The Art of loving yourself

[Blessed]

No offence intended but I find these books annoying and simplistic.. I don't understand how wanting to and loving to do things with others reflects on your self esteem?

 

There are a few things that I like to do on my own; shopping, cooking (it's like therapy for me)walking, gym. Also I read a lot when I get me time. For movies, dinner and holidays I want company of someone I can talk to, laugh with etc. I could go on my own and might even enjoy it but I prefer company of another because it would make the experince a bit more special. I do LOVE myself. A lot. My family would actually say a little too much..

[Malika]

Why are we measuring 'loving oneself' with going out alone or being with others?

 

I think loving yourself,is when one has understood themselve's thus making choices to enrich oneself. There are time,perhaps it require one to just be alone and other times with others to share those precious moments called being alive.

 

C&H, ditch those books..lol,and just focus on your inner talk - what is that little voice saying? what is your fear? what is your triuph?

 

*The moments of peace with my self are those just before I go to bed,after a long day..A shower,prayer/dua, dimmed lights in my cozy room..clean,smelling divine..I am at peace and that is love.

[BOB]

Wewe wacha kutia msichana wazimu! unapenda arufu za majani ya chai?

 

 

Peace, Love & Unity.

[Faheema.]

Blessed...I have come across few people who hate the idea of doing things alone, who constantly need to be in the company of others and that is lack of self-esteem. It wasn't about being confident...of course confidence comes into it, but deep down is about self worth/how you value yourself, are you content with being you? If so then being ‘alone’ shouldn’t be an issue at all.

[Juxa]

you can be with boqol qof and still feel alone.

 

being alone waa state of mind.

[BUKURR]

^ .. right, I do feel that most of the time, no connection thus horrible time with "friends" hence preferring to stay alone is the way to be.

[Blessed]

Deleted- I get your meaning but then there are people who fear being with others too because of lack of confidence, self esteem. Very shy people for instance. It goes both ways...

[Chocolate and Honey]

Whoa! My peepz. First of all, not all the books I read are self-help books. I read a lot! I read non-fiction, memoirs of successful people, and ocassionally self-help books. I love the Awaken the Giant Within. If you ever read one self-help book in your life, read this.

 

Coming back to the topic, I never said being with people displays low self-esteem. The question was are you content with being by yourself and doing things by yourself. Now, to be a bit honest. I was never comfortable doing things by myself because growing up I had several girlfriends who also lived right next to me. So anytime of the day and night a friend was available if I ever needed to go somewhere. Then we started college(we went to different schools) I noticed myself getting a bit weird whenever I needed to do things on my own so I would take my little sis with me. I wanted to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling of walking a lone and doing things a lone. It is not about being antisocial or self-worth. Truth is MANY MANY people are NOT comfortable being by themselves. They HAVE to be around people to feel validated.

 

But even with my "progress" to this day, I cant go to a movie by myself or go to a restaurant and eat on my own. But I'm working on it! But I can go shopping by myself and to bookstores, and coffee shops myself. I love going to the gym by myself! I must say it is liberating!

[sheherazade]

^just go. It's more a worry of what people will think of you dining alone or being at a movie dateless. Really, it's more that. What people think is a bigger disease than feeling alone or wanting to be alone.

 

I'm abroad now and the guys @ hotel reception can't get over my 'aloneness'. One guy can't decide whether to hit on me or pity me so he does both at the same time. Icky feeling I tell ya.

 

At dinner another woman diner who was alone kept looking back at me. She was so uncomfortable with being alone she kept turning back, even 15 minutes into her being there saying hello and welcome and hello in her language. I nearly asked her to join me but was not in a mood so she sat there pretty like you wouldn't believe while this male diner bored a hot hole in her forehead. I just watched and observed. I couldn't have done had there been a chatterbox with me. LoL.

 

Can't be around people too much or I self-destruct. They only put one person in each grave. Get some practise now.

 

P.S I've read 50 billion self-help books and the conclusion is...most people could do with some reading, there's little self-awareness, self-discipline or focus out there. A book will get you thinking and that's a start. I know someone who's a stingy mofo who thinks he's generous(sorry to remind u of stuff, Ibts lol). Very generous is I think how he describes himself. I nearly die each time I hear it. Who's gonna tell him? He could do with self-reflection and reading but is too addicted to talking to people to stop and listen to himself. Wa astaqfurullah. :confused:

[Chocolate and Honey]

You're right! You always get me thinking Sheh. It has a lot to do with fear of judgement from people. When you are out there traveling, or grocery shopping or at a coffee shop, no one is going to point at you and say "I guess she is lonely"! But when you are out dinning by yourself or at a movie, I guess the judgement pours. LOL! I shall practice.

 

I agree with you about the self-help books. It is a start. It gets you thinking, reflecting on your actions and change directions if need arises. I am a book lover so I read anything under the sun except cook books. LOL!

Books also open your mind to a whole another world. Most of the time we are wraped up in our own little world. We tend to think our experiences are singular and we tend to stick with what we know. But when you read about a woman or a man in Tibet or Bali having the same doubts, fears, questions about a particular experience or life in general, it is a sobering moment. You kind have an AHA moment.

[Faarax-Brawn]

Dabeecada inga wada xun malaha kuligiin?? Dont you people have people who find you the least bit interesting? Even boring people like you surely must have other boring people who probably think you people are fun. Ha Ha...

 

Taasi waa iga kaftan..

 

In my Opinion,there is no such thing as being Alone in an urban area(your case study here)... Sitting at a coffee shop or having dinner @a public place is not being ALONE. True "Loneliness"(CH i know you said it is different,but i will use it anyway) means being solo at a deserted island far far far somewhere in one of the world's oceans. You would go bananas had you been alone for a day. Think of Tom Hanks....

[Chocolate and Honey]

LOL@"you boring people"!

 

Ok Farax. Let me make my distinction of the two words clearer. A lone could mean solitude or being by yourself. In this context, a lone means no friends, family, or associates. You amongst strangers.

 

Loneliness is often unwanted seclusion or emptiness. Loneliness is a state of mind. It is feeling unimportant or undesirable.

[Faarax-Brawn]

^I understand the difference.

[Archdemos]

LOL the great George Carlin on

[Blessed]

C&H

Sis, ha iga xanaaqin. I honestly wasn't being personal. I just find them useless for me. These books tend to go off on a tanget and I lose interest before the second chapter. I do own more cook books than pans though.. LOL. I do get inspiration from novels, other books and the most unlikely places.

 

I'm the opposit of you, I was super shy and now I'm the type of person that would go to a random woman at a restaurant and strike up a conversation because that would be more interesting. Leaving my family and friends (all of my besties I've known since teen years) and starting over again did that for me..