Your feedback matters

[khalid911]

Thanks for your input Justice,

Some of the tools we pple use in making decisions is to see things from different angles and I guess ur first-hand experience tells me alot and perhaps helps me justify my very biased thoughts towards the matter. I thought the same way you did, but I wasn't sure if my decision was based in love or logic. lol,

Nephisa thanks adna....

[Sir-Qalbi-Adeyg]

lol@justice why do you say I have no feelings?

 

dalmar ahmed

 

only you know what you want sxb, advice on internet forum is a waste of time. I only gave you my perspective and 25 is the time your suppose to enjoy life man, not add some ball and chains if you get my drift.

[JUSTICE]

^^ That's why you have no feelings. The guy is really in love with this girl and he wants to do the right thing and you telling him " you're to young for that". Where is the LOVE?? Ok, you are Qalbi Adeyg after all , what do you know about LOVE....

 

[AfricaOwn]

Originally posted by dalmar ahmed:

She hated that and told me she would drop anybody in a blink of eye have I felt bothered in those kind of situation.

I wish a girl starts to bring this stuff to me lol. You're just tooo nice man. You can't let her dictate who you talk to.

[khalid911]

lol... AfricaOwn,

there's nothing wrong with being nice. Real and strong men are nice just like our prophet SCW. you're right it's common sense that nobody should dictate ones' action, but you also have to understand what it takes to have a partner in life and the sacrifices that both stakeholders should make.

To Qalbi-Adeyg- I see you're a SOL hardcore, but I'm afraid it's not necassiry in here. Yes I seek opinion in SOL forum, but it's nothing more than gathering data, which I find it very useful ofcourse. However, you offended the contributors of the forum as if they're uselesses to give feedbacks. And if you call enjoying is about being single and playing around, then I suspect we use different dictionaries. I matured earlier I guess.

[Chocolate and Honey]

Dalmar,

I admire your honesty and sincerity. As a 25 year old male, you’re way ahead of your male peers who consider themselves as ciyaal :rolleyes: and consider marriage a “trap” a value they adapted from the gaalo :mad: . I understand your frustration because I went through a similar thing. Someone I truly loved proposed to me. At first, I was like “this is not going to work out” cuz there was too many ifs. What if he becomes controlling, what if he can’t take up the responsibility, what if his family becomes a problem so I stalled and it was very difficult for him to understand why I didn’t want to meet his family. Then when I calmed down and came to a decision, he met too many people who told him that he was too young to get married yada yada and he told me that he was confused. He didn’t want to marry at the moment but wanted to be in the relationship and plan the wedding in a year or two. Although I did the same thing to him; I was too shocked and upset. I asked the same question you asked “how can you love and not want to commit right away?” Then, he got over it. Anyway, my point is give her some time. If you truly love her, you’ll wait for her to make up her mind. However, if she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, LEAVE her. That’s my two-cents.

[Ibtisam]

Poster it is okay for her to have doubts, marriage is a prison, not everyone wants to be locked up for their whole life and it is enough to make anyone think twice and 2000 times about it. Your job is to sale it to her, reassure her anxieties and make her think it is a good idea. You might have to remind her every few months, and then in the summer, make a plan and trap her before she changes her mind again

 

Seriously four years is a long time and obviously there is something there holding you guys together, so either capitalise on that or let it go, but please don't listen to people saying wait for her and remain in limbo. As someone once said to me, you need to pick green light Or stay on red, either way, get off amber. The uncertainties can play havoc with your life and in the end it will tear you both in different directions.

 

So my advise, make a decision about WHAT you want, if you are serious and you want to marry her, then call her and tell her you are coming to see her in a week. That will give her time to think about what she wants, when you meet, tell her want you want and for her to make a decision. Whatever the outcome on that day, the next day needs to be a new start for you, either as soon to be married, or a brother on the road to recovery.

 

Good luck.

[Biixi]

Dalmar,

 

Reading this I'll assume that you're still wet behind the ears and offer few botherly suggestions:

 

1). Love at your age is just a fantasy!

2). Never say this to waman(you can feel that way) "...given that women mostly decide based on emotions,".

3). Anyone choosing your friends doesn't love you.

4). Don't rush into marriage it is HELL!

5). Get to know the real her before you even consider a marriage.

.....

.....

6) There are too many fishes in the sea. If you don't understand her FIND ANOTHER...and so on and on 'till you're in late mid 30's -lol

[Blessed]

Dalmar, walaal.

 

The trouble with long relationships is that when these things get prolonged, they start to get fussy and confusion and mistrust star to surface. Relationships develop in stages, stay in one for too long than it becomes stale and before you know it you start noticing faults and things that aught to change. It’s a natural human instinct, if I sit still in a room, I eventually find something that needs moving, dusting - or I get the urge to get out -fast!! .

 

There seems to be a few other issues here, her going through a major life transition, possibly being badly advised by friends. Probably being told the same 'you're too young' rubbish that Qalbi Adayg and Biixi have written on here.

 

Then it’s her family knowing about you - more pressure. Your female friends, her jealousy. Jacaylkiinu maka waynyahay? If so, just talk it over and purpose and sell yourself like Ibtisaam said, women like that.

 

If you can't move past the hang ups, move on, don't force it and make a fresh start. Drag it on as it will only develop into more confusion and heartache.

 

Pay no mind to the you‘re too young / enjoy life brigade. Wax jeclaada oo guursada ayey waayeen. LOL I’m kidding but ‘ball and chains’ is being stuck on shukaansi mode for years, if you get my drift @ Qalbi Adayg .

 

There’s nothing sweeter than being in a xalaal relationship with your sweetheart.

 

 

My labo gambo, all the best walaal.. @ Dalmar.

 

p.s Don't forget to pray istikhaarah.

[Sir-Qalbi-Adeyg]

Originally posted by dalmar ahmed:

To Qalbi-Adeyg- I see you're a SOL hardcore, but I'm afraid it's not necassiry in here. Yes I seek opinion in SOL forum, but it's nothing more than gathering data, which I find it very useful ofcourse. However, you offended the contributors of the forum as if they're uselesses to give feedbacks. And if you call enjoying is about being single and playing around, then I suspect we use different dictionaries. I matured earlier I guess.

As always, when you try to give someone some practical advice, they misinterpret your words into something else. I never said anything about 'playing around'. Live life doesn't mean play around, it just means enjoy your young years, travel etc, earn some money, get into some business. Just don't financially trap yourself at a young age.

 

I'm 22, and I'm as mature as they come, maturity doesn't mean rushing into marriage, but being smart enough and building yourself before you build a family.

 

Here's some more practical advice, in engineering when we have to make a decision, we make a decision matrix where you evaluate your priorities and list of options and you go with the best option. If marriage is that option for your, then go for it.

[nuune]

Qalbi-Dhagax, your Matrix Decison based doesn't apply in marriage situation, and that is the bseside the point.

 

what I am saying is, you are 22 yrs only and no advice from you should work at all, jokin,

 

No worries, I am turning to 21 in summer, and wouldn't offer any advice based in marriage, when I joined SOL, I was 14 yrs old

[NGONGE]

I can give you loads of advice but I am not sure which hat I should put on as I do so.

 

With the 'father' hat I'll say:

 

You are not marriage material, son. You had four years to brainwash the girl and still got rejected. Fear god and let the poor girl be.

 

With the 'brother' hat I'll say:

 

I am going to find you and break your legs you long distance devil.

 

 

With the 'young friend' hat I'll say:

 

Why are you stressing over all this, saaxib? Play today, worry tomorrow. She's probably doing the same thing. Do not believe a word she says. Never trust women. They got us out of heaven, remember.

 

With the 'Xiin' hat I'll say:

 

You've got to take matters into your own hands. This girl needs to see the man in you. Show her that you are able and capable of marrying her. Be spontaneous. Arrange to meet her by the local Starbucks. I'll bring NGONGE and A&T as witnesses and marry you two off there and then (I am qualified, adeer. I can recite Quran up to Qad Samica).

 

With the 'Aaliyah' hat:

 

Masha Allah. The sister is so clever. Soften her up with dahab, walaal. I'll pray for you both.

 

With the 'Marx' hat:

 

Marriage is a redundant institution. You need to bag yourself a Blondie, saaxib.

 

With my very own hat:

 

Stuff and childish nonsense.

[nuune]

^^^^^

 

With the 'Aaliyah' hat:

 

Masha Allah. The sister is so clever. Soften her up with dahab, walaal. I'll pray for you both.

lool, Aaliyah is Maashaa Allaah, we haven't seen her since the Gaza bombing started.

[NGONGE]

^^ If you write her name three times, way so baxaysa.

[cynical lady]

So I did not try to be logic given that women mostly decide based on emotions, which is the only tool she was using.

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: