Khayr Posted August 13, 2003 Salaamz, I just wanted to know especially from the 'Dhaqaan Fanatic', and everyone knows who that person is, why Somali Fathers are joining the ranks of Afro-American Fathers in terms of Abondoning their kids and not paying child support. It seems from my experience, that the Old School 'Dhaqaan' Loving Somali Fathers think that its against their 'Dhaqaan' to show love to their kids and be their for them. Its like its Not manily to show love your kids. With respect to the Child Support concept, do Somali Fathers consider it to be Haram, a SIN, if they pay child support. Help me out here cause I need some clarification. Fi Amanallah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 13, 2003 I would love to know myself....I know countless me , including my own father, who left their kids to be raised by one parent. So why? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SomeAlien Posted August 13, 2003 Originally posted by Khayr: Salaamz, I just wanted to know especially from the 'Dhaqaan Fanatic', and everyone knows who that person is, why Somali Fathers are joining the ranks of Afro-American Fathers in terms of Abondoning their kids and not paying child support. It seems from my experience, that the Old School 'Dhaqaan' Loving Somali Fathers think that its against their 'Dhaqaan' to show love to their kids and be their for them. Its like its Not manily to show love your kids. With respect to the Child Support concept, do Somali Fathers consider it to be Haram, a SIN, if they pay child support. Help me out here cause I need some clarification. Fi Amanallah im guessin but id say its halal, because as a father its your duty to take care of your kids and if you cant be there physically for whatever reason, be it friction between yr spouse, job, wtv, providing them with things theyll nedd (clothes, books, etc), is like caring for them. and as for "abandoning" their kids, id say there are a number of reasons, but if you wanna look in the af. american community as a reference than id say poverty would be the #1 reason. having a great responsibility like raising a child and feeling helpless without a job would make some men flee from the whole situation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
-Serenity- Posted August 13, 2003 I dont really know any Somali father who is capable of supporting his kids and doesnt. Back at home, they paid everything without a second thought. Its just that most of them have come to the west leaving their life and everything they worked for all their lives behind and have to start from scratch. Chances of finding a job for most is tedious and would involve swallowing their pride and settling for less - if at all they get 1. After which their children would end up being completely dependent on them and hence starting another succession of poverty, worries and unstability as he cant make enought to support them well. Eventually they give up... let the govt do their duty and end up neglecting their kids and chewing to drown their guilt. Its a vicious circle where the choice they make is between the devil and the deep sea. However, they could offer alot more emotional support. Life is just not as easy .. and I think somali youth should stop being distracted by petty things and realize we came here at the sacrifice of our parents and our sole purpose is to get educated and go back home to rebuild the country. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted August 13, 2003 i dont think they started doing that now ...they used to do back in somalia...and trust me when i say this i say it cuz i seen people go through it....I think they do it cuz they have to many wives and they cant support all of them at the same time yet they believe they have to show they manly hood by having four wifes and divorcing the one that confronts their weak butts.... :rolleyes: and some of the so called daqan lovers dont do it for daqan but they do it just so society approves of it and the somali society believes that men should dominize and that is soully the reason they do it.( i think) i think oday yaasha shiid marku qabto xishood eey ciyaalka uga tagan and when they get money they keep in touch (jokes) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nin-Yaaban Posted August 13, 2003 Khayr, first of all you are getting two things mixed up. The FATHERS you talking about are probably CIYAALSUUQIIN (20's) who dont deserve to be called *Somali-dhaqan fathers*. Most fathers support their children, and it doesn't always have to be financially. If you are over 20yrs old, you should be supporting your parents, not the other way around. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xafsa Posted August 13, 2003 ^^^ Nobody is talking about over 20 yr old kids...if they are then yeah it would be their turn to support their parents. Most of these abandoned kids are a result of divorce. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Khayr Posted August 13, 2003 Nin-Yaaban, I didn't have in mind fathers in their 20's more like fathers who came to the West and are in their 40-65 age ranges. I've also heard the excuse well, people back in Hargeysa like Grandma, and the uncles need the money. I'm sure some of you have heard that one before. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Changed Posted August 13, 2003 flying still tell me about fathers abandoming us ... i think they did cuz they are financially poor..... :confused: i think Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
king_450 Posted August 13, 2003 All i have to say, thank God i didn't grow up or experienced all these hatred,neglect,disgusting,broken family ,that you all talking about, thank God, that i have a Good parents who showed me the right path day and night,i am asking God to help you'll who have suffered both physically if there is one, and mentally. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Macalin Posted August 13, 2003 My Dad was there for me---i have no reasons why they leave! maybe they NOT man ENUFF?--i don know Maybe Jaad?--i don know Maybe unemployment?..i don know maybe its beyond this lakkad's brainz Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flamboyant Posted August 13, 2003 Khayr, Khayr Alaah ha ku siyoo for bringing this topic up for discussion. I can't help, but think Somalimen of all ages and across the spectrum, have let us down big time! Horta, personaly i have been blessed with strong male role models. Our father has always been there for us and is truly a family man. My brothers are the most caring, loving creatures on earth, their wives will be the luckiest women on this side of the hemisphere (i am bias) So, i guess you're all wondering tan maxaa ragii ku diray since, she's obviously been blessed with nimo khatar ah oo beloo ka dhacday. Nobody lives in a bubble, i see what's around me, i see how bleak things look for generation X, besides i have cousins, aunts, friends etc who have been left on their own to bring up their families. Abandoned at the most critical time of their lives, i.e when she's pregnant with her 6th child.. It's disgusting and it is shameful. YOung somali men are growing up with no father figures no strong male role models, we're turning out in disturbing numbers, malfunctioning males that will continue from where their absent Fathers have left off. It is an endless cycle... Some times, i can't help but think Somalies are being punished for past sins..waayo dheh, this waay dhaftay kaftan dee!!... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silent-sistah Posted August 14, 2003 ^^^^6 that was soo well said. i spoke to an uncle of mine, and asked him, how he felt after divorcing his wife, and why he doesnt visit his kids no more,, he said, 'i loved her, when i married , i married her, the kids where not there. now that im not with her, i dont feel the same love for the kids.' my small mind cannot understand that statement Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuCkY Posted August 14, 2003 The way i see it some fathers think that as soon as they divorce the wife they divorce the kids automaticaLLy. They need to understand that the kids are theirs as weLL just because you and the wife have a probLem doesnt mean that the kids shouLd be suffer the consequences. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blessed Posted August 15, 2003 Athena, pretty much sumed it up. Our fathers did have it bad. Although some of them, have got their priorities mixed up, there are many that try to fit into this society and help with bringing thier children up. Also, many Somali women seem to be pretty complacent about their husbands lack of invovlment Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
