Why people avoid commitment

[Child of Dune]

I came across this article and I wondered if any one agreed with its ideas about relationships

 

 

Why people avoid commitment

 

If you want to take the next step with your relationship and your partner is shying away, it's a natural reaction to think there must be something wrong with you. But if they're showing no signs of wanting to leave the relationship this is unlikely to be the case. More often it's to do with not feeling ready or fears that the relationship won't work out.

 

There are three main reasons why some people find it difficult to commit to a relationship:

 

they feel it's too soon

they're scared the relationship won't work

they're in love with romance

Too soon

 

There's no right or wrong speed for a developing relationship

 

There's no right or wrong speed for a developing relationship. Everyone needs to go at his or her own pace. Perhaps they feel they need more time to get to know you, to grow together and work through differences.

 

Some people need more time to get to know themselves and explore their expectations of life. There may be things they feel they need to sort out before committing to the relationship, such as a career or issues with family members.

 

People who have been hurt in the past often need longer than others to feel sure of their feelings and confident that they can trust those feelings.

 

Relationship fears

Anxiety over whether the relationship will work is the most common reason why some people find it hard to commit. As divorce rates continue, it’s not surprising that fears are growing about the permanence of relationships. If someone comes from a family background where there was divorce, they're even more likely to be anxious that the same could happen to them.

 

There will never be a guarantee that a relationship will work, but the longer you've been together, the better your chances and your confidence.

 

In love with romance

While a lot of people see romance as part of the chase, others have little desire to catch a mate but prefer to spend their lives chasing.

 

 

Some people simply can't accept the sacrifices commitment brings

 

Some people simply can't accept the sacrifices commitment brings. Some are in love with the newness and excitement of romance and simply don't feel they can honestly make the commitment to faithfulness that most partners expect.

 

How to cope

Whatever the reason for your partner not wanting to commit, the following should help you to communicate better and cope with the waiting.

 

Explore the reasons. While you may not be able to directly change your partner, understanding why they feel as they do will help you accept their position.

Give reassurance. If you find they're fearful the relationship won't work out, then offer plenty of reassurance that you're committed to working at the relationship through good times and bad.

Set time posts. Rather than feeling you have to wait indefinitely, set yourself time posts. Decide that you'll review how you’re both feeling about commitment every six months - or whatever period feels right for you.

Enjoy yourselves. Once you've agreed that you've put the commitment issue on hold for six months, make sure you do everything you can to forget it and enjoy all the other aspects of your relationship.

Plan practice runs. If there are particular issues that your partner is concerned about then do what you can to rehearse the situations. Perhaps you could holiday together, spend more time with in-laws or just discuss some of the tricky issues that you still need to resolve.

Consider counselling. If some of the issues seem quite deep rooted then consider couple counselling .

Remember you have a choice. This one may seem very difficult, but it's true. You can decide to wait for your partner or to leave. This isn't to say it would be an easy decision, but ultimately you do have a choice. If you think you need to explore this then you might find it helpful to read Is it over?.

[Animal Farm]

There are many factors that must be calculated such as careers, education, family, and etc. It get complicated when people start thinking about commitment, it involves all these other variables --- its not just about the chase, and at the same time, you’re giving up your individual freedom, and you’ll be held responsible by another person --- and many of us think that’s romantic, but a lot people want their freedoms, in terms of education, wealth, and the pursuit of personal dreams. If all those things are settled within a relationship, then I think commitment is possible, which is why most people negotiate these things before fully committing.

[Nazra]

I totally agree with it.

 

Good article. It's useful.

[Shirwac]

One big reason, for me atleast is not wanting to get hurt!

[Rokko]

I think there are so many reasons why..and it depends who u ask na'mean..

 

For the most part as some mentioned, it's due to past experience where things didn't work out with a partner na'mean. Others just think that they can find something better and perhaps take their time to find that complete person na'mean ... which I dont' believe works.