The Bum and the Khat Affect

[Jacaylbaro]

In khat circles there is a well known argument that once a man finishes chewing he suddenly gets an uncontrollable urge to be with and around beautiful women (they call it the kac sii tuf theory). For most chewers, of course, this is a simple fantasy that is unlikely to ever be fulfilled. But for Ali BM things were different.

 

In Hargeisa, as in many other parts of Africa, men that drive their own cars and are known to have a bit of money are always popular with the ladies. Ali BM was such a man.

 

Today, like every day, he was chewing in his usual place. He looked at his bag of Khat and noticed that he was almost running out. He wanted to top up his khat and maybe stick around for an hour or two more. Alas he knew his reputation and good name would suffer if he were spotted still chewing at such a late time! After struggling with his thoughts and cravings for a few minutes he finally decided to give up and head home.

 

Once home, he had a quick bath, changed into his nicest pair of trousers, put on his best shirt then showered himself with his most expensive bottle of perfume. Ali was planning to go out to dinner with a beautiful lady. Initially, It was not clear if this was due to the K.S.T theory or if Ali had planned this dinner in advance! However, once he was in his car and started to drive aimlessly around the Hargeisa streets, it became obvious that Ali was planning to randomly pick his queen tonight.

 

This was Ali’s lucky night. It was dark, cloudy and rainy. People were scampering along the sidewalks and trying to get to their destinations as quickly as possible. Ali, on the other hand, was cruising and looking out for suitable prey. Since all the people were walking ahead of him and he had no chance to check out their faces on such a dark night, Ali had to adjust his criteria for choosing his lady tonight. ‘They’ll all have to be judged on the state of their bottoms’, he said to himself and started chuckling.

 

The rain was a godsend and Ali had a perfect chance to assess all the candidates as they scurried to the nearest shelter. Some resembled flags fluttering in the wind. Others reminded him of wobbling jelly. Some bottoms looked like a couple of badminton shuttlecocks whilst others looked like a pair of satanic pumpkins!

 

Finally, as he scanned the roads ahead and considered the various bottoms ambling about, Ali noticed a beautiful pair of bottoms gliding around in unison. They were beautifully similar and they moved to the beat of the hip-hop song Ali had blaring from his car sound system. Left, right, left right left. Left, right, left right left. It was beautifully mesmerising and Ali wondered if he was still slightly intoxicated from his earlier khat session. He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him and that he was suffering from some sort of optical illusion. Surely nothing could be so perfectly round, so symmetrical and move with such grace. What’s more, it was not just one bottom but TWO! The hallucination was still continuing and Ali thought he spotted beauty, wisdom, virtue and intelligence in the way those two bottoms were bouncing around in the air as their owners distantly walked to their destination.

 

Ali started to slow down as he drew parallel with the owners of the heavenly bottoms and shouted the words “inakeena aan roobka idinka sii qaadee”! One uttered an incomprehensible exclamation and, upon hearing her gruff voice, Ali got ready to hear some endless insults. Instead, she commenced to pray for him and praise him for being so kind and helpful. Ali was still uncomfortable with her husky voice and told her (and her friend) to hurry up and get in the car. He was looking in his rear-view mirror as the car doors opened and the two new passengers got in. Ali almost chocked on his own saliva! The heavenly bottoms had beards and what he thought were dresses and hijabs turned out to be white robes and head coverings! Ali took a real good look at both men then commenced to slam his hands against the steering wheel and laugh at his own foolishness. ‘Take us to the mosque at the end of the road, brother’, said one of the heavenly bottoms. Ali nodded his head and started the car as he carried on loudly chuckling to himself.

 

This was a few years ago. Ali had proven that the K.S.T theory actually works but has not touched one stick of khat ever since.

[nuune]

That is what marqaan can do to you.

 

 

One uttered an incomprehensible exclamation and, upon hearing her gruff voice, Ali got ready to hear some endless insults. Instead, she commenced to pray for him and praise him for being so kind and helpful. Ali was still uncomfortable with her husky voice and told her (and her friend) to hurry up and get in the car. He was looking in his rear-view mirror as the car doors opened and the two new passengers got in.

and then

 

 

The heavenly bottoms had beards and what he thought were dresses and hijabs turned out to be white robes and head coverings!

Salaadu xagee bey iska qaban la'dahay

[NGONGE]

 

Now that is what I call HIGH (in more ways than one).

[Jacaylbaro]

[nuune]

The Khat appreciation thread

 

[N.O.R.F]

Ma wuxu kala garan waayey Khamiisyo iyo diracyo?

 

I think Ali BM is JB

[Jacaylbaro]

loooooool ,,, JB never did that chewing thing niyow.

[Malika]

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

 

Nausiating.

[NGONGE]

^^ You say that now. But just imagine if you fell in love with one of these guys, Malika.

 

I could just picture you sitting by his side with your best dirac on and the uunsi wafting around the room as you keep asking 'are you high yet?', 'do you want more sugar in your tea?', 'how much do you love me?', 'bariga qaxa ka sheekee, xabiibi'.....

[Malika]

^Loooool.Astagfirullah, waar iga tag!

 

LOL@are you high yet?..

 

but really,their teeth/mouth is a turn off.

 

Nevertheless,the chewers tend to be in such a good mood,promising the moon and stars if you ask them.

[NGONGE]

^^ Love does funny things to people, Malika

I bet you would be teasing him and asking him to bite a stick out of your mouth ala this lady :

 

 

[Malika]

Ngonge,why are you winking at me? Maxaad oogtahay?..eh eh?

 

[Jacaylbaro]

looooooooooooooooooool@NG ,,,

 

loooooooooooooooooooooool@are you high yet ?

[NGONGE]

^^ Even more fun when it is with one of ducaysany's 'say wallahi' girls.

 

 

lol@Maxaad oogtahay..now that is one hell of a trick question that I will not answer (trouble whichever way I answer it).

[Jacaylbaro]

looool ,, and do u know what they do ?

 

She is sitting next to him with only googorad which covers until the chest, hair is released and she is cutting the Khat for him sometimes using her hand to feed him the pieces she prepared for him. She put the tea for him in the cup and make sure the glass is full of Pepsi/Water all the time.

 

Don't even mention the "say walaahi" thing ,,, loooooooooooooooool , that is obvious.