Xalimopatra Posted January 29, 2006 Hey gabdho.... I was watching the Tyra Banks show a couple weeks back and she starting talking about 'The Seven Deadly Sins of Sisterhood'.How sometimes instead of helping our sisters out we are usually our own worst enemies.How we need to stop negativity and competition and to support one another. Here are the seven sins that Tyra outlined... BETRAYAL MANIPULATION JUDGEMENT ENVY /JEALOUSY GOSSIP COMPETITION RESENTMENT Maalindhow I was chilling out with my two best friends and we were all just messing about as usual.Sida kale we were discussing our personalities and what our strengths&weaknesses were from each other points of view.One of my friends told me that she often worries sometimes as I'm too trusting.Ie-Sincerely trying to advise and help a sister who albeit fake smile assumes I cant be this selfless and I must have ulterior motives in trying to get her to trip.Bad thing is I always find out how petty they are too late.Baabah weyan walle.I agreed with my friends to a point too. I was much more naive waagi hore but I've experienced my fair share of b!tchiness,betrayal and backstabbing so I've grown wiser and much more cautious.(I hope)But alxamdulilaah as a 'betrayee' my former 'betrayers' have only made me stronger What line do you draw when it comes to trusting people? My philosophy is 'If you lie and cheat it aint nobodies loss but yours sukka!' I mean you go home with YOU at the end of the day and there's no point in trying to lie to yourself forget about anybody else.If someone lies to me then I'm not losing anything am I?I just wonder how they feel when they look at themselves in the mirror and kind of pity them.It's insecurity that is at the root of it isn't it? From my point of view Jealousy/Envy and manipulation is the worst and they're usually linked in with all of the other sins outlined.It's more ugly then anything on this earth walle.The things I've seen it has made grown arsed people do makes my stomach turn.Severing sibling's engagements/marriages&destroying friendships and in the worst form....Dividing people's famalies. Do you agree with me that the way to tackle this problem is to get to the root of it?I.e heightening this lack of self esteem that so many women suffer from?People need to value each other and most IMPORTANTLY love themselves for their 'uniqueness' more ma'aha? What do you guys think about the concept that it starts of from childhood?Lack of appraisal,observing and adopting personality traits from their own mothers ect? Anyways girlies feel free to drop your 2 shilling and talk about something you did in your past or if you were on the recieving end.Add any sins that you feel arent on the list and should be. Caano geel iyo jaceyl!xxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
J.Lee Posted January 30, 2006 My mom always used to say: gabar, gabar baa dhumiso. Runtii, I just think it depends on whom you befriend; nobody is perfect laakiinse you can control the amount of negativity around you. Personally, I can't be around a person if I can't benefit from them in the sense that they aren't contributing to my personal growth, whether in regards to religion, school, or the many other facets of my life. It also helps to be friends with people that are like of mind yet different from you where there is need (Hitler, walaal Ilaahay haku caafiyo ). Mida kale, as the saying goes hadaa rabtidh in lagu amaano, dhimo: basically as long as you are alive you will be the subject of malicious gossip; the secret is to never get mad, don't ever show a person (male or female) how their words effect you, it just adds fuel (oxygen) to the fire. If anything you should act nonchalant or laugh: except your Lord and your mother, nobody's opinion of you should matter in the least bit. And do remember that aside from yourself, nobody ayaa sharafta kaa qaadi karo; your reputation on earth is the exact replica of the one you have ilaahay dhiniciisa: mind him and no one else. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted January 30, 2006 Incidently, I witnessed two Somali women fighting in the street yesterday. They were not young women but the cay was out of this world (mix of somali, Italian and English)...never heard so much cay in my life. Imagine a hijabed woman screeching 'Fock you' in a heavy Somali accent at another hijabi. Shockingly surreal. My sister and I almost died of laughter. Xaliimopatra, Yeah, we are our worst enemy. No man can bring you down like a woman could. It's terribly sad. Personally, I have had my share of knives in the back, and am not looking for any more. Having said that, sometimes you meet someone who's on the same frequency and of the same quality as you. Those types of friendships start slowly but last a lifetime. If you're lucky enough to have such a friend, you need to look after them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ibtisam Posted January 30, 2006 Incidently, I witnessed two Somali women fighting in the street yesterday. They were not young women but the cay was out of this world (mix of somali, Italian and English)...never heard so much cay in my life. Imagine a hijabed woman screeching 'Fock you' in a heavy Somali accent at another hijabi. Shockingly surreal. My sister and I almost died of laughter. shid, no way. looooooooool how embarrassing. gosh thats funny but embarrassing all in one. as for the topic. i have never been a perpetrator or a victim of BETRAYAL MANIPULATION JUDGEMENT ENVY /JEALOUSY COMPETITION RESENTMENT Not that i know of anyway and certainly not intentionally. I can't speak for accidents/ misunderstandings/ my sub conscious mind. i think GOSSIP is the one i suffered from, at times, but i have escaped that as well. But then again what you don't know can't hurt you As for trusting people. i being on the assumption that you can only trust you and family, no else. but some people grow on you for years, but even then complete trust is not something i would give up easily. they way i see if you don't trust anyone but you then you have no one to blame but you and on top of that, there is nothing people can use to hurt you. After all it is those that are most close to you that can hurt you the most. As for sisterhood. i have one close female friend, and few cuz, all my other close friends are male. so i can't speak for that. maybe thats why i avoid all those problems and complications cheers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Valenteenah. Posted January 30, 2006 ^ True true... Those who you are closest to are the ones who have the power to hurt you. In general, I think it's probably better to have a balance of male and female friends. But for some reason, and this seems the case for a lot of girls, male friendships outnumber female friendships. Kinda strange. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ibtisam Posted January 30, 2006 hhhm now that would be strange, if there was a balance. i don't know, just plain weird if it was i for one find it easy to get with guys, so simple and normal, women with the emotional problems constant arguments and talk of men!! there is only so many time i could agree with "can you believe what that "a*sshole did to me" without me pointing out "but remember you did that", and woosh friendhip over. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Xalimopatra Posted January 30, 2006 Jimca Lee You're right sis.I mean it does depend on who you befriend.My only regret is being so naive to some folk wallahida.Trying to help and assist them only for them to throw it right back in my face. My hooyo says it's my ajar and their dembi and she is right lakiin even that doesn't lessen the initial shock when the xaar hits the fan. "nobody ayaa sharafta kaa qaadi karo; your reputation on earth is the exact replica of the one you have ilaahay dhiniciisa" You're absolutely right walaashiis Ahura It's not a nice feeling is it?Especially when you kind of have that instinct at the pit of your belly and it turns out to be true.Istubid,istubid me.... "Those types of friendships start slowly but last a lifetime" I know what you mean.Sometimes in the midst of everything gone crazy in your life there they are offering calm,empathy,two beautiful ears(Masha'Allah)and a big arsed tub of value icecream "If you're lucky enough to have such a friend, you need to look after them" Here!here! Ibtisam Masha'Allah you seem wise walaal.Keep it this way lakiin my advice to you is dont ever assume that you are immune from being dragged into some random person's drama.You can be safe by not talking about someone or by being neutral when someone is complaining to you but even then the drama will still follow you.Some people get a kick out of watching others fall.Just watch out sistergirl. My sin is 'JUDGEMENT'.Problem is when it comes to looking at other people's situations I always use the motion of looking at BOTH sides of the story.Lakiin when it comes to my own situations I kind of run with what I've got.Sometimes ignoring someone when in fact they did not do anything to me and I got the wrong end of the stick.I'm getting better though alxamdulilaah. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ibtisam Posted January 30, 2006 ^^miiskiin you are, lool i think that normal reaction, some one tell you some one said this or did this to you and you start planning how you are going to punish them without check with the person if it is true or not, especially when someone you trust tells you that. cheers for the advice. in any case they have to find me before they watch me fall and since i live in the library these days, no chance, i don't think those kinda people like educational institutions, so i'm safe for the time. cheers Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nephissa Posted January 30, 2006 It seems as if we(women) are raised to see eachother as competition for everything!Competition for men, jobs, even clothes! I have had a lot of girlfriends in my life, and I've had some horrid stuff done to me by girls I thought I was so close with. Women solve their problems with each other by being catty, and spreading rumors, and destroying lives. We like to do emotional damage. Men don't seem to act in this way towards their friends. They just knock each other out. Men have the better system. I think that we women should be bonding and banding together, sharing our strength with eachother instead of tearing eachother down. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolate and Honey Posted January 30, 2006 I've always had hate-love affair with girls. as long as I can remember, girls hated on me simply because I dressed up like this, talked or walked like I owned the air they breethed in(wasnt intentional, just come accross that way). While I have had my shares of backstabbing, gossips and haters of all kind, I think I can say I have never been betrayed by a dear friend. Alxamdullilah, I have two best friends and couple of very close friends. My girls and I have been through thick&thin and I wouldnt be who I'm without them. In my experience Competetions and envy are the side dish that comes with every delicious meal, You just have to learn to take in moderation . Little competetion never hurts nobody .But true those you love so dearly can break your heart like no one. But lately guys have been getting on da way and everything gets complicated when guys are in the picture somehow. Eg. I with passion hate my girl's boy and I beleive he is not good enough. I cant say that to my baby girl, especially when she is blooming like a flower with happiness so I avoid any occasion that puts me in the dumashi picture . Girls how do you deal with that? When you know your girl is being silly and wasting her time, but cant make that decision for her? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
- Femme - Posted January 30, 2006 I've never gotten in a fight with a girl or been betrayed. I just don't put myself in that position. Sometimes that sucks because you feel like exploding and just opening yourself up to your girls, but I hesitate, thinking the only secret you know is safe is the one you take to the grave. The problem is that the old ladies gossip about me - but thats alright. They gossip about any and everyone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jamelia Posted January 31, 2006 Women are their own worst enemy,,Wallahi through years of observation I found that to be true. In a world where the fittest survive men are more likely to unite, whereas most women feel the need to belittle another woman to get ahead or to be perceived in a certain way. Women restrict other womens freedom and movement. Men might make up the rules by its essentially women that apply/enforce it. Example, Somali women especially older ones and their fixation on what should and shouldn't do and their belief that men are somehow superior.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Katrina Posted January 31, 2006 ^^You (Kooleey) need to take more chances. How about befriending me? PS. Can't wait to read Rowda's view/stories about womenhood. Damn, this is the most I've ever posted in a day! Procrastination really is a disease. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rowda Posted January 31, 2006 Kat, since I'm still taking ESl classes, u should give me a day or so unless everyone can read somali plus I've english assignment due tomorrow and am posting on SOl sad hah? Being somali /muslim woman I feel sad that most posts here are focusing on the negative side than the positive side of having a somali girlfriend! I hate being freind with men in general all they after is ....yup keep thinking! more to come.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
