Abtigiis Posted June 26, 2008 Casuumad The wise old Somali’s said, “When you come as a host to a family, you pay attention to how much clutter they do over your coming. The nobler, the less fuss you see; and when the food and drinks come, it is in abundance”. This is particularly valid in a pastoralist setting as people travel long distances and relieving their hardship is considered a great honour. In the urban setting, it is usually the thoughtfulness and respect that counts much more than the amount and type of food or dinks; when a friend, a relative or a colleague invites you to his home. In the last couple of weeks; I am disturbed by a repeated invitation of a friend and a colleague who would tell me, “Because your family is not around, you must go with me to my house” regularly. Not that he is a bad man. Nor that I am a cynic. But something is amiss. As we get to his house, the man shouts to his wife (whom he adores-and frankly I think is taking him for granted) telling her about my arrival. Imagine, that is done so obviously that it embarrasses me. I feel like a small xerroow just arriving at the doorsteps of a wealthy man and the owner telling his wife, “Heey, please give this man something”. My friend’s wife will then greet me, and her children (grown up) will run around to serve us. You may be asking what is wrong with that. Nothing! But, beneath the façade of ‘high-level reception’, I see some level of nervousness; and sometimes the man keeps reminding his family, “Is the rice not ready? Don’t worry, just give us the meat!" I am a tiny man with a bad appetite, and I never pay attention to food. The woman will come as we are eating and ask me if anything is missing?” Naturally, I say ‘everything is perfect. Thank you’. Again, after we finish eating, my friend keeps reminding me that I can always come and eat whenever I feel like coming, and that I should feel at home etc. He also talks about the quality of the food and how his daughters have gone to a training school to perfect their food preparation skills. I am not used to that kind of casuumad, for I am a believer that when someone comes to one’s house, he should be given the maximum freedom and should not be reminded of the ‘privileges’ he is accorded. Why am I worried? I suspect the man is going out of his way to please me. I think he is not used to accommodating guests and throwing out invitations. Mainly because although he is earning five-figure salary, I think he is stingy. And is going out of his way in all his efforts to take care of me. Why is he inviting me? One main reason, I suspect (ilaahay ha iga dhaafo haduu dani yahay) is because another colleague of us is nagging him to take care of me as I am new to the country. And because our relationship is also very good! To relieve him, I offered I share the burden so that I don’t feel I am taking advantage of his benevolence. He refused that as well. I, therefore, stopped going to the house at all, giving thousands of excuses and that is affecting our relationship. Am I overreacting? Or do you think I am right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cynical lady Posted June 26, 2008 my friend keeps reminding me that I can always come and eat whenever I feel like coming, and that I should feel at home etc. He also talks about the quality of the food and how his daughters have gone to a training school to perfect their food preparation skills. MHHHHH :rolleyes: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abtigiis Posted June 26, 2008 Cynical as ever! any advice as to what I should do? I am losing a friend? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cynical lady Posted June 26, 2008 Hi I take offence. I mean I am cynical but come on are you sure his not hinting something? “He also talks about the quality of the food and how his daughters have gone to a training school to perfect their food preparation skills.” p.s why don’t you invite him to ures? More importantly stop making excuse, be honest with the man. p.s.s and they say women are complicated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted June 26, 2008 A&t, stop over analysing the situation and enjoy the bariis iyo hiliib.. Actually I find this noble tradition very appealing and I do practice it..especially with my unmarried cousins,I would sometimes cook for them just so they have a break from the poisonous food they cook for themselves..Heh I remember my father coming home with a truck full of people every day for lunch,just because he felt its his place to feed the bachelors/travellers etc A&T the man is merely performing what is expected of him[traditionally].Its a difficult situation really..but avoiding him might be the solution. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abtigiis Posted June 26, 2008 CL: There is no food in mine. I eat outside, and quite often I invite him as well. Taking me to his home is suppossed to be the return-casuumad. The thing you suspect is not there. Forget about that! I am not intersted in them and they are NOT interested. I am the friend of the father! A YOUNGER friend of course! Be honest! What am I supposed to say? Somethings are said easier than done, I see. Malika: I think he is doing his best, but he finds himself in unfamiliar situation. Nin horey wax u casuumi jiray ilama ah. He seems stressed. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Posted June 26, 2008 ^Then start acting all crazy,do things that will freak him out and he wont invite you ever again to his home..Lol actually he will be the one avoiding you.. jokes aside,is he a man you could have a quite word with,without him getting offended? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chubacka Posted June 26, 2008 Originally posted by Malika: A&t, stop over analysing the situation and enjoy the bariis iyo hiliib.. I second that A&T jst enjoy yourself, if the man is stressed, put him at ease, tell him how good everything is. Its awkward because its new and unfamiliar to both of you guys once you go there a few times, u'll be one of the family. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abtigiis Posted June 26, 2008 Originally posted by Malika: Its a difficult situation really..but avoiding him might be the solution. That is what I am doing for now. Thanks all for concurring with me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NGONGE Posted June 26, 2008 War marry the daughter and get it over with. Badow fooqal badow. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abtigiis Posted June 26, 2008 Taydana seen idhaa?? war ha iwaaline i dhaaf, ma in caruurta la ii daadiyaad rabtaa??? Cadaw! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xiinfaniin Posted June 26, 2008 ^^keep yours and qudba sirayso the other one... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abtigiis Posted June 26, 2008 ^^^ War taydaan iska iimaan qabaa? Waxay hayso wax ka duwan ma leh adeer. It is all about Iimaanka. Xinn:- tu horaa tagtoo, tii labaad baa la marayaaye, ma macdan baan ka baadhaynaa???????? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xiinfaniin Posted June 26, 2008 ^^Belo! Haddaad tii labaad maraysay awoowe ha is dhaq-dhaqaajin. Rabbaayad iska noqo oo ciyaalkaaga korso! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Abtigiis Posted June 26, 2008 ^^^ Taas unbaan ku jiraa! Wax ciyaal jecelna waan ahay! Taydaas baan boodhka ka hurgufan oon iska dul-joogi; yaa qaxar u taag haya! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
