SANTA CLAUS

[Saxardiid]

Nur looooooooooooooooooool

that was good piece of humuor. is there any more coming in the new year. i realy enjoyed so thanx.

[Nur]

Sooyaal Bro

 

I guess I have so much to write, I was actually planning to publish a news magazine tited; " THE ANARCHIST" like the ECONOMIST, in which the light side of all issues of the hour are discussed, but due to scarce free time and my commitment to the more serious Islam page, I may not be able to contribute as mucg as I like, but from time to time inshAllah, I shall post a similar message to spice up my Dawa work.

 

Nur

[Haaruun]

A father of a 4yr old doughter is suing Santa; reason; Santa called her H0-H0-H0 three times in puplic.

 

Good1 Nur

[Nur]

Haarun bro

 

U mean she is suing Saddamn? for 4 billion barrels of oil as a compensation for the American bombs that were lost in Iraq, and the Apaches that wre downed and the innocent soldiers who were killed by Saddamn in Iraq when they wanted to liberate Iraquis indians in Bagdad?

 

Nur

[Nur]

News Release From Somali Anarchist Association.

 

To The White House

 

 

As we have predicted in our previous reports, US policy in Iraq is progressing entropically into chaotic CONDItion. President Bush, our Anarchist hero with which we share common anarchist ideals of spreading chaos to aid the new world disorder, is delivering on his ideals of a world with no sane government, as we predict that after this madness is over, and when more body bags are brought home, that the US economy and National apettite for supremacy will be too weak as to get involved in other nations affairs. This situation will create a superpower vocuum that will be filled by lesser experienced nations like Somaliland, and Russia, Somaliland the most stable nation in the world who by coincidence benefited from an economic surplus for the last 13 years currently, is planning to become a superpower along with Russia to fill the void the Americans leave behind, incidentally, both countries, being remnants of collapsed union states, and led by Ex Intelligence officers of the KGB and the NSS respectively. President Riyaale of Somaliland and President Putin of Russia will emerge as the new world power club after America burns itself out in its quest for a new world disorder. Somaliland afterwards plans to invade and liberate the south of Somnlia to control the banana farms in Afgooye, sugar farms in Jawhar and mango farms in Jamaame. Somaliland will come in the pretext of unifying the Homeland under one leadership.

 

Going back to the situation in Iraq. The situation over there is very serious as to warrant the experience of our seasoned anarchists, many experienced anarchists are currently unemployed and are avialable for consultation of getting matters worse if that was in your mind, here is a list of the services our Anarchist Registry professionals can offer the situation in Iraq:

 

 

Mr. Jajabiye

 

Expert in demolitions of remnants of the government documents, if you are looking to bury sensitive inforation related to atrocities committed by the liberation army, Mr. jajabiye will show you novel methods of destroying evidence, all you have to give him is one Jeep Technical and six M16 rifles, a one month supply of Qat and cigarettes. Mr. jajabiye lives near what used to be the US Embassy in what used to be Mogadishu, he is currently available for consultation. Fees, $100 per head.

 

 

Mr. Bililiqo

 

The new world disorder wouldnt be realized without the efforts of Mr. bililiqo, once a country is immersed in an uncivil war, this gentlemena and his crew go to work diligently, her is a list of his services:

 

1. REMOVAL OF SADDAMN statues and export to Dubai market, he claims that he has orders waiting from American companies who will pay top dollar for any Saddamn memorabilia.

 

2.Telecom cables burried in Baghdad, can be removed in three working days, Falluja Bililiqo operation has to ait until so that unexploded F 16 shells can be scrapped for the copper content without exploding, Mr. Bililiqo will pesronally take care of that himself as he is the only surviving and most experienced live bomb scrapper.

 

3. Mr. Marijuana Entreprenuer.

 

This anarchist specializes in setting shop in short notice, he can get a Marijuana farm growing ganja in no time, securing a nearby airplane runway, to export Marijuana to the US and Europe, he needs officials of the occupation and relief agencies to work with him to keep everybody busy and happy.

 

Other anarchists are available upon request, like snipers, kidnappers, and politicans, let us know how we can help.

 

 

Sadistically Yours

 

Somali Anarchist association

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

A production of

 

2004 e-Nuri Corporation

We Attack Problems, Not People

[Tuujiye]

nur yaa akhee eesh calaa walaahi. who said nuradiin faarah has anything on you , u r up there too brah mentally and spritually maansha allaah

[Nur]

Organized Anarchy

 

 

From Somali Anarchists To American Anarchists

 

 

Dear Prseident Bush.

 

 

I know that you may be complain that the title is contradiction in terms, if that is true, please stop reading this post because you seem to be thinking in an on orderly linear and logical way, you are definitely not an anarchist as I thought you are. But, you are asked to sit and relax and enjoy the warped logic that grew to a science of its own.

 

My friend, George Bush the anarchist, you are indeed having a lot of problems these days in Iraq, Afghanistan and with the Democratstan party. You seem to mix between thinking along logical ways and following some non declarable goals expected of you which makes you look not as bright as you oncew were, although you were smart enough to become the leaders of the "free" world.

 

So, as President, you are expected to follow the undeclared rules that were given to you like a programmed machine, the problem is that the reading on your political machine does not make a sense to most people like me and hence the confusion about your motives.

 

For example, you have mobilized the richest army in the world ( Outfit of a a GI costs roughly 30 grans, if not more, not taxpayers grins , like night goggles, bullet proof vests, Hershey bars, Jacuzzi, Lobsters, wireless telecom etc) to preempt danger to the nation when crazy terrorists demolished two big building in New York, now if you are like me you would reason that you would go after the terrorists, right? wrong, instead you surprise me and declare embargoed Iraq to be the most dangerous nation on earth with stockpiles of Nukes, so the soldiers arrive there and try to find the nukes, they fail, instead they find worlds second richest oil fields in Kirkuk by accident.

 

so, at this point if you are a logical person, you would apologize to Saddam, ask him to come back to rule his cash poor oil rich country since many other despots like him are in power in parts of Somalia and the USA, who were not elected by their tribes, Reer Qansax Republicans, because if you accuse Saddamn for being a dictator, then removing him from power is unfair on that pretext alone, (and that is why 140 countries vote against you always), or accusing the poor guy of owning smelly chemical weapons and nukes, which he doesn't, unless you smell his underarm in a summer day.

 

 

You see George, on one hand, you follow some invisible rules that he must follow, but those who write the rules for you are not capable of aligning these rules to current events fast enough if it has to look credible, specially when you , the leader of the "free" world, who himself is not free to walk down th streets in Nairobi like me, have to stand by unreasonable statements that do not make sense like liberating Iraqis with cluster bombs and then charging them the bill in oil.

 

As an anarchist from Somalia, I would do things in a better way, here is my strategy if I was George Bush.

 

I will declare that America is the most powerful nation on earth, let all take a note, and anyone who is envious of our greatness ought to go to hell,

 

second, I would declare that Israel is in effect the homeland of Christian America, at least that is where Jesus was born, so as a born again Southern Baptist, America will never allow anyone to mess with Israel and Ariel Sharon the man of piece, who needs a piece of every Arab neighbor to create greater biblical Israel.

 

Third, I'd close the stuupid United Nations whose members always vote against USA, Israel, Micronesia and Palau. I would remind them that they will never find a better place to spend their big salaries that America subsidises, places like 42nd second street theaters and Fifth Avenue shops.

 

Fourth, I would clarify why America is in Iraq, we are there because of oil, and the Holy Bible, and as long as the blood/oil ratio remains one pint per one barrel, I would recommend that it is in Americas best interest to sacrifice some of our boys to secure oil, because America did not invest in trains like Europe.

 

Finally, to make my campaign in Iraq believable, I would throw in a surprise initiative, as to confuse critics, I would invade at least one other country without oil, like Somalia, and quickly setup a government there to show the world that America is also as benevolent as greedy.

 

 

Cag Biciid

 

Acting Director, Somali Anarchist Declaration (SAD)

 

2004 e-Nuri Political Satire

[Nur]

Somali Anarchists Are Concerned

 

Dear President Bush

 

I just read a piece of news that Rumsfeld confirmed that a secret meeting between Iraqi Resistance and the American occupation is taking place in Iraq these days. Is it true that you have offered Peanut butter sandwiches and Kelloggs Rice Crispies cerials to the insurgents?

 

This news has sent shockwaves throughout Somali Anarchists worldwide, the implications are unimaginable, one such nightmare would be a request from USA to give Somalis a contract in iraq to set up a franchise of Karaan Sharia courts in Baghdaad, run exclussively by Al Ittixaad Islamic movement demonized by your administration as Turists, sorry, I meant Terrorists.

 

How can the most powerful power negotiate with a "Foreign" bunch of amature kids? I read somewhere that the USA ( US Army, Marine and Air force granted Iraq Citizenship ?) has spent 200 billion Dollars in the liberation of iraq campaign, spent in the latest helicopters, supersonic jets, latest in communications gadgets, airconditioned armed vehicles, relieving soldiers in weekends in nearby Qatar, Bahrain, Turkey or Italy. To fight the "Foreign' resistence who spends less than a cent for every thousand Dollars US spends in this crazy war.

 

The result, over 100,000 iraqis dead, a milion injured, as for US casualty, 1700 soldiers dead, tens of thousands injured, and many are scarred for life psychologically. How can such a great visionary like you get it so wrong? dont blame the CIA, most of these kids failed their Geography SAT exams anyway, How can the mightist army under the sun concede to such a weak resistance? are you telling us everything?

 

Dont get me wong, I know if all you wanted was to win this war,which you have forgetten the reasons for it, y'd have simply nuked the hell outa Iraq, stayed out the mess for couple of years till the smoke clears , then you'd come back with your Nuclear Geiger readers, and once the reading is below the currently accepted 1000 geigers above background radiation, ( Which is the amount of Radiation that would kill most humans except for Somalis ) you would have completed your mission of "liberation of Iraq".

 

Anyway, as your allies in anarchy, we are yawning outa boredum, we need consistence in messages, not confusion, one day, you call all your adversaries enemy of freedom, dividing the world into two camps like Fascist Mussolini of Italy ( buddy, you are with me or against me ), guess what? next day you are in bed with the enemy.

 

 

We need clarifacation, the sooner the better, but please, not with bombs, I have a sugar shipment from Dubai landing in kismayo port Tomorrow, you know Qat whithout sugar is no fun at all.

 

 

2005 Somali Anarchists Declaration (SAD)

Destruction R Us

[Dhagax-Tuur]

Monsieur Nur, your language is getting more tabloid(ic) than the notorious British tabloid papers, but 'I'm loving it'.

 

This is the one I liked CONDItion! Good vision, bro.

 

Jizaaka Allahu kheyr for your effort and time, wa iyaanaa.

[Nur]

Tuujiye bro.

 

Thanks for the compliment bro. I find relief expressing myself in these writings that address issues that cause tears, but like the Arabic proverb says " Sharrul baliyati maa yudxuk" the worst of disasters are those that make you laugh hysterically"

 

 

Geel Jire bro.

 

Tabloids? these UK papers are full of lies, mine on the other hand, are written to deliver subliminal TRUE messages. Motives are also different, e-Nuri is benevolence driven, UK Tabloids are CA$H driven. Anyway, I always appreciate your compliments and critique, we need to sip together a wooden cup of foaming Camel Milk .

 

 

Nur

[Nur]

The second Anniversary of Saddamn's capture, Thanksgiving around the corner, e-Nuri and associates would like to represent the Butcher of Baghdad in the upcoming trial, e-Nuri lawyers are preparing for his defense, time permiting, the sequel (which is not always as good as the original shall follow).

 

 

Nur

[Nur]

Duceysan sis wrote:

 

nur

 

thanx , i understand , very creative, mansha allah but i pray and pray that no somali man would betray his own ppl like the kurdish and iraqi officials have done. Ameen

 

 

Duceysan sis

 

The Warlords at Baidoa are selling us to Africans this time around, when 8000 hungry Ugandans are let loose to loot, rape and kill Somalis after the peace that was just achieved, you know, your Dua is still to come, please keep praying for the peace at home. May Allah accept your Dua.

 

 

Nur

[Nur]

Bin Laden Killed

 

The man that was kept alive for 10 Years in a Freezer is said to have died in a 40 minute gun battle in which he resisted but was fatally shot by helicopter borne snipers.

 

Is this the end of Chaos-by-design age? or is America running out of money and tricks? is America trying to cut its losses in Afghanistan and run?

 

 

Now that Osama is declared dead, I am expecting the second coming of Jesus Aleyhi Salaam.

 

You see, Christians and Jews wanted Jesus dead for different purposes.

 

Christians will not be able to enjoy their sins if Jesus did not die, because his blood acts like a TIDE Detergent.

 

Jews on the other wanted him dead since they believed that he was an impostor, not a prophet.

 

 

But, after 9/11, both Jews and Christians found a common Savior, Saint Osama Bin Laden, who will deliver a lot of Oil and Muslim Wealth to the fast shrinking Judeo-cHristian economies. Bin Laden had a job to live long enough to deliver the Oil, but, although he succumbed to his Kidney Failure in 2001, his body was kept in the custody of the priests of the Financial Churches.

 

After 10 years of manhunt that caused the death of a Million Iraqis, as Americans believed that hew was working with Saddam Hussein, as well as the death of hundreds of thousands of Afghan and other Muslims nationals the world over, we hear today the breaking news that the Sheikh was killed with only 4 people as collateral. The most dangerous man who managed to go through the defenses of the most guarded airspace in the world was put to sleep like a kitten. Only in America.

 

Infamous 911 is pregnant with many unexplained stories, this story will add a new volume of the never ending Judeo Christian Miracles in the Muslim World.

 

 

Congratulations Obama! your second term as President is guaranteed, Republicans are in big trouble. Your troops can go home finally!

 

Now we need you in Somalia, since we are your next door cousins, as a Lou Tribesman, we need to sit under an acacia tree to sort out the Somali-Lou relationships that are brewing in Buulo Xaawo and Garbahaarrey.

 

 

Nur

[Jacaylbaro]

[Nur]

Prsidnet Obama

 

What have you done?

 

You promised in your speech that Bin Laden will get a humane Islamic Funeral!

 

Now you are telling us that you have buried him in the Indian Ocean!

 

You mean that is Islamic Funeral, feeding the Sharks with the Old man's dead body?

 

 

This is literally FISHY!

 

 

This will NOT put the official story to rest.

 

 

....Man! when I heard that you will be giving the Sheikh and Islamic funeral, I was for a moment ashamed of my 10 year old story that that the Sheikh died of Kidney Failure back in November 2011.

 

Whew! Now, I know I was right, dumping the Sheikh's body in the Ocean is indeed very Fishy Business. You could've said that he is hiding between in Buulo Xaawo and Garbahaarrey in Azania Repubic of Somalia and Americans would've believed you, what an opportunity you have blown Mzee Obama!

 

 

Nur