Fear of childbirth?

[TT]

Hay everyone,

I’m a new member and I’m glad to be here . Has anyone ever heard of the term tokophobia? Well, I came across that term today and it means fear of childbirth. I can tell u how happy that makes me feel. FINALY there is a term for how I feel

 

I have never been the type of person who ever wanted to have my own biological kids, I’ll consider adoption maybe when I’m like 40yrs old...but getting pregnant and having a normal delivery is OUT OF THE QUESTION!!! :eek:

 

I have always viewed pregnancy and childbirth with a great deal of disgust. The thought of having to carry a child for 9 agonizing months, feeling it grow and move is enough to make me want to projectile vomit :rolleyes: . I can’t even imagine going through the pain, humiliation and indignity of labor. Having your vagina stretched to an unimaginable size, having an episiotomy...oh and the pain to me is the stuff of nightmares. Seriously, I have no idea why women would put themselves in that position? My absolute worst nightmare is to get pregnant...I honestly don't know what I would do. So to prevent that nightmare ever happening, I will do whatever it takes NEVER to be in that position (multiple contraceptive methods, morning after pill just in case...the works).

 

Why is a woman choosing not to have children such a taboo in our culture? It’s as if women are here purely to reproduce? Whenever I mention to my family that I don’t plan to ever get pregnant, they dismiss it and say ‘wait till you meet the right man, then you’ll change your mind’, or whenever I'm babysit my nephew they make comments like ‘its preparations for when she has her own kids’. What the F**** I am sick and tired of people trivializing my phobia...its genuine and not something I can simply get over...or want to for that matter. I made the decision not to have kids when I was 15 and I still feel the same way 10 years latter...if anything, the passing of time has reinforced my decision.

 

How many of my fellow Somali sisters feel the same way? I surely can’t be the only one?

 

P.S. Before you all say childbirth is a wonderful experience and I don’t know what I’m talking about, I should mention I have witnessed MANY childbirths as part of my job and I still feel the same.

[-Serenity-]

So thats what its called tokophobia... interesting.

 

I think I've it too - cause I try really really hard to block any thoughts of birthing in my mind. When I hear someone is giving birth, I honestly get a stomach-ache (more like it churns and churns and churns). Sort of an extreme reaction, dont u think?

[TT]

Its not that unusual...lots of women with tokophobia get a physical reaction to the thought of giving birth.

[Johnny B]

^You girls and i've one thing in common,

I hate pregnant women.

[Cara.]

^That's funny considering your favorite activity

 

TT, if you're demanding that the public understand your phobias you're going to be sorely disappointed. If it's a phobia it's irrational by nature, and you may want to seek professional counseling so that you don't regret it later when it might be too late. If, on the other hand, you don't want to have children as a personal conviction and choice, then save yourself a lot of heartburn and ignore what other people think of your choices in life.

[finestsista2005]

Welcome Sister. It is good to have you. From what I heard, it is comes with great pain. But I also heard the ladies forget the pain the moment they see the blessing from Allah. So, my sister, you need to get over that....just give it a chance..and take lots of pain killers..(I think there is a needle inject to your back).

 

I don't know but I'll try the natural way first before i go for any needle.

[Ashkiro]

P.S. Before you all say childbirth is a wonderful experience and I don’t know what I’m talking about, I should mention I have witnessed MANY childbirths as part of my job and I still feel the same.

 

I am not sure I follow, but doesn’t the nature of your work defeat the purpose of having a phobia? Phobia is an extreme paranoia, so I wouldn’t call your state of mind a phobia since you don’t find difficulty in this line of work. It seems to me you are fixated with the physical activity of giving birth, many women are also uncomfortable with this aspect of child birth, but several hours of hard-ship is not enough trumph the experience of motherhood. Having witnessed the agony and depression infertile women go threw, traveling to the ends of the earth to find ways to conceive, has changed mind and main reason, why I who has similar feelings as you, dismiss my own feelings and hope one day to be a mother. Best wishes.

[TT]

Maryan

 

I worked in a labor ward for a couple of months as part of my training but didn't enjoy it at all. I don't work there anymore, nor would I chose a career doing that type of work. Two months was traumatizing enough for me.

 

I understand your views on women who want to have kids and cant. I agree having a child is a blessing...just don't agree with having to go through so much torture to get there.Also I don't really feel sorry for these infertile women..why is adoption a last resort for them. There are enough children who don't have anyone to look after them.

 

What I don't get is way adoption such a taboo subject in our culture? Most people think that I'm crazy for not wanting my own kids, but as soon as I mention adoption they all laugh at me?

 

Is this view confined to the older generation?

[Jacaylbaro]

I have never been the type of person who ever wanted to have my own biological kids, I’ll consider adoption maybe when I’m like 40yrs old

Ilaahay ka baqo walaal ,,,,,,

 

Having kids is a pleasant that comes from Allah ,, do u know how many persons that would pay anything just to get one child ?? ,,,, if Allah give it to you don't refuse ,,, it is just like refusing to be healthy thinking it'll make you work hard.

[Blessed]

TT

 

Our people don’t give much precedence to fears, it’s just not accepted in our culture.

 

Also, you're most likely dealing with women who may have experienced the worse of childbirth; FGM and childbirth. Additionally, most would have had their children in the third world where there wasn't much available in terms of technology and medical knowledge. Yet, despite this, they’ve had their children and lived with it.

 

Secondly, as Cara said, it is difficult to convince others of your phobia. It is a phobia! It is odd to have a person who is able to have children, say they don't want to but would adopt instead. You see, to your takophobic mind it makes sense, for those of us living on the other side of the fence, it’s strange. I’m not trying to down play your fears, most of us have a certain level of fear with regards to childbirth but whilst many of us can get over the negatives and takophobes can't see past the perceived pain, agony and humiliation. It’s worse when your looking in on someone.

 

In any case, the good news for you is that takophobia is recognised by obstetricians and there are measures put in place to help women deal with their fears. Don't give up just yet and keep your options open and speak to a professional.

 

Adoption is a noble act in it's own right whether you have kids or not.

[NGONGE]

Ah! Another of the problems of the privileged!

 

 

Anyway, what's to fear about childbirth? It is usually a few hours of pain and then you go home. A snakebite on the other hand would most probably KILL you.

 

 

[Endeavour]

Originally posted by TT:

Most people think that I'm crazy for not wanting my own kids,

I don't think you are crazy, the world is already over-populated. By not conceiving you are helping society in your own little bizzare way. By the way the agony of childbirth is so over-rated from what I heard.

[Ibtisam]

TT Lool I don't blame you. I stayed with my habaryaar when she was giving birth when I was about 17, because her damn husband kept running away and it scared me for life. No, no never ever, no no, I still remember all too vividly. (she on the other hand has had 3more since) :rolleyes: Anyway in the event that I do get pregnant, I'm going to have a planned C-section, and it is not because I'm too posh to push.

[sheherazade]

Originally posted by NGONGE:

Ah! Another of the problems of the privileged!

 

 

Anyway, what's to fear about childbirth? It is usually a few hours of pain and then you go home. A snakebite on the other hand would most probably KILL you.

 

 

maaxa labada isuu keenay? Am I missing something?

 

[edit]Oh, I see- your frigging phobia. Allah, people do love talking about their bowel movements, the weather and their phobias. Ngonge you're COMPARING your phobia with hers? She's more likely to face hers, overcome it and NEVER talk about it again. How do we help you get over yours, eh? I still know a few people in SE Asia, I could arrange for a erm viewing. Nothing like a flooding experience I tell you.

[Ibtisam]

^^^^Loool, maybe you can arrange for a few to land on his plate for dinner shez. lol