2nd Wife (WOMEN only!) poll

[STOIC]

I will request a pardon for entering this thread. I want to share with you a story that I have witnessed over the long holiday. I met guy whom I share with the same clan .This guy is more than an acquaintance to me. He is a family in a clannish way. I haven’t seen the guy for quite sometimes. Excited about our reunion we chatted and caught up with each others lives. He immediately dropped the news to me that he got a second wife. My jaws dropped as I listened to him explaining how he will support two wives and four children. An instant agony of the poor cheated souls flashed in my memory. The first thing that comes to my mind was the poor wife and the four children that will be notified about their father/husband getting a second wife. I politely asked him if he did notify his wife about the second wife. He brushed it off as if it is a simple matter that will be solved once the news reaches. He quoted religious texts to support his action. I have no qualm about him getting a second wife, but what I begged to differ with him was the way he is taking a marriage as a simple thing in the western world. How in the freaking world would one support four children and two wives on a dead end jobs like driving a cab? Isn’t this a cheat to the little innocent kids that are brought in this world? When the crying and the wailing subsides who would sacrifice financially and emotionally, isn’t the kids and wives? When will Somalian men suddenly remember that honesty in ones own limit of living is not a shame?

[Shakti]

"When will Somalian men suddenly remember that honesty in ones own limit of living is not a shame?"

wisely said and got me a bit teary ..

ppl of sol.. vote 4 STOIC, they guy is 1 of kind.

[Ibtisam]

Loooool^^^ vote him for what, why should he get a a price for pointing out what the rest of the world already knew? :confused: They should all think like that damit!

 

He immediately dropped the news to me that he got a second wife. My jaws dropped as I listened to him explaining how he will support two wives and four children.

An instant agony of the poor cheated souls flashed in my memory.

The first thing that comes to my mind was the poor wife and the four children that will be notified about their father/husband getting a second wife. I politely asked him if he did notify his wife about the second wife. He brushed it off as if it is a simple matter that will be solved once the news reaches. He quoted religious texts to support his action. I have no qualm about him getting a second wife, but what I begged to differ with him was the way he is taking a marriage as a simple thing in the western world. How in the freaking world would one support four children and two wives on a dead end jobs like driving a cab? Isn’t this a cheat to the little innocent kids that are brought in this world? When the crying and the wailing subsides who would sacrifice financially and emotionally, isn’t the kids and wives? When will Somalian men suddenly remember that honesty in ones own limit of living is not a shame?

^^I don't think that it will have any long term affect on the kids or the wife. She will learn to live with it like most other Somali women I guess.

 

What usual happens is he will leave the old family and spend most of his time with the new family. The old family will just get on with life and develop an almost separate life to their previous one.

 

I think that it is important to understand that most Somali families are not made up in the usual family structure of they rely on the husband and if he leaves them they will all die. Generally they can sustain themselves with or with out the husband, this goes even for people living in the miyi in Somalia.

 

When my dad remarried I don't think anyone the kids really bother with him, and my mother took the role of both a father and mother, and they just left him with his new family although my mum never made any divorce demands or anything, but my parents were virtually divorced and they had two very different life’s.

 

In conclusion I think people worry endless about second wife's etc and impact on kids, wife’s etc, I don't think it will do any lasting damage nor will it more difficult for them to have a good life. It is almost normally now for kids to have only one parent present through their childhood.

 

In saying that, it is not a good thing to happen to people (kids or kids) but at the same time I hate this “oh you poor thing” attitude that people adopt for the kids and wife and label them as “haarki laanaciy” :rolleyes:

[Cara.]

I was gonna rag on the guys too but Stoic rained on my parade. :mad:

[- Femme -]

I would stay with him until my first born got married, divorce the husband, and move in with my child who would take care of me forever (hopefully if I raised the sucker right).

 

The most hurtful thing to me would be the embarassment. Somalis are vicous, instead of consoling and sympathizing with the woman, they would rip her apart and come up with imaginary flaws to justify him marrying another.

[Captain Xalane]

Originally posted by Femme:

I would stay with him until my first born got married, divorce the husband, and move in with my child who would take care of me forever (hopefully if I raised the sucker right).

This gives him around 20 yrs or so to make it up to ya.Nice choice.

 

Valeentinah,

 

Those women who marry married men too have a choice and they made their choice which is,that they are ok with it.However,in the long run,most of the women accept the whole thing.

 

Cara,

Shoot dem all.

[STOIC]

Ibtisam, the reason I felt pity for the wife and the kids is because I personally know the lifestyle they lived on. He is the sole bread winner of the family. His wife never lifted a hand to work because of rearing the little brats. I am afraid to give too much information on the web due to respect I need to extend to the family in question. I agree with you families do move on instead of dwelling in pain and agony that will wither them. You and I know that at the end how they will cope up depends on the wife choice. What I am disgusted with is how this man is swerving around this matter as if it is a cake walk on the park. I understand that the man in question have all the right religiously to thrust himself into another marriage. I understand that second wife marriage in our culture is not unimaginable foreign place to us. It is the situation of keeping the wife out in the dark about the affair that is disgusting. It is the wife inability to fend for herself with four kids clinching on her diracc that is disappointing.I am disappointed for the cries and the secrets that this wife and children are yet to find.The reason I was emotional with some (notice this word, I am not indicting every one) of our Somali men is their refusal to face the reality when you try to reason with them .Have you ever got something in the fridge that spoils and rot? What happens when it sats there? It will stink and spread, right? Eventually you will need to remove it before you get the smell on everything, right? If we don’t tell this individuals that are bringing hardship to women, we will eventually end up with a society full of single families.We have to advice and warn this kind of individuals what their actions will bring to the wellbeing of the family.If you want to taste the flavor of a new wife, so be it, but do it in a way that will not jeopardize the lives of those that depend on you.

[sheherazade]

Lust has a way of justifying itself.

[Intuition]

salaamz...

 

Waraa cent. last i knew you were having trouble finding wife number one, don't you think your jumping the gun a bit now lol.

Men these days always getting ahead of them selves and looking for trouble.

[Centurion]

lol...you make it sound as if i'm desperate or something.

This has got nothing to do with me, rather all to do with you women.

 

One question girls.

If you had a great husband, very capable, very rich. And he wanted to marry another woman ( for example to start his own 'dynasty' or something)

On what grounds would you refuse him on?

Remember, he would be capable of having more than one wife, plus he has the religion on his side.

[man_in_malaysia]

purposing to have another wife or marrying 2nd wife is always troublesome, even in the long run if she eccept the reality there will not be happy wife as rancours grow day after day ..for me i would divorce the first one if i fall in love with another one or if there some crtical forces i cant stay with her..(AS caruur la,aan)

 

during first year of My first marriage i fell in love with another one, i was not able to solve(this terrible past situation) you know what i did i simply divorced her..and and and after i divorced ..the another one passed away..loooooooool...JOKING JOKING

 

 

Torturing him before you kill him

Doing something involving a knife, gloves and cutting…

Hunting the other woman down and giving her a home made nip tuck

Cleaning his bank account dry before taking off to another country

Setting his house on fire

Setting him up to go to prison, like you go on holiday to Thailand make sure there is some drugs in his bag!

loooooooool..xax Why not take other options as those once VAL and FEMME stated....

[Zakina]

Somali men see marrying another wife as being something that they will be rewarded for, which is not the case, if they dont do it in the manner that the Prophet(sas) did it.

 

The Prophet(sas)married widows and non-virgins. He did it as a means of bringing together diffrent qabilahs and securing these poor womens future. You could say that his only real marriage (at the time that he had multiple wives) was with Aisha.

The prophet(sas) did not act out of lust, as most men nowadays do. Nonetheless polygamy is permissible,

but one should ask themselves on what grounds?

 

This is how the qur'an metions polygamy in

An-Nisa (The Women)

 

4:3 And if you have reason to fear that you might not act equitably towards orphans, then marry from among [other] women such as are lawful to you [3] - [even] two, or three, or four: but if you have reason to fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then [only] one - or [from among] those whom you rightfully possess. [4] This will make it more likely that you will not deviate from the right course.

 

This does not mean that the male only has a right to marry another women when there are orphans involved. But it gives a hint on what the purpose of polygamy in Islam might be.

 

And not telling the wife about marrying another women is something that many scholars consider haraam or makruh. The vast majority of scholars that is! And what does this tell us about the man that choses an obscure and rare fatwa on behalf of his own desires?

 

The way in which marrying another wife is conducted in the somali culture is borderline oppression. In the cases I have witnessed the first wife has come of age and has alot of children, and the husband usually isn't fufilling his husbandly duties in the first place. And as a 'thank you' to the first wife for all that she has given him... he practically gives her a slap in the face, and tells her she is not good enough anymore. There is nothing islamic about it.

 

How does ALLAH view any form of oppression? Why should I accept being oppressed, when ALLAH does not accept this form of abuse.

 

Must we not forget...ALLAH is Just. And ALLAH only tests those that He wants to bring nearer to Him.

The women that have been exposed to this form of abuse will most probably have a better position in the hereafter than the oppressor himself.

 

...That was my two cents...I have a couple more, but I'm just not interested in discussing somali men, as they are of minor interest to me.

[Ibtisam]

STOICI totally agree with you on everything right there. I just hate the attitude that people develop towards the kids and 1st wife. Sometimes I swear they do more damage than the 2ed marriage. We already have a Somali society full of single families sadly. I have to point out that the wife and kids do not need PITY, they need support and help learning to stand on their own two feet rather than looking around in the dark. Sadly again the Somali society does not have the societal infrastructure to help these families, instead the get ignored, labeled, laughed at, and at best pity. This means that society can never improve or move forward but rather remains stagnant and never infiltrated by new ideas and solutions. On the whole the society just falls behind other societies until they self distract or become like animals in compromise to civil society.