BOREDOM

[Mutakalim]

Shabella: Think you this thread is indicative of "concious" cowardice? I think that would a most euphemistic evaluation of this thread. Cowardice, if it be intelligible (comprehensible), is a hundredfold better than insipid writing.

[NGONGE]

Funny that you should talk about cowardice, people! :rolleyes:

 

Last night, I went out for coffee with a friend. We were walking down the road when we noticed a guy lying on the side of the pavement. He looked dead. We approached him to see if he was really dead. We stood above him and started talking to him and asking him to wake up. Neither of us wanted to touch him. He wouldn’t wake up. My friend sat down next to him and started shaking him. The guy didn’t move. I was standing and looking down at both of them. I kept giving my friend instructions. I suggested that we put him in the recovery position. We argued over the correct way to put someone on the recovery position. I looked around to see if there was anyone who could help us agree on the correct way. I couldn’t see anyone. I saw a dog! It was a massive German Shepard. It was running towards us. I ran away. My friend ran after me. The dog went to the corpse and started sniffing it. We stood on the pavement about twenty yards away from the corpse. We decided to phone the police. We decided to also phone for an ambulance. I didn’t have a mobile phone. My friend tried to look for his mobile but couldn’t find it. We found the mobile. It was by the corpse. My silly friend forgot it there when we were trying to help the dead man. The dog had wandered away. We thought about quickly approaching the dead man and picking up our phone. A girl walked past. She was dressed up to the nines. She looked as if she was going to some party. She saw the dead man. She stopped and tried to talk to him. We shouted to her to run away. She looked at us and turned around to look at the dead man again. She saw the dog running towards her. She ran. She lost one of her high heels. She came and stood next to us. She kept saying “ My shoe, my shoe, help me get my shoe†My friend told her that he also needs to get his phone. A guy walked past. He didn’t see the dead body. He came towards us. The girl asked him to help her get her shoe. She told him about the dog. The dog had wandered off again. The guy said “ What dog?†we told him about the dog. He told us off for not helping a damsel in distress. We told him that if he was such a great hero, then he should go and get the shoe. We asked him to get our phone for us too. He looked at us as if he was looking at a couple of kids and walked arrogantly towards the shoe. The dog chased him away. He dropped his hat as he ran. We laughed. The girl phoned the police. A couple of teenage girls walked past. We shouted at them to come and stand with us. We told them to run. They told us to go to hell. They saw the dog and ran. We all stood around discussing this dead man, the shoes, the mobile phone, the hat and the dog! A cat walked past the dead body. We all stopped talking and looked at it. We hoped that when the time came for it to run, it would go the wrong way. It didn’t. It ran towards us, with the dog right behind it! There was lots of pushing and shoving. We scrambled over cars and people’s fences. The cat ran under a car. The dog barked a little then turned around and went back to the corpse. A police van arrived. We explained the situation. They asked us where the dog was. We told them it had wandered off again but it will be back as soon as anyone went near the body. They told us not to worry and parked their van on the road next to the dead body. The dog saw them. It didn’t run. It stood watching them. They didn’t see it. One police officer got out the van and crouched next to the body. He saw the dog. He slowly got up. He waited. The dog was running towards him. It was getting near. The police officer ran and jumped inside the van. We all laughed. Some shabby looking guy with shorts and a dirty vest came out of the house we were standing next to. He looked angry. He asked us why we were standing there and making all this noise. We told him and showed him the corpse and the dog. He walked over to the corpse. He ignored our warnings. The dog came running at him. The guy didn’t move. The dog stood inches away from him barking and bearing its teeth. The guy didn’t move. He was murmuring some soothing words to the dog. The beast calmed down. The man asked the guys in the police van to pass him a leash. He took the dog and put it in the back of the police van. The corpse got up and started shouting “ Police brutality, man, police brutality! Why are you arresting my dog?â€

 

Damn tramp.

[NGONGE]

Oh, I missed this earlier!

 

Shabella: Think you this thread is indicative of "concious" cowardice? I think that would a most euphemistic evaluation of this thread. Cowardice, if it be intelligible (comprehensible), is a hundredfold better than insipid writing.

Your eminence! You really do honor me with your frequent visits to this thread of mine! I, of all people, know how hard it is for you to condescend from your mental summit to the ditch that is the ordinary minds of people like my wretched self. Nonetheless, since you opted to amuse yourself in such a way, I humbly request, nay I plead with thee to grant me another favor; disembark from your pedestal and mingle amongst us trivial mortals, my good sir. Take of your rigidly intellectual attire and wade into our pointless sewer. Your spirit will always be nobler than our cheap imitations, my lord. So, why don't you humor us and walk amongst us while benignly adapting your words and comments to the comprehension of this unworthy rabble?

[Xarago]

Originally posted by Mutakalim:

Shabella: Think you this thread is indicative of "concious" cowardice? I think that would a most euphemistic evaluation of this thread. Cowardice, if it be intelligible (comprehensible), is a hundredfold better than insipid writing.

Ina adeero waxan ku warsadey ma qoonqi shakespear baad kaso jeeda? Wamaxay waxani aan isku xidhmiin aad isdaba dhigtey. War wax keydso kuligood bananka haso dhigine.

[- Femme -]

HUH!!?? :confused: :confused:

[AYOUB]

L L @ Xarago

 

Ngonge old boy much obliged for that.

 

Mutakalim, what do you think of people who wear jeans and T-shirt?

[NGONGE]

Last Week, I Went To The Shop To Buy Some Milk. It Was A Saturday Night. The Roads Were Busy. I Decided To Walk To The Shop. It Was A Nice And Pleasant Night. The Sky Was Clear And The Stars Were Shining. There Was A Full Moon In The Middle Of The Sky. It Looked Like Some Great Optical Illusion! How Could That Great Light Float In The Sky In Such A Way Without Any Ropes To Hold It Still? It Was A Perfect Night. I Started Wishing I Was Younger. I Wanted To Be In Love With Someone Who Doesn't Love Me. I Wished That Tonight Was The Night She Told Me She Does Not Want Me To Pester Her Anymore! It Would Have Been Perfect. All That Pain And All That Disappointment Would Have Been Worthy Of A Night Like This. I Could Cry Myself To Sleep In Some Park Under The Moon And The Stars. I Could Spend My Time Thinking Of Ways To Have My Revenge On Her! I Started Thinking " Maybe I Should Spend The Night Out Here", I Wondered Where Would I Sleep? I Decided That I Will Not Sleep. I'd Stay Up All Night And Sit Staring At The Moon And Stars Instead. I Looked Around Me For A Place To Sit. I Thought About Sitting On The Side Of The Pavement. I Thought Of People Walking Past And Asking Me Why Am I Sitting Here At This Time Of Night. I Saw Myself Telling Them All About My Imaginary Lover Who Dumped Me When I Was Younger And That Tonight Was The Fifteenth Anniversary Of That Dark Night. Then I Thought Of Policemen Stopping Me And Asking Me To Go Home Or Spend A Night In The Cells. I Decided Not To Sit On The Pavement After All. If I'm Going To Do It, I'll Need To Find Somewhere To Hide. I Looked Around Me And Saw A Big Rubbish Bin. It Had The Words " Please Keep Your Borough Tidy" On It! I Went Over And Stood Next To It While Mentally Measuring It And Trying To Work Out If I'd Fit In. It Was The Perfect Place To Hide. The Angle Was Right For Seeing The Moon And Stars. Its Size Was Adequate Enough For My Bulky Body. I Started Thinking About The Lack Of Rubbish Bins In London. I Remembered Someone Telling Me The Reason Was Terrorism! I Panicked. What If Someone Saw Me Entering The Rubbish Bin? They Would Think I'm A Terrorist! What If Someone Saw Me Now? I Heard A Voice. It Said " What Are You Doing, Sir", I Quickly Turned Around And Saw A Policeman. He Was Huge! In My Hurry To Reply, I Choked And Started Coughing. He Stood There Staring At Me Without Moving A Single Eyelash! I Finally Stopped Coughing And Said "i Was Thinking Of The Moon". He Didn't Say Anything. I Said " I Was Thinking How Great It Would Be If I Entered The Rubbish Bin And Sat Staring At The Moon All Night! I Know It's A Silly Thought". He Still Didn't Say Anything. I Didn't Say Anything. He Said "what Were You Doing, Sir?", I Wanted To Slap Him. I Said "nothing, Officer", He Kept On Staring At Me For A Few Seconds And Then Turned Around And Walked Back To His Van. I Wanted To Run After Him And Kick Him In The Backside. I Started Thinking Of How I Would Do It. I'd Have To Run Very Fast And Then Jump In The Last Minute And Kick Him. A Karate Type Of Kick Not A Football Volley. By The Time I've Decided On The Type Of Kick I'd Administer, He Was Already In The Van. I Shrugged And Carried On Walking. I Was Walking The Wrong Way. I Still Didn't Get The Milk! I Turned Around And Went Back Towards The Shop. A Young Boy Stopped Me And Asked Me To Buy Him Some Cigarettes. I Refused. He Begged Me. I Still Refused. He Said " Listen Mate, I Know You Think I'm Unederage But I Swear To You That I'm Over 16 Years Of Age" I Said "in That Case, Why Don't You Go And Buy Your Own Stuff? You're A Big Boy, You Don't Need Me" He Said " But I Do! The Shop Owner Hates Me" I Said "why?" He Said "he Just Does" I Said "hating You Shouldn't Stop Him From Doing Business With You" He Said " Never Mind The Shop Owner, Are You Going To Help Me Or Not?" I Said " No" He Said " Please" I Said " Sorry I Don't' Want To Break The Law" He Said " I'm Not Asking You To Steal Anything" I Said " Yes You Are, You're Asking Me To Steal Your Innocence" He Swore At Me And Told Me That I'm Mad! I Thought Of Karate Kicking Him. He Swore At Me Some More. I Ignored Him And Walked Into The Shop. The Owner Welcomed Me And Said " I Hate That Little Boy Outside" I Said " I Know" He Said " How Do You Know?" I Said " He Told Me" He Said " That's Why I Hate Him". I Didn't Say Anything. I Bought The Milk And Walked Out. I Looked At The Boy Then Kept On Walking Home. The Boy Karate Kicked Me And Ran Away. I Lay Down On The Ground Looking Up At The Moon And Smiling. It Would Have Been A Really Rotten Night If My Imaginary Lover Had Dumped Me In Addition To This Silly Kid Kicking Me. I Smiled Some More. The Moon Was Shining And The Stars Were Out.

[NGONGE]

Today, I got to work to find that my assistant is ill again. The poor girl suffers from chronic food poisoning! When I was told that this menacing ailment has struck again I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for myself too. It’s not that I’ll have to cope with work on my own again or anything of the sort. I felt sorry for myself because when she comes back, I’ll have to sit and listen to all the gory details. She’ll cry. She’ll apologise for leaving me in the lurch. She’ll reassert her long life wish of committing suicide. She’ll tell me again that the only thing stopping her from doing so is the fact that she has not fulfilled all her other ambitions in life! Apparently, she first has to finish decorating her new three-bedroom house, she needs to paint the garage door and she needs to finish the fishpond that she created in her garden. All are major tasks! She’ll also go into great detail about how everyone hates her and how unfortunate she is. She’ll ask me again “ Why did I end up with a dark haired guy when all my life I dreamt of marrying a blonde man?â€

She’ll apologise again about taking the last two days off and tell me that she’s worried about her job security! She’ll go on about how she’s being paid peanuts and being taxed thousands. She’ll mention her hate for the jobless and “scroungers†of this world! She’ll tell me again about the TV advert she saw a few months ago. An advert that nobody else I’ve asked seems to have seen. She saw it though. She swears she did. It was a governmental advert encouraging single mothers to return to work. She didn’t have a problem with the advert itself but she had a problem with the actress pretending to be a single mother! It seems that, her hair was done too nicely for her to be a poor single mother. Her flat was also nicely decorated and she had a BANK ACCOUNT! These poor scroungers should not have bank accounts. They already get paid millions of pounds of taxpayer’s money. How dare they have bank accounts?

I’ll sit and nod. I’ll sympathise. I’ll give her fake and reassuring smiles. I’ll tell her that life is hard and the bad guys always win. She’ll agree and she’ll repeat the story about her next-door neighbour who seems to own two cars. Two cars when you’re living in a backwards area like Walthamstow? She’ll quickly remind me that he’s not really her next-door neighbour. He apparently lives on the poor side of their street!

She’ll go back and tell me about her food poisoning again. I HAVE to believe her. She will not take my word for it though. She’ll keep on talking until she believes that I believe! She’ll tell me about the miscarriage she had. She’ll tell me about all the pregnant woman that she seems to suddenly notice when she’s out. She’ll tell me how she wishes they all had miscarriages! She’ll accuse them of probably being single mothers. Married woman don’t have children, only single mothers do. She’ll tell me how she decided not to have any kids because children play havoc with your figure. They cost money. Money better spent going on holiday or saving for a rainy day! She’ll say that even though she hates food poisoning it does have its benefits. She’s fat and she needs to lose weight. I’ll tell her that she’s not fat and does not need to lose any weight. She’ll tell me that I’m a man and men don’t know anything about weight. She’ll moan, she’ll whinge and she’ll complain about how hard life is. After an hour of this, she’ll ask me how I coped in her absence! How could I tell her the truth? What do I say? Do I say that I was fine while she was away with food poisoning and that now she’s back; I’m starting to suffer from mind poisoning?

 

Sometimes, sometimes I think of ways of annoying her. Maybe I should get all the latest press cuttings about scroungers, asylum seekers and the deputy prime minister. Maybe I should start leaving them on her desk everyday. I could add a couple of photos of the Beckham’s on holiday. Show a few glitzy pictures of rich film stars. Tax rise news? Beautiful pregnant women?

 

Maybe I should just phone in sick tomorrow.

[Sophist]

In July this year, I went for an interview in a job I was very interested in—Consultancy. At the end of the interview I asked the panel of the interviewees whether they had any reservation in hiring me. They looked each other and draw blank faces, as I was about to think I have no reason to worry, one of them said “we feel that you may get bored so easyâ€. Of course I had to come up with a rebuttal and it came in this fashion Sir, boredom is the product of the tedious mind. You see, this phenomena called boredom is not something that exists externally, it is all about the subject i.e the person who is feeling it â€.

[Baashi]

Sophist,

You are hired

[NGONGE]

Last weekend, I finally gave in to the pressure from my wife and kids and agreed to buy us a pet. I took my three-year-old daughter and we went to the local pet shop. I always pass this shop on my way to work or the gym but I’ve never noticed it before! It’s like a mini zoo! They had kittens, fish, hamsters, mice and lots of noisy birds. We were supposed to get a kitten. I asked the shop assistant about the kittens they had and how much they cost. The price seemed reasonable and my daughter loved what she saw. I then asked him if there are any other things that I needed to do. He started giving me a long lecture about the different things I’ll have to do to keep my kitten happy and healthy. I remembered the midwife telling me similar things about looking after babies! I decided not to buy the kitten. I managed to convince my daughter that buying a kitten was not really a good idea; we should look at other animals. We looked at the fish but they were not practical enough for a three year old. She wanted to touch them and kiss them. Why would anyone want to kiss a fish? I told her not to rush things. She’ll have plenty of frogs to kiss when she grows up. She asked me where the frogs were. The shop assistant, who was following us around, told her that they don’t sell any frogs! We then started looking at the birds. I thought they looked lovely but my daughter had her hands on her ears throughout. Maybe I should take this little girl to see a counsellor! How could she hate the sweet sounds of birds?

We had no choice but to move on to the hamsters and other rodents. She saw a white mouse in a cage. She insisted that I buy her the mouse. I couldn’t agree to buy her a mouse. It’s a mouse for god’s sake! She would not budge. She wanted the mouse and she was not going to move unless I bought it for her. The wise shop assistant joined in. He sensibly asked me who was I buying the pet for. I told him that I was buying it for her. He said “ Well, seems she got her heart set on a mouse, sir†I contemplated his reasonable words then told him that I’m not buying her a mouse. She gave in and said that she does not want the mouse anymore. She said she didn’t want anything anymore. She wanted to go home. She looked sad! I felt sorry for her. It was only a mouse after all! I bought it. We went home happy. She ran to her mother and told her about the latest member of the family. My wife came and had a look. She ran to the kitchen and shut herself in. She screamed from behind the door and asked me to take the mouse back. She said that if she wanted a mouse, she would have caught it herself. I tried to reason with her. I’ve since learned never to reason with a woman scared of a mouse. While we were arguing, my daughter let the mouse out of the cage and tried to stroke it. The mouse ran away. My wife screamed some more. My daughter heard her mother scream and started crying. My wife said, “ Now, look what you have done?†I said “ I didn’t do anything, it’s you who scared her with your screaming†She said “ You’re the one who brought that filthy rodent into our house†I said “ It’s not filthy†She said “ All mice are filthy†I said “ But I bought this one from the pet shop†She said “ They ripped you off†I said “ It wasn’t that expensive†She said “ I don’t care how much it cost, just get rid of it†I said “ You’ve got to help me catch it†she said “ I’m going nowhere near that filthy animal†I said “ Stop calling it filthy, I think it’s sweet†I asked my daughter if she thought the mouse was sweet. She was still crying but she nodded her agreement. My wife said, “ It’s not nice to teach a child to take sidesâ€. She was in an argumentative mood and I knew I was not going to win. I stopped talking and tried to catch the mouse. My other daughter, who was sleeping on the sofa throughout all of this, woke up. She saw me and her sister chasing the mouse around the room and she joined in laughing. The doorbell rang. I told the girls to carry on chasing the mouse and went to open the door. It was my sister-in-law. I greeted her then turned around and went back to the living room. The mouse ran past me. My sister-in-law jumped on me. I panicked and pushed her away. The mouse ran out to the street. A car hit it. I screamed. My two daughters behind me screamed. My sister-in-law came out and was shouting for us to tell her what’s going on. My wife came out and was shouting for us to all come back in. My brother-in-law got out the car and asked us why we were all shouting?

I told him that he killed our first ever pet. He looked under the car and said, “ What pet? All I see is a dead mouse!†I explained that it was our new pet and that he killed it. He told me not get myself worked up over a dead mouse. My wife and her sister agreed with him. My daughters got distracted with a cartoon show on TV. I decided to go on strike. I stopped talking to them and told them that I’ll only talk if they acknowledged the fact that OUR pet was murdered. They accused me of being mad and unreasonable. I ignored them. They finally surrendered and tried to compromise. We buried “shooting star†in the back garden.

 

It’s been four days since our mouse died. We’ve decided to honour his memory by never buying another pet.

[PhiL]

Oh The Poor Poor Mouse!

[NGONGE]

Last night was a crazy night. I got home to find my wife in a very bad mood. She was tired of doing the housework, looking after the kids and working as my unpaid personal secretary. I felt sorry for her and offered to swap places. I’ll stay at home and she can go out to work. She accused me of patronising her. My offer was genuine! I didn’t want to have an argument so I decided to put in an extra effort and clean the entire house. I though that by doing all the little jobs she’s been nagging me about for the past few months, I’d make her happy! I thought wrong. She asked me not to placate her as if she was a little child. I told her that I wasn’t. I was genuinely trying to help. She got me! I saw it in her eyes. I did, I did!

 

She asked me to start by cleaning the kitchen. She said she couldn’t clean the oven and that she wanted me to clean it thoroughly for her. I did. She then asked me to clear the dust from behind the fridge because some Politician on TV was criticising woman for not doing so. I felt like a voodoo doll being stabbed in order to get back at somebody else. I did all the kitchen tasks. I wouldn’t want to blow my own trumpet but I think I did a marvellous job too. I wondered if there was such a job as kitchen cleaner and if it’s good business. She then asked me to vacuum all the rooms in the house. I did. It was also another good job. I made myself a cup of tea and sat back admiring all my good work. I was amazed at my great stamina. How could I have done all of this when I’ve already done a full day’s work? I heard some noise coming from the kitchen. I called out to my wife to ask her what she was doing. She said “ Nothingâ€. I said, “ If you’re doing nothing then where is that noise coming from?†She said, “ I knocked something overâ€. I said “ What?†she said, “ Why are you asking me all these questions? I just dropped something and picked it up straightaway†I started getting suspicious. I told her that I needed to know what she dropped. I really needed to know. She tried to shut me up with one of her usual arguments. I kept on asking and talking. I slowly walked towards the kitchen as I did. I caught her red handed. She was cleaning the oven! I asked her why did she do it? She replied, “ I noticed that you missed a bit on the side†I said, “ Why didn’t you tell me that when I was doing it?†She said, “ I just noticed it,†I said “ Why did you congratulate me on a job well done then?†She said, “ Because you did a good job†I said “ But I didn’t, did I?†She said, “ Yes you did, I was only applying the final touches†I said “ Are you also going to do the vacuuming?†She said, “ No, I don’t need to. You did a very good job there†I said “ Are you sure?†She said “ Positiveâ€. I decided to let her off this time. I went back and sat drinking my tea. She came in and switched the TV on. She got up and walked off. She stopped. She turned around. She said, “ Can I ask you something?†I said, “ Yeah, what do you want to ask?†She said “ promise you will not get upset?†I said, “ I wont†She said “ Promise!†I said “ Ok, I promise†She said “ Do you mind if I quickly vacuum this room? You did a good job on all the other rooms but there is a bit of dust on the corner there and I wont be able to sleep if it don’t get rid of it†I wanted to cry. I controlled myself and said, “ Do what makes you feel comfortable, dear†She said “ Are you upset?†I said “ No, not at all. Go ahead and do your vacuuming,†She said, “ You are upset,†I said, “ I told you that I’m not. Do you want me to be upset?†She said “ No I don’t†I said “ Stop asking me these questions then†She said “ Oh god, I upset you, didn’t I?†I said “ Yes you did, now just leave me alone†She said, “ I’m truly sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you†I said, “ It’s ok. It’s no big deal,†She said “ But it is. You spent three hours doing all this work and now I’m making you feel as if it was not good enough†I said “ I only have one question; if you knew my work was not good enough, why the hell were you happy to let me do it?†She said “ The work didn’t make me happy, it’s the thought that counts†I said, “ What thought?†She said “ The thought that you’re helping me out†I said “You made me do all of this just because the thought of it made you happy?†She said “ its sounds bad when you put it like that. I’m not that evil†I said “I didn’t say you were†She said “ You didn’t have to, you implied it†I said “ I didn’t imply anything†She said “ Don’t try to wriggle your way out of it, be a man and admit it†I said “ I’m not going to admit anything. I’m not going to let you trick me again†She said, “See, you’re doing it again!†I said “ Doing what?†she said “ Implying that I’m evil and that I trick people†I decided not to argue anymore. She walked off in a huff and started cleaning the entire house once more. I wanted to burn the house down.

[Qac Qaac]

Waraa Engonge... adi yaa ushaqeesaa my type writer baa damn hadal badanidaa. waxa kugu dhacana fara badanaa.

[Juxa]

lady NGONGE is advocate of women. she does the job, and gets her revenge, just by gettin on NGONGES nerves.

 

you go girl. u make me beam with pride