why do somali women DEMAND big weddings???

[mz-alpha-soup]

This question always baffles me..

 

What i dont grasp is how a woman can say she is inlove and then demand the man to give her a big fancy wedding knowing that he cannot afford it...i mean why would any woman in her right mind want 10,o 00 pounds or dollars to be splashed on ONE night??? if its just fo show off purposes it would never pull it off coz as we all know most somali women would not have a positive thing to say about your big day other than belittle the whole ceremony , crushing the spotlight u craved for on your wedding day to dust not forgetting after the wedding the marriage life starts with bills bills bills and life of 'rafaadh'

 

I mean this is supposed to be the best years of our lives but with a debt like that , the poor man would be struggling for year or more to pay it off not forgettting the woman would feel the repercussions of her demands too....

 

I have heard from our somali brothers that they are forced to go back home to marry a woman they hardly know just because they cannot afford to have the woman they luv because of her ridiculous demands often generated by her family members....i mean aint we all supposed to be mature enough to make up our own minds :confused:

 

I beg to differ, coz if i woz inlove i would neva dream of putting my man in this predicament.I would prefer to go somewhere exotic for our honeymoon instead

 

Lemmie here from y'all to see wat you think of this and if u r one of those women who demand to have a big wedding give us your reasons, because i cannot grasp the whole concept behind it...

 

ps:..and please dont give me the 'pride' excuse bull**** coz it dont mean that my pride is any less jus coz i disagree with this issue..

[Mowgli]

Salaams

 

lol mizz alpha my sentiments...every sense I was young I always HATED WEDDINGS and I vowed I would never have a big wedding myself...you'd be lucky if you get £500 from me...I'd rather go to Hajj (insha Allah) buy a beautiful car...take a holiday or put the money aside for a rainy day...

 

I've seen a Somali spend up to £20,000 on a wedding in England...and it wasn't even that great....the next week I heard peeps bad mouthin the couple.

 

Anyways everyone is diff...whateva floats your boat I say...ain't like you can force your ideas on other peeps.

[Abdinuur]

Some women demand big weddings but I dont think Somali women are the ONLY ones that demand huge weddings. It's common human feeling amongst all kinds of women (probably in men, too) in every ethnic backgrounds and cultures.

 

Besides, I dont care if somebody plans a huge wedding, it's just a matter of their own business. I never been in a Somali wedding before but if I do go to one, it gotta be huge and exceptional. No one wants to see a low-budget.

 

Another reason why people in general (yeah...let me stop stereotype lol) plan huge azz weddings is probably because it's the new millennium and they wanna have a long remembered weddings, and no one wants to be labeled having a sorry azz wedding. I don't know. Can you think of other reasons?

[Xarago]

well. even though i am not married yet, but i can feel the heat that many men have felt over the last 2 or so decades.

this is mystery coz, it has became a norm for most Somali women to demand Big Weddings. i cannot think of just one simple reason why they do so. but i think it would have to do with female fantasies, like Miss x had such and such wedding and why not me.

any way, i think some women just do ask for huge weddings to ripp off their patnter, and to me that is total deciet.

whatever the reasons are i think the Answer to this whole debate lies with the couple who are about to marry and how smart they are to set perfectly their future family life.

[LayZie G.]

ayYo Soup, I hear ya girl...

 

I ain't never gonna feed hundreds of guests I ain't never laid my eyes on...Ima Have me a very exclusive but private wedding, no more than 50 - 75 pple. (Few close friends of mine, immediate family and my ex's(for the sake of torturing them once more))I have to enjoy my wedding day and torture as many of them as I possibly can)))

 

No sense in feeding 200+ strangers whom u have never ever met...na mean???

 

I agree with u on the honeymoon aspect of the wedding...

 

NO SENSE IN WASTING A MONTH IN PARADISE, ENJOYING THE SUNSET OF ST.VINCENT...

[king_450]

well said lazy G, but i hope each one of us found the right person, and save that money for later purpose, like when kids arive and we need to buy the needed material, and like the sis said go to HAJ that is very interesting, i am for it, but my god if i am in love with that women so much and i can't live without her then what is few pounds is, i make sure she gets what she wants and tell her later that we spent a lot of money for this and that, and maybe she will realize that i loved her so much and that is why i have done that to make her satisfied. That is she has to be happy to be my wife.

[Legend of Zu]

Hmmmm.neva lost ma hope in Somali gurls.....Mz Soup, Lazy G and Idil have proven me right!!!!...

 

 

Cant help but admire Somali Smart Chicks....as i call dem SSC...tho..i thought they were gettin extinct....

 

 

And all da SSC ha Noolaadaaan!!..ilaahay ha idinka koriyo cadowga!!!

 

Cheers

[mz-alpha-soup]

LoL Idil, well said sis....and no i aint imposing my ideas on anyone, am merely expressing ma point of view..

 

Abdinuur.... somali women Are mostly the ones who demand a big wedding, most women of other culture try to negotiate something with there men and come up with with something in between..( lol ..am making it sound like a bizness contract..sorry )

oh and dont ever b under the premenitoin that the bigger the wedding the more its going to last in people's mind..not in our community bro, i have been in big wedding where the bride n groom had a helicopter ride all around london and to this day people talk about it in a negative manner...

so u are kinda right in a way az in it does stick in people's mind longer...but its all negative!!!..so which one would u prefer??

 

Raxeeyee.....well said bro...

 

Layzie...Loool gurl u cracked me up....tru what u said....( dont kno if i would wonna toture anyone tho..lol)..hope that woz a figure of speech sis...

 

King....mmhh...wise az an owl...didnt kno there are somali men out there like that mashallah..

 

Og-gurl...lol..am shy too sis...could never imagine sitting in front of all those prying eyez...

 

Legend of Zu..lol...thnx for the compliment...dont u think its kinda funny that somali women never think there are any somali out there(me being one) and vise versa..

[shyhem]

Originally posted by mz-alpha-soup:

 

I mean this is supposed to be the best years of our lives but with a debt like that , the poor man would be struggling for year or more to pay it off not forgettting the woman would feel the repercussions of her demands too....

 

I have heard from our somali brothers that they are forced to go back home to marry a woman they hardly know just because they cannot afford to have the woman they luv because of her ridiculous demands often generated by her family members....i mean aint we all supposed to be mature enough to make up our own minds :confused:

 

I beg to differ, coz if i woz inlove i would neva dream of putting my man in this predicament.I would prefer to go somewhere exotic for our

honeymoon instead

 

..

Finally the sisters in the west are making sense,u see we don't have preach no more to make sure the messages reaches the intended reciever.I hope the others know the difference btw what they want and what they need.

 

Layzieh girl

I f i was u'r ex{god forbide} i will make sure i bring u'r photo,especially the ones u had the red thong and i will amke sure the boys cousins or one those many aunts sees that.

 

At the end of the night u will either come with me or u will walk to u'r girlfriends house coz ain't no wedding is gonna happen with e'm knowing u passed me on u'r way to their son.

[Nefertiti]

The points that you have brought up are all very valid, but allow me to put a different twist on the sheekoo...

 

In my opinion most Somali weddings are a completely disorganised 'shindig' where no one seems to know what is going on, let alone the bride and groom. (This is from a reliable, impartial source: the videos I have watched )

 

Personally I dont see anything wrong with spending serious money if the funds are available and you dont have to get up on Monday morning inaad buuga ceerdha sariiftid...

 

The unfairness of the situation arises as you rightly said sis, when the man is the sole payer and the woman is the lady of leisure. If the responsibilities were shared, then maybe the pressure and anxiety would not fall on one person alone. This would contribute toward a healthy relationship.

 

Just today, I got approached by some Xaliimoo from down the road with an invitation to a wedding. The funny thing is, I dont even know this girl, classing her as an acquaintance would be a true insult as far as I am concerned. Yet she has the decency to 'invite' me to a wedding. This is where the 'negativity' issue comes in.

At Somali weddings, 80% of the guests have no clue who the bride and groom are, and have only come along to get free bariis iyo hilib. All this 'faffing about' behind the bride's and groom's backs can be avoided if you only invite TRUE friends.

 

If I had the funds, and Insha'Allah one day I will, I would most certainly pay a considerable amount for my BIG DAY. The guest list would be monitored and I most definitely would not invite more than 100 people. Thus a very private occassion.

 

PS: To the Somali brothers: the statistics of Somali sisters who turn into financial leeches once the word 'wedding' is mentioned, is continuously dwindling, and more world-wise ladies are appearing.

So, gentlemen, look for the few Gems that are emerging beneath the rubble...

 

~QoxootiMammi~

[mz-alpha-soup]

Lool qoxoti... i hear you, i still dont think its necessary to spend alotta pounds on one night regardless if the money comes from both sides or if he can afford it...am more for saving what you have for your kids and home and both your pleasures in future..

 

The monotony of a typical somali wedding drops my concetration level to a minus,am sure y'all too... i think its about time we somaliz did it a different way, let us tip the pivot for once and unbalance the equillibrium to put an end to this farce .. ( lol.. dont mean to sound harsh, i feel like abunsen burner , heating up jus to get ma point across )..shax somali yaa isiyaa

 

Az for u being invited to a wedding u dont even kno... cajaaib ..war nimanyohoo somalidhaa shekadhodhaa yaa naa gachochiyaa... ( ma somali a bit ruff on tha edges..sorry for the outburst pple.) qoxooti u kno wha i mean dhee..

 

leaches??..lol..now u hit tha nail on the head....but am trying to see if we somali women can b the host too....wat do u think? coz i think we have been in a cacoon for 'donkey' years...its time to come out n smell tha shax

[Simple Woman]

Yeah i totally agree no point spending thousands n thousands of dollars on one night I'd much rather save it for the future n of course for the honey moon.

 

But in my wedding inshallah i'll have a GUEST LIST and anyone who's not on it will be escorted out. I can't stand ppl that throw on a dirac the night they hear there is a wedding n come just for the bariis n whateva else they have there.

[LadyMo]

mz-alpha-soup well said sis I've always held dis view and hav been frowned upon even when I told my cousins I wasnt gonna hav a wedding when I get married. I mean as ya'll said waste of money and time but I've said all dis before sumwhere else in dis forum but also b'coz of all de dembi associated wiv it I mean I've got enuf why wud I want every guests dembi too?? Plus when u get married u hav completed half of ur religion wat worse way to do it in a hall of zina?

 

Ooh and about de honeymoon I wana go on a round de world trip for about 2 or 3 months & de last destination will be Mecca Insha Allah 2 complete Umrah or Xajj but we both gotta work hard 4 dat to happen.

(Any donations wud be welcomed) JK!

 

P.s mz-alpha-soup I kinda like ur nick rather unique eh?

[mz-alpha-soup]

Lol...simple woman...guest list is a good idea fo sho...and gurl dont talk about bariis...ma fav food...shame 'cant cook wont cook' :

 

Ex-dane..thanx sis...and mashallah tru wat u said, iz all dhambi.... and i miss that london accent ' u get ma blad, nuff craziness around me, ya understand?..wats guwaning wiv u sis.. ...skeeen...trying to rejuvinate ma London accent..'bare tingzz gowaning ere..

[Paragon]

Soon the word "WEDDING" could be thrown out of the dictionary, and substituted with "Nikaax only" So that there'll be no need for your fiance' to be a spendthrift.