Xafsa Posted January 20, 2002 All your life you are expected to do this and be that and then you realize that what your parents want for you is not what you might want for yourself. Deep down inside you know this is not something that will make YOU happy..only your parents will be happy. This may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to you guys but think about it... for example..you fall in love with a fairly descent guy but even as your talking about getting married you know your gonna have to fight to be with the man you want. But for the life of you don't know why their so against it. The kind of man you want is not the kind your parents would like you to want. So your stuck!! My question is do your parents really know best?! I'm at the point where i just wanna swear myself to a life of being single!! all i ask for in a man is that he practice his religion...pray daily..fast. I would appreciate your thoughts on this. salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lulla Posted January 20, 2002 I think sometimes ur parents know what's the best for you and sometimes they are completely wrong.but u have to communicate with them and tell them exactly what u want.They can't read ur mind , you got to speak up and tell them ur feelings. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaber Posted January 20, 2002 Xafsa,parents just don't understand!! Seriously though,your parents must dislike the guy for a reason,am sure that every two sane parents would like their daughter to date such a good guy who prays five times a day! Are you certain that he is not what he claims to be? cuz us men are great actors when we want something,put on the nice guy's outlook until he wins the vote of confidence from your parents and later he is back to normal,sister,your parents r the ones who brought u to this life,listen to them and try to convince them in a good way,invite the guy over to your parents house more often,so they can get used to him.Or try to have one of your close relatives talk to your parents about this,in the Somali culture this works. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raula Posted January 21, 2002 its all bout communication sis..parents know best but they might be outdated lit' bit..the most important thing is that, parents r the best librarians...talk to them, make them ur best friends and eventually they will understand....remember gal, U will only have One parents in ur life...men can come and go...it's ur call when it come to anything else...but don't lose contact with ur parents over some SOB who U dont know if he is gonna be with U 4ever or not... Midwesta...regulate Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abdinuur Posted January 21, 2002 <font color="red" face="COMIC SANS MS" size"8" 'Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth.' Sometimes, one might think that parents are too demandin' wit too many rules and stuff like curfews. Until they later find out that it was for their own sake. The joys of parents are secret, and so are their grieves and fears. This is the reason why mothers are more devoted to their children than fathers: it is that they suffer more in giving them birth and are more certain that they are their own, ofcourse. We never know the love of our parent till we become parents ourselves... And after all, no fathers or mothers think their own children ugly. So, let's obey our parents and follow whatever they say. And like RAULA said, it's all about communicatin' and havin' that relationship wit your parents. And after that, ya'll become bestfriends and that is when that TRUST come in to play! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LadyFatima Posted January 21, 2002 Xafsa, Parents are human too, Just like you and I they make mistakes too.. What I mean is they may not know what is Best for you! since each one of us is individual, However, in most cases they're right usually! anyway, as all the other posters already told you COMMUNICATE with them, make sure they know what you want and don't want.....Walaalo, if you don't communicate with them, there is no way for them to know whether you're unhappy with their choices or not! Good luck , hopefully everything will work out for the best.. Insha'alaah! Ma'salaama Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Libaax-Sankataabte Posted January 21, 2002 I completely agree with the one and only LadyFatima Communication...communication...communication... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted January 21, 2002 I wish i could live with my family again, with my mother waking me inthe morning and my father sitting down with me in the sitting room and discussing things with me man to man. Those days when i thought my parents were against my personal choices are gone forever. When you find yourself outside your family only then, is when you will realise what they meant and why your parents were so demanding. Wait alittle longer xafsa, very soon you will access to your inner world and be alone. You will reach that stage of life when whatever you do is based on your own decissions. I wish i was with my mom again and a peacefull Somalia [This message has been edited by JamaaL-11 (edited 01-21-2002).] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Buubto Posted January 21, 2002 i agree with LF xafsa Sis I feel the same wallah, there is thousands of somali girls who feel the same. but u have to be aware dat ur parents love u no matter wat. The reason they r behaving like this cuz they want wat is best 4 u. I know they have funny way of showing it, but being over protect is good sign sis. Just know one thing u have to be urself, communicate with them a lot that helps me. Try to be very close to them like ur best friend. Have conversation with them about issues dat bother u most offcourse without not giving them hints, but enough to make u realise where they stand & the way they r thinking. Sis ur prance know wat they talking about cuz simply they being there & have good knowledge about wat can go wrong. Like our ppl say “wayeel meel dheer ayuu wax ka arkaa” or “nin aad dhashay kuma dhalin”. I know we see it as being offence & harsh, but seriously is not sis, just be bit understanding & u will know wat I am talking about. About marriage thing. Well remember to have full approval from ur prance, cuz simply they will always be ur blood but this man won’t be. Besides if the man got all the qualities dat expected from muslim man & they rejection is cuz of qabiil. Try to take advantage of ur prance be close to the one who r more like to approve. Try to divide them, communicate them a lot without not pushing offcourse do it in unsuspected way. Try to persuade them, be honest to them dat u really want this guy. The other advantage is:- whatever u say try to take an ayah from the qur’aan concerning about qabiil & marriage, keep on taking xadiths & qur’aan as a backup. I am sure it will work 4 u. but just hang in there. Wishing u all the best. [This message has been edited by Buubto (edited 01-21-2002).] Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted January 21, 2002 thank you all for your thoughts. i know for a fact that what ever i do my parents will always be there for me. I dont have man to introduce to my parents yet...i have never done anything other than what my parents tell me to do. I'm just trying to see what all of you would do in a situation like that. thank you all agian..salaam Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted January 22, 2002 Nobody knows me better than my parents. Can u believe my mother knows what I want before I even know it myself? To tell u the truth I don't know what I would do if I lost either one of them! Parents must be the only ppl who will always love you unconditionally and look out 4 u no matter what. Most of us would do well to listen to them and YES, they r right most of the time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hibo Posted January 23, 2002 Naayaa! Walee aqwaan hoosta ka waashana waa tan!! Naa Xafso.. duq Cambaro anaa kaa dhichayee... heedhe.. kaad ka hesho hoosta gasho!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted January 23, 2002 lol...hibo...duq cambaro aa? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miskiin-Macruuf-Aqiyaar Posted January 23, 2002 Salaan... Xafsa: Mayaa, Habar Iisho waaye. ________________ Macsalaama!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ayaanick Posted January 25, 2002 Honest to Allah, there was time that I use to think my mom was my worst enemy, but then I did a lot of growing up, went through a lot of expreinces, and I think it's something most people (especially girls go through). At the end of the it's mom that has your back, it's mom that hides your worst sectret, it'st mom that let's you get away with murder. Parents need to understand that not every child will turn out exaxtly the way they visioned them to be. That sometimes it's okay to let it go, to let your child be all that they can be. Love them, guide them, and show them the right path, so later on they can look back at this and say >>mom dad,,you have done a wonderful job raising me. As girls we will always hold special places with our moms, and no matter who we bring home, he will never be good enough for us, but then they learn to love him as one of theirs, when they see that he respects, and wants the best for you as well...I know I am going over board with this, but Xafsa I agree with Hibo..we can do something about the duqda guriga, waxaan kuudiraynaa cellbuur...where ever that is...(just kidding)!! Thanks for bringing this up as you can see my fingers won't quit..what have you done??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
