Americanism and Islam, A Light hearted Comparison

[Nur]

Nomads

 

This is an earlier e-Nuri Post the contents are timeless, enjoy reading.

 

 

DISCLAIMER

 

 

The information in this Post and ideas delivered with it is intended only for the sole purpose of Edutainment ( combination of entertainment and education), Ideas presented in this post should be discussed cautiously at home or at heavily populated fadhi ku dirir cafe's. as it may contain hilarious material as well as useful knowledge. Any injury, physical, emotional or being possessed by Jinn, resulting from reading this post is the sole responsibility of the reader, Nur, Nurtel, Nutty Professors, Cag Biciid, or any personality appeariung in Nur posts can not be sued for more than 500 Somali schillings ( Kaaraan , Puntland and Kismayo Versions) which will settle all damages that will include, injuries suffered when laughing out loud, or rolling over on your back on the floor. Resending this Post to your friends may pose a serious health threat if they can crack up easily. If you have read this post by mistake, please contact Somaliaonline Moderators for emotional conslolation and comfort, and immediately drink a cup of Camel Milk.

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A Tale Of Two Religions

 

 

Americanism and Islam, a comparison.

 

 

These days one can not escape but see comparsions of Islam and the new great world Religion called Americanism. As a former priest of Americanism, and currently a simple muslim at peace with himself and the world, I thought some bridging of gaps of misunderstanding may help.

 

The cornerstone and the foundation of the Americanism Theology is a concept called:

 

PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

 

This concept simply states that as long as what you do does not negatively affect others, you are entitled to pursue it and enjoy it. It allows gays to get married, but due to the negative impact of polygamy to society, polygamy is prohibited. The Americanism church is sometimes kind enough to declare your additional wife as a girlfriend. The Americanism Religion does not explain life after death, and what is in store for Americans after they die, it leaves this part to a myriad of religions including Islam to explain.

 

Americanism religion stresses The value of this life and how one should fully enjoy it while it lasts. This concept is transmitted through sermons aired by TV , movies, Billboards and the lists go on. So many followers of the Americansim religion try to be happy and not to worry specially when they lose their jobs, houses repossesed, wife runs away with boyfriend and leaves behind a dog to look after if she is kind to him. Later, this follower of this great world religion, out of joy takes advantage of his rights, the right to die, and jumbs from the Brooklyn Bridge to pursue happiness.

 

Some other followers of the Americanism religion, have it all, money, power, looks, ..., but late at night when he is alone, ponders the purpose of life, why I am here, what is my function, why so many people hate me, why are they envious of my success, this follower of this great world religion, is trying to pursue happiness, so in the morning his body is found floating on his expensive pool. Police say he took his life, and reporters explain that he was always depressed due to all the money he had that failed to fill the void that he could not explain.

 

 

Islam also encourages followers to pursue happiness, But it teaches the way to be happy is to first understand the purpose for which people live. Islam explains in layman's terms the beginning and the end and it teaches that initially mankind was happy, they lived in the garden of Eden. There was no worry nor pain. Mankind fell from grace due to his disobedience to his maker and obedience to his arch enemy, Satan.

 

Islam teaches that to be happy again, one has to strive to attain his lost paradise where true happiness can be claimed back again.

 

So when you do actions that lead you to your destination, a Muslim becomes happy, like benevolence, charity, prayers etc. Muslims enjot these acts and find relief doing it.

 

 

Right To Life

 

Second Principle that both religions Americanism and Islam share is the sanctity of life.

 

Americanism religion began as a religion that saw human life through a Prism. Different colors were assigned different rights and different values. Some colors did not even enjoy the care and love shown to dogs and cats. Later, through the acive participation of christianity, this moral imbalance was narrowed, and the Americanism church reevaluated the sanctity of human life and came up with a new (Fatwaa) Edict stating that those with money go up in the church's hierarchy, and those with no money are at the bottom and should serve their masters. So, if you have any money, the church overlooks your problems and the high priest of the church will forgive you in exchange of a donation to one of the clergy at the congregation congress.

 

Islam sees the value of human life as sanctified by his maker, all colors are the decendants of the same couple, in effect, David Duke and Malcolm X are brothers, so are Sharon and Hitler, all four can be a happy family under Islam, can you imagine all these guys hugging each other out of joy saying Assalamu Alaikum, Peace upon you.

 

 

The Right To Bear Arms

 

Americanism Religion states that every human has the right to defend their lives and properties, as they are sanctified. Even when the state tries to take these rights away, a follower of the American religion, specially the extremist faction the NRA , is taught not to obey his church of Red-White-and-Blue. So bearing arms for ones deffense is a cornerstone in Americanism Religion.

 

Islam teaches followers the same idea, It teaches one must deffend his life, properties and religion this concept is called Jihad. Jihad is not meant to transgress, as Islam teaches not to transgress but even to forgive for the sake of kindness to attract others to Islam. Islam does not teach aggression, it teaches compassion. But when one is endangered, it teaches to defend his religon, life and properties, in that order.

 

 

The right to Privacy

 

Americanism religion teaches that no one should violate peoples privacy. To secure the privacy of its faithful, Americansm religion has created the worlds largest machine and collection of talent and gadgets to peek into the lives of the faithful to be able to locate violations before one contemplates doing them. Now the Americanism church can even tell you what is in your mind. A follower of this church is always aware of his Big Priest behind his shoulder.

 

 

Islam teaches the same thing. Privacy should not be violated.

 

Three verses in the Holy Quraan assure this fundemental right whose meaning are.

 

1. O ye who believe, do not enter houses that are not yours without the permission of the owners and greeting the inhabitants.

 

2. Approach houses (when you want to enter them) through the doors (right venues, not from alleys)

 

3.Do not spy on one another.

 

Islam does not judge you by intentions, but by actions only an example was when a man threatened ti kill Omar, the second Caliph, Omar asked not to prosecute, and the man Abu Luulu'ah went ahead with his threat and stabbed the Caliph while in prayer. The caliph asked not to punish the man beyoud what he has committed. Ronald Reagan did the same, but then, the assailant kid came from a rich family.

 

 

2002 Nurtel Communications

From the archives

 

 

--------------------------------------------

[Nur]

Americanism Religion Fundementals

 

Edited for Somali Refugees

 

 

Chapter One

 

Americanism on Life

 

The Americanism Religion has established a deacon for the search for extraterrestial life. This diocese who works under the theologists at NASA, have swept 5% of the sky and found no other life, intelligent or not, so the deacon decided, to accellerate the distruction of the planet as a response, by inciting the conflict of civilizations and religions to bring an end to history.

 

The institute that is intrusted to look for lifeforms in depths of the oceans and the edge of Universe care less if children in Africa can survive a famine this summer, because these bloated bellied naked and crying children in Uganda, are not the same species to warrant an alarm for church members. So these can be wasted, and no one would argue. But the church is worried about fanatics who advocate for the animal rights, and the Redwoods in Nothern California.

 

Americanism on Justice

 

 

The Americanism church have appointed judicial system that protects the rights of the faithful. Here is how it works:

 

The faithful elect a clergy member for the church who they pay him elected and then he sells them a piece of paradise. The clergy can perform burial tituals even for dogs as long as the dogs are paying.

 

The archdiocese teaches that justice is the distribution of wealth of the planet by giving 5% of world population the right to consume 80% of world resources and if anyone fails to understand the logic, they are told to believe in miracles.

 

The church teaches that there is only one life to live and it can be best enjoyed in Sunset boulevard, fifth Avenue, Mawi and Palm Beach. As for punishment, there is Ghazza, Guantanamo, Afghamistan, Somalia, and Iraq.

 

The church does not recognize a nine month ald fetus as human, so best time to kill a person according to the female members of this great church is when they are s fetus, acually you can collect some benefits by killing fetuses if you donate them to the branch of the church that undertakes research and cloning.

 

Historical, the church has ordained some human sacrifices In WWII, the Killing of 70000 Japanese was justified to protect the fishing vessels in Hawaii, since the Japanese can reach and drop bombs on San Fransisco's Fisherman's Warf and New York's little Italy Pizzarias. Millions of Vietnamese in the Vietnams War, Millions of Europeans in WWII, Millions in the mideast have so far been sacrificed by the church, the latest being the Iraqi Kids who were watching Fox news News when Tomahauks were sent to libereate them.

 

The church has admitted that it can not stop this madness alone since it has a commitment to buy the weapons of mass destruction to employ the faithful, and keep the factories running and the Banks getting their investments ten times or more.

 

These wars are like forest fires,the church reasons, they sweep the world every ten years taking away inferior life forms to make room for good life in America. This cycle always coincides with cycle of recession when the church normally ordains new priests who preach wars and destruction in poor parts of the world.

 

So the church spent the lst century fighting Communism, and Communism disappeared. Now there is the menace of a new threat to the church and it is called Terrorism.

 

 

Lesson Two

 

 

Terrorism.

 

 

Americanism Church can not define terrorism, so I will try o explain what it means in my own way.

 

When a person has fear of hights, that person has a desease that ends with Phobia.

 

Some people have a desease in which they fear their mother in Law it is called Motherinlawphobia. So some members of the church buy a gun and shoot her, Terrorism can justify her killing.

 

Toddlerphobia, is the fear of toddlers breaking your expensive artifact from China. You can throw the toddler from the balcony, or drown five of your children in the bath tub, ( As seen on TV) as a follower of the church of compassion. Psychologists see this all the time.

 

Now, people in the Mideast have their own phobia

 

And the people in the land of Amerigo Vespucci have their own phobia

 

The people in the Mideast feel threatened by Coca Cola, Pepsi and McDonalds. They have phobia of freedoms given by the Americanism church like Bishop Hugh Heffner's Cult, the People of Soddom and Gommorrah, and the marginalization of their religion by the mighty Americanism religion.

 

The Church leaders in the Americanism religion fear the Coca Cola Phobia itself. Because the church believes that there should be only one religion in the world, If you are not with Americanism religion, you are against it. The faithful must be babtized by Coca Cola holy water. Bishop Hugh Heffener shows how anyone can find paradise in Americanism religion without dying, he has the most beautiful women around him and he changes them weekly, a clear sign which shows how the church values women by taking their closthes off and selling them for profits.

 

The church is afraid about extremist organizations who conspire to put clothes back on women beautiful bodies, specially the veil. The church thinks that if women are veiled, they will talk smart behind the veil, and no man can babe her anymore, this terrorizes the members of the church who can not tame their hormones.

 

 

Lesson Three

 

Democracy for Dummies

 

 

As a slow reader, I usually look for titles like (...For Dummies) which makes me comfortable, I reason, if dummies can learn OOPS ( Object oriented Programming) so can I.

 

As an extension of that statement I searched for Democracy for Dummies and I could not find the title, so I decided to author it myself, here is a head start:

 

Democracy is a composite Greek word, Demo, means Dumb people and Cratis means rule or power.

 

It is equivalent to Republic which is the same thing in Latin, meaning Re = king and Public is People , which means the peoples Kingdom.

 

The idea of Democracy was to to give the power to the people and take it away from feudals, Popes and Emperors of mideaval Europe.

 

To make a long story even longer, Democracy has many engineering flaws, it does not work, but somepeople believe it does and that is how it really works. ( The reason it does not work is because it was not invented by scientists, because scientists use rats to see if it works)

 

 

1. Democracy was not meant to be an ellitist or controlled by the wealthy.

 

Fact: Today, demographics tell us that ignorant people sell their votes for the highest bidder, usually political action lobbies representing organizations who support a politician with election money in order to make the politician sign billions of money as a return, a great investment.

 

2. Democracy was meant to be secular

 

Fact : USA is being run by the Neocons, a Fundementalist Protestant and Jewish Zealots. Some Democracies in Europe are religious , for example in Germany, Italy and others there are religious parties that are named Christian Democrats. With an exception in MBT (Military Bullied Turkey), no Islamic Democratic Party is allowed in Turky, the word Islam is banned to appear in any political forum, so the Islamists cover themselves with Virtue , Justice etc.

 

In India the BJP, tyhe Ultra riligious Hindu Party is enjoying the overwhelming Hindu Vote, the largest democracy on earth is religiously motivated, with a religious agenda.

 

In Israel, Ultra Religious parties are fueling the motivation of the exisitence of the Jewsih state founded in 1949 on Plaistininan usurped lands, Without these religious parties, no one can justify the exisitence of Israel, a racial and religious entity which uses Democracy as a shield against criticism, in its drive to collect donations for its armed forces and settlers who encrouch on Palistinian Lands ever day.

 

In Algeria, the Islamists were winning the election when the European backed Military intervened against the eventual victory for the Islamists, their hopes crushed, a civil war erupted.

 

3. Democracy is meant to represent the majority of citizens of the republic.

 

The majority of Americans stay away from voting every year, because the only choices are a Donkey and an Elephant, this year the elephant is in power in all houses and the elephant is charging like a bull in Papillona Bull Chasing festival in Iraq, the elephant is mad, everyone is keeping their heads down.

 

If the majority truly rules, the following tally should appear in TV

 

Democrats = 15 percent of votes

Republicans = 16 percent of votes

Unsatisfied citizens silent Party = 69 percent of the votes

 

So this year, NO BODY FOR PRESIDENT.

 

Mr. Nobody will make a great president in my opinion.

 

Imagine a four year period in which you go about your life and you hear no politicians lies.

 

 

Democracy, a lie with weak feet to run on whose moment of truth arrived.

 

 

Nurtel Social Studies Institute

The Light side of the heavy stuff

[Dhagax-Tuur]

A$$ All.

 

 

Review of the Week

 

 

"........simply, a masterpiece "

 

 

--Anarchist Journal.

 

 

This disclaimer was prepared under the influence of strong Somali Tea, the strongest substance used by the writer ever.

...I wonder what a Qaxwa would do!?

 

 

Nur, great stuff. Keep them coming. I, for one, appreciate your works, and may Allah reward you for them.

 

Salaams.

[Nur]

Geel Jire Bro.

 

you write:

 

...I wonder what a Qaxwa would do!?

 

 

Answer:

 

As a matter of fact, I did try Qaxwa before, Seven Eleven large coffe, Esspresso, Capuccino, Turkish Coffe, Arabic coffee, Harari, Columbian coffee, Nestle etc. I measure strength quantity in its liberating affect, the arome of the Heil, Qorfo and Dhageyare and zanjabil, the mix with some freshly squeezed foaming Camel milk sitting under a accacia tree looking at the Somali wilderness has the strongest soul liberating effect on me, Qaxwo, simply is not.

 

Nur

[Nur]

CONGRATULTIONS FOR PASSING THE LAW THAT GIVES RIGHT TO LIFE TO UNBORN FETUSES.

 

ONE MILLION ABORTIONS CAN BE PREVENTED TO GIVE LIFE A CHANCE.

 

Nur

[pearl]

The church is afraid about extremist organizations who conspire to put clothes back on women beautiful bodies, specially the veil. The church thinks that if women are veiled, they will talk smart behind the veil, and no man can babe her anymore, this terrorizes the members of the church who can not tame their hormones.

 

lolol...babe her anymore ma tiri

[Nur]

Nomads

 

This forum is open to all Somalis who converted to Americanism religion to discuss with Somalis who have no intention changing Islam to fit Americanism.

 

All welcome

 

 

Nur

[juba]

Originally posted by Nur:

Nomads

 

converted to Americanism religion

Nur

Americanism is more of an ideology than a religion!

[Nur]

Juba

 

Can you tell us the difference between an idealopgy and Religion please?

 

 

Nur

[juba]

Nur

 

An ideology is like Communism, Capitalism, and in this case Americansim. There is no god and a set of religious practices like praying or worshiping idols. Its essentially a set of beliefs that a nation, or group has that's basis is Political or a economic.

Religion, as you well know, is a belief of a supernatural power regarded as creator and ruler of the universe. They are both beliefs but with a COMPLETELY different agenda.

[Nur]

Juba

 

Thanks for your response to my question, lets sit back and analyse yoour question, with positive outlook and attitude, OK?

 

You write:

 

An ideology is like Communism, Capitalism, and in this case Americansim. There is no god and a set of religious practices like praying or worshiping idols. Its essentially a set of beliefs that a nation, or group has that's basis is Political or a economic .

 

 

Well, we need to define what is a God, or as in Arabic, ilaah, OK? looking up the old e-Nuri Transemantics dictionary we find from old posts the follwing:

 

ilaah(God) means:

 

The root meaning of the word ILAAH comes from the Arabic word (ALIHA) the masdar(root) of this word means among others:

 

1. To seek a protection ( Like an infant seeks mother's love , wormth and protection)

 

2. To seek a rescuer ( in times of distress)

 

3. To seek the highest authority , no one scapes from ( Jurisdiction and Sovreignty ).

 

4. It meant leadership . ( ZACIIM UL QOWM)

 

5. Any thing one follows even desires is called ilaah

 

 

Now, in light of obove let us look up other dictionaries for the meaning of ideology, here is what i found googling my way around the net thesaurus:

 

 

IDEOLOGY

 

1. The body of ideas and beliefs which form the basis for a social, economic or political system .

 

2. The opinions, beliefs and way of thinking characteristic of a particular person , group of people or nation.

 

Thesaurus: philosophy, doctrine, beliefs, convictions, ideas, principles, ethics, creed, metaphysics, worldview, tenets.

3. Abstract or visionary speculation.

 

You write:

 

Religion, as you well know, is a belief of a supernatural power regarded as creator and ruler of the universe. They are both beliefs but with a COMPLETELY different agenda .

 

 

My question, based on above definitions, and knowing little bit about some world religions that do not subscribe to monotheism ( One single God) but like Hindus who believe that everything is God, including chocolate bars, can you resolve the differnce more clearer, because, according to you, since the two are different, one can become a Muslim by religion, and Communist by idealogy without any conflict. Conflicts take place when two entities are on the same lane, if they are parallel, they never crosss paths, the fact they cross paths means they share some qualities thus they are both ideologies in a sense, or both are religions, your input is appreciated.

 

 

Nur

[non-judgemental]

i would just like to say here that in my opinion ideologies and religion are totally 2 different things. however, depending on to what extent a person accepts ones ideology, he/she can commit sinful acts. but the point is if one accepts ones ideology it dont mean that they have converted and actually noone can convert from one religion to another without any intention. allah subhanahu wataala forgives every sin. i believe that if u convert from being a muslim it means that u are no longer muslim and u cannot come back to being a muslim. therefore, religion and ideologies are not the same. u can change your ideologies but not your religion. changing your ideologies means that u can be forgiven where as changing your religion u cannot...plz feel free to correct me if im wrong.

ps: here when i talk about religion im only referring to islam because i only have some knowledge of my religion and insha-allah may allah increase my knowledge and insha-allah others. sorry i know im going off topic here.

[Baashi]

Another quality topic a la e-Nuri style!

 

Where else does one find such esteemed nomad with such nomadic attitude other than in the home of true Nomads - SOL. Nomad by birth and Muslim by religion...can make one too independent so much so one would be tempted to take on complicated topics like this one head on.

 

Simplicity, relevance, and originality is what makes your articles very unique.

 

The "silent majority" as another esteemed nomad put it, are counting on you in reading your Ramadan "out of box" articles. General section where the traffic is tense and nomads are vocal is a fitting forum to post your thoughts bro Nur.

[Nur]

Bashi bro

 

Jazakallahu Khairan for your kind support of the e-Nuri Enterprises, it takes a village to bring about these posts, the global village in which I have lived both at home and abroad, my world view was balanced by empathy, respect and understanding of all peoples and religions, my dream is to become a shock obsorber, to relieve Nomads of the culturaal shock that they have faced in the West, inshAllah in Ramadan, we shal have great evenings together after Iftar, so bring your Shaahi, uuuuuuuuuuumh, so aromatic Shahi, and lets us discuss

great topics of social and Islamic objectives.

 

 

Nur

[MR ORGILAQE]

Excellent piece Nuur.I did enjoy reading it.Thanks