sYric-STiPHuLLa Posted March 11, 2004 Roc-A-Scenes Vol.9: We're Through [Jay-Z and Beyonce are having lunch in a fancy Manhattan restaurant. Beyonce is wearing a giant hat and shades to conceal her identity. Jay-Z's arm is in a sling from a near-fatal shoulder injury he suffered 3 days earlier. ] Shawn Carter: How can you do this to me now?!? I'm in so much pain already. *puts his hand on his wounded shoulder* Beyonce: Don't play the sympathy card, you're gonna be fine. It was your own fault it happened anyway. Shawn: But why? Why break up with me when things were going so well? Beyonce: I was attracted to you cause of your swagger. You know, how you rapped, dressed, talked... and now... well, you don't rap anymore. And you dress like my dad. Shawn: B, I'm the same person. Beyonce: Yeah, but... rap kept you young. Now you're just an old man. Shawn: Young! Beyonce: No. Shawn: Yep! Beyonce: Stop doing that. Shawn: Hov! Beyonce: People are staring at us. Shawn: Like you don't live for that shit. Beyonce: ....... Shawn: Okay, I'm sorry. But give a nigga a chance. I'm a man with pride, you don't do shit like that. Beyonce: I'm sorry, Jay. I love you. Goodbye. *kisses Jay-Z's forehead and walks out of the restaurant, never to see him again* Shawn: *mourns the loss of his first love for a brief moment* ......wait, she didn't even pick up the check. This ***** dumped me and left me with the tab. That's just rude. *already over Beyonce, Jay calls up a model to spend the evening with* 3 days earlier: [The Roc is gathered for the release party of Young Gunz' debut album, Tough Luv. Various members of the press and Roc-A-Fella staff are present.] Dame: Album's bout to hit the streets. Y'all excited? Young Chris: Yessssss Dame: Where's Neef? (( Cut-away to Neef Buck, back in Philly selling drugs again )) Beyonce: I'm so proud of you guys. Young Chris: Yessssss Dame: B, where's Jay? Y'all didn't show up together? Beyonce: Nah, he wanted to come alone. He said he had a surprise for everyone. Dame: A surprise? Bleek went platinum? *Beyonce and Chris laugh* Bleek: Dawg, I can hear you. Beyonce: Where is Bleek anyway? Bleek: I'm standin right ****in here! Twista: *walks up and nods* Dame: Heeeey, speakin of platinum, this man is on his way. Twista: Asithejiggamlistamaripadadiggadydiggadyalamadoshis Dame: Yeah man, I couldn't believe it myself. Twista: Reallyamasigajiggadigafillimasid Dame: I dunno, I'm thinkin around six or seven hundred thousand. Twista: Ruggadelow****emallsmiggateyallrawlsstippenasickenaall Dame: ....I.... have no idea what you just said. *the music is lowered and the crowd simmers down* Jay-Z: *walks in the room with a brown, wool sports coat with patches over the elbows, and some young *** Strangler jeans that Chuck Norris wouldn't be caught dead in* Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Shawn! *the crowd is dead silent. Dame's cigar drops from his gaping mouth, Kanye stands in disbelief as he no longer has the ugliest jacket in the room, and Cam'ron rubs his hands together* Beyonce: *gasps... everything in the room disappears except for Jay. In a split second, she sees her future play out in front of her. At age 30, Jay-Z will be 54. She chases their child around the house while Jay's beer gut and arthritis make it impossible for him to keep up. At 45, her husband, the one-time 'King of New York,' is now in diapers and needs help just to make it to the couch, where he'll most likely spend most of his day. She's having an affair with a model, 20 years her junior, but can never reach orgasm without pretending she's someone else. As Jay approaches her, the binds in his skin-tight jeans snap her out of her nightmare.* Jay: Hey baby. What's up? *kisses Beyonce on the cheek* Beyonce: *speechless* Dame: *walks up to Jay, snatches him by the arm and pulls him aside* Jay, what the **** man? What the ****? Jay: You seem up-tight homie. I need to bring you to my next pilates session. Dame: *tries to whisper but his anger makes it obvious to everyone what he's saying* **** pilates! Jay, what the **** are you doing? Jay: I don't wear Jerseys, I'm 30 plus. Give me a crisp pair of jeans nigga-- Dame: Jay, those jeans ain't crisp. They're burnt. Where the **** did you find a 28 waist to fit your tall *** ? Jay: You got jokes. Dame: No, YOU got jokes. *rubs his fingers on Jay's wool coat* Jay: You don't like? This is my new look. Dame: Jay, may I remind you that we run a clothing company. We still run a label. Your image reflects on all of us. You're... you're like a mascot for our success. Jay: I know, and I feel like this is the future. This is my future. I'm a grown up forreal. Bleek: *walks up* yo Jay, nice look. *chuckles* Jay: Oh, it's funny? *snatches off Bleek's hat, exposing his Wu-Dan moon-shaped hairline* *everyone in the room laughs* Jay: See, that's funny. Dame: You play too much Jay. Jay: Now slap yourself. Bleek: Wha? Jay: ...... Bleek: You said you'd never make me do that in public again. Jay: ...... Bleek: **** that man. I ain't obeyin your every word no more. **** YOU JAY! *crowd goes dead silent again* Bleek: *looks around* What? Dame: *snaps his fingers and points at Bleek* *3 security guards 'manifest' and carry Bleek off into the back, kicking and screaming* *on the other side of the room, Cam'Ron plots to take over the Roc* Cam: *shaking his head* Yo doggy, this nigga done lost it. Jim Jones: *nods* Cam: This nigga so used to everybody ridin his dick... he actually think niggas will follow anything he does, no matter how gay it looks. (( camera pans to the left, showing 4 niggas behind Cam, all dressed in pink )) Jim Jones: I think it's about time for the Dip Set Byrd Gang movement to come in full effect. Cam: I feel you doggy. *Cam and Jim Jones do an elaborate gang hand shake that ends in an open-mouth kiss* (( across the room, several women scream as some commotion is heard near the entrance )) * M.O.P. shoots 2 members of security and busts into the room * Lil Fame: FIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Fizzy Wo: Ayo, everybody listen up! WE'RE THROUGH! Lil Fame: We been on the Roc two years and all these niggas droppin before us. Fizzy Wo: We can't eat off a 15 thousand dollar advance and some Roc chains, so this is what's going down... Fizzy Wo and Lil Fame: AAAAAAANTE UP! Lil Fame: *pulls out giant bag* Put your mother ****in jewels in the bag! Fizzy Wo: We know every last mother ****** in this room got on some jewelry. If you waste our time hidin shit in your pockets, we gonna blast on sight. Lil Fame: *snatching chains and watches* If you ain't got a offerin for the collection plate, you better borrow some by the time we get to you. Fizzy Wo and Lil Fame: AAAAAAANTE UP! *M.O.P., frustrated with their album being shelved, robs the entire Roc-A-Fella staff. An older, more enlightened Shawn Carter decided to come to the party without any jewelry, and Lil Fame shot him in the shoulder. * MORE ROC-A-SCENES COMIN Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sYric-STiPHuLLa Posted March 11, 2004 Roc-A-Scene Vol.8: Your Future Was Bleek All of the label's roster and staff are in a rich Jew's mansion, somewhere in a New England town you never heard of. This spot is often used for video shoots and tours to impress investors, but today everyone's gathered for a celebration. Jay: Everybody settle down, I have an announcement to make. *crowd looks up* Jay: College Dropout, Roc-A-Fella's first official release since The Black Album, is a huge success. Kanye, you did 450,000 your first week. You's a genius nigga. Crowd: *applauds* Bleek: ....the ****? Jay: This is very important news for the Roc. A lot of people said we couldn't do it after I retired, but Kanye is proof that Roc-A-Fella is the army. First official album to drop after mine already on its way to platinum. We will not lose! Young Chris: Yessssss Bleek: first official release? Crowd: *applauds* Dame: Man, I'll be the first to admit... when I first heard Kanye rap, I thought he was trash. Bleek: still is Dame: But then he started showin that hunger that I get from all the other rappers on the Roc. Jay Jay: *nods* Dame: Cam Cam: Holla Dame: Young Gunz Young Chris: Yessssss Dame: Beans ........ Dame: Where's Beanie? Freeway: He had to ROCK a nigga last night, URLY! He's in central now... Biggs went to go bail him. Young Chris: Chea Dame: Oh okay... *surprisingly not surprised* anyway, we've got a history of great artists on the Roc, leading all the way back to our first official signing, with Beans back in 98. Bleek: the ****?!? Dame: And I just wanna say... anything's possible over here. Kanye, why don't you say a few words. *crowd cheers* Kayne: Aw man, I'm speechless... I don't even know what to say. Uh... I'M KILLIN Y'ALL NIGGAS ON THAT LYRICAL SHIT, MAYONNAISE COLOR BENZ I PUSH MIRACLE WHIPS! *goofy *** grin* *crowd laughs* Bleek: Man, what the-- this nigga done said that shit 800 gazillion times. **** this nigga son. Kanye: I can't believe it...seemed like it was only yesterday-- (Kanye's speech fades down while Bleek's disappointment grows louder in his head) Bleek: I mean what the **** son?! You said yourself you was ridin the train when you wrote that line. You a fake *** nigga and you know it yourself. Up here grinnin like a *****... like, like shit is a game. It ain't a ****in GAME. Kanye: and that's all I gotta say man. It's the Roc! *crowd cheers* Jay: Hey Just, you gonna start spittin next, ha? *crowd laughs* Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Young Chris: Yesssssss Dame: So congrats to Kanye... everyone enjoy the Armadale. It's on the house. *crowd goes back to celebrating, with one lonely exception* Bleek: *depressed, walks over to Just Blaze* Hey man, what you smokin on? Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: Cool, gimme a hit of that. *puffs* You real into music and shit... In your opinion, what does Kanye have that I don't? Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: So you sayin he just got that spark? Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: I don't see it man. I know I rap better than this nigga. I know I'm realer than this nigga. I mean look at this mother ****** . (camera pans up Kanye while Bleek breaks it down) ...$400 designer shoes... some cheap, faded *** jeans.. nigga didn't buy 'em like that. I saw them shits when they were still blue son. And a striped polo that don't match shit in this whole room. This nigga walkin round lookin like a European fag model son. Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: What's that nigga that play the elf on Lord of the Rings? Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: Yeah man, I saw this nigga rockin the same shit on the cover of some magazine, lookin like a *****. And now this nigga in the same get up. He a disgrace to everything the Roc stood for when I got here. Now he poppin shit like he at the top of the food chain. You feel me? Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: I think I'ma steal on this nigga son, right in his busted *** jaw. I'ma rip this faggot nigga's mouth off and he can make a song about that shit. Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: You right, you right. This ain't the time or the place. I gotta catch this nigga on the humble. Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Bleek: I hate this nigga son. That's my word. If this nigga ever say shit to me, I'ma have him spittin through a casket, you heard? Look, here come that ***** *** nigga right now. Kanye: *walks up to Bleek and Blaze* what up niggas? Bleek: Sup Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze Kanye: I just wanna thank y'all for showin me love tonight. Bleek: Well you know, it's Roc-A-Fella for life. We family. Kanye: Exactly Bleek: Everybody get their lil 15 minutes of fame, no matter what. Enjoy it. Kanye: Yup... Bleek, you're one hit away! *pats Bleek's shoulder, and walks away laughing* Bleek: *grinds his teeth and literally turns red* Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze! Bleek: AYO! EVERYBODY! Listen up! I got a announcement to make! *everybody stops what they're doing* Bleek: *surprised everyone listened* .... uh.... *blank stares* Bleek: Last night, I got in a car acc- a PLANE accident. A plane crash... and I almost died...so I'ma take 50-- 100 Gs of my own money and shoot a video! *crowd is already back to ignoring him* Posh Spice: *walks up to Bleek laughing* That was a great story. I don't know how Dame does it... Bleek: does what? Posh Spice: Find all this talent. Rappers, producers, now even the waiters are entertainers. *hands Bleek her empty glass and walks off* Bleek: *****! what the **** son?!? Aight, I ain't never wearin a suit again. Cam: *walks up to Bleek* What's goin on fam? Bleek: Nothin man, just wonderin what the **** happened to the game. Cam: I feel you fam. All this faggot shit. It's disgusting. Bleek: Word... whatchu doin after this? Cam: Man, I'ma go get my dick sucked by this nigga out back. Bleek: ........ Cam: Then I probably hit some more of this purple and catch me some Dave Chappelle. whole crowd: I'M RICK JAMES *****! Bleek: Hol up... you gettin your dick sucked by who? Cam: This nigga, I forget his name. You want me to ask if he'll hit you off too? Bleek: Nigga how the **** you get your dick sucked by a dude? Cam: Nah fam, don't get it twisted. Ain't no fruity shit goin on over here... not everybody can get away with that shit. But when you the hardest nigga on the block, it's nothin fam. Just like in jail. That don't make you gay, you feel me? Bleek: Yo... I'ma catch up with you later tho. *walks away* Cam: Aight man. Ayo-- Bleek: *stops* Cam: Killa Cam, Purple Haze comin Ca'March 2004. Bleek: ....we on the same label, why you tellin me that? Cam: I tell everybody that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sYric-STiPHuLLa Posted March 11, 2004 Roc-A-Wedding Roc-A-Wedding: *** On the S Dot yacht, somewhere in the Caribbean *** Beanie Sigel: Don't tell me you lost it. Bleek: I had it on me this morning, I know I did! Beanie Sigel: Jay is gonna throw you OFF this mother ****** Bleek: Shit... shit... shit... *walks in circles, confused* Beanie Sigel: How you lose a million dollar wedding ring? Bleek: SSHHHH... keep your voice down nigga! Beanie Sigel: *chuckles* Nigga you dead. Bleek: ****, I gotta think... THINK Bleek think... if I was a million dollar wedding ring, where would I be? Beanie Sigel: In a ring box, prick... same as any other ring. Bleek: I lost the ring box too nigga! Beanie Sigel: I'm ****in with you nigga. Calm down. Bleek: Man, I don't have time for-- Beanie Sigel: So how does it feel? Bleek: How does what feel? Beanie Sigel: Being dead Bleek: SHUT UP! Beanie Sigel: hahahaha Bleek: ****, I gotta come up with somethin... *** Jay-Z & Mr. Knowles play poker in the gaming room *** Jay: *puffs cigar* So you don't mind your daughter marrying a player? Mr. Knowles: Not at all, I wouldn't expect nothin less. Women always look for a man just like their pops. Jay: Oh, you were a old school player, huh? Mr. Knowles: Yeah, whatchu know about the old school, youngin? Jay: Well, actually I'm almost 40 years old. Mr. Knowles: No shit? Damn, we coulda rolled together back in the day. Freeway: EARLY!! Mr. Knowles: Why does he keep shouting that out the blue? Jay: So Matt, tell me about B as a kid. Mr. Knowles: She was a born star... you couldn't tell her nothin. You got your job cut out for you, young scrapper. Jay: I'ma hold it down. Freeway: EARLY!! Mr. Knowles: Okay, can we switch seats? He's startin to scare me. *** On-board jewelry store *** Bleek: Good thing this boat has an on-board jewelry store. Beanie Sigel: Nigga, you gon buy a million dollar ring? Bleek: I ain't tryin to get thrown off a boat, ya heard Beanie Sigel: Where you gon get a million dollars? Bleek: I'm glad you asked... *looks down* See I was wondering if... if it wasn't too much trouble... maybe... I mean I know the State Property gear is jumpin off... and you brilliant for pullin that shit off.. it's hot... forreal.. um... I was hopin that maybe... maybe if you had a lil somethin... maybe you could spot me. You know I'm good for it *looks up* --Beanie Sigel is nowhere to be found-- Bleek: Beans? *looks around* Beanie?? Jacob the Jewler: Hi, can I help you? Bleek: Um, yeah... I'm lookin for a wedding ring. Jacob the Jewler: Congratulations. Bleek: Nah man, I'm not gettin married. It's for Jay... I need to get the exact ring he got from you last week. Jacob the Jewler: Oh my... did you lose it? Bleek: That's not important. Look I need-- Jacob the Jewler: HAHAHA What kind of Smeagol loses a million dollar ring? HAHAHA Bleek: Why do people keep calling me that? What the **** is a Shmegal? Jacob the Jewler: Nevermind. Look my friend, you are in luck. I have one more of those rings left. Bleek: *sigh* Thank you God! Jacob the Jewler: It's on sale for 2.5 million. Bleek: WHAT?!? Jacob the Jewler: 2.5 Bleek: It was a million like 3 days ago. Jacob the Jewler: Supply and demand. Bleek: Man... c'mon Jacob. Don't do this to me man. You know the Roc does you good... we put your kids through college man. Hook me up. Jacob the Jewler: No, Dame put my kids through college. You ask for free, used chains with other people's names on them every time I see you. Bleek: Come on man! Shaq didn't buy the shit.. you coulda gave me that piece. Who gonna buy a big *** Twism chain? Jacob the Jewler: 2.5 my friend. Bleek: ****... aight, but I ain't got it on me. Can I put up my house, car.. um... my momma's crib... and the rest on credit? Jacob the Jewler: *draws up the papers* *** The next day... *** Jay: *fixes collar on Roc-A-Tux* How I look? Dame: Like a camel in a Tux. Jay: C'mon nigga, this my big day. Dame: You look sharp nigga. HOLLA! Jay: Aight nigga... LET'S DO THIS! --- Half Hour Later --- Roc-A-Priest: What up niggas! We're gathered here today... for some truly gangsta shit! *throws up the Roc* Crowd: HOLLA! Roc-A-Priest: This is a monumentus occasion right here. Sean Carter aka Jay-Z aka Jigga aka Young Hova aka Big Homie... whatever he's going by today... Jay: Notorious J.A.Y. Roc-A-Priest: ... Okay... Today, Notorious J.A.Y. is putting his pimp hand back in the holster, and hanging it up for good. He's finally settling down with none other than Ms. Beyonce Knowles. Beyonce: *holding the same photo-ready grin for 72 hours straight* Roc-A-Priest: If anyone here got beef, speak now or forever hold your peace. Beans: We forever holdin our piece anyway, Rev! *reaches hand in jacket* Crowd: *laughs* Bleek: HAHA Yeah, til death do us part! ... get it? Crowd: Roc-A-Priest: Um... okay. Does anyone have the ring? Bleek: *walks up and pulls out 2.5 million dollar ring* Jay and Dame: *look at each other and laugh* Bleek: What? Dame: *pulls ring out his pocket and hands it to Jay* Bleek: WHAT THE ****?? Where do you get that?? Dame: I've had it since he bought it. Bleek: What the **** was in the ring box you gave me? Dame: I dunno, a cereal toy I think. Bleek: WHAT?! Dame: You lost it didn't you? Bleek: ..... Dame: You lost the cereal toy, so you went and bought a million dollar ring, didn't you? Bleek: 2.5 million Jay and Dame: *look over to Jacob the Jewler* Jacob the Jewler: *shrug* holler. Beyonce: *photo-ready grin* Bleek: Wait... you put me through all that shit and you didn't even give me a real ring? Jay: **** I look like trusting you with a ring nigga?? If I was your Burger King manager, I wouldn't put you in charge of onion rings. Freeway: EARLY! Bleek: *looks around nervous* You said you wouldn't mention that Burger King shit, Jay. I do whatever to make ends meet. I ain't shame. Jay: Oh really? Ay, everybody can I have your attention... you're lookin at BK's finest! That's right, Bleek here was employee of the month at Burger King. Crowd: *bursts into laughter* Bleek: That's IT! I ain't standin for this shit anymore. Jay: *offers Bleek a chair* Bleek: **** you nigga! **** the ROC! Nas murdered you and everyone knows it... Em murdered you on your own shit! You look like a camel... **** you! I sold my mom's house nigga! Don't come cryin to me when this ***** leaves you for a ball player. Crowd: *dead silent* Jay: *looks at Beanie Sigel* Beans: *nods* --- an hour later --- Crowd: *eating cake, dancing to Roc music* Jay: I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you... or til you get fat.. whichever comes first. Beyonce: *photo-ready grin* Dame: Yo Jay, you want some cake? Jay: Nah, I feel like a whopper with cheese. Dame: *shouts overboard* Hey, you ready to come back on board and fix us some cheeseburgers nigga? Bleek: *butt-naked, holdin on to a rope* Yeah Dame: What? I can't hear you? Bleek: YEAH NIGGA! Dame: *puts hand to ear* What was that? Bleek: YES SIR. I'M READY TO COME SERVE Y'ALL BURGERS! Dame: Can I have it my way? Bleek: YES! YOU CAN HAVE IT YOUR WAY! Dame: Can I get free cheese? Bleek: C'mon man, you know cheese is a extra 19 cents! Dame: Aight then... I'll holla at you in another hour. *walks away from edge of the boat* Bleek: C'mon Dame, pull me up! HOLLA ------------- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sYric-STiPHuLLa Posted March 11, 2004 uppin for the masse's lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stpaulchick Posted March 12, 2004 LOL..................that was hiliarious!!! but for real R.O.C is taken over....just like them ATL rappers. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N.O.R.F Posted March 12, 2004 lol, read the 1st part, will come back for the rest Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
