BOREDOM

[checkmate]

^^^^ very very SHELLFISH MAAAN.....waan kuu carooday.....waar the wifey kaxeee...ilmaha ayeeydood u gee ama baby-sitter u soo ijaar(i know AS would do it for free)...istaanta ka xeee iyada ayaa kaa jecel in ay xayawaanada la soo ororado....

 

asxantu

[NGONGE]

Yesterday was a boring day. Nothing happened. I did the usual stuff I do everyday. In the whole twenty-four hours of yesterday there was not one interesting thing that happened to me. No, I told a lie. There was one interesting thing but it wasn’t real. Maybe that’s why I didn’t include it here! It happened just after I went to bed. I fell asleep straight away. I woke up. I went downstairs and switched the TV on. I made me a cup of tea. I came back and sat down in front of the TV. I was watching some Arabic news channel. They had an interview with a former Egyptian politician. The presenter invited the viewers to phone the number at the bottom of their screen if they wanted to ask his guest a question. The Egyptian politician was an arrogant so and so. He was dismissing all the viewers’ opinions as being silly and idiotic. I wanted to phone him and give him a piece of my mind. I wanted to tell him that if it wasn’t for him and corrupt politicians like him, the Middle East would have been a peaceful place. I decided to wait and bide my time. I did. I fetched me a pen and paper and started noting down all the contradictory comments he was making. I was going to make a fool out of him: Live and exclusive only on Al Jazeera!

 

I started getting excited about the thought of putting him in his place. Maybe once I’ve done that Al Jazeera will invite me to become a regular hunter of these politicians. They’ll have to pay my phone bill of course. This is not a damn charity. Maybe they’ll bring King Fahad next. Naah, doubt it. He’s too frail to appear on a TV show. They’ll bring the heir to his throne instead. No biggy (as the kids would say), I could take him on. I’d ask him about the reforms he’s pretending to make in the Kingdom. I’d ask him about all the corruption and the fact that the royal family keep confiscating other people’s land and property! Yes, this guy is going to be easy to put down. I wonder whom they’ll have on next? How about Tony? The leader of the British Labour Party! I could already visualise him giving me one of those fake smiles and trying to wriggle and twist away from my piercing questions. You’re not going anywhere, sunshine. I got you pinned down like a roman wrestler. Answer the questions.

 

I stopped daydreaming. Picked up the phone and dialled the number. Got an engaged tone. I tried again. Still engaged. Again! Engaged. I kept on pressing the redial button. After an hour of trying and an aching finger, someone answered. I panicked. I heard a man’s voice. He said “ HELLOâ€. I said “hello†back. He asked, “Who’s there?†I thought ‘how unprofessional’! He asked again. I said, “ I’m phoning to speak to the Egyptian politicianâ€. He said “Pardon?†I said, “ I’m phoning to speak to the Egyptian politicianâ€. I was nervous. This is going to go live on air. People all over the world are going to hear my voice. I’ve got to try hard not sound nervous. The first time the people of Peru hear my voice should not be a time when I’m sounding tense. I cleared my throat and asked, “ Who am I speaking to?†There was an angry tone in his voice when he replied. He said “ You’re the one who phoned me, who are you?†I said, “ I’m phoning from the UK†He said, “ I don’t know anyone in the UK†I thought ‘what an imbecile!’ He said “ What do you want, Mr UKâ€. I sensed the sarcastic tone in his voice. I lost it. I told him how unprofessional he was and that he should be replaced. He lost it. He said “ Listen you fool, stop phoning people in the middle of the night and calling them unprofessional, do you know me to accuse me of such a thing?†I said “No, I don’t know you but if you don’t use the accepted etiquette when answering the phone, it’s fair to call you unprofessional†He started laughing. He stopped. He said, “ Look, I have no time to waste on you, just put the phone down and don’t phone this number againâ€. I said, “ It’s not for you to tell me to put the phone down, let me speak to your manager pleaseâ€. He said “ What manager? There is no manager here, I’m the BOSS here and I’m telling you not to phone this numberâ€. I said, “ You’re abusing your powers, just like that Egyptian politicianâ€. He said, “ Who the hell is this Egyptian politician you keep talking about?†I said “ The guy you have as a guest on your showâ€. He said, “ What show? Who exactly did you think you phoned?†I panicked. Did I phone the wrong number? Did I wake some poor guy up? He’s not poor anyway, he’s rude! I said, “ Is this Al Jazeera Television?†He said, “ No, it’s not Al Jazeera Television, what the hell made you think it was?†I said “ The phone number they had at the bottom of the screen of course†He said “ Well, sounds to me like you’ve got the wrong number. You should really check before you start accusing people of being unprofessional†I said “ Ok, ok I’m sorry for bothering you but you are unprofessional, you knowâ€. He said “ Are we back on the accusations? What did I just tell you?†I said “ Don’t talk to me in such a way, I’m not obliged to listen to you, man†He hung up. I called him again. He said “ Hello†I said, “ See? I told you you’re unprofessional†He said “ If you don’t stop phoning me I’m going to phone the police†I said “ The police will not listen to you, Mr unprofessional†He said “ is this how you pass your time? Phoning people and calling them names?†I said, “No, I’m a really nice guy†He said, “ You don’t sound like a nice guy to me, you’ve been insulting me all night,†I said “ Sorry†He said, “ Apology accepted,†I said, “ Don’t take this the wrong way or as an insult, but, you’re very unprofessional when answering the phoneâ€. He hung up. I went back to bed. This morning, my wife asked me “Who the hell were you arguing with late last night?†I said to her “ Don’t worry, I’m not cheating on you, dear. If I were I wouldn’t phone my mistress from our home phone, I’m not that unprofessional, manâ€.

[Jumatatu]

^^^^^Looooool^^^^^ the more I laugh at this stories of yours the more I think of getting you a job with London underground at King Cross just to make u busy

[NGONGE]

^^Johhny is my role model, dear.

[Jumatatu]

^^^war maad ka jogtiid sxb..!

[N.O.R.F]

looool, warya saxib, if this thread goes to 15 pages i will buy you dinner at Tayo Restaurant in Stepney!

[checkmate]

looool

This morning, my wife asked me “Who the hell were you arguing with late last night?†I said to her “ Don’t worry, I’m not cheating on you, dear.

i thought that was very unprofessional response mister.....who is what now huh.... ......crank caller...

 

asxantu

[Grad Student]

you may be bored Ngonge but you sure ain't boring man saaxiib. you prove that boredom is not synonymous with so many dull adjectives. if u ask me you use your time wisely, sort of, to entertain ur fellow nomads. thanx!

[NGONGE]

Last night, I left work on time. Got on the tube. Got home twenty minutes earlier than usual! Is London Underground improving?

I got in, got changed and sat in front of the TV watching the day’s Olympic coverage. Amir Khan beat a Korean guy. He’s only 17 years of age! I wondered what it would feel like having your face on every TV screen at seventeen. My wife, who was sitting watching the fight with me, asked, “ Did he win the gold medal?†I said “ No, but he’s guaranteed a medal of some sort†She said, “Do you mean silver?†I said, “ Yeah, but it could also be bronze†She said, “ Are they going to do some kind of lottery? Why not just make him fight another guy for a silver or bronze?†I said, “ That’s what they’re doing†she said, “ Why didn’t you just say that then?†I said, “ I only repeated what the commentator just said!†She said, “ You always like to complicate things†I said “ No I don’t I only repeated what the commentator said. He won his quarterfinal and now he’s in the semis. He’s guaranteed a bronze medal and if he wins his next fight he’ll have a chance to fight for Gold but will be guaranteed a silver†she pouted and asked “ Why did Kelly Holmes run again, didn’t she win gold already?†I said, “What do you do when you watch TV? Do you just stare at the screen and admire their tracksuits?†She said “ Why are you turning this into an argument? I was just making conversation†I said “ I’m not turning it into an argument, I just find it strange that you can sit here and watch the exact same show that I’m watching but get nothing of what’s going on†She said “ I’m not really watching the show, I hate the Olympics†I said “ So, why were you asking me all the questions and why sit here for a whole hour watching it if you really hate it?†She said, “So you don’t want me to sit with you?†I said “ that’s not what I said, don’t start twisting my words now†She said “ that’s what it sounds like to me†I said “ You only hear what you want to hear†she said “ Look, you had a long day at work, I had a long day with the kids and now I thought we would spend some quality time together†I said “ is this your idea of quality time?†She said “ listen Mr, I’m not the one who’s trying to turn this into an argument, YOU are†I said “I’m not, I’m not†she said “ You always do that, first you start picking on every word I say then when I catch you out you say you didn’t mean it like that. I suppose now you’ll do what you usually do and tell me to forget about it!†I said, “ No, I’m not going to tell you to forget about it†She said, “ What are you going to say then?†I said “ Nothing†She said “ Nothing?†I said “ Yes†She said “ So what now?†I said “ What?†she said, “What should we talk about?†I said “ do we have to talk?†she said “ Are you angry with me?†I said “ No†she said, “ So why wont you talk with me?†I said, “ I am†She said “ no you’re not! You just said we don’t have to talk!†I said, “ You know full well that’s not what I meant! Oooh, forget about it†She laughed and said, “ See?†I said, “ Did you do that on purpose?†She said “do what?†I said “ never mind†she said “This Moroccan guy is greedy†I said “What Moroccan guy?†she said “He must have been running and winning medals for more than ten years now†I said “ He never won an Olympic medal, you know†She said “ Really? So, what were all these medals he won in the past then?†I said, “ I’m not doing this again,†She said “doing what?†I said “talking about the Olympics,†she said “ Are you going to watch it in silence?†I said, “ If you allow me to,†she said “stop being childish†I said “ I’m not†she said “so why are you getting upset over some silly Olympic show?†I said “ I give up, you win, happy?†she laughed and called me childish again. I got up and went to the kitchen. I put the kettle on and stood waiting for the water to boil. The doorbell rang. She went to open it. She called out to me and said “ make that three cups of tea, your brother is here†I wasn’t planning to make her a cup of tea! I had to now. I made the tea and got back to the living room. Exchanged niceties with my brother and sat back watching the Olympic coverage again. He asked, “ Did the Moroccan guy win?†I said “ HE’S RUNNING NOW, CAN’T YOU SEE THE DAMN TV?†He ignored me and said to my wife “ What’s wrong with him?†she said, “ He’s been like this all day. See if you can have a word with him and make him see sense?†I kept a straight face and decided to ignore them. They’re doing this on purpose. My brother turned to me and said “ What’s the matter with you?†I said, “ Nothing†He said “ Did I come at a wrong time?†I said “ No, no you didn’t. Stop being paranoid†He said, “ why are you acting funny then?†I said “ I had a long day at work, that’s all, man†My wife jumped in and said “ We all have bad days, we don’t take it on others†I said “Sorry†she said, “ Sorry is not enough†I said “ All you’re getting from me is the word sorry, you want it? Take it and if you don’t I’m happy to take it back†She said “ You’re not making sense now†The baby started crying upstairs. As she ran upstairs to see to him, the Moroccan guy won his race. I jumped up and shouted, “That’s my boy,†she shouted back “Don’t think that you’ve won, we’re not finished yetâ€. My brother started saying, “ I HAVE come at a wrong time, didn’t I?†I sat back with a smile on my face and shook my head.

[checkmate]

^^^^loooooooooooooool....What eva you do ngonge don't let her WIN...do it for the man-kind ..walaahi i can definitely relate to that ...women and thier selective hearing...maasha allaaah

 

asxantu

[NGONGE]

Last night, I couldn’t sleep again. I logged into the Internet and read various discussion boards (including this one). I was using a dial up connection. Everything was very slow. I decided not to bother waiting for message boards to load and spend my time on Google instead. I started playing an interactive game with Google. I’d tell it a word and it would try to guess what I was talking about. So far, the score is twenty-five to zero for me. Google must be male by the way. It’s obsessed with filthy sex and naked women! I started thinking about the miracle of computers. How could this little box of metal and plastic “understand†everything I ask it to do? I started to think about artificial intelligence. Will we soon be able to design a lusty robot?

 

I needed to talk to someone. The family were all sleeping. I needed to talk to someone! I went to one of those voice chat programs and entered an American country music room. They were playing a song that I’ve never heard before. I liked it. I decided to listen to the music and take part only by typing my responses. I didn’t think these American southerners would understand my accent. I told them that I liked the music they’re playing. The woman on the microphone thanked me and asked me if I had any songs that I wanted to play. I told her that I wasn’t into country music. She asked what sort of music was I into. I told her that I was a Brittney Spears fan. She was silent for a few seconds. I even think I heard her gulp! She finally said, “ I’m not a fan of Brittney but maybe I just don’t get her songs, I’ll try to listen to a couple of her songs again and see what I’m missing!†I thought “ How diplomatic†she asked me if I wanted to play a song, any song. I told her that I will but I’d rather listen to her great songs for a while longer. She left me alone. The user name I had was DESERT STAR. People seemed to like that name. Somebody sent me a private message. His name was Rugged Cowboy! He asked me if I wanted to have sex with him! I said “No thank youâ€. I didn’t want to be rude. Maybe this is how these guys do things! Who am I to tell them it’s rude to ask a stranger for sex without even saying hello first? Rugged Cowboy didn’t give up. He told me he’s going to dedicate a song to me. I can’t remember the name of the song now but I got its meaning. Rugged Cowboy wanted me to “Let him into my heart!†I laughed at the persistence of the guy. Doesn’t he know that I’m male? Doesn’t he know that I don’t swing that way? I remembered that I didn’t tell him all of this. How would the poor guy know if I didn’t tell him? He sent me another message telling me that he’s “ dying here†I sent him a message back and told him that I was male, straight and not interested. He sent a message back that said, “ You’re just playing hard to get, baby,†I laughed to myself. I even wondered if I was really playing hard to get! I wasn’t. I’m male and straight. I don’t like cowboys, rugged or clean-shaven. I told him so. He sent me a message back calling me a tease! I remembered Chaka Demus. He was a rugged type of fellow, wasn’t he? Why would I want to tease someone that looked like that? Why am I even asking myself these questions? I’m male, straight, slightly chaotic but not interested at all. The woman on the microphone called my name and asked me if I was ready to play that song now. I said “No, I’m trying to convince some guy to leave me alone because I’m not at all interested in him†She laughed and said “ is Rugged Cowboy trying it on you too?†I said “Yes†she said, “ Ignore him, darling,†I said “Okâ€. Rugged cowboy came to my private again and started calling me all sorts of obscene names. He was upset that I let “our†secret out! I told him it was not a secret. He said “ I trusted you and thought you were an adult†I said “ I am an adult, a male adult†He said “ You don’t have to pretend anymore, baby, I don’t like you anymore†I said “ good†He said “ May you never cyber, harlot†I said “ Amen†He called me a few more names then stopped sending messages. A minute later, he left the room. I felt guilty. It didn’t last. The woman on the microphone started playing “Fly Me To The Moonâ€, the song reminded me of a Tom and Jerry cartoon where Tom was “swinging†among the stars. Then I thought about the Moon being made of cheese. Someone sent me a private message. His name was Tiny_Man. He asked me if I wanted him to “Fly me to the Moonâ€? I laughed. He said that he was a romantic man. I said, “ I bet you are but go do your romancing far away from me, manâ€. He said I should give him a chance and hear him out before dismissing his advances. I told him that I was not interested in his advances. He asked, “If you’re not interested in Cyber Sex, what the hell are you doing here?†I told him about my sleep problems and explained that I wanted somewhere to pass the time. I don’t know why I bothered. I really didn’t have to. He said, “ You’re nothing but a tease, I tried the direct approach, I tried the romantic approach but now I know that you’re a frigid teaseâ€. It was Rugged Cowboy! I asked him if he had a web camera. He got excited and told me that he has. I placed my web camera on an angle where it would fully show my face then told him to switch his camera on. Poor kid looked only seventeen. Rugged Cowboy was not rugged at all! The look of shock on his face was adorable. There he was expecting to see some busty blonde on the other side but instead he got to see ME. I went to sleep happy.

[NGONGE]

Yesterday, I left work early. Got home. Got changed and went out again. I was meeting a friend in the sport’s club. When I got there he had already finished his workout and was waiting for me to arrive. We went for coffee and started talking about life, family and boredom. He said he had to go to his elder brother’s house because they’re having a big family meeting. He asked me to go with him. I told him I wasn’t invited and I’m not a member of his family. He said that I was invited! He said that since he comes from a big family, seven sisters and nine brothers, any guest that any member of the family brings with him or her does not need an invitation. All their houses are like hotels with people checking in and out. He said that all his brothers and sisters would be there. They’re trying to agree the plans for their parent’s fiftieth wedding anniversary party. He said “Since I’m the second youngest, I’m really not going to have much of a say in these plans so I would like you to come to give me an excuse to leave earlyâ€. I understood his logic and since I had nothing better to do, I went with him. We got to the house and rang the bell. An 18-year-old girl opened the door, looked at us and walked away without saying hello or asking who we were. He told me she was his niece. I heard a loud and deep voice calling his name. We walked into the living room and saw a fat guy standing in the middle of the room and smiling at us. There were lots of other people scattered in all the corners of the room. My friend went over to this brother and started talking to him. I followed him. Like a two-year-old shy child hiding behind his mother’s dress, I kept very close to my friend. The brother was looking at me but didn’t say anything. No “welcomeâ€. No “Have we met before?†Nothing at all! He just stood staring and listening to my friend talk. I felt silly. I should really have not agreed to go. I decided to take the bull by the horn and introduce myself. I clumsily interrupted my friend and stuck my hand out at his brother. “Hi, my name is so and so, I’m a friend of your brother’s†He looked at me and shook my hand coldly and said “ Friend?†I looked at my friend with a big question mark in my eyes. He avoided my gaze. I said “ Yes, friend. I don’t walk into people’s houses for no reason, you know!†He smiled and welcomed me in his house. I thought ‘what a strange family’. A woman hugged me. I hugged her back. She was good looking. She smelt nice. I held her longer than is normal. When I finally let her go, I wondered who she was! She introduced herself. She was one of the sisters. She was single. She lived in Manchester. She was beautiful. My friend pulled me to one side and told me to stop “looking†at his sister. He reminded me that I was a happily married man. I told him there was no harm in a bit of window-shopping. His elder brother didn’t seem to mind. He was happy to see me ogling his sister. He asked her to fetch me a drink. I thought ‘what a dictator’. He didn’t even bother asking me what drink I liked! I decided to teach him a lesson. When the drink arrives, I’m not going to drink. I’ll just stand there holding the full glass. Let it go to waste. A kid ran past. He was running very fast but was making no noise at all. I wondered if he was disabled! The big brother shouted at him and told him to sit down. The kid stopped running, said sorry and sat down obediently. He’s not disabled after all! This big brother is a bully. I hate bullies. I wish he’d tell me to sit down, I’d tell him where to go. He seems to have read my mind, he asked me to sit down. I gave him an evil look. He looked puzzled. I flashed a fake smile at him and sat down. He started asking my friend where the rest of the brothers and sisters were. My friend shrugged. He started telling me how useless all his brothers and sisters were and how tired he is from acting the ‘big brother’ all the time. I gave him another evil look while thinking to myself ‘shut up you bully’. He looked confused again and asked me if I was ok. I said, “Yeah I’m fine. Just a little tired, manâ€. He started asking me personal questions. The rest of his brothers and sisters arrived and rescued me from the bully’s interrogation. There weren’t enough seats for all of us so we had to stand up instead. The big brother started talking about the details of the proposed party. He told them not to worry themselves about anything. He was going to pay for it all and was going to organise it all. I looked around at all the brothers and sisters. They looked like something a cat would give birth to. They were different shapes and sizes. They had different colour hair. Strange looking family. I noticed that nobody objected to the big brother’s proposals. I thought that somebody must confront this bully. It was a “loud†thought. They all looked at me. I was in it now. No point in retreating and making excuses. I might as well go for it. The big brother asked me if I was ok. I said, “ Yes. I am ok but I’m a little confused†He said, “What’s the reason for your confusion?†I said, “ Why did you ask everyone to come if you’ve already decided how this party is going to go?†He said “ because it’s a party for our parents of course†it was a clever answer. Not a good one but a clever one. He wanted me to really have a go at him. I was trying to put it politely. I panicked. What if I have a go at him and get everyone against me. There were more than twenty people in there and they were all family. I was the stranger here. Surely they’re not going to side with the stranger! I had no choice. I’m a man of principle. I started thinking of all those heroic revolutionaries who left their own lands and went away to liberate people in foreign lands. This was the same. It’s my duty to see this revolution through. Bullyboy should not rule anymore. I said to him “ I know it’s for your parents but YOU are the one organising it. None of your other siblings are taking part in any of the work. Why did you invite them then?†I got him. It was a direct hit. His face started to crumple. The cracks were showing. He meekly said “ What’s so wrong with inviting my family to my house?†The smell of blood was filling my nostrils. Time to put this baby to sleep. I said “ But this was not just an invitation, this was an invitation that they couldn’t dare refuse. It’s emotional blackmail, you bully,†He said “ What’s it to you?†I said, “I’m here, aren’t I?†He said, “What’s that got to do with anything? Are you forced to stay?†I said “ Are you kicking me out of your house?†He said “ No. I’m not, why are you so aggressive?†I said, “ I’m not. You’re the aggressive person here not me†He said “ How so?†I said, “ You’re just trying to get me to talk while you think of a way to get out of the trap I set you. It’s not working, sunshine†He looked at my friend and said, “ Who is this man?†My friend said “ he’s a good mate of mine†I said “Lets not waste time and organise this party properly†The big brother said “ What do you want us to do? “ I said, “ First, you have to take a step back†He did! I said “ That’s not what I meant, man†He looked puzzled. The rest of the brothers and sisters must be really scared of him. Hardly any of them spoke. I said “ when I say take a step back I mean leave the organisation of the party to your siblings to plan†He said “ If they wa

nt to do this, I have no problem with thatâ€. All the brothers and sisters started talking at once. My mission is complete. I liberated and gave voice to that poor family. I clipped the wings of the fat tyrant. I turned round and looked at the rest of the family with a humble and modest smile on my face. They were not looking at me. They were pleading with their elder brother to ignore me and go back to his original plan. I stormed out in anger. Nobody followed me. It seems that in this world, some people don’t want to be liberated, man.

[Juxa]

^^^^^^^^^^^^ tut tut tut, u have nothing to do? a wife and kids, surely they deserve yr energy! u go off, to sport club, dont exercise, then off to wareeg, then oggle naag kale :confused:

 

that wife of yrs, i applaud her, not only she is smart, hardworking(allah help her), but most of all she is raaliyo walahi. allah bless her

 

dadka qaarkood, marhore ay hilfaha kuu qaadi lahaayeeen.

[NGONGE]

^^^ None of this is real, dear. Well, only the nice bits you said about my wife of course(You never know, she might be reading it).

[Juxa]

^^^^^^^^^ saas i dheh,,,,it aint real, i was organising, help mrs ngonge support group. ready to throw eggs on you, on your way to work, bank station aaba banners lala istaagi lahaa.

 

for real,,,,,the best bits, are how the wife wins. each and everytime, she beats ya! how does it feel to be constantly challanged loooool

 

feelin smug and pleased.