothers expressed their interest in me, but now the guys who approach me have either been married before and in their late 30’s with a High school diploma wich causes a very big educational gap between us. or a ciyaal suuq who wants to have sex. I have failed to realize that we mature faster than men, which mean we always look older than our actual age. I quit going to weddings, all of my girl freinds got married one after the other,,, i feel so sad i havent got married yet. I don’t even watch wedding videos anymore because they are depressing to me… I don’t have the habit of chasing men, since I was brought up with strict Islamic values. But now.. I am about to decide to marry the first man knocking on my door… Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted July 30, 2003 Frist man knocking on your door? Girl hold up!!! Guur oo dhan waa calaf...it will happen when it happens. You can't rush something like that so just relax and you will know when its right. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted July 30, 2003 Slow down macaanto, 26 is not old, I personaly don't plan to get married till afetr 25. You have plenty of things to keep you preoccupied as you wait for the right brother to come along. You know, getting married is not simply having a wedding but making the biggest life ultering decision in your entire life. this person will be the one you will (Allah willing) spend the rest of your life with and most importnatly the father of your children, the person who'll you'll be sharing happiness, sadness with - and as the Messenger (saw) your husband is your aakhira and your jannah... you must make sure he is the right person. by the right person I don't mean, he has to be educated to a certain level or look a certain way, laakin he must be some1 you can live with, that shares the same outlook in life... please don't just marry the first dude thats asks, check him out first! In the mean time, make the most of your days as a single and free inan, you'll miss it. I think, you should focus in reaching happiness on your own and become comfortable in your own skin. In sha Allah, I hope Allah blesses you with a good husband. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Juxa Posted July 30, 2003 salaaaaaaam, just like the other 2 sisters said,,,,,macaanto,,,,guurka waa calaf,,,,,,,kii laguu qorey ma gafaysid, 26 is not old,,,,,just think this way,,,,,instead of thinking the quality and quantity of men approaching you has decreased, remind yourself, that now u got more to offer, good and bright future, and believe me alot of men want educated and religious girl rather than one who is unable to spell her name correct. go out, enjoy yourself, just because you are last one to get married in your circle does not mean you the least, it meant you aim higher and have more to offer. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Balsam Posted July 30, 2003 Originally posted by flying-still: Frist man knocking on your door? Girl hold up!!! Guur oo dhan waa calaf...it will happen when it happens. You can't rush something like that so just relax and you will know when its right. I know this may sound absurd to you, but it’s the truth. And you must live it to believe it. I have no doubt about the fact that Guur is Calaf. But you have to remember that we still have a choice in deciding weather to get married or not. Most of us are not seriouse about guur until its too late, it happened to me and I just didn’t want it to happen to anybody else.. Originally posted by Ameenah: Slow down macaanto, 26 is not old and you have plenty of things to keep you preoccupied as you wait for the right brother to come along. Abaayo its not that I don’t have things to do, I just got tired of this single and independent lifestyle, all my roommates have moved out and live with their husbands now. It’s just so frustrating. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted July 30, 2003 Its a known fact that things happen to you when you least expect it. You didn't loose your chance to find a guy you want to marry..waxaan waa wx qoran. It could get frustrating when all your friends are married and your the only one left...But allah knows best so just put your faith in him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted July 30, 2003 ^^ My sentiments exactly. Walaal, you also have to question your motives for getting married, bordome and wanting to be part of the married crowd is not really good enough. If it is the case that your ready to start a family etc, then maybe you can make it be known - As a side note, we do have some lovely bachelors in Sol *joke* But end of the day, Amarku waa xaga Ilaahay, enjoy your life in the mean time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SHAKA ZULU Posted July 30, 2003 Balsam, Sister please i need to ask you ask you a favour? when you find that guy whom you'll get married to please see if he's got a younger sister so that i can propose to her aswell. because i am sure the man you'll get married to is no less than a Prince wich if i am not mistaken makes his sister a Princess so please don't forget about the brother as he needs a wifey too. Good Luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nomadrebell Posted July 30, 2003 wow...very excited to know ameenah is not 25 yet..balsam fate and luck play important part in the marriage game..really..you find nice, decent woman marrying bad bad man..and the decent men wonder why the hell did she go to that man while i'm here!!!....my advice dear sister is this..do your best and wait the result for allah to decide!!. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xalimo7 Posted July 30, 2003 Sister Balsam, i hear all your wisdom, and i applaud for your truhtfullness, i am amazed myself too,.Yes our biological clock is ticking every year that passes.Sister you are right i am tired of going to weddings too instead of having one. There must be a unique and empowering way to meeting the good men and marrying also the right man,so sister remember for true love is in the hands of Fate. Don't settle with less,but keep hope alive. Good luck sister . In my Opinion Getting married is a "Badge of Honor". I haven't seen a single women who doesn't want get married! see you Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A7LA-SHU Posted July 30, 2003 Asallam Alaikum: Balsam xabibti u are not old as my other sisters said already. but if u feel u are ready now. girl i would say ask mom for help they sure are good at dat. and yes i agree with ya. we don't take it serious when we are young coz we know we can have any of those chasin us, u kinda sound like my mom lol in a good way.. coz she wants me to get married now while im still young and have all those guys askin for me. but im not sure... and about u stop going to weddings well that is aight. but u don't have to make big deal out of it. it is luck after all, plus Allah knows what is best for ya. so this might be what is best for ya so don't u ever Question dat sweety.. be thankful u are educated and healthy.. i'll get u this Duah my friend told me about when makin choice... u see my friend is 29 and just got married to this guy who is 28 and believe me it happened so fast i still can't believe that she is married. and i asked her how was she so sure he was the one for her right.. coz funny thing the guy she married is 110% stranger to her and her family. she doesn't even know that much about him, she is one heck of a picky lady.. i wish u the best of luck. just do urself a favor and don't let it bother ya sweety.. keep on doing what u do, school, work, and since u said u are from strict islamic family im guessin u don't miss ur prayers so that is good thing... i'll pray for ya.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Balsam Posted July 30, 2003 Originally posted by Xalimo7: Sister Balsam, i hear all your wisdom, and i applaud for your truhtfullness, i am amazed myself too,.Yes our biological clock is ticking every year that passes.Sister you are right i am tired of going to weddings too instead of having one. There must be a unique and empowering way to meeting the good men and marrying also the right man,so sister remember for true love is in the hands of Fate. Don't settle with less,but keep hope alive. Good luck sister . In my Opinion Getting married is a "Badge of Honor". I haven't seen a single women who doesn't want get married! see you Thank you Xalimo for understanding me so well, to the nomads who replied in this thread, i am not questioning allh's will and fate. Nor I have lost hope in getting married, god forbid, i am only trying to spread a word of wisdom and share a thought. as i have stated earlier, I just want to express the importance of getting married while young, I know we tend to be picky and reject a man who is willing to marry us for a silly reason. I guess the lifestyle and the concept of dating here in the United States has negatively effected our general outlook to marriage issues, here Gaaalada don’t worry about getting married until they hit 34, and they shouldn’t, most of them have live-in boyfriends or screw around on a regular basis, but for us, things are different, we are muslim, we are not suppose to commit zina, and that’s the deportment that makes us different in terms of getting married while young... I really didn’t appreciate that joke sis Ameenah, you have severely misunderstood my intention of posting this topic. I just wanted to share a word of wisdom with my younger sisters…. That’s all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted July 31, 2003 OH MY GOODNESS.......and i wanted to get married after i turnded 27 :rolleyes: sis no biggie ......u did not find a guy yet well there is tommorow and walaahi trust me i dont plan to get married anytime soon the soonest i can picture me married is when am 26 and above and u are 26 and considering ur self old please girl u got the world to ur self and enjoy before its to late...... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted July 31, 2003 "I just want to express the importance of getting married while young, I know we tend to be picky and reject a man who is willing to marry us for a silly reason" Balsam, Marriage isn't a joke and neither is it something to rush into when you are young. Like many ppl have said already, u'll get married when it is your time to get married. Nothing you do will change what's meant to be. As for getting married while you are young, you never know how things will work out. Let us say you chose to marry one of those fellas that approached you when you were younger. Who is to say that you wouldn't now be a 26-year-old divorced single mum? No-one knows what the future holds. I think you are wrong to assume that you won't get what you want out of life just because you are a certain age. Maybe you should thank Allah for all you've achieved so far (academically and professionally) rather than moan about what may have been and how you missed such great opportunities. I'm sorry if I sound harsh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted July 31, 2003 Originally posted by Balsam: I really didn’t appreciate that joke sis Ameenah, you have severely misunderstood my intention of posting this topic. I just wanted to share a word of wisdom with my younger sisters…. That’s all. I am sorry for offending walaal, it was only a joke, nothing more. Sorry! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
